? new sad idea -alanon speakers breaking traditions
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
? new sad idea -alanon speakers breaking traditions
Hi. Ok I'm a former member of naranon (for people who have a loved one that is an addict) and a current alanon member (2+ years this time around)...I was introduced to AA and the steps and recovery over 15 years ago. I am starting this thread because I am concerned over something I first heard on the AA boards that has now seemed to pass onto the NA boards. It would seem that there are members who believe that having an alanon or naranon speaker at an NA or AA anniversary is breaking traditions...primary purpose etc. sigh.
Where to start? Ok one let's take AA and Alanon since this is where it all began...YES they are indeed two separate fellowships ...Alanon literature does say that "there should forever be a spirit of cooperation between the two groups"...AA literature doesn't say this...it doesn't take a genious to figure out why...there WAS no alanon at the time.
HOWEVER, aside from the fact that since the very beginning, it was a family affair...with alanon "wives" meeting in the kitchen while the AA's met in living rooms and that since 1955 (though alanon was around a long time before that was it's official birth) alanon's have been speaking at AA anniversaries and conferences. Putting ALL this aside...the outside speaker clause in your bylines WAS NOT MEANT FOR US.
We are all taught the family disease concept. I have been priveledged to hear AA speakers. I have learned from them. Alanon actually recommends we do attend and respect open vs closed meetings and the guidlines that say we cannot share at them. Similarly, we ask that AA members who attend alanon meetings even ifthey too are alanon members keep their other fellowship membership to themselves, and most importantly when they share to remember that alalanon solutions are different and to try their best to realize they are learningsomething new and not confuse the two programs too much.
Group anniversaries and conferences are a different matter. The best meetings I ever attended were ones that had an AA. and alanon and an alateen. Similarly for Naranon. Honestly, you are cutting yourself off from the sunlight of the spirit by neglecting to "check it out" and far as listening to a family speaker, and those who might not otherwise hear the message as well. As far as your primary purpose...I have heard many an AA say that their partner entering Alanon was paramount to their recovery...and it certainly helps changed attitudes in the home, so why would you begrudge the lousy once a year that a family member sitting in an anniversary meeting might hear us?
It quite honestly pisses me off, but it saddens me more.
For those of you who doubt this, I encourage you to go to XA.org the lights are and listen to Alanon speaker tapes...one of my favorites was from a girl who started out in alateen from the moment her father went into rehab...she though the first step was "get in the car", because the AA's picked the whole family up and took them to meetings...she talked about how the whole family got better together.
I've read your whole history Bill, Dr Bob, you big book, your 12 and 12...and I've read Lois as well...I fear that today's members no longer have any understanding of the history behind the traditions. Ok look, recently someone I loved attemped sobriety in AA...he had been out of work for two years...he was told and I was told...that if he hadn't worked for two years, he shouldn't work for the next two years after all that was considered a major change. Umnnnnn, helloo??? This was backed up by a woman sober five years sponsoring how many? sigh that's another issue...try this one on for size "The key to harmony is particiption" ...I believe but could be mistaken it comes from the concepts...but applied to your lives on the job, in groups or with families and yes with each other...it is six words of solid gold.
The pissy part of me wants to "are you kidding me?" "Seriously?" and things like there wouldn't have ever been an AA without family support. Did you know that Lois worked two jobs to help Bill found AA? Look I was considered "a friend of AA" for many years, like many who went before me...but lately...sigh, I almost walked away..not from alanon, but from supporting AA...truly, and I say this to you all "as a friend", isn't it sad when a long time friend of AA and an alanon member questions supporting AA? Please old timers, if you are out there, can you straighten things out?
The ironic thing is one of the first things anyone ever taught me in AA was "When someone tells you the truth about yourself - thank them"
Where to start? Ok one let's take AA and Alanon since this is where it all began...YES they are indeed two separate fellowships ...Alanon literature does say that "there should forever be a spirit of cooperation between the two groups"...AA literature doesn't say this...it doesn't take a genious to figure out why...there WAS no alanon at the time.
