Looking For Honest Advice
not me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Looking For Honest Advice
** sorry for the length of this post, as it is my first. It is also the first time putting it out there in the open, and I need to know what someone looking for advice for the very first time needs to do***
If you choose to help me then, Thank you,
Well, let me start with I am obviously new to the forum, and new to talking about this subject. I am new to the forum because like all of you, there was probably a day where something happened, or someone left. Either way, it has forced me to realize that I have a real problem.
Its hard to even type this, because it further forces me to address the problems in my life. I am 26 years old, and I started drinking when I was 17, however it was rare and not to extremes.
About 3 years ago, I started drinking by myself. Living on my own, it became easier to hide, and not feel so guilty. I would drink heavily alone about 2-4 times a month, and quickly became about 2-3 times a week, most resulting in passing out. Again, nobody knew this was going on. About two years ago, my life was kinda in the pits, I was drinking to get drunk every other night. Well, thats about when I realized I was constantly hiding my liquor when anyone would come over, as to not let them know about my habit. That was the first sign to me at least, that this was becoming a problem.
Nine months ago, while drinking I left the person I know/knew I was supposed to marry and be the mother of my future children, for some "hottie" at my job. We had been together for 3 1/2 years at this time. I began drinking more heavily to hide the shame of what i had done to my best friend of my entire life, and my best shot at happiness.
For the last eight months, if I wasn't out with friends or on a date at night, or staying sober for a very important day at work, I would be drinking by myself. At least 50% of the time I would forget what happened. Two months ago, I started occasionally crying randomly upon awakening in the morning, partly out of the guilt of drinking so much, and part because of what I had done to my life over the past year. Don't get me wrong, I was with the one I left her for, but I knew I shouldn't be with her, but the woman I had so carelessly tossed away. For two months almost, I cant remember my last sober night, and only one or two that I didn't blackout.
Well blacking out allot, when you talk to your significant other every night, catches up with you. Apparently I had been telling her how much I loved her over and over almost all nights, she thought I was just tired and at first she thought it was kinda cute. One morning I woke up in her bed, at her house, which is 30 min away and with absolutely no recognition of how I got there. I blamed it on insomnia and a need for sleeping pills, which makes me say things in a daze. My car had 2 liquor bottles in it. The next night, I drank merely to hide my shame.
Well, she left me a week ago. A day after she left me, I got the Flu, I drank anyways and passed out. I couldn't believe myself.
I woke up Yesterday morning crying harder than i have ever cried and my entire life. Honest, I couldn't even stand up. I cried for almost an hour and a half, asking how i let it get to this point. When I got to the point where I pushed myself to see the last year and a half can only be blamed on me, and my reliance on hiding responsibility for my actions with alcohol, and avoidance, I cracked. I poured out all my liquor. I stood in the mirror, looking at my tear covered 26yr old face, and forced myself to say out loud that I was an alcoholic. Needless to say it was hard, real hard. But it was also slightly encouraging. After I pulled it together, I looked up a support group, and made plans to go tomorrow morning. Last night I did NOT drink for the first time in I cant remember, but about 2 months.
Its the first time I have admitted this to myself, Yet NO ONE ELSE IN MY LIFE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS! Least of all, my amazing family who does soo much for me. I am ashamed of myself and want to get better.
Fortunately, the woman I left had been talking to me again for the last few months, and we are great friends again. So I called her and told her I need to talk to her. I want to admit to her that I was wrong, and tell her who I am. I want her to be the one I tell first, as it affected her more than any. But, I also feel like I need someone's support to make this happen. I want it to be her.
I got in contact with the organizer of a daily AA meeting group at a church right down the road with me. She assured me their were other young adults like myself there, and I would be comfortable. I will tomorrow morning. Im nervous though and I feel really tense about opening up about myself so soon.
The other thing is, what is going to happen to my body/mind over the next few days? Im drinking lots of water, but have a rough week at work ahead of me. I will not drink, but I want to be safe.
I don't know what level of alcoholism I reached, but it has ended. I need some support guys, as i have no one to talk to about this yet. ANY advice welcome.
BTW dont know what the symptoms are but I think I have some sort of muscle twitch, as it is harder to type than normal, so thought I should mention that. too
Thanks for any advice as I need it,
If you choose to help me then, Thank you,
Well, let me start with I am obviously new to the forum, and new to talking about this subject. I am new to the forum because like all of you, there was probably a day where something happened, or someone left. Either way, it has forced me to realize that I have a real problem.
