Better Timing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 129
Better Timing
So it couldn't have been better timing. I had a appointment yesterday to talk with someone about a past issue and to let her know my dark secret of alcohol. Just as I thought she told me I needed to stop and let my husband know. I was terrified about the idea of telling him because I did not know how he would react.
Yesterday evening I was doing my normal routine of drinking. For the first time he approached me and told me he was concerned about my drinking and it had been worrying him. So I took the opportunity then to tell him what has been going on. Now he knows and I am relieved but at the same time worried. Deep down I knew I had to tell him but I also did not want to because in a way I did not want to stop drinking because I don't know how else I am going to cope with my unresolved issues. I am now forced to do something about about my drinking and it scares the crap out of me!
The therapist yesterday told me that she would help me find things to do to replace that drink. I just don't see it working right off. My husband told me just quit but he does not understand it is not that easy for me just to stop when I have these issue I am dealing with.
Does any body know the difference. The therapist told me that I have a problematic drinking habit. However I don't drink during the day and I don't need it first think in the morning. I do think about it but I don't drink anything. In the evening I do want and need my drink and have been poring vodka in my beer to give me that buzz. She said that my body might not totally dependent ( shaking, tremors and so on) on alcohol but that I do have an alcohol problem. So I am a little confused:/
Yesterday evening I was doing my normal routine of drinking. For the first time he approached me and told me he was concerned about my drinking and it had been worrying him. So I took the opportunity then to tell him what has been going on. Now he knows and I am relieved but at the same time worried. Deep down I knew I had to tell him but I also did not want to because in a way I did not want to stop drinking because I don't know how else I am going to cope with my unresolved issues. I am now forced to do something about about my drinking and it scares the crap out of me!
The therapist yesterday told me that she would help me find things to do to replace that drink. I just don't see it working right off. My husband told me just quit but he does not understand it is not that easy for me just to stop when I have these issue I am dealing with.
Does any body know the difference. The therapist told me that I have a problematic drinking habit. However I don't drink during the day and I don't need it first think in the morning. I do think about it but I don't drink anything. In the evening I do want and need my drink and have been poring vodka in my beer to give me that buzz. She said that my body might not totally dependent ( shaking, tremors and so on) on alcohol but that I do have an alcohol problem. So I am a little confused:/
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
The definition of alcoholism is this: it's not what you drink, or [I]how [/I]much, or how often - it's whether or not alcohol is causing problems in your life or with your health.
If it's causing any problems it's best to give it up completely. We only 'need' to drink 'cause our bodies and brains are dependant on it but once we go thru withdrawals and get back to functioning normally it does get better.
I used to think I needed to drink... but now that I'm coming up on a year sober I realize that's the addiction talking, not my normal brain/normal thinking.
Do whatever you can to stop drinking, a visit to your doctor for help in stopping is a good idea. Then, once you've stopped, do something, anything, to stay sober! There's lots of methods for staying sober. I used AA a lot in my early recovery but now, not so much. I'm staying happily sober using my counseling and this site... and boy oh boy is my life better now.
I hope you can stop drinking and find out how much better life can be living sober.
If it's causing any problems it's best to give it up completely. We only 'need' to drink 'cause our bodies and brains are dependant on it but once we go thru withdrawals and get back to functioning normally it does get better.
I used to think I needed to drink... but now that I'm coming up on a year sober I realize that's the addiction talking, not my normal brain/normal thinking.
Do whatever you can to stop drinking, a visit to your doctor for help in stopping is a good idea. Then, once you've stopped, do something, anything, to stay sober! There's lots of methods for staying sober. I used AA a lot in my early recovery but now, not so much. I'm staying happily sober using my counseling and this site... and boy oh boy is my life better now.
I hope you can stop drinking and find out how much better life can be living sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hi Sark
Have you considered AA or another recovery program with like-minded people?
I just remember that when I told my psychiatrist and my family, they really didn't understand. The only people that got me were in the rooms and here at SR.
Have you considered AA or another recovery program with like-minded people?
I just remember that when I told my psychiatrist and my family, they really didn't understand. The only people that got me were in the rooms and here at SR.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hey Sark,
These days it's common to hear of degrees of drinking problems. If I remember from my outpatient therapy there is something like five categories in use today.
We support everyone here, no matter how severe. Alcohol should not be causing problems in anyone's life; there's nothing normal about that. It's good that you're taking this up now. Just know whatever you find from therapy, SR or wherever is probably going to mean making some changes on your part. Quite possibly and likely, that you may need to stop drinking altogether.