HOWEVER, aside from the fact that since the very beginning, it was a family affair...with alanon "wives" meeting in the kitchen while the AA's met in living rooms and that since 1955 (though alanon was around a long time before that was it's official birth) alanon's have been speaking at AA anniversaries and conferences. Putting ALL this aside...the outside speaker clause in your bylines WAS NOT MEANT FOR US.
We are all taught the family disease concept. I have been priveledged to hear AA speakers. I have learned from them. Alanon actually recommends we do attend and respect open vs closed meetings and the guidlines that say we cannot share at them. Similarly, we ask that AA members who attend alanon meetings even ifthey too are alanon members keep their other fellowship membership to themselves, and most importantly when they share to remember that alalanon solutions are different and to try their best to realize they are learningsomething new and not confuse the two programs too much.
Group anniversaries and conferences are a different matter. The best meetings I ever attended were ones that had an AA. and alanon and an alateen. Similarly for Naranon. Honestly, you are cutting yourself off from the sunlight of the spirit by neglecting to "check it out" and far as listening to a family speaker, and those who might not otherwise hear the message as well. As far as your primary purpose...I have heard many an AA say that their partner entering Alanon was paramount to their recovery...and it certainly helps changed attitudes in the home, so why would you begrudge the lousy once a year that a family member sitting in an anniversary meeting might hear us?
It quite honestly pisses me off, but it saddens me more.
For those of you who doubt this, I encourage you to go to XA.org the lights are and listen to Alanon speaker tapes...one of my favorites was from a girl who started out in alateen from the moment her father went into rehab...she though the first step was "get in the car", because the AA's picked the whole family up and took them to meetings...she talked about how the whole family got better together.
I've read your whole history Bill, Dr Bob, you big book, your 12 and 12...and I've read Lois as well...I fear that today's members no longer have any understanding of the history behind the traditions. Ok look, recently someone I loved attemped sobriety in AA...he had been out of work for two years...he was told and I was told...that if he hadn't worked for two years, he shouldn't work for the next two years after all that was considered a major change. Umnnnnn, helloo??? This was backed up by a woman sober five years sponsoring how many? sigh that's another issue...try this one on for size "The key to harmony is particiption" ...I believe but could be mistaken it comes from the concepts...but applied to your lives on the job, in groups or with families and yes with each other...it is six words of solid gold.
The pissy part of me wants to "are you kidding me?" "Seriously?" and things like there wouldn't have ever been an AA without family support. Did you know that Lois worked two jobs to help Bill found AA? Look I was considered "a friend of AA" for many years, like many who went before me...but lately...sigh, I almost walked away..not from alanon, but from supporting AA...truly, and I say this to you all "as a friend", isn't it sad when a long time friend of AA and an alanon member questions supporting AA? Please old timers, if you are out there, can you straighten things out?
The ironic thing is one of the first things anyone ever taught me in AA was "When someone tells you the truth about yourself - thank them"
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome.....
I did attend Al anon before my drinking slid me into alcoholism.
I an active committed member of AA ...sober since '89.
I can not speak for either organization...no one may speak for AA
but my experience simply does not match yours.
Each AA group I know of.....chooses who speaks when and where.
That is a matter voted on by members of that group in GC.
I have belonged to groups that did allow Al non members to
speak...and some who did not.
FYI....in our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum we have
been sharing "The Lights Are On" link for years.
Glad you too are finding it interesting.
Hope you find a group suited to your recovery....
I did attend Al anon before my drinking slid me into alcoholism.
I an active committed member of AA ...sober since '89.
I can not speak for either organization...no one may speak for AA
but my experience simply does not match yours.
Each AA group I know of.....chooses who speaks when and where.
That is a matter voted on by members of that group in GC.
I have belonged to groups that did allow Al non members to
speak...and some who did not.
FYI....in our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum we have
been sharing "The Lights Are On" link for years.
