Is there a bottom for pothead?
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by julez 
My father was here a few days ago, and he proceeded to tell me that if he had never drank, that all the bad stuff that happened while I was growing up (abuse to me, and my mother) would have never happened. That drinking was the root cause. And I sat there, and I listened, and I thought "That is SUCH bull*hit" This is the same for your husband hon. My father can be nasty and rotten while drunk or sober. I would advise you to get away from him asap, even for just a trial separation. The physical abuse was bad enough, but the screaming scarred me way worse.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by augustwest
my drug of choice gives you a fast ride to the bottom in your external affairs, but even at my lowest(no money, stealing, etc..) due to the specific drug, it was the emotional bottom of hopelessness, despair, couldn't live with or without my drug, sick and tired of ME that preceded change. i don't think that has to be a substance specific thing.
your husband certainly seems to exhibit the classic narcissistic, ego maniac with inferiority complex, manipulative addict traits. only he can change when he decides he wants to. whether you're around for that is a decision only you can make. i wish you all the best.
your husband certainly seems to exhibit the classic narcissistic, ego maniac with inferiority complex, manipulative addict traits. only he can change when he decides he wants to. whether you're around for that is a decision only you can make. i wish you all the best.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
My daughter left her guy and took the little one with her due to his pot addiction.
It was one of the hardest and best things she did.
They were getting into crazy fights because she wanted him to man up and be a responsible family man.
He wanted to act like a spoiled, lazy child.
She is much better off now and I am so glad my grandson isn't growing up in that kind of environment.
Yours is abusive on top of it.
Abuse progresses..it is only going to get worse.
I think you all deserve so much better than that.
It was one of the hardest and best things she did.
They were getting into crazy fights because she wanted him to man up and be a responsible family man.
He wanted to act like a spoiled, lazy child.
She is much better off now and I am so glad my grandson isn't growing up in that kind of environment.
Yours is abusive on top of it.
Abuse progresses..it is only going to get worse.
I think you all deserve so much better than that.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I do think living life as a daily, constant stoner is a real problem.
I am going to use daughter's X as my example.
He worked a piddly part time job where he could associate with other stoners.
When she got onto him that they had a child now and he needed to be a father and if he wanted to be a husband, he needed to act like one.
He would say he was going out to put in job applications, that was a lie, he went to friends to hang out and smoke.
He couldn't have passed a drug test.
He couldn't give it up for even the month that it would take to be able to pass one and get real employment.
What he really wanted to do was hang with his stoney friends, smoke, play video games.
Pot is expensive these days.
So he lied about his paychecks.
To sum it up..he refused to be a responsible adult and he was deceitful.
No, everybody doesn't smoke pot.
I found that their family dynamics took on the very same destructive patterns as active alcoholism.
Including jail and losing his license.
I am so very glad that she left.
She has a peaceful life, a good man and they both pursue healthy goals together.
That is what a family is about.
I am going to use daughter's X as my example.
He worked a piddly part time job where he could associate with other stoners.
When she got onto him that they had a child now and he needed to be a father and if he wanted to be a husband, he needed to act like one.
He would say he was going out to put in job applications, that was a lie, he went to friends to hang out and smoke.
He couldn't have passed a drug test.
He couldn't give it up for even the month that it would take to be able to pass one and get real employment.
What he really wanted to do was hang with his stoney friends, smoke, play video games.
Pot is expensive these days.
So he lied about his paychecks.
To sum it up..he refused to be a responsible adult and he was deceitful.
No, everybody doesn't smoke pot.
I found that their family dynamics took on the very same destructive patterns as active alcoholism.
Including jail and losing his license.
I am so very glad that she left.
She has a peaceful life, a good man and they both pursue healthy goals together.
That is what a family is about.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Just a quick note, your son may seem 'tough', and your daughter more vulnerable.. but I would work equally as hard on getting them both some help with this stuff. I know, I grew up in a pretty tough home.. I am the oldest of two children. I quietly suffered, I am a pro at pretending I'm 'ok' and 'strong', when inside I was just crumbling emotionally. Just my experience.. but I'd hate for what your son might be going through to be glossed over because he seems tough, or unaffected, and have some issues crop up later when he is older, ya know?
As for the visitation, please don't let that keep you, and your children in this house of abuse. Some ideas: Start documenting everything you can about the life you have lived and continue to. get your kiddos into some counseling so that they can get some help with this, and so that an independent observer of sorts can gauge how they are really doing. Make your plan, research lawyers and visitation laws. If you have to, go to court and ask for supervised visitation, beg for it..armed with documentation and counseling notes.
I would just hate to see you here in a year, 2 years.. more broken, less hopeful, and still in the same situation because you're anticipating unsupervised visitation and what it might bring, when it's not all crystal clear exactly what will happen in reality.
Sending you lots of strength, and healing.
As for the visitation, please don't let that keep you, and your children in this house of abuse. Some ideas: Start documenting everything you can about the life you have lived and continue to. get your kiddos into some counseling so that they can get some help with this, and so that an independent observer of sorts can gauge how they are really doing. Make your plan, research lawyers and visitation laws. If you have to, go to court and ask for supervised visitation, beg for it..armed with documentation and counseling notes.
I would just hate to see you here in a year, 2 years.. more broken, less hopeful, and still in the same situation because you're anticipating unsupervised visitation and what it might bring, when it's not all crystal clear exactly what will happen in reality.
Sending you lots of strength, and healing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 9
I did finally leave 2.5 years ago. The divorce should be final in April. Amazing that I'm n still looking for help on this topic and came across this that I posted 7 years ago. Amazing that after all that time, little has changed. One day he told me I had to leave if I wasn't going to give him my income, the next day he asked if I had found a place yet, so I did. Looking back on it, I wish that I had left much sooner. My son does have depression and my daughter has anxiety issues. I can't say that none of it was my fault, but the marriage was toxic. Sad that today he is unemployed, missing a lot of his teeth, not active in our kids lives, etc... Sad that beneath it all I remember a time when it truly felt like we had a loving relationship which I miss. Never in a million years did I think it would end the way it has 20 years ago.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
My 2 cents on pot.
My BF smokes it all day every day, he is very successful as he works 15 hours a day 6 days a week sometimes 7, he is not moody, doesn't have rage and is helping me out with our son when necessary (since he works so much, hard labor at that) I dont ask for a lot of help with our child, even though I too work 40 hours a week, I am not as tired as he is mentally or physically.
It sounds like maybe he has more going on then just pot, maybe some depression or just unhappy and he is taking it out on you. His (i say this very sarcastic) lovely mother is NOT helping the situation by enabling him to be lazy and have no responsibilities.
I wish you the best for you and your children. I wouldn't want my child to think that behavior is normal, so I would leave if that was my home life, sounds toxic.
My BF smokes it all day every day, he is very successful as he works 15 hours a day 6 days a week sometimes 7, he is not moody, doesn't have rage and is helping me out with our son when necessary (since he works so much, hard labor at that) I dont ask for a lot of help with our child, even though I too work 40 hours a week, I am not as tired as he is mentally or physically.
It sounds like maybe he has more going on then just pot, maybe some depression or just unhappy and he is taking it out on you. His (i say this very sarcastic) lovely mother is NOT helping the situation by enabling him to be lazy and have no responsibilities.
I wish you the best for you and your children. I wouldn't want my child to think that behavior is normal, so I would leave if that was my home life, sounds toxic.
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