BornAgain2Day

I agree and I hope nothing but the best for the OP. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!!

DK

Itchy

Dazed,
You wrote: "I am in good physical health. But I just cannot remember anything anymore. That is my only real problem. If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead."

Well that was honest enough. Except for one thing that we have in common. The concentration and memory issue. I hate to say this, but I had that too when I was drinking. And it got temporarily worse in my first month of sobriety. It is slowly getting better but that is a health issue for me, along with some others that drinking brought on. That is a result of alcohol, and it takes time for it to heal or for us to adapt with other brain cells I guess. I decided that I didn't want any more to recover from than I already had!

I am very glad I stopped when I did and did not wait until any more of my faculties slipped even more. Don't be so hard on yourself for a relapse. Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>

Where there is life there is hope. Where there is hope there is life.

BornAgain2Day

Don't be so hard on yourself for a relapse.I am going through the same thing. Don't beat yourself up over this. Thousands of people have done this. Just be strong and beat the temptation!!!


DK

endlesspatience

I went to an AA meeting last night at which someone shared that they had been "in and out of the rooms for five years" drinking on the days they weren't there and then feeling remorse and seeking help. The man said that in the end the compulsion to drink had been lifted. Afterwards I asked him what marked this change. He said that he had become homeless and been sectioned in a mental hospital when he finally realised he was beaten. Five years of sobriety later, he has a young daughter who has never seen him under the influence of alcohol. He said this was down to the cumulative effect of the meetings and the 12 step programme. It was the first time he had attended that particular AA meeting and I was moved by what he shared and what he said to me afterwards. There have been times when I have left that meeting and picked up a drink on the way home. Not last night. I woke up this morning without a hangover and the man's words are still ringing in my head like a bell. Today I awoke early, logged onto the forum and then I'm heading to church and then straight onto an AA meeting.

Hopefully by SHARING our experiences we can help each other, just as that man was helped by the fellowship of AA and his Higher Power.

SSIL75

All of these have been true for me. It's not my first time quitting but it's my first time really WANTING to quit and realizing that alcohol is a lie. It's like being trapped in a room. I know well how it feels to have booze be the highlight of your day and more. Just me and my wine. Little regard for or interest in anything or anyone else.

While I think the concept of 'rock bottom' can be misconstrued I can share that for me anyway I couldn't quit until my love for alcohol started to turn sour and my glimpses of sobriety began to seem tempting. It was a slow, subtle change but day by day I started to love and covet the feelings that come with sobriety and learned that alcohol robbed me of that joy.

To say that you're bored without alcohol is such a typical alcoholic thing to say and shows how much drink has stolen from you. I think that because I used to say it and grew up hearing it. As if everything in the world is dull and the only fun thing to do is sit inside 4 walls drinking. It's just nonsensical. An illusion. I used to think everything was more fun when you added alcohol to it.

I can relate to that. Whenever an older celebrity would die I would wiki them and be so happy if I read that were drinkers. To me that was living the dream. Getting to drink AND living a long life.

I used to think that people who were happy in sobriety were brainwashed. Wide eyed and talking about Jesus. I realize that is a lie, too. Sure those people exist but I'm not one of them. I'm not in any formal recovery program. There is no magic or miracle in my recovery. Just the realization that sober life is significantly, immeasurably more pleasurable than drinking life. And that I'm not happy to drink 'just a little' so the two can never meet.

I feel like myself for the first time. A sense of peace I never thought possible. Living in the real world with real, healthy growing people. Growing and changing and experiencing things that I thought I was too cool for.

Good luck to you, Dazed. May you find what makes you happy sooner than later.

forthekidz

I understand what you are saying. Today is day 5 for me. I wanted so much to drink last night. I stayed on chat and just drank water. I am so thankful this morning, but it was not easy. Today will be another day and I am sure I will hit that point again today. I have tried so many times, and this is the first time in 2 years I have gotten to a day 5. Good luck and you can do it. One day at a time.

CJ2006

i can completely relate to this, I have a great job, great kids, and I am not an all day drinker, but at nighttime in front of the TV after kids in bed, that is when I like to have my drink. I would go from anywhere to maybe 15 oz of vodka over a 3 hour period. My doctor has me on a taper of that now down to 6 oz, which I am sticking to like glue. But, I am BORED. I went and got some books, I watch TV with my husband for a while, but then I am bored, it is like, without what I "normally" do, life is boring. I agree, and i dont know what to do about it too. I go to bed at 8 p.m. due to boredom, and then i am up at 4 a.m., get a coke, some decaf coffee, and read my book, then I start the whole miserable process of my day over again.

I see a therapist today for the first time, I am hoping to get some answers.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

SSIL75

Boredom is a common feeling, I think. I know I have felt it, too.

for me this time it was helpful to realize that I couldn't possibly be bored. I was changing my life which is anything but boring. And factually there are a lot of things to do other than drinking. So to cut the word 'bored' out and replace it with 'antsy, restless, craving, lost, frustrated, impatient' etc was helpful.

And also if I felt that 'boredom' creeping in to be aware that sometimes that's the alcoholic voice in disguise. Setting me up to fail.

I also went to everything I was invited to. All the things I used to roll my eyes at (I remember my heart pounding walking into a pampered chef party lol). And made a big point to just listen to people talk.

I also spent an inordinate amount of time at place like bath and body works and sephora. I wore body lotion every day and liked sitting in my pj's at night feeling cozy and smelling nice. I know all this might sound dumb to you but I think I'm pointing out how vivid that whole time is to me now (3 mos ago). It really was anything but boring. It's learning to look at life through a different lens.

hang in there and good luck with the therapist!

HDrosebud

Today is day four for me, I have do deal with my 16yr old telling me she hates me because I have grounded her for skipping school. It would have been easy to turn to the vodka but I open my computer and search for relaxing music to listen too. I have been drinking for five years straight two 24 oz of beer and a bottle of wine a night was the average. Now I say No to it. I am saying No to my friend this Friday because he is having a party where the brooze will be flowing. I have to be true to myself not to the brooze.. Dazed123 you can do it.. look for your inner strength, it is there for you to use.