Glad you too are finding it interesting.
Hope you find a group suited to your recovery....
Last edited by CarolD; 09-22-2010 at 12:58 AM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
Hey Carol
Hi...I love my home group...and I realize at the end I sounded umnnnn not so spiritual...sorry bout that, I didn't mean to be quite so offensive. It's just that truly honestly, alanon speakers are not breaking AA's traditions if speaking at a speaker meeting. You really have to undertand the history and reasons fro the traditions to know that, otherwise it's out of context. I swear it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Each group is governed by its own group conscience. Except in other matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole, each group can decide on matters such as whether to invite Al-Anon speakers.
My suggestion is that if the group's conscience feels that Al-Anon speakers are a violation of Tradition Five, you graciously accept that that is the product of their group conscience and let it go. Having resentments about it is only going to upset your own serenity.
Incidentally, I was in Al-Anon for many years before I qualified for AA. I have the greatest respect and admiration for both programs. I once belonged to a group that did not affiliate with either AA or Al-Anon because we alternated AA and Al-Anon speakers and readings every other week on a rotating basis. Clearly that group did not have a "primary purpose" with respect to either program, so it was not listed on any official meeting lists. Still, it was a wonderful and loving and helpful group, and we cheerfully acknowledged that it was neither an AA group nor an Al-Anon group, and did not hold ourselves out as being either.
I totally love the xa-speakers site, too!
My suggestion is that if the group's conscience feels that Al-Anon speakers are a violation of Tradition Five, you graciously accept that that is the product of their group conscience and let it go. Having resentments about it is only going to upset your own serenity.
Incidentally, I was in Al-Anon for many years before I qualified for AA. I have the greatest respect and admiration for both programs. I once belonged to a group that did not affiliate with either AA or Al-Anon because we alternated AA and Al-Anon speakers and readings every other week on a rotating basis. Clearly that group did not have a "primary purpose" with respect to either program, so it was not listed on any official meeting lists. Still, it was a wonderful and loving and helpful group, and we cheerfully acknowledged that it was neither an AA group nor an Al-Anon group, and did not hold ourselves out as being either.
I totally love the xa-speakers site, too!
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
i think alanon/narcon are wonderful things. i thing the 12 step process would benefit any person actually.
i don't have a particularly strong opinion about the speaker thing, as it pertains to the traditions and would defer if a home groups conscience was to have a narconon speaker at an na anniversary meeting. i'm pretty much a live and let live kind of person.
but, i do see the logic in people taking issue with it, and i personally wouldn't have a member of another fellowship speak at my anniversary nor be overly interested in hearing it.
thinking of newcomer, we share our experience, strength, and hope on recovering from active addiction and the process of recovery in na. a non-addict member of another 12 step program simply doesn't have ESH in this area. it could be confusing to a newcomer, and they are the most important person at every meeting.
i don't have a particularly strong opinion about the speaker thing, as it pertains to the traditions and would defer if a home groups conscience was to have a narconon speaker at an na anniversary meeting. i'm pretty much a live and let live kind of person.
but, i do see the logic in people taking issue with it, and i personally wouldn't have a member of another fellowship speak at my anniversary nor be overly interested in hearing it.
thinking of newcomer, we share our experience, strength, and hope on recovering from active addiction and the process of recovery in na. a non-addict member of another 12 step program simply doesn't have ESH in this area. it could be confusing to a newcomer, and they are the most important person at every meeting.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
lee
as the book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a design for living,
and available to anyone who wants a better life,
i say,
bring them on.
how timely,
tonight at a meeting we read,
"The Family Afterwards"
and hey, put some drunks and some anon's in a room,
and you cant say Glum! lol
as the book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a design for living,
and available to anyone who wants a better life,
i say,
bring them on.
how timely,
tonight at a meeting we read,
"The Family Afterwards"
and hey, put some drunks and some anon's in a room,
and you cant say Glum! lol
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