I blew it...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 26
I blew it...
Last night I drank. I cannot believe it. I only lasted 70 hours. ****, I could not even do 3 days! I went to a bar to meet some friends. All of which are alcoholic but do not think they are. They insisted I have “just one”. I am not trying to pass the buck onto them, it is not as if they poured it down my throat. But sure enough 1 is too much and 10 is not enough. I polished off a whole bottle once again.
I was reflecting today (while sober) just how much I enjoy drinking. Financially I can afford to drink as long as I want. I have no children or wife so I am only hurting myself. I am in good physical health. But I just cannot remember anything anymore. That is my only real problem. If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead.
Also, looking back at the 3 days of sobriety I was one mean nasty person. I do not know if that was because of the withdrawing, the diazepam, or just if I am a nicer person when I drink. During those days I told off several people and dumped 2 of my girlfriends over trivial things. Reminds me of an old Andy Griffith episode where there were a couple who always fought with each other. Andy forced them to stop fighting. In the end they were both unhappy so Andy let them start fighting again.
Well, I am going to set the number back to ZERO and try again.
I was reflecting today (while sober) just how much I enjoy drinking. Financially I can afford to drink as long as I want. I have no children or wife so I am only hurting myself. I am in good physical health. But I just cannot remember anything anymore. That is my only real problem. If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead.
Also, looking back at the 3 days of sobriety I was one mean nasty person. I do not know if that was because of the withdrawing, the diazepam, or just if I am a nicer person when I drink. During those days I told off several people and dumped 2 of my girlfriends over trivial things. Reminds me of an old Andy Griffith episode where there were a couple who always fought with each other. Andy forced them to stop fighting. In the end they were both unhappy so Andy let them start fighting again.
Well, I am going to set the number back to ZERO and try again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Rangely Colorado
Posts: 80
Hey Dazed ...
You only fail if you quit trying. Good job on continuing to try! Very, very few alcoholics make it to the remission stage of alcoholism without at least one relapse, so - lessons learned. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn from the experience and move on.
BTW, "friends" don't encourage you to have "just one" when you're in recovery ... just a thought.
You only fail if you quit trying. Good job on continuing to try! Very, very few alcoholics make it to the remission stage of alcoholism without at least one relapse, so - lessons learned. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn from the experience and move on.
BTW, "friends" don't encourage you to have "just one" when you're in recovery ... just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Having less than 3 days is by no means an indicator of what long term sobriety is especially considering it sounds like you were going through the detox process. Just remember alcohol is most definitely a progressive disease and the consequences get much worse. You might try something different this time. Having a program of recovery and engaging it is what worked for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Reminds me of an old Andy Griffith episode where there were a couple who always fought with each other. Andy forced them to stop fighting. In the end they were both unhappy so Andy let them start fighting again.
There are 100s of us here living healthy happy lives without alcohol, dazed.
Yeah it's tough - especially the first few days - but it's worth it.
I hope you find yourself some kind of support wherever you are - hard as it is to recover, support really helps - it's extra tough to do this on your own.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 12-05-2010 at 03:26 AM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: canada
Posts: 84
Get back up and try again. The first days/week isn't easy, I won't lie, If it was, it would be easy for anyone to quit right??? But, fight through it and you will be amazed that it does get better/easier and the clarity moments will hit. You will slowly realize after the anxiety and withdrawals aren't so near how much better life is without it. Right now you think you are a better person with alcohol because that's all you and your body are used to. Once you get more sober days in a row, you will see, that really you will feel like a MUCH better person without it. Read posts and you will see how much better we all feel once we got over the initial hump of getting by without it. Best of luck
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
so next time they call and insist that you join them will it be differant ? will you be able to tell them NO and stand your grounds ? told yah last nite just hang up if they cant take no for the answer , I was always told NO means NO ..... glad your going to give today another try ...
just something to think about as well , if by chance that nite of drinkin would of led you inot jail .. would they come help you ? Will these same friends stop calling you if you stop drinking ? Im guessing your gonna say no to both those questions.. so why would you want so called friends like that ?? just something to ponder ~ huggles Endzy ~
just something to think about as well , if by chance that nite of drinkin would of led you inot jail .. would they come help you ? Will these same friends stop calling you if you stop drinking ? Im guessing your gonna say no to both those questions.. so why would you want so called friends like that ?? just something to ponder ~ huggles Endzy ~
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 26
What do people do in your spare time after quiting? I sat around COMPLETELY bored. I mean MIND BOGGELING BORED. I do no work so I had absolutely nothing to do. I sat on the beach chain smoking and felt like there was nothing in life to do anymore. It was very depressing. When I drink I am happy, and I sleep a lot. And when I feel bad I know I will happy come drinking hour. But without the drinking to look forward to I feel hopeless.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: canada
Posts: 84
Not to be blunt, but then why not get a job, or hobby, or volunteer or play sports??? You have to take steps to help in your recovery, it does not get handed to us on a silver platter, as much as we would all love that.
How about some AA meeting or other to fill some of your spare time?
How about some AA meeting or other to fill some of your spare time?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Life is what you make it I think dazed.