Its hard to even type this, because it further forces me to address the problems in my life. I am 26 years old, and I started drinking when I was 17, however it was rare and not to extremes.
About 3 years ago, I started drinking by myself. Living on my own, it became easier to hide, and not feel so guilty. I would drink heavily alone about 2-4 times a month, and quickly became about 2-3 times a week, most resulting in passing out. Again, nobody knew this was going on. About two years ago, my life was kinda in the pits, I was drinking to get drunk every other night. Well, thats about when I realized I was constantly hiding my liquor when anyone would come over, as to not let them know about my habit. That was the first sign to me at least, that this was becoming a problem.
Nine months ago, while drinking I left the person I know/knew I was supposed to marry and be the mother of my future children, for some "hottie" at my job. We had been together for 3 1/2 years at this time. I began drinking more heavily to hide the shame of what i had done to my best friend of my entire life, and my best shot at happiness.
For the last eight months, if I wasn't out with friends or on a date at night, or staying sober for a very important day at work, I would be drinking by myself. At least 50% of the time I would forget what happened. Two months ago, I started occasionally crying randomly upon awakening in the morning, partly out of the guilt of drinking so much, and part because of what I had done to my life over the past year. Don't get me wrong, I was with the one I left her for, but I knew I shouldn't be with her, but the woman I had so carelessly tossed away. For two months almost, I cant remember my last sober night, and only one or two that I didn't blackout.
Well blacking out allot, when you talk to your significant other every night, catches up with you. Apparently I had been telling her how much I loved her over and over almost all nights, she thought I was just tired and at first she thought it was kinda cute. One morning I woke up in her bed, at her house, which is 30 min away and with absolutely no recognition of how I got there. I blamed it on insomnia and a need for sleeping pills, which makes me say things in a daze. My car had 2 liquor bottles in it. The next night, I drank merely to hide my shame.
Well, she left me a week ago. A day after she left me, I got the Flu, I drank anyways and passed out. I couldn't believe myself.
I woke up Yesterday morning crying harder than i have ever cried and my entire life. Honest, I couldn't even stand up. I cried for almost an hour and a half, asking how i let it get to this point. When I got to the point where I pushed myself to see the last year and a half can only be blamed on me, and my reliance on hiding responsibility for my actions with alcohol, and avoidance, I cracked. I poured out all my liquor. I stood in the mirror, looking at my tear covered 26yr old face, and forced myself to say out loud that I was an alcoholic. Needless to say it was hard, real hard. But it was also slightly encouraging. After I pulled it together, I looked up a support group, and made plans to go tomorrow morning. Last night I did NOT drink for the first time in I cant remember, but about 2 months.
Its the first time I have admitted this to myself, Yet NO ONE ELSE IN MY LIFE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS! Least of all, my amazing family who does soo much for me. I am ashamed of myself and want to get better.
Fortunately, the woman I left had been talking to me again for the last few months, and we are great friends again. So I called her and told her I need to talk to her. I want to admit to her that I was wrong, and tell her who I am. I want her to be the one I tell first, as it affected her more than any. But, I also feel like I need someone's support to make this happen. I want it to be her.
I got in contact with the organizer of a daily AA meeting group at a church right down the road with me. She assured me their were other young adults like myself there, and I would be comfortable. I will tomorrow morning. Im nervous though and I feel really tense about opening up about myself so soon.
The other thing is, what is going to happen to my body/mind over the next few days? Im drinking lots of water, but have a rough week at work ahead of me. I will not drink, but I want to be safe.
I don't know what level of alcoholism I reached, but it has ended. I need some support guys, as i have no one to talk to about this yet. ANY advice welcome.
BTW dont know what the symptoms are but I think I have some sort of muscle twitch, as it is harder to type than normal, so thought I should mention that. too
Thanks for any advice as I need it,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Sorry to hear about your troubles in life. If your ready to go to an AA meeting then go. I would say to go see a doctor about your drinking problem and to make sure you don't need detox. If your having trouble staying away from alcohol or need some mental help then looking up a rehab place would be a good place to start. Start now and the sooner your problems will not be as bearing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Cricha
Most of what you wrote about I can identify with - the drinking by myself, the hiding, the complicated life, the waking up crying...and the endless drinking. You're certainly not alone there with any of that.
I think a good first step is to see your doctor - detox can sometimes be rough, and it's better to be safe than sorry. I think it's also important that you find support - and I think coming here and investigating AA are both great steps in that direction.
