3rd time's a charm? ...
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by eremc08
Thanks! I'm going to get more involved in my recovery. I don't think I really gave it my all last two times. The first time I did but then thought just one drink would be ok.. Boy was I wrong!
I need to stop fooling myself. I have to put my life into recovering and just know that I can't drink, not even once. I have to live a non alcoholic recovered life from this day on.
Thanks! I'm going to get more involved in my recovery. I don't think I really gave it my all last two times. The first time I did but then thought just one drink would be ok.. Boy was I wrong!
I need to stop fooling myself. I have to put my life into recovering and just know that I can't drink, not even once. I have to live a non alcoholic recovered life from this day on.
Originally Posted by Kjell 
I just noticed your signature and man(!) - that really says it all.
I was told that if I put my recovery first, everything thing else would fall into place and that has been my experience thus far.
I was told that if I put my recovery first, everything thing else would fall into place and that has been my experience thus far.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by eremc08
Yes, I need to make this a priority. Which will be hard for me because I always put my kids first.
It's interesting you say that b/c I'm the exact opposite
As an alcohol mother I always put myself first. My desire to drink (and recover from the night before) came first. Part of my recovery has been silencing my inner 2 year old who wants what she wants, now and realizing I'm not the center of the universe. 
This is why I don't believe in one solution for alcoholics. Because we're all different!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 52
Eremc- STOP COOKING 
I have two little girls, a husband, and I work FT. I know exactly the kind of stress happens at the end of the day when everyone is just getting home and scrambling. That was always the time I took my xanax and drank a beer or two.
I don't need that anymore. And you don't either. All you need to do is change the way you think about and address that stressful time. Remember that it doesn't last ALL night. Just a short time.
So, I don't cook. Well, I make food but I never cook a meal. It's too much effort and not enough reward. We have chicken strips or pizza. Something you can put in the oven. Dirty plates and dishes stress me out. I just don't make a big mess.
It's good to change up your routine so that you can think about it differently. If the norm is having a beverage while getting your meal ready, go out to eat. Like Burger King where they don't serve wine. Your kids will burn up some energy! They won't climb up your legs like they do at home.
I fell apart in August, right when the crunch of a new school schedule started. It made me crazy to sit at work and think about everything I had to take care of. I just couldn't face it, and it sounds silly. My girls have dance two times a week. It made me crazy to wait for them. I'd have a panic attack thinking about laundry and homework and dinner and every.other.little.detail.
Now that I'm away from xanax, I handle things differently. I'm happy to wait for dance class because I get to read a book! Two times a week I get to sit in my car all alone and listen to the radio and read a book. I love it!
I'm talking too much.
I hope you have a great last First Day!
I have two little girls, a husband, and I work FT. I know exactly the kind of stress happens at the end of the day when everyone is just getting home and scrambling. That was always the time I took my xanax and drank a beer or two.
I don't need that anymore. And you don't either. All you need to do is change the way you think about and address that stressful time. Remember that it doesn't last ALL night. Just a short time.
So, I don't cook. Well, I make food but I never cook a meal. It's too much effort and not enough reward. We have chicken strips or pizza. Something you can put in the oven. Dirty plates and dishes stress me out. I just don't make a big mess.
It's good to change up your routine so that you can think about it differently. If the norm is having a beverage while getting your meal ready, go out to eat. Like Burger King where they don't serve wine. Your kids will burn up some energy! They won't climb up your legs like they do at home.
I fell apart in August, right when the crunch of a new school schedule started. It made me crazy to sit at work and think about everything I had to take care of. I just couldn't face it, and it sounds silly. My girls have dance two times a week. It made me crazy to wait for them. I'd have a panic attack thinking about laundry and homework and dinner and every.other.little.detail.
Now that I'm away from xanax, I handle things differently. I'm happy to wait for dance class because I get to read a book! Two times a week I get to sit in my car all alone and listen to the radio and read a book. I love it!
I'm talking too much.
I hope you have a great last First Day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by mygirlchandler
Eremc- STOP COOKING
I have two little girls, a husband, and I work FT. I know exactly the kind of stress happens at the end of the day when everyone is just getting home and scrambling. That was always the time I took my xanax and drank a beer or two.
I don't need that anymore. And you don't either. All you need to do is change the way you think about and address that stressful time. Remember that it doesn't last ALL night. Just a short time.
So, I don't cook. Well, I make food but I never cook a meal. It's too much effort and not enough reward. We have chicken strips or pizza. Something you can put in the oven. Dirty plates and dishes stress me out. I just don't make a big mess.
It's good to change up your routine so that you can think about it differently. If the norm is having a beverage while getting your meal ready, go out to eat. Like Burger King where they don't serve wine. Your kids will burn up some energy! They won't climb up your legs like they do at home.