I'm pretty house bound for a few physical reasons.
I used to sit around and drink all day.
I'm still house bound, but I literally don't have enough hours to do everything I want to do now.
It's about perspective. I know withdrawal can be depressing but I'm sure you can find things to do better than sitting on the beach smoking.
I didn't want to give up drinking either - not until it started to kill me and I started to hate it - and I still couldn't give it up then.
You need a strong desire to get through this - if you're really only worried about your memory, find that Dr....but seeing as you keep coming back here, I think maybe it goes a little deeper than that
Find that support, dazed.
D
I'm pretty house bound for a few physical reasons.
I used to sit around and drink all day.
I'm still house bound, but I literally don't have enough hours to do everything I want to do now.
It's about perspective. I know withdrawal can be depressing but I'm sure you can find things to do better than sitting on the beach smoking.
I didn't want to give up drinking either - not until it started to kill me and I started to hate it - and I still couldn't give it up then.
You need a strong desire to get through this - if you're really only worried about your memory, find that Dr....but seeing as you keep coming back here, I think maybe it goes a little deeper than that
Find that support, dazed.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
It's funny (ironic)...that the happiest times in my life, I happened to be sober. Yet, this disease/addiction tries to convince me that alcohol will make me happy. It's an empty life; an empty road to travel down.
Regret and depression over the past fixes nothing. You had a relapse, but that does not negate the fact that you can still get right back on that path of sobriety. Good luck to you.
Regret and depression over the past fixes nothing. You had a relapse, but that does not negate the fact that you can still get right back on that path of sobriety. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Beijing
Posts: 29
I know what that is like... I start and can't stop. Just try again. Just learn how to improve open your mistakes. This is a learning experience for all of us. I would imagine a big trigger point though is seeing other people drink. Maybe right now in your recovery being in bars, around drinkers is too much. I know for me it is. I shut off my phone to avoid the temptation the other night.
I think I am more fun drunk too -- Outgoing, fun, life of the party..but after the party goes home... the alcohol just becomes my life. And i keep drinking and drinking, then i wake up drank. yaddy yaddy yah. you all know the story.
I've beeen a b**** all week. I am going without my favorite thing on this world. Of course we will be mean. But if people really love us. They will put up with us sober and crabby for a bit.
For us, this is learning how to walk. one step at a time without the booze. everything we do is new, and hard.. but i believe it will get easier. I hope to be able to one day hang out with people who drink, in a bar and not be triggered.
Don't get too down on yourself. Learn from your mistake and pick yourself back up.
I think I am more fun drunk too -- Outgoing, fun, life of the party..but after the party goes home... the alcohol just becomes my life. And i keep drinking and drinking, then i wake up drank. yaddy yaddy yah. you all know the story.
I've beeen a b**** all week. I am going without my favorite thing on this world. Of course we will be mean. But if people really love us. They will put up with us sober and crabby for a bit.
For us, this is learning how to walk. one step at a time without the booze. everything we do is new, and hard.. but i believe it will get easier. I hope to be able to one day hang out with people who drink, in a bar and not be triggered.
Don't get too down on yourself. Learn from your mistake and pick yourself back up.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi dazed - The first days seemed long and boring (and just plain weird) to me. I spent hours on this forum and the only thing I seemed to look forward to was eating (and smoking cigarettes). TV helped a little, too.
The thing is, it takes a while for our brains to start to normalize - we're used to alcohol-induced dopamine and so we feel out of sorts and irritable for a short time. Once you get past the withdrawal and start healing, there really is a wonderful strength and calmness that starts to take over.
I hope you give it more time so that you can start to see some results. You may find that (as it's said in AA)
your life "takes on a new meaning." We're all behind you!
The thing is, it takes a while for our brains to start to normalize - we're used to alcohol-induced dopamine and so we feel out of sorts and irritable for a short time. Once you get past the withdrawal and start healing, there really is a wonderful strength and calmness that starts to take over.
I hope you give it more time so that you can start to see some results. You may find that (as it's said in AA)
your life "takes on a new meaning." We're all behind you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Dazed, if you're bored, get out and do something.
Volunteer work is always a great place to start. Get outside of yourself and look around your community and see where you can help. You can meet people whose main goal has nothing to do with drinking and it can help you to feel good about yourself. There is NO reason to be bored.
And, as Endzy says, NO means NO and if your friends don't listen, then maybe you need to rethink the situation.
Volunteer work is always a great place to start. Get outside of yourself and look around your community and see where you can help. You can meet people whose main goal has nothing to do with drinking and it can help you to feel good about yourself. There is NO reason to be bored.
And, as Endzy says, NO means NO and if your friends don't listen, then maybe you need to rethink the situation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: West Coast, Australia
Posts: 319
Hi Dazed123
Sometimes it needs a paradym shift to see what is real and what isn't. The mind is a powerful thing (too powerful) and it's a con to say life is better because of drinking. Read Allen Carr's "Easy way to control alcohol" - he explained it really well to me. And guess what - it can get worse, a lot worse and then comes the realisation that there is no control. I read on the forum yesterday where one of the members drank before work and then at lunch just to get through the day. It's a trap.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle (Power of Now, cd's not books)- he describes another paradym shift, ie, the world is awash with chronic over-thinking (to name just one). Yes, life has become different for me but there is more connection, more compassion, more time with family, more things that are real and not short term pleasure related.