I'm not sure about leaning on your ex too much tho - that sounds a little...messy...right now for both of you to me.
I think maybe it's better to make your recovery for you, first and foremost and sort out your past when you're better able to deal with it.
Welcome aboard anyway!
hope to see you around some more
D
Most of what you wrote about I can identify with - the drinking by myself, the hiding, the complicated life, the waking up crying...and the endless drinking. You're certainly not alone there with any of that.
I think a good first step is to see your doctor - detox can sometimes be rough, and it's better to be safe than sorry. I think it's also important that you find support - and I think coming here and investigating AA are both great steps in that direction.
I'm not sure about leaning on your ex too much tho - that sounds a little...messy...right now for both of you to me.
I think maybe it's better to make your recovery for you, first and foremost and sort out your past when you're better able to deal with it.
Welcome aboard anyway!
hope to see you around some more
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
First off Welcome to SR Cricha
For your first meeting, this link has good information: Your First AA Meeting
I can relate to so much about what you shared - the self-loathing, the guilt, the drinking and hiding my drinking and drinking alone. You're in the right place, there is a lot of great sobriety here. Glad you're here.
For your first meeting, this link has good information: Your First AA Meeting
I can relate to so much about what you shared - the self-loathing, the guilt, the drinking and hiding my drinking and drinking alone. You're in the right place, there is a lot of great sobriety here. Glad you're here.
not me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Yeah, dee I am worried about getting my ex involved, but she knows me better than anyone. I need someone to know, and talk to me so I dont think im going crazy with guilt. She is the only one who would understand.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 52
Hi Cricha,
Welcome to SR. Your story is fairly similar to mine. I'm 28 and in the same place to you with my drinking. Still trying to quit.
Have a read around here, learn why alcohol has had control over you. I found this thread a great help in reducing the guilt i felt. I knew nothing about any of this when I joined SR.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Congrats on your decision to try AA. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow.
Welcome to SR. Your story is fairly similar to mine. I'm 28 and in the same place to you with my drinking. Still trying to quit.
Have a read around here, learn why alcohol has had control over you. I found this thread a great help in reducing the guilt i felt. I knew nothing about any of this when I joined SR.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Congrats on your decision to try AA. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 3
i would suggest talking to people in AA (organizer) first, you would be surprised how supportive people are in AA. You would feel much better (more confident) about yourself before talking to you (ex)g/f.
In my case muscle twitch left me 24-48 hours after last drink. Lots of juice,multivitamins helps the process too
Another good news i can tell you is looks like southeast of US will have a snow storm so you will not have a full work week.At least one extra day off in the beginning of the week
In my case muscle twitch left me 24-48 hours after last drink. Lots of juice,multivitamins helps the process too
Another good news i can tell you is looks like southeast of US will have a snow storm so you will not have a full work week.At least one extra day off in the beginning of the week
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
The muscle twitch is withdrawal symptom, you really shoulg see a Dr. If you start feeling bad please go to the ER. Alcohol detox can be fatal. You mentioned sleeping pills too, this can make things worse. If you go to the Dr be completely honest about how much you have been drinking, also any meds you are taking, presciption or otherwise.
Good luck.
Good luck.
not me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
In the right direction
Originally Posted by bike1231 
i would suggest talking to people in AA (organizer) first, you would be surprised how supportive people are in AA. You would feel much better (more confident) about yourself before talking to you (ex)g/f.
In my case muscle twitch left me 24-48 hours after last drink. Lots of juice,multivitamins helps the process too
Another good news i can tell you is looks like southeast of US will have a snow storm so you will not have a full work week.At least one extra day off in the beginning of the week
In my case muscle twitch left me 24-48 hours after last drink. Lots of juice,multivitamins helps the process too
Another good news i can tell you is looks like southeast of US will have a snow storm so you will not have a full work week.At least one extra day off in the beginning of the week
Hey, I was actually thinking the same. I have an old good friend in AA who lives in Atl near her. I was gonna go talk to him about it first, problem is he actually just got hired at my company, and technically works for me. Dont know if thats bad or good. Either way as you can tell, I havent slept tonight. No suprise, but its all part of the process I guess. I think the muscle twitches kept me awake. Hope tonight is better. To all who have helped, much appreciation guys. You have at least pointed me toward my next step. Thanks. And I will probably be around this suprisingly supportive forum alot from now on.
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Hello and welcome to SR Cricha43!