I fell apart in August, right when the crunch of a new school schedule started. It made me crazy to sit at work and think about everything I had to take care of. I just couldn't face it, and it sounds silly. My girls have dance two times a week. It made me crazy to wait for them. I'd have a panic attack thinking about laundry and homework and dinner and every.other.little.detail.
Now that I'm away from xanax, I handle things differently. I'm happy to wait for dance class because I get to read a book! Two times a week I get to sit in my car all alone and listen to the radio and read a book. I love it!
I'm talking too much.
I hope you have a great last First Day!
I have two little girls, a husband, and I work FT. I know exactly the kind of stress happens at the end of the day when everyone is just getting home and scrambling. That was always the time I took my xanax and drank a beer or two.
I don't need that anymore. And you don't either. All you need to do is change the way you think about and address that stressful time. Remember that it doesn't last ALL night. Just a short time.
So, I don't cook. Well, I make food but I never cook a meal. It's too much effort and not enough reward. We have chicken strips or pizza. Something you can put in the oven. Dirty plates and dishes stress me out. I just don't make a big mess.
It's good to change up your routine so that you can think about it differently. If the norm is having a beverage while getting your meal ready, go out to eat. Like Burger King where they don't serve wine. Your kids will burn up some energy! They won't climb up your legs like they do at home.
I fell apart in August, right when the crunch of a new school schedule started. It made me crazy to sit at work and think about everything I had to take care of. I just couldn't face it, and it sounds silly. My girls have dance two times a week. It made me crazy to wait for them. I'd have a panic attack thinking about laundry and homework and dinner and every.other.little.detail.
Now that I'm away from xanax, I handle things differently. I'm happy to wait for dance class because I get to read a book! Two times a week I get to sit in my car all alone and listen to the radio and read a book. I love it!
I'm talking too much.
I hope you have a great last First Day!
Anyhoo, now i'm talking too much.. I tend to digress. Almost time to pick up hubby from work, then try and deal with the chaos at home when that time comes.
Did I mention my mother lives here and constantly brings her bottle of wine in the kitchen around dinner time? .. she's an alkie too but refuses to believe so. (she's 62)
Thanks again!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
WB, Erem,
One thing that concerns me as I read your posts--your husband has the school to do, your kids need all of this and that, and your mom is still hanging around drinking wine to excess. What's wrong with this picture?
I'm not seeing any time for you to take for yourself and your recovery. Snatching a few minutes a day on the computer here and there is pretty much what you were doing before.
Why not try an AA meeting? You could go while the kids are in school, get a solid hour to yourself to focus on what you want to change.
Just a thought--in my observation, trying the same thing over and over tends give us the same result we got before.
One thing that concerns me as I read your posts--your husband has the school to do, your kids need all of this and that, and your mom is still hanging around drinking wine to excess. What's wrong with this picture?
I'm not seeing any time for you to take for yourself and your recovery. Snatching a few minutes a day on the computer here and there is pretty much what you were doing before.
Why not try an AA meeting? You could go while the kids are in school, get a solid hour to yourself to focus on what you want to change.
Just a thought--in my observation, trying the same thing over and over tends give us the same result we got before.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I agree with lexie in that you need to take some time to formulate something different than your usual routine. it's very easy to slip back into old habits when you don't.
even if it is something as small as banning mom's wine bottle from the kitchen, it is a start. I would also try to prep dinner earlier in the day so the hectic hour can be spent doing something else...break the cycle.
even if it is something as small as banning mom's wine bottle from the kitchen, it is a start. I would also try to prep dinner earlier in the day so the hectic hour can be spent doing something else...break the cycle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by LexieCat
WB, Erem,
One thing that concerns me as I read your posts--your husband has the school to do, your kids need all of this and that, and your mom is still hanging around drinking wine to excess. What's wrong with this picture?
I'm not seeing any time for you to take for yourself and your recovery. Snatching a few minutes a day on the computer here and there is pretty much what you were doing before.
Why not try an AA meeting? You could go while the kids are in school, get a solid hour to yourself to focus on what you want to change.
Just a thought--in my observation, trying the same thing over and over tends give us the same result we got before.
One thing that concerns me as I read your posts--your husband has the school to do, your kids need all of this and that, and your mom is still hanging around drinking wine to excess. What's wrong with this picture?
I'm not seeing any time for you to take for yourself and your recovery. Snatching a few minutes a day on the computer here and there is pretty much what you were doing before.
Why not try an AA meeting? You could go while the kids are in school, get a solid hour to yourself to focus on what you want to change.
Just a thought--in my observation, trying the same thing over and over tends give us the same result we got before.
I also babysit a baby girl during the day and with taking care of the two girls, driving my husband to/from school and work, there's just no time while he's in school. I know it sounds like an excuse but it's not really. I will make time when I actually have the chance. Coming here everyday actually did work for me but when I stopped, that's when I let the recovery go.
