Unspecified Addiction - Where to go for Help?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
Unspecified Addiction - Where to go for Help?
I'm not an alcoholic. I am not a drug addict. However, there have been times that I have abused them both.
In addition, I am bipolar and borderline personality disorder, with suicidal tendencies.
I am extremely co-dependent, look for validation in others constantly, have lost faith in God, all my romantic relationships have been dysfunctional.
I am a highly intelligent person, but I am ruled by my emotions. My therapist tells me that I'm a Stage 5 Clinger. I think I agree.
Thing is that no one knows all this until they really get to know me. I get attached to people very easily and breakups are extremely hard on me. I don't have many friends right now because I recently moved away from them all, and I work about 50 hours a week. I am lonely and depressed.
My dad left when I was 12, so I had no positive male role models. In addition to that, I believe that's where my abandonment issues began. After that, it was a long list of losses that were very traumatic for me.
I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and am on meds. But the meds don't make me feel better about myself. Since I have a personality disorder, the end goal is to essentially change my personality completely, which is extremely difficult and is a very long process. I'm 41 years old, by the way, and was just diagnosed 4 years ago.
I originally came to this site last year seeking information on addiction and recovery because my exbf had just gotten out of rehab and I was trying to be supportive of him by being involved with something. My mistake was that I didn't go to Nar Anon ... well, because he wasn't going to his meetings. I realize now that I still should have gone to mine.
We aren't together anymore so I don't know if Nar Anon is what I need. I feel like I want to try to go through a regimented program but just can't find out where I belong. Well ... I found Emotions Anonymous but there are no meetings in my area and no way for me to get a sponsor.
I should also add that I am having a very hard time coming to terms with the breakup with my exbf, even though it was several months ago. It wasn't a healthy relationship, and he's now actively working his program very diligently and SAYS he's not dating for at least a year. Why do I care? I feel used and thrown away. I feel discounted for MY illness, when I stood by him during HIS illness. It's like the longer we are apart, the more I long for him. And I know it's an unhealthy relationship!
I cry all the time. I go home from work, change into my pajamas and watch tv in bed, alone with my dogs, until I go to sleep. Then do it all over again the next day. This past weekend I didn't get out of bed except to eat and go to the bathroom. My heart and mind hurt so badly and I don't know where to turn in terms of support.
The bottom line is that I am not happy with myself, my self esteem is non-existent and I am desperate to feel better.
In addition, I am bipolar and borderline personality disorder, with suicidal tendencies.
I am extremely co-dependent, look for validation in others constantly, have lost faith in God, all my romantic relationships have been dysfunctional.
I am a highly intelligent person, but I am ruled by my emotions. My therapist tells me that I'm a Stage 5 Clinger. I think I agree.
Thing is that no one knows all this until they really get to know me. I get attached to people very easily and breakups are extremely hard on me. I don't have many friends right now because I recently moved away from them all, and I work about 50 hours a week. I am lonely and depressed.
My dad left when I was 12, so I had no positive male role models. In addition to that, I believe that's where my abandonment issues began. After that, it was a long list of losses that were very traumatic for me.
I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and am on meds. But the meds don't make me feel better about myself. Since I have a personality disorder, the end goal is to essentially change my personality completely, which is extremely difficult and is a very long process. I'm 41 years old, by the way, and was just diagnosed 4 years ago.
I originally came to this site last year seeking information on addiction and recovery because my exbf had just gotten out of rehab and I was trying to be supportive of him by being involved with something. My mistake was that I didn't go to Nar Anon ... well, because he wasn't going to his meetings. I realize now that I still should have gone to mine.
We aren't together anymore so I don't know if Nar Anon is what I need. I feel like I want to try to go through a regimented program but just can't find out where I belong. Well ... I found Emotions Anonymous but there are no meetings in my area and no way for me to get a sponsor.
I should also add that I am having a very hard time coming to terms with the breakup with my exbf, even though it was several months ago. It wasn't a healthy relationship, and he's now actively working his program very diligently and SAYS he's not dating for at least a year. Why do I care? I feel used and thrown away. I feel discounted for MY illness, when I stood by him during HIS illness. It's like the longer we are apart, the more I long for him. And I know it's an unhealthy relationship!
I cry all the time. I go home from work, change into my pajamas and watch tv in bed, alone with my dogs, until I go to sleep. Then do it all over again the next day. This past weekend I didn't get out of bed except to eat and go to the bathroom. My heart and mind hurt so badly and I don't know where to turn in terms of support.
The bottom line is that I am not happy with myself, my self esteem is non-existent and I am desperate to feel better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
Dear Infinity, I'm afraid I don't have any real answers for you, sorry. I HAVE felt many of the same things as you over the years. I am an alcoholic. I use AA and therapy, plus a shrink. I have long term, quality sobriety because of these things. The main thing that stuck out in your post for me was;you are desperate to feel better. I cant think of a more positive statement !! That is why we are ALL here. You are doing the right thing. You've taken a great first step by posting. Please look around here, there are several different groups. I hope you can find one where you feel like you belong.
Best wishes,
Ron
Best wishes,
Ron
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and I think you will find your place here. There are subtopics under the heading of Mental Health if you are interested in that. Don't give up. Here's a link to the mental health board and they specifically refer to bipolar. Good luck and stick around. It was a really good first post and you will find a lot of supportive people here.
Mental Health - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Mental Health - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I think you are making good moves by connecting to
professional assistance.....hope that will work well for you.
I took a years break from dating when I started AA recovery
to give myself time to consentrate on myself.
worked out really great!
Welcome back to SR
professional assistance.....hope that will work well for you.
I took a years break from dating when I started AA recovery
to give myself time to consentrate on myself.
worked out really great!
Welcome back to SR
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