Wish you well. Stick around and let us know how things develop, and if we can help you with anything. XOXO
These days it's common to hear of degrees of drinking problems. If I remember from my outpatient therapy there is something like five categories in use today.
We support everyone here, no matter how severe. Alcohol should not be causing problems in anyone's life; there's nothing normal about that. It's good that you're taking this up now. Just know whatever you find from therapy, SR or wherever is probably going to mean making some changes on your part. Quite possibly and likely, that you may need to stop drinking altogether.
Wish you well. Stick around and let us know how things develop, and if we can help you with anything. XOXO
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Italy
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by sark 
However I don't drink during the day and I don't need it first think in the morning. I do think about it but I don't drink anything. In the evening I do want and need my drink and have been poring vodka in my beer to give me that buzz.
12 years ago I was only drinking 2 glasses of wine in the evening (but every evening, mind you). A week ago on Monday I was drinking vodka at 8am! Today I am 9 days sober but I came across an email I sent to AA asking them for their help, dated July 2009!
IMHO, as soon as you even think about mixing your drinks, you need to seek support and I commend you for coming here to SR - its a fantastastic starting point
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Some of my first few therapy sessions ... my first few AA meetings, my first few days around SR I would say ... "I don't know if I am an alcoholic... but, here is what I do when I drink..." For me I never got the physical addiction to alcohol it was always the emotional escape that I needed. I had a hard day at work, so I drank, my best friend was killed in a car accident, so I drank, when I was younger I was in group homes and foster homes, so I drank. Then as I got older it just became part of the landscape. I didn't want to deal with my emotions so I drank.
I have about 20 days sober now... and I still want to drink. But, I don't because I know I am only drinking to escape. It has only been through my therapy sessions, going to AA, and getting on a drug call Vivtrol that I have been able to help curve my desire to drink and really get to the root cause of what I need to deal with. And, that was and always has been me.
Drink or don't drink... the issues you have will still be there when you get back from your trip of choice... reality doesn't go away just because we go away from it.
I have about 20 days sober now... and I still want to drink. But, I don't because I know I am only drinking to escape. It has only been through my therapy sessions, going to AA, and getting on a drug call Vivtrol that I have been able to help curve my desire to drink and really get to the root cause of what I need to deal with. And, that was and always has been me.
Drink or don't drink... the issues you have will still be there when you get back from your trip of choice... reality doesn't go away just because we go away from it.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
The therapist told me that I have a problematic drinking habit.
I had a PHd therapist tell me I wasn't an alcoholic and didn't really have a problem with alcohol but that I needed to sort out my priorities and learn to make better decisions based upon those priorities.
5 years later another PHd told me that I might be experiencing the beginning phases of alcohol related problems and that I should really try to moderate when and how much I drank.
--The first doc was the guy I was court ordered to see after dui #1. The second was the guy I went to go see right after dui #2 - before I was court ordered.
It's not their "fault" but neither of those guys was within a million miles of what MY truth was: I was a full-blown alcoholic, I had the physical craving once I started, had the mental obsession when I wasn't drinking (had it occasionally at first then more often as time went on), and the only time I wasn't suffering under the spiritual malady was when I had a couple drinks in me and knew more were coming. I'd been an alcoholic for a least 2 yrs prior to seeing the first guy, and for 7yrs by the time I saw the second one.
I don't tell you this for any purpose other than to encourage you to look for YOUR truth as it IS........not as someone else tells you it appears.
--edit - and looking back over my "drinking career"...... I didn't alllllways drink in the am, need a drink through-out the day / every day, need to be drunk all the time, or have DTs/hallucinations when I went dry for a while.... some of those things became my reality but they weren't always present. All I knew was I felt better when I had a couple drinks in me......I finally felt "right." That, my friend, is what happens FOR an alcoholic when they drink. Alcohol does stuff "to" a social or normal drinker.....it does stuff "for" an alcoholic. I've never seen it reversed either......
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
hi sark -- I am glad you are going to talk to your doctor.
Like you, I did not drink in the morning, except rarely on weekends, and I also very rarely drank in the afternoon up until 5 p.m. I did drink every night as soon as 5 hit, and I made my drinks much stronger than I would if I were mixing for someone else (who would no doubt be disgusted by the ratio of booze to mixer I used). For a long time I tried to moderate, sometimes with temporary success, and occasionally wondered whether I should quit entirely. Tomorrow I will have seven months sober, and I can tell you, it was a great decision for me. Even if I thought I might be able to return to moderate drinking (I don't think I could), I wouldn't take a gamble on it and risk losing all that I have gained by quitting drinking. This community is an excellent place to start your mission. Welcome! I look forward to hearing more from you.
