Itchy

Dee I used that book a looooong time ago, and still remember how it helped me raise two strong and sober boys back before I started drinking so much. In fact we had ourt kids early and I really didn't start drinking more than a six pack a month until they were both grown and gone. They are 34 and 37 now.

Melody Beattie's book has had a major influence on my life along with many others. That's the first time I have heard about it from another in years.

andisa

I come here when in need of encouragement to keep doing what I need to do. That I've been away for a week indicates a pretty strong week! I just re-read all that's been contributed to my struggles and appreciate the support.

Beattie's Co-dependant No More is a reference book on my shelf, I know it well. Knowing it and living it are two different things. Funny how self-assured I can be when thinking to myself but when faced with "situations" I so quickly falter. Like some amoeba with no backbone I wither and slither into a corner in some helpless, defenseless position. Maybe I should carry Beattie's book with me and use it as a shield.

Basically I just avoid confrontation as my best defense. Do I have to reveal my fears and thoughts to anyone else? What if, in an attempt to take care of myself, I simply ask others to back off, give me a break. I try to take care of everyone else before myself. When I simply can't give anymore and need a break, I feel as though I've let others down, that I should have tried harder, done more, given more, even when I know I can't (for my own sake.)

Yeah, like Dee said, it becomes paralzying.
So, I'm having a good week because I've not been in (allowed myself to be in) a position of having to defend myself. It seems that I'm at my worst when in a defensive mode. Maybe that's avoidance? Or maybe that's a better way to live?

Dee74

I still don't enjoy confrontation, andisa, and I do my best not to enter into it - I don't think that's avoidance...there are sometimes other better ways to solve things.

I think it might be though if we're not solving things, or isolating, or not acting in my best interests and letting folk walk over me by avoiding confrontation - been there done that too.

It's a fine line, but a pretty definite one.

Glad your week has been a good one - good to see you back here

D

LaFemme

Man, I was the queen of avoiding confrontation. I still look for alternate ways around it, and I still put it off as well, but if it needs to be done I do it...and usually it's not as bad as I dreaded:-)