Today is day 2 and I'm super busy but will make time a few minutes later to come back on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Thanks for your wishes everyone! Day 3 and I'm going nutzo! LOL .. Up at 5:30am to drive hubby to work by 6am, then make coffee and get dressed, get my daughter dressed by 7 because once the baby girl gets there (at 7am) I won't have time to get anyone dressed. Helped my boys get ready and out the door for the bus by 7:30 and then breakfast for the 2 girls. Whoo.. I'm tired already. And YES I want a beer bad.. or something, anything!
I know I can't. Ugh. Took the girls food shopping and got some really yummy healthy food for me and the kids. (I need to get on a healthy diet..) Now I have the girls in the living room having a snack and watching Dora. I'm going to attempt to clean the fridge.. it's driving me crazy! yuck!
So, hello everyone and Hope all is going well for you
I know I can't. Ugh. Took the girls food shopping and got some really yummy healthy food for me and the kids. (I need to get on a healthy diet..) Now I have the girls in the living room having a snack and watching Dora. I'm going to attempt to clean the fridge.. it's driving me crazy! yuck!
So, hello everyone and Hope all is going well for you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Erem and welcome back!
Just a thought...the money you spent on wine/beer...can you put it in a savings jar and once a week get take out for the family and kids? I know you are strapped financially, which is another reason to stay sober...alcohol is expensive!
Having a family is both a blessing and a curse when trying to get sober. They demand so much of your time but they can inspire you as well.
Good luck and keep posting!
Just a thought...the money you spent on wine/beer...can you put it in a savings jar and once a week get take out for the family and kids? I know you are strapped financially, which is another reason to stay sober...alcohol is expensive!
Having a family is both a blessing and a curse when trying to get sober. They demand so much of your time but they can inspire you as well.
Good luck and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Welcome back and you are not alone: lots of us women had the happy hour struggles. I also used to start drinking at dinner time. It is the maximum time for stress for moms and wives.
Some of the tools I've used to get through the "happy hour" has been to cook much simpler meals than the elaborate meals I used to cook. I used the "elaborate" part of that to stretch out the cooking time so I could drink more.
I am becoming the quick meal time extraordinäre in sobriety: if it can't be done in 1/2 hour....I find a better recipe.
Also: ask your family for HELP. You work fulltime. Ask your kids to help out with the cooking and washing up. I never did that because I am also codie and don't know how to ask for help.
Ask your husband for help too. Is that something that makes you cringe? Just ask, in a nice way.
Another thing that never occurred to me was that I could ask for help. A 7 year old can empty the dishwasher. I full grown man can also empty the dishwasher. It was really hard for me to ask for help, but it amazed me when I did: they helped!
You might check out codie issues on the friends and family forum: mommy hanging around at dinnertime with wine is not a good deal. It is very possible you have codie relationships with her and everyone around you. I never dreamed I was codie until my sponsor mentioned it. Blew me away, but, yes, I was/am codie. I am not saying you are, but being a mom and wife and daughter is not synonymous with being a martyr. I thought it was, I am only talking about myself now.
Some of the tools I've used to get through the "happy hour" has been to cook much simpler meals than the elaborate meals I used to cook. I used the "elaborate" part of that to stretch out the cooking time so I could drink more.
I am becoming the quick meal time extraordinäre in sobriety: if it can't be done in 1/2 hour....I find a better recipe.
Also: ask your family for HELP. You work fulltime. Ask your kids to help out with the cooking and washing up. I never did that because I am also codie and don't know how to ask for help.
Ask your husband for help too. Is that something that makes you cringe? Just ask, in a nice way.
Another thing that never occurred to me was that I could ask for help. A 7 year old can empty the dishwasher. I full grown man can also empty the dishwasher. It was really hard for me to ask for help, but it amazed me when I did: they helped!
You might check out codie issues on the friends and family forum: mommy hanging around at dinnertime with wine is not a good deal. It is very possible you have codie relationships with her and everyone around you. I never dreamed I was codie until my sponsor mentioned it. Blew me away, but, yes, I was/am codie. I am not saying you are, but being a mom and wife and daughter is not synonymous with being a martyr. I thought it was, I am only talking about myself now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Idk what codie is lol..
Yes, I do ask for help from kids and hubby. They help when they're not busy with school or sports. Hubby also helps when he's home. I can't put away the cash in savings because I use my credit cards, mostly, for alcohol. And I'm not getting much for babysitting so that goes to some food and gas for my car. I keep telling myself I just want one drink, but I know, I KNOW that won't be the case. 1 just won't be enough.
Yes, I do ask for help from kids and hubby. They help when they're not busy with school or sports. Hubby also helps when he's home. I can't put away the cash in savings because I use my credit cards, mostly, for alcohol. And I'm not getting much for babysitting so that goes to some food and gas for my car. I keep telling myself I just want one drink, but I know, I KNOW that won't be the case. 1 just won't be enough.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by eremc08
I keep telling myself I just want one drink, but I know, I KNOW that won't be the case. 1 just won't be enough.
Hang in there, you're doing great!
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