I like my life now because it's the real one. I'm not going to fall down the stairs again and I'm a better father, husband, workmate, friend, person. I thought I was those things but found out I really wasn't. Best of luck and if you want to give up, may the strength be with you.
Rosco.
Life=Fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
Sometimes it needs a paradym shift to see what is real and what isn't. The mind is a powerful thing (too powerful) and it's a con to say life is better because of drinking. Read Allen Carr's "Easy way to control alcohol" - he explained it really well to me. And guess what - it can get worse, a lot worse and then comes the realisation that there is no control. I read on the forum yesterday where one of the members drank before work and then at lunch just to get through the day. It's a trap.
I listen to Eckhart Tolle (Power of Now, cd's not books)- he describes another paradym shift, ie, the world is awash with chronic over-thinking (to name just one). Yes, life has become different for me but there is more connection, more compassion, more time with family, more things that are real and not short term pleasure related.
I like my life now because it's the real one. I'm not going to fall down the stairs again and I'm a better father, husband, workmate, friend, person. I thought I was those things but found out I really wasn't. Best of luck and if you want to give up, may the strength be with you.
Rosco.
Life=Fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Mi
Posts: 18
Don't worry about your relapses!!! Only focus on your accomplisments!! I have had over 30 relapses since I was arrested with a DUI in April of 2009. Currently, I am relapsing but I still have hope. But, I have realized, this is not a one time deal. You will have to work at it everyday. As long as you have a dream of living a sober life, then there can be change in your life. I was once 8 months sober but I had excuses for drinking and I let it tumble downhill from there. Anyway, I hope can you find the help you need here.
DK
DK
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 40
Hey, I went to my first meeting tonight and cried like a baby. I also called a girl at work a lazy a$$. I have cried so much over the last 4 days it is ridiculous and it has been so hard to stay away from alcohol. I have to say No to bars. I have to say No to hanging out with my boyfriend. I have to say No to some of my best friends. I have to say No to my brothers because I can not be around it. Maybe some day we will but for now, Dazed... we need to work on our recovery(remember, I am new, too) and keep your focus on that. Start reading, watch some DVDs of a TV show, start working out, visit with your parents. Over the last couple days all I have done is go to work and come home. Today I went to work, came home and then went to a meeting and a movie with a sober friend. Go to a meeting or find a sober friend to support you. You have us but we can be there on the beach with you when you are bored. You have to make a decision to distract yourself and I believe you can! Never give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Originally Posted by dazed123 
Last night I drank. I cannot believe it. I only lasted 70 hours. ****, I could not even do 3 days! I went to a bar to meet some friends. All of which are alcoholic but do not think they are. They insisted I have “just one”. I am not trying to pass the buck onto them, it is not as if they poured it down my throat. But sure enough 1 is too much and 10 is not enough. I polished off a whole bottle once again.
I was reflecting today (while sober) just how much I enjoy drinking. Financially I can afford to drink as long as I want. I have no children or wife so I am only hurting myself. I am in good physical health. But I just cannot remember anything anymore. That is my only real problem. If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead.
Also, looking back at the 3 days of sobriety I was one mean nasty person. I do not know if that was because of the withdrawing, the diazepam, or just if I am a nicer person when I drink. During those days I told off several people and dumped 2 of my girlfriends over trivial things. Reminds me of an old Andy Griffith episode where there were a couple who always fought with each other. Andy forced them to stop fighting. In the end they were both unhappy so Andy let them start fighting again.
Well, I am going to set the number back to ZERO and try again.
I was reflecting today (while sober) just how much I enjoy drinking. Financially I can afford to drink as long as I want. I have no children or wife so I am only hurting myself. I am in good physical health. But I just cannot remember anything anymore. That is my only real problem. If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead.
Also, looking back at the 3 days of sobriety I was one mean nasty person. I do not know if that was because of the withdrawing, the diazepam, or just if I am a nicer person when I drink. During those days I told off several people and dumped 2 of my girlfriends over trivial things. Reminds me of an old Andy Griffith episode where there were a couple who always fought with each other. Andy forced them to stop fighting. In the end they were both unhappy so Andy let them start fighting again.
Well, I am going to set the number back to ZERO and try again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by dazed123
If I could just figure out a way to fix the concentration and memory issue I would drink until I dropped dead.
Thats what it was all about for me too...3 days before i went to AA and got sober i was in a cbt counselling session (only my 3rd one, "doc made me go")...he asked, with a very sincere look on his face did i want to stop drinking...i paused to think...he repeated do i want to stop drinking...i said no not really i just want all the **** to stop!
So anyways it was a loooong road into recovery and there is a solution in AA like my signature line says...real classic line in your post thx and best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Mi
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Stang
Looks to me like you really don't want to quit.
This a soberity forum, correct??? I don't care if anyone's post seems like a joke . Obviously, they came to this forum for their addiction, didn't they?? So lets help them!!!!!!
DK
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