Like you, I did not drink in the morning, except rarely on weekends, and I also very rarely drank in the afternoon up until 5 p.m. I did drink every night as soon as 5 hit, and I made my drinks much stronger than I would if I were mixing for someone else (who would no doubt be disgusted by the ratio of booze to mixer I used). For a long time I tried to moderate, sometimes with temporary success, and occasionally wondered whether I should quit entirely. Tomorrow I will have seven months sober, and I can tell you, it was a great decision for me. Even if I thought I might be able to return to moderate drinking (I don't think I could), I wouldn't take a gamble on it and risk losing all that I have gained by quitting drinking. This community is an excellent place to start your mission. Welcome! I look forward to hearing more from you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 73
Hi there ~ your first sentence reads "it couldn't have been better timing" ~ ya, I guess, maybe. I'm personally more inclined to believe your husband spoke up as a result of the two of you being exactly where you were supposed to be at that exact moment. There is a chance that you never would have gotten the courage to approach him about it ~ he could have lingered on in his own denial and all of a sudden ~ voilla' you're spinning out of control; more so than now.
I met my husband a few years back and never revealed the true extent of my alcoholism. Are you kidding me? Better to reside on the teeter totter all the while being a controlled social drinker (which, quite frankly occured every now and then) or proclaim my "alcohol problem" and refrain. Best of both worlds , right? Omg, it has been living hell. Lies. One after another. Well there is no room for discrepency today since I rear-ended an SUV a week ago and totalled out my Passat, of course after drinking. No, today I'm commited to some hard-core gut-wrenching honesty. See, the only other choice I have is death; maybe a long-term prison sentence ~ which I happen to view one in the same.
My only way to recover sober living is in the program of AA. Certainly isn't for everyone. It is for me. I'm a solid advocate for therapy along the way, though I've always ensured that my therapist is well educated on matters of addiction (not all are despite their disclaimer) and that she is on board with me regarding my venue for a program of recovery.
Its a disease full of paradox ~ the answers to our quesitons are as many stars there are in the sky, though the fundamentals of our disease are universal and one in the same.
I met my husband a few years back and never revealed the true extent of my alcoholism. Are you kidding me? Better to reside on the teeter totter all the while being a controlled social drinker (which, quite frankly occured every now and then) or proclaim my "alcohol problem" and refrain. Best of both worlds , right? Omg, it has been living hell. Lies. One after another. Well there is no room for discrepency today since I rear-ended an SUV a week ago and totalled out my Passat, of course after drinking. No, today I'm commited to some hard-core gut-wrenching honesty. See, the only other choice I have is death; maybe a long-term prison sentence ~ which I happen to view one in the same.
My only way to recover sober living is in the program of AA. Certainly isn't for everyone. It is for me. I'm a solid advocate for therapy along the way, though I've always ensured that my therapist is well educated on matters of addiction (not all are despite their disclaimer) and that she is on board with me regarding my venue for a program of recovery.
Its a disease full of paradox ~ the answers to our quesitons are as many stars there are in the sky, though the fundamentals of our disease are universal and one in the same.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hi Sark!
You sound just like me 2 years ago. Except I wasn't mixing liquor in my beers. Ugh! I could slam four beers in 15 minutes though and then maintain and gain my buzz for about 6 to 12 beers an evening. About two years ago I quit work to pursue other interests and started getting tremors in the morning and feeling terrible, so I started adding a shot of scotch to my two morning cups of coffee. Then the two scotches in the morning would not quell the tremors and terrible feelings so at 8:30 I'd start to drink beers until I felt smooth and steady again. By 18 months ago I was drinking at least 16 beers, four or five glasses of box wine, and perhaps a couple of rum or scotch mixed drinks every day. The morning illnesses got worse progressively and by the time I said I had had enough it was looking like I was about to die from it in short order.
Alcoholism is a progrssive dis-ease, it kills in more ways than one. It is funny how we look to find another who drinks more than us or more often to justify that we are OK. Many use it to avoid problems; I just can't see adding physical deterioration, mental irrationality, morning dry heaves, sleep problems from sleeping under the influence, passive aggressive behaviors, acting out etc to the problems we are using alcohol to run away from as helping at all.
I was a high functioning alcoholic and stable in life and very successful.
I woke up for myself not because of others. Checked into a hospital detox program and now have 60 days this Saturday. I am a regular with my AA home group, have a counselor that I rarely use, and I have the world of experience, quite literally right here on SR.
I was lucky in that I did not destroy my health/marriage/family all the way and it looks like a full recovery without liver or other damage to my life. It does get better every day I am sober, but I still have emotional highs and lows that are rare but unlike the old pre-alcoholic me.
