Hopeful...yet sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
I just wanted to say thank you to all that have sent words of encouragement to me since I joined this site just 4 days ago. After blowing 111 days of being sober I drank, resulting in the loss of my best friend and love. I drank from that day (9/12/10) until one week ago...justifying it by saying to myself that I was going to drink her off my mind. We all know how that works out.
Finally last Saturday morning I had had enough. I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough, or even cared enough to find the resolve to stop drinking...again. Well, thanks to Tony Robbins and this site, which I'm sure was a gift from God, I am back on the path to recovery. Still vivid and fresh on my mind is the damage that taking that 1st drink can bring. Also vivid is the progress that can be made in just a few months. I'm still sad because vt is no longer in my life...but, on a positive note, I do seem to think of her much less often. I guess what I'm really saying is that I am finding a way to learn from my relapse, not feel sorry for myself. The other thing that I'm trying to say is that I'm not at all sure that I could have done this without the help and support that all of my new friends on this site have provided...THANKS AGAIN!!!
Carlos
ps...It is fun getting sober with u 2 Itchy!
pps...It's been great to have you join our figurative ride these past couple days jhay...and thanks for the tip on the daily gift site, i joined earlier 2day.
Finally last Saturday morning I had had enough. I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough, or even cared enough to find the resolve to stop drinking...again. Well, thanks to Tony Robbins and this site, which I'm sure was a gift from God, I am back on the path to recovery. Still vivid and fresh on my mind is the damage that taking that 1st drink can bring. Also vivid is the progress that can be made in just a few months. I'm still sad because vt is no longer in my life...but, on a positive note, I do seem to think of her much less often. I guess what I'm really saying is that I am finding a way to learn from my relapse, not feel sorry for myself. The other thing that I'm trying to say is that I'm not at all sure that I could have done this without the help and support that all of my new friends on this site have provided...THANKS AGAIN!!!
Carlos
ps...It is fun getting sober with u 2 Itchy!
pps...It's been great to have you join our figurative ride these past couple days jhay...and thanks for the tip on the daily gift site, i joined earlier 2day.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Carlos,
Can we do the go carts tomorrow?
I'm ready for 7 more days one day to be savored at a time! jhay you hang with the best of them! And the best of them can be found right here on this forum.
Can we do the go carts tomorrow?
I'm ready for 7 more days one day to be savored at a time! jhay you hang with the best of them! And the best of them can be found right here on this forum.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
BTW Carlos,
On a more serious note (E-minor)
It has been my experience that to grow up I had to throw out the childish behaviors. Unfortunately I also threw out my child-like sense of wonder and joy in just the wonders all around. Threw out the baby with the bathwater as it were.
It is becoming clear to me now that letting go to a higher power, and I am not religious, after learning finally that I was not in control first, has had an effect that I didn't expect. Alcohol brought the childish back, but with none of the goodness, innocence, and joy of the child-like. The selfishness, the ego, the sense of entitlement, not sharing my toys and joys, ohhh alcohol was very good at bringing out the three year old brat and crybaby in me, without a trace of the adulthood I gained, or the sense of child-like wonder and joy. Sobriety and learning how to get back to sanity leaves us feeling lost, losing the fear and letting go of the guilts and regrets does leave us in a strange place. It took a few weeks for me to figure out what that place was and what I needed to do there to get somewhere. Out of the deluge of feelings one was worth grabbing onto. Right in the middle of the swirl of feelings was a little piece of me that was saying wow! This is really an adventure. It is my story and I am free to write the ending any way I want, and I have the energy and clarity to do just that! Sobriety has restored my child-like sense of wonder. As I let go of the remnants of the childish, along with my need to control others and myself, I find there are aspects of this new me that is exciting and new. For me the problem are not the limits and past but that I have been set free to do and be whatever I want to be and do once more! That was at first very scary. Because there are so many things to choose from and I can't do them all. Ahhh that was my ego and control talking again. I am letting it happen and listening to others. The more I relax and truly see and pay attention the less frightening my new world is becoming. Instead of making a choice, I will do what I can, and accept what I can't. At first I tried to do it all I felt so much energy. Now I am picking and choosing and stopping to smell the flowers. I am not a drinker anymore, nor a smoker. So I don't have anything to compensate for and feel a need to justify to others. Wow what a weight lifted! I am OK! Sure I am still an alcoholic, and have a lot to re-learn, sure I might stumble and have cravings at any time, although not yet.
Today I am sober, and I have nothing to be ashamed about!
The world is not MY oyster. I am the world's oyster. Just a tiny part doing my thing. Like a good oyster when I get something under my shell that irritates me, I don't fight it, I shape it and it becomes a pearl. That for me is the true meaning of the serenity prayer.
Today I am sober, and I have a whole world to explore, and people to meet, and things to do, that I could not do when I was ill.
And instead of being alone, I have all of you to hold my hand, when things get a little unsteady, if I have the courage to ask for your help.
I trust. I must.
On a more serious note (E-minor)
It has been my experience that to grow up I had to throw out the childish behaviors. Unfortunately I also threw out my child-like sense of wonder and joy in just the wonders all around. Threw out the baby with the bathwater as it were.
