Maria85

Hi everyone

I'm new to this site so just thought I'd share my experiences and hopefully get some encouraging replies.

I stopped drinking (for about the 5th time) one week ago. I know it doesn't sound like much but for someone who's used to drink at least 5 days a week it's huge! I have stopped before and managed to go almost a month without alcohol, but it has always been extremely difficult and every day was a struggle.

This time I feel completely different. It's like I just woke up one morning and the craving for alcohol was completely gone. Just thinking of having a glass of wine made me feel sick, and this obviously made me extremely relieved and happy.

Maybe I should tell you some about my history. I started drinking when I was 16 (I'm 25 now) but only like a "normal" teenager, maybe once a month. When a turned 19 I moved to London and fell in love with the night life. I made lots of new friends which I started going out with once or twice a week. Drinking still wasn't a major problem and I never felt the urge to drink when alone.
It wasn't until I was about 21 that I realised how relaxing it was to drink half a bottle or a bottle of wine in the evening. This developed into me drinking a bottle of wine at least 5 nights of week on my own, or with friends.

It's been 3 years since it became a problem, and over the past year I've been starting to have pain in my liver. It's never unbearable but always very worrying. I think my fear is what made it so easy for me to stop so suddenly. I have an amazing boyfriend since a couple of years back who doesnt know about my drinking ( no one does) and it would kill me if he found out because I got seriously ill. The last thing I want to do is hurt my loved ones.

I think the reason I started drinking was my lack of confidence. I'm quite shy and find it hard to open up to people, and being slightly drunk made this so much easier. I rarely drink huge amounts of alcohol and never vomit or have memory loss. But a bottle of wine several days a week is still way too much!

As I said I am now extremely worried about my health. I have a dull pain below my ribs, mostly on the right. It's not constant but comes and goes. It's gotten a bit better since my last drink but still there. I've also for the last 2 years had a small rash one of the folds of my arm (sorry if that's not the right word for it, I'm not English ). These are the only signs I've got. I guess i should see a doctor to put an end to my worries, but (and I know people are gonna find this stupid) I'm worried he/she's gonna tell me not to have another drink ever. This must sound suspicious to you all, but I would still like to be able to have a small glass of wine ocassionally when going to a restaurant and even though it might be hard to believe I feel confident that I would be able to do this without falling back into my old habits. I have absolutely no urge to drink on my own again, it actually repulses me.

Wow, this turned out to be a long post and I hope I haven't bored you too much. I just felt I needed to share what I've been going through and hopefully encourage people who are in the same situation but who are struggling a bit more. It IS possible to stop! You just need to think differently and look at all the positives that comes with stopping. I have never been to the AA, even though I've thought of going many times.

Looking forward to hearing from other people with the same health problems or who just wants to share.

Oh forgot to say, I have no history of alcoholism in my family and never thought it would happen to me. I think my addiction has had more to do with my confidence than anything else, and I have finally managed to sort things out in my life and am feeling so much better. You can do it too!!

least

Welcome to the family! I (finally) gave up drinking for good nine months ago and am so glad I did. I can never drink again, not even one glass, as every time I've tried to control my drinking it ended up controlling me. I hope you can continue to live without alcohol, especially because of the health risks from drinking so much.

Again, welcome!

NEOMARXIST

Hey there.

I got sober at 23 and I have 14+ months sober now. I am from the UK. I'm an alcoholic.

Getting sober was the best thing I ever did. For me then I was a blackout drunk. I would blackout everytime I drank and my mental health and life was going down the toilet. Drinking for me would have ended in prison, mental institution or death. So whils't my drinking wasn't similar in style to yours, as I was very much a heavy binge-drinker over 2/3 days sessions, then the ineviatble outcome may have been similar. i.e- alcohol costing you a lot more than just the money to pay for it!!

Basically if you're alcoholic then you will never be able to successfully moderate or control your drinking. It is a progressive illness and will always get worse. I know this from drinking again after 37 days sober last year in June. I took off right where I left off, only much worse. If I drank again for example I know that I would be drinking immediately at the levels before I got sober. Like I say I'm an alkie.

The worst part of alcoholism is the denial that goes with it as part of the condition/illness. Remember that non-alcoholics don't probably post on recovery boards for alcoholics or consider going to meetings for alcoholics!!

It is scary thinking that you won't be able to drink ever again. I just make sure that I don't drink 'just for today'. There is nothing to be afraid of accepting yourself as alcoholic, it could well be your salvation, from dying young of liver failure, losing everything you hold dear to you in the process. I know that is the only outcome for this alkie as far as drinking was concerned.

All The best

Anna

Welcome!

I'm not able to control my drinking and when I try to do that, I obsess about it.

And, yes, do talk to your dr about the physical issues you have.

EmbraceChange10

Hi Maria,

I'm 42 and am concerned about my health. I was particularly worried about my heart and went through a full battery of heart tests last month and everything turned out excellent. Ahhh, the peace of mind. So what did I do? I justified that since everything was ok I could continue to drink and not worry that I would have a heart attack. I am laughing as I am writing this ... I'm such an idiot.

My drink of choice had been red wine - and it recently started to repulse me so I switched to vodka and had a really bad binge the other night. And it scared me badly. So I'm on Day 3.

Thanks for sharing!

jamdls

Hi Maria, welcome to SR. You should definetly see a doctor about your pain and if he/she says don't ever drink again that would be far better than dying a slow death from liver disease if that was what you have.
I drank like you for many years, just a half to whole bottle of wine for myself several times a week. Over time I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night on the weekends, When I was in a good relationship I didn't drink at all or I just drank moderately; then in my 40s after a very painful divorce I just drank alone about 2-3 times a week 2-3 bottles of wine at a time. I wasted so many years of my life drinking excessively. Recognizing that you have a problem at your young age is a very positive thing and if you can drink moderately good for you but you owe it to yourself to find out if there is a medical problem before you do any (more) harm to yourself.

Forwards

Hi Maria,

Welcome to the forum. I can totally relate to your problems with the London lifestyle - so much seems to involve drinking. I guess it's just an endemic problem here in the UK.

My own experience was that when I stopped drinking for a while, the aches and pains stopped too. It's easier said than done I know, but there's lots of support here to help you.

milwaukeeguy85

I live in an area called Milwaukee (the states) and I will tell you the culture is exactly the same here. SO MUCH depends on the nightlife, it is in all honestly the entire life line of the city. I think it is mainly due to the fact that our winters are SO cold and we are stuck in the house half the year.

I completely understand where you are coming from Maria. A lot of people drink to "loosen up", make friends etc. In fact I was in the process of writing a more detailed post about this when i stumbled across this post.