Good that you want to do something about your problem, and it sounds like you are ready to change some things. You can recover from this.
I agree with the adcive that the previous posters have given to you.
I would also encourage you to talk to your Dr. about detox- be careful about withdrawal, it's really no joke, and don't be afraid to go to the ER if you are experiencing strong symptoms. Lots of water, juice and sports drinks (electrolytes) can help. I think it is also a good idea to make some contact with an old frind in AA and look look into meetings. Or/and alcohol counselling can also be help.
On the ex-gf situatiion, here's my opinion (and should just be taken as an opinion ):
I gotta be honest, like some of the others, I think you should be cautious about this:
The situation between her and you is not resolved yet. I get it that that you want her to understand what was/is going on with you, and that you want to explain to her and want her support and understanding. But I also think that she cannot be your only pillar of support- I don't mean to offend you, but I think it is also expecting her to carry a pretty heavy burden,especially after what went down between you, and it could really put some strain on your relationship. And you cannot predict if she will react supportively.
My take is: Friends and family cannot be our ONLY means of support. Whe shouldn't expect them to save us, especially since they already have to deal themselves with the negative impact our addictions have on their life. They can be a source of support though, and making amends to them is also part of recovery. But that part comes not right in the beginnig. Also, she will notice the positive changes, believe me. at least for me, that was what people saw a long time before I told them that I am an alcoholic and in recovery.
I tend to think that you have the best chance to have a good relationship with her (however that will look, be it a friendship or relationship) if you take care of yourself and the alcoholism first, and leave the relationship part for later, when you have a bit of sober time. You have to take care of yourself, not for her or getting her back, but ultimately for you. Life can be good again, and you sound like you really want to make a change.
Good luck, and best wishes, you can do this,
Lionne
Good that you want to do something about your problem, and it sounds like you are ready to change some things. You can recover from this.
I agree with the adcive that the previous posters have given to you.
I would also encourage you to talk to your Dr. about detox- be careful about withdrawal, it's really no joke, and don't be afraid to go to the ER if you are experiencing strong symptoms. Lots of water, juice and sports drinks (electrolytes) can help. I think it is also a good idea to make some contact with an old frind in AA and look look into meetings. Or/and alcohol counselling can also be help.
On the ex-gf situatiion, here's my opinion (and should just be taken as an opinion
):I gotta be honest, like some of the others, I think you should be cautious about this:
I also feel like I need someone's support to make this happen. I want it to be her.
My take is: Friends and family cannot be our ONLY means of support. Whe shouldn't expect them to save us, especially since they already have to deal themselves with the negative impact our addictions have on their life. They can be a source of support though, and making amends to them is also part of recovery. But that part comes not right in the beginnig. Also, she will notice the positive changes, believe me. at least for me, that was what people saw a long time before I told them that I am an alcoholic and in recovery.
I tend to think that you have the best chance to have a good relationship with her (however that will look, be it a friendship or relationship) if you take care of yourself and the alcoholism first, and leave the relationship part for later, when you have a bit of sober time. You have to take care of yourself, not for her or getting her back, but ultimately for you. Life can be good again, and you sound like you really want to make a change.
Good luck, and best wishes, you can do this,
Lionne
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 48
Hi, welcome Cricha43! congratulations on taking very positive steps towards recovery!
I drank alone and hid my problem from my bf. He then broke up with me saying that he wanted us to just be friends and to be honest, in the beginning, I imagined coming clean to him and using that as an excuse for why it didn't work out and that he would see the positive changes in me and want me back. Isn't that how fairy tales work?
But actually, you have to be happy with yourself and your life as it stands today, and then today, and then today - one day at a time. You.being.happy.with.yourself.
If you are doing the 12 steps then you will get to a point in the plan where you might want to talk to her but for now, you need to focus on you and transforming your life by the way you think. You won't know if you'll want to be with her in the next year, so why potentially put her through that again?
I drank alone and hid my problem from my bf. He then broke up with me saying that he wanted us to just be friends and to be honest, in the beginning, I imagined coming clean to him and using that as an excuse for why it didn't work out and that he would see the positive changes in me and want me back. Isn't that how fairy tales work?
But actually, you have to be happy with yourself and your life as it stands today, and then today, and then today - one day at a time. You.being.happy.with.yourself.If you are doing the 12 steps then you will get to a point in the plan where you might want to talk to her but for now, you need to focus on you and transforming your life by the way you think. You won't know if you'll want to be with her in the next year, so why potentially put her through that again?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
I had muscle twiches and my hands were shaking. You really need to keep in touch with your doctor and psychlogist/psychiatrist. It's not just the initial detox stage that's a battle. It's the whole "thinking process" that we then need to change afterward.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You wanted some honest advice.