It is becoming clear to me now that letting go to a higher power, and I am not religious, after learning finally that I was not in control first, has had an effect that I didn't expect. Alcohol brought the childish back, but with none of the goodness, innocence, and joy of the child-like. The selfishness, the ego, the sense of entitlement, not sharing my toys and joys, ohhh alcohol was very good at bringing out the three year old brat and crybaby in me, without a trace of the adulthood I gained, or the sense of child-like wonder and joy. Sobriety and learning how to get back to sanity leaves us feeling lost, losing the fear and letting go of the guilts and regrets does leave us in a strange place. It took a few weeks for me to figure out what that place was and what I needed to do there to get somewhere. Out of the deluge of feelings one was worth grabbing onto. Right in the middle of the swirl of feelings was a little piece of me that was saying wow! This is really an adventure. It is my story and I am free to write the ending any way I want, and I have the energy and clarity to do just that! Sobriety has restored my child-like sense of wonder. As I let go of the remnants of the childish, along with my need to control others and myself, I find there are aspects of this new me that is exciting and new. For me the problem are not the limits and past but that I have been set free to do and be whatever I want to be and do once more! That was at first very scary. Because there are so many things to choose from and I can't do them all. Ahhh that was my ego and control talking again. I am letting it happen and listening to others. The more I relax and truly see and pay attention the less frightening my new world is becoming. Instead of making a choice, I will do what I can, and accept what I can't. At first I tried to do it all I felt so much energy. Now I am picking and choosing and stopping to smell the flowers. I am not a drinker anymore, nor a smoker. So I don't have anything to compensate for and feel a need to justify to others. Wow what a weight lifted! I am OK! Sure I am still an alcoholic, and have a lot to re-learn, sure I might stumble and have cravings at any time, although not yet.
Today I am sober, and I have nothing to be ashamed about!
The world is not MY oyster. I am the world's oyster. Just a tiny part doing my thing. Like a good oyster when I get something under my shell that irritates me, I don't fight it, I shape it and it becomes a pearl. That for me is the true meaning of the serenity prayer.
Today I am sober, and I have a whole world to explore, and people to meet, and things to do, that I could not do when I was ill.
And instead of being alone, I have all of you to hold my hand, when things get a little unsteady, if I have the courage to ask for your help.
I trust. I must.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Today I am sober and have nothing to be ashamed about.
Yesterday I was sober and have nothing to be ashamed about that past day.
One day at a time, I am creating a new past for myself that has nothing for me to be ashamed about.
When tomorrow comes it will be today, and today I am sober and have nothing to be ashamed about. My tommorows hold no fear, they will be dealt with one today at a time.
Yesterday I was sober and have nothing to be ashamed about that past day.
One day at a time, I am creating a new past for myself that has nothing for me to be ashamed about.
When tomorrow comes it will be today, and today I am sober and have nothing to be ashamed about. My tommorows hold no fear, they will be dealt with one today at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
GM Itchy,
Thanks 4 the e minor post. Let's fire up those go-carts & have an adventure in soberville with jhay 2day!
I am headed off to visit my Dad and some other family later 2day, and i usually cook dinner 4 them. Do u have any favorite Cajun recopies that you might share?
Carlos
Thanks 4 the e minor post. Let's fire up those go-carts & have an adventure in soberville with jhay 2day!
I am headed off to visit my Dad and some other family later 2day, and i usually cook dinner 4 them. Do u have any favorite Cajun recopies that you might share?
Carlos
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Soberville here we come
GM Carlos and jhay here we go! Another fun day in soberville.
I don't do the cooking here so I asked my spousal unit which website has a good selection of real Cajun recipes she said this one is pretty good.
A Cajun Family's Recipe Collection
Now how original is that website name?
Have a great day and meal!
I don't do the cooking here so I asked my spousal unit which website has a good selection of real Cajun recipes she said this one is pretty good.
A Cajun Family's Recipe Collection
Now how original is that website name?
Have a great day and meal!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hi Itchy,
Yes, i am still here in soberville...finally in double figures too (day 10)...just another month and a half and i will almost have as many days sober as years on earth...think i'll throw a sober party that day. My close friends are so happy that i am back on this path after a 7 week drunk...i'm sure they will come.
I was invited to a friends to watch the Steeler game this evening...i don't think i'm ready for that yet. I really don't think i would be tempted to drink...just not in a mood to watch others doing so.
Thanks for checking in...
Carlos
_____________________________________________
It's good to have an end to journey towards; but it's the journey that matters in the end....ursula k leguin
Yes, i am still here in soberville...finally in double figures too (day 10)...just another month and a half and i will almost have as many days sober as years on earth...think i'll throw a sober party that day. My close friends are so happy that i am back on this path after a 7 week drunk...i'm sure they will come.
I was invited to a friends to watch the Steeler game this evening...i don't think i'm ready for that yet. I really don't think i would be tempted to drink...just not in a mood to watch others doing so.
Thanks for checking in...
Carlos
_____________________________________________
It's good to have an end to journey towards; but it's the journey that matters in the end....ursula k leguin
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Double digits!!! 
Guess you took ol "never got past day 4" and spit in his eye!
Hey my pleasure Carlos, thanks for being my buddy in soberville! Lots to do here. Lets check out dogsledding next.
Guess you took ol "never got past day 4" and spit in his eye!
Hey my pleasure Carlos, thanks for being my buddy in soberville! Lots to do here. Lets check out dogsledding next.
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