Now with some sanity back I am horrified at how far "It" progressed and how helpless I became while drinking! Working out is tough as I lost a lot of muscle tone and it is taking a longer time than I would like to get back to shape. It would have been nice if I had done this years ago.
So good luck, get a plan, get with your local resources and family, perhaps you are in time too.
You sound just like me 2 years ago. Except I wasn't mixing liquor in my beers. Ugh! I could slam four beers in 15 minutes though and then maintain and gain my buzz for about 6 to 12 beers an evening. About two years ago I quit work to pursue other interests and started getting tremors in the morning and feeling terrible, so I started adding a shot of scotch to my two morning cups of coffee. Then the two scotches in the morning would not quell the tremors and terrible feelings so at 8:30 I'd start to drink beers until I felt smooth and steady again. By 18 months ago I was drinking at least 16 beers, four or five glasses of box wine, and perhaps a couple of rum or scotch mixed drinks every day. The morning illnesses got worse progressively and by the time I said I had had enough it was looking like I was about to die from it in short order.
Alcoholism is a progrssive dis-ease, it kills in more ways than one. It is funny how we look to find another who drinks more than us or more often to justify that we are OK. Many use it to avoid problems; I just can't see adding physical deterioration, mental irrationality, morning dry heaves, sleep problems from sleeping under the influence, passive aggressive behaviors, acting out etc to the problems we are using alcohol to run away from as helping at all.
I was a high functioning alcoholic and stable in life and very successful.
I woke up for myself not because of others. Checked into a hospital detox program and now have 60 days this Saturday. I am a regular with my AA home group, have a counselor that I rarely use, and I have the world of experience, quite literally right here on SR.
I was lucky in that I did not destroy my health/marriage/family all the way and it looks like a full recovery without liver or other damage to my life. It does get better every day I am sober, but I still have emotional highs and lows that are rare but unlike the old pre-alcoholic me.
Now with some sanity back I am horrified at how far "It" progressed and how helpless I became while drinking! Working out is tough as I lost a lot of muscle tone and it is taking a longer time than I would like to get back to shape. It would have been nice if I had done this years ago.
So good luck, get a plan, get with your local resources and family, perhaps you are in time too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 129
Once I talk with my doctor I hope to have some type of plan. I do have a therapist that I just started talking with. Now I need to get some help with the drinking. My therapist told me that in order to deal with my issue I cant be drinking at the same time. It makes since but I don't think its that easy.
Is there any medications that you can take to stop the obsession and urges to drink?
Is there any medications that you can take to stop the obsession and urges to drink?
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
AA has helped me. I no longer obsess about drinking but it took a little while to get to that point. And I still go because I need the program as a plan for living that works for me. I am special that way....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by sark
Is there any medications that you can take to stop the obsession and urges to drink?
Nobody's come up with an anti-alcoholism pill though.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
sark we understand but you're going in circles here. And each of us did the same. Get to an AA meeting, or a counselor who specializes in Alcoholism, get started and your doc needs to be involved most likely when you detox.
As has already been said there is no magic pill. The good news is that there are many support resources and like joining a gym to lose weight and get in shape, you have to go for it to work. Posting here is a great first step. You can do it if you really want to.
As has already been said there is no magic pill. The good news is that there are many support resources and like joining a gym to lose weight and get in shape, you have to go for it to work. Posting here is a great first step. You can do it if you really want to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Everyone you speak to will likely have a different opinion Sark - counsellors and therapists have opinions based on what they've learned, doctors too, everyone here has an opinion based on their experience and what worked for them.
It can get quite bewildering sometimes.
Focus on what you know - you do have a problem and you do need to fix it. Listen to what people say by all means but only you know precisely what's going on in your head and whether something is applicable to you or not.
My experience, for what it's worth, is that I'm a million times better off cutting out something that's become toxic in my life.
I spent many years trying to control my drinking, or to somehow magically return to a former drinking pattern.
The best day of my life was when I accepted I couldn't drink alcohol at all anymore if I wanted my life to be better.
D
It can get quite bewildering sometimes.
Focus on what you know - you do have a problem and you do need to fix it. Listen to what people say by all means but only you know precisely what's going on in your head and whether something is applicable to you or not.
My experience, for what it's worth, is that I'm a million times better off cutting out something that's become toxic in my life.
I spent many years trying to control my drinking, or to somehow magically return to a former drinking pattern.
The best day of my life was when I accepted I couldn't drink alcohol at all anymore if I wanted my life to be better.
D
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