You are just the same as most of us here. Your story is in no way unusual, alarming or surprising to us.
Your drinking is the same as most of us here. How it started, the hiding, the secrecy, the sadness, the shame.
Your story is in now way unique.
That must be quite nice for you to know your not alone.
Whatever method you try - AA, SMART, Alan Carr etc etc - good luck.
If you slip up, keep coming back here.
Take care
xx
You are just the same as most of us here. Your story is in no way unusual, alarming or surprising to us.
Your drinking is the same as most of us here. How it started, the hiding, the secrecy, the sadness, the shame.
Your story is in now way unique.
That must be quite nice for you to know your not alone.
Whatever method you try - AA, SMART, Alan Carr etc etc - good luck.
If you slip up, keep coming back here.
Take care
xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, Cricha. I'm really glad you're taking action, and that you posted here.
I'd second the others about seeing a doctor. I also agree you should lean on someone other than your ex for support. I'm not saying don't tell her; I'm just saying be careful how much you lean on her. She's probably going to need time to deal with this herself, and as far as your guilt and sobriety go, I'm not sure it would fair or good for your relationship to make her play the role of therapist. ...My two cents (and worth every penny).
The good news is your 26. You have your life ahead of you. You're doing the right thing taking care of this now.
I'd second the others about seeing a doctor. I also agree you should lean on someone other than your ex for support. I'm not saying don't tell her; I'm just saying be careful how much you lean on her. She's probably going to need time to deal with this herself, and as far as your guilt and sobriety go, I'm not sure it would fair or good for your relationship to make her play the role of therapist. ...My two cents (and worth every penny).
The good news is your 26. You have your life ahead of you. You're doing the right thing taking care of this now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Hey Cricha
So glad you found this site! I remember how low, ashamed, depressed, I felt when I first stumbled upon here. Good news though, there is NOTHING that you can say here that would shock any of us. We all know the feelings of shame.
However...and this is important....get some "dry days" into you and I promise you that you will feel better!!! You will feel proud of yourself, you will recognize what an amazing person you are...and you darn well should realize how amazing you are!!! I'm 36 and only NOW am starting to get that I just can't moderate. You are one strong man to be able to see this so young!
Reach out to support groups...whether AA, or here, or wherever...but I agree with the others that leaning on the ex at this time for your sobriety isn't probably the best thing. I mean, how can she really understand what's happening? Sure, tell her if you'd like, but lean on people who have been there. That way, you'll be coming to her as a "whole" person again, ya know?
As always, take anything you hear here with a grain of salt...take what works for you and disgard the rest. The important thing is that we do all care about ya and are happy you're here.
So glad you found this site! I remember how low, ashamed, depressed, I felt when I first stumbled upon here. Good news though, there is NOTHING that you can say here that would shock any of us.
We all know the feelings of shame.However...and this is important....get some "dry days" into you and I promise you that you will feel better!!! You will feel proud of yourself, you will recognize what an amazing person you are...and you darn well should realize how amazing you are!!! I'm 36 and only NOW am starting to get that I just can't moderate. You are one strong man to be able to see this so young!
Reach out to support groups...whether AA, or here, or wherever...but I agree with the others that leaning on the ex at this time for your sobriety isn't probably the best thing. I mean, how can she really understand what's happening? Sure, tell her if you'd like, but lean on people who have been there. That way, you'll be coming to her as a "whole" person again, ya know?
As always, take anything you hear here with a grain of salt...take what works for you and disgard the rest. The important thing is that we do all care about ya and are happy you're here.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Welcome, Cricha,
You've gotten some excellent advice here. Medically supervised detox is safest. Yes, talk to the AA member you know--your anonymity would be respected, and believe me, you will be helping him as much as he is helping you--or more. Nothing is better for us than helping someone else in early recovery. It reminds us where we came from, and we get a chance to give someone else the same gift we were given.
I also agree with the others about leaning to hard on the ex-g/f. It's great that she is someone to whom you can initially admit your problem, but be careful about the emotional involvement for awhile--those tend to trip up a lot of people in early recovery, whether it goes well or goes badly.
Do read the link about what to expect at an AA meeting--it's a great article and pretty accurate.
