does anyone have.....
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
My husband has not been supportive and thinks that I can drink one day. It has been over a year. He doesn't ask me if I want a drink anymore but he leaves the bottles out on the counter all the time. I am much stronger than I was so it doesn't bother me as much but still bothers me. I do believe that he misses his drinking buddy. I have to keep telling myself that this is MY problem and deal with it. You will be alright if you also realize that it is your problem. Welcom to SR lots of information and support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Aim right there with you all. I think my husband is confused about my sobriety...it makes him wonder about his drinking, and I will say I don't like his boozy smell now. I know I need AA to help focus on my problem, but it's wierd, as my husband is my best friend, and we always drank together. I guess we need to find our balance again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
When I first confessed to my husband that I had been using every day for the past 2 weeks (this about a year ago) he said "Okay, well, time to stop, no big deal" etc. When I did it again (2 weeks straight of using seems to be where I fall apart and take too much) he was mildly irritated, but tried to get me back on course. He used to use too, but hasn't in a long time, so he was not really my using buddy, I used alone. When we used to use together, I always took more than him (and he is literally twice my size) and continued to dose after he went to bed. It irritated him, but he never thought of me as an "addict".
When I did my third two-week run, he suggested that I get some help, finally got on board with me giving it up and saw that it was a big deal, but he didn't know HOW big. I went to NA, relapsed again, went to rehab, relapsed, back to NA, relapsed-- nothing seemed to work! Finally he was forced to give me an ultimatum, it got that bad! I have only relapsed once since then, but went to a psych ward, started getting closer to my higher power, and found other tools to help me stay clean. It's been a long road, but I have over 3 months clean now and have not had the urge to use!
Anyway, that is my story of a spouse who didn't see the big deal at first, but was finally brought PAST the point of understanding, to the point where he knew it HAD to happen, or he couldn't be with me. Hopefully you don't have to keep relapsing for your husband to realize how important it is. Are you in AA? If so, perhaps you could pick up some pamphlets or something on who is an alcoholic and how family can help?
When I did my third two-week run, he suggested that I get some help, finally got on board with me giving it up and saw that it was a big deal, but he didn't know HOW big. I went to NA, relapsed again, went to rehab, relapsed, back to NA, relapsed-- nothing seemed to work! Finally he was forced to give me an ultimatum, it got that bad! I have only relapsed once since then, but went to a psych ward, started getting closer to my higher power, and found other tools to help me stay clean. It's been a long road, but I have over 3 months clean now and have not had the urge to use!
Anyway, that is my story of a spouse who didn't see the big deal at first, but was finally brought PAST the point of understanding, to the point where he knew it HAD to happen, or he couldn't be with me. Hopefully you don't have to keep relapsing for your husband to realize how important it is. Are you in AA? If so, perhaps you could pick up some pamphlets or something on who is an alcoholic and how family can help?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by keithurbanfan 
The reason I started this topic was to see if anyone else had a spouse who didn't believe they seriously saw their drinking as a problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
keithurbanfan, I think the first step with you and your spouse is to have a long talk about this issue on hand. Make sure you mean business and you want him/her to change too. That means if you can't handle alcohol in the house then tell your spouse to not have in there. A lot of times spouse don't want to have an addiction spouse because it means that they have to change their way of life or have to see that bad part of the spouse. So, talk things with the spouse and if they really care about you then they will support the changes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Originally Posted by keithurbanfan
coffeenut and MsCooterBrown, did your marriages end because of your desire to be sober?
You will be fine..I agree with just taking it one day at a time.
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