You got a whole new life waitin' for ya, dude!
You've gotten some excellent advice here. Medically supervised detox is safest. Yes, talk to the AA member you know--your anonymity would be respected, and believe me, you will be helping him as much as he is helping you--or more. Nothing is better for us than helping someone else in early recovery. It reminds us where we came from, and we get a chance to give someone else the same gift we were given.
I also agree with the others about leaning to hard on the ex-g/f. It's great that she is someone to whom you can initially admit your problem, but be careful about the emotional involvement for awhile--those tend to trip up a lot of people in early recovery, whether it goes well or goes badly.
Do read the link about what to expect at an AA meeting--it's a great article and pretty accurate.
You got a whole new life waitin' for ya, dude!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
There are lots of strong AA groups in the Atlanta area. There is strong AA all over Georgia for that matter. If you go to Alcoholics Anonymous in Georgia you will find a complete and current listing for your area.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 279
Originally Posted by Lionne
Hello and welcome to SR Cricha43!
Good that you want to do something about your problem, and it sounds like you are ready to change some things. You can recover from this.
I agree with the adcive that the previous posters have given to you.
I would also encourage you to talk to your Dr. about detox- be careful about withdrawal, it's really no joke, and don't be afraid to go to the ER if you are experiencing strong symptoms. Lots of water, juice and sports drinks (electrolytes) can help. I think it is also a good idea to make some contact with an old frind in AA and look look into meetings. Or/and alcohol counselling can also be help.
On the ex-gf situatiion, here's my opinion (and should just be taken as an opinion ):
I gotta be honest, like some of the others, I think you should be cautious about this:
The situation between her and you is not resolved yet. I get it that that you want her to understand what was/is going on with you, and that you want to explain to her and want her support and understanding. But I also think that she cannot be your only pillar of support- I don't mean to offend you, but I think it is also expecting her to carry a pretty heavy burden,especially after what went down between you, and it could really put some strain on your relationship. And you cannot predict if she will react supportively.
My take is: Friends and family cannot be our ONLY means of support. Whe shouldn't expect them to save us, especially since they already have to deal themselves with the negative impact our addictions have on their life. They can be a source of support though, and making amends to them is also part of recovery. But that part comes not right in the beginnig. Also, she will notice the positive changes, believe me. at least for me, that was what people saw a long time before I told them that I am an alcoholic and in recovery.
I tend to think that you have the best chance to have a good relationship with her (however that will look, be it a friendship or relationship) if you take care of yourself and the alcoholism first, and leave the relationship part for later, when you have a bit of sober time. You have to take care of yourself, not for her or getting her back, but ultimately for you. Life can be good again, and you sound like you really want to make a change.
Good luck, and best wishes, you can do this,
Lionne
Good that you want to do something about your problem, and it sounds like you are ready to change some things. You can recover from this.
I agree with the adcive that the previous posters have given to you.
I would also encourage you to talk to your Dr. about detox- be careful about withdrawal, it's really no joke, and don't be afraid to go to the ER if you are experiencing strong symptoms. Lots of water, juice and sports drinks (electrolytes) can help. I think it is also a good idea to make some contact with an old frind in AA and look look into meetings. Or/and alcohol counselling can also be help.
On the ex-gf situatiion, here's my opinion (and should just be taken as an opinion
):I gotta be honest, like some of the others, I think you should be cautious about this:
The situation between her and you is not resolved yet. I get it that that you want her to understand what was/is going on with you, and that you want to explain to her and want her support and understanding. But I also think that she cannot be your only pillar of support- I don't mean to offend you, but I think it is also expecting her to carry a pretty heavy burden,especially after what went down between you, and it could really put some strain on your relationship. And you cannot predict if she will react supportively.
My take is: Friends and family cannot be our ONLY means of support. Whe shouldn't expect them to save us, especially since they already have to deal themselves with the negative impact our addictions have on their life. They can be a source of support though, and making amends to them is also part of recovery. But that part comes not right in the beginnig. Also, she will notice the positive changes, believe me. at least for me, that was what people saw a long time before I told them that I am an alcoholic and in recovery.
I tend to think that you have the best chance to have a good relationship with her (however that will look, be it a friendship or relationship) if you take care of yourself and the alcoholism first, and leave the relationship part for later, when you have a bit of sober time. You have to take care of yourself, not for her or getting her back, but ultimately for you. Life can be good again, and you sound like you really want to make a change.
Good luck, and best wishes, you can do this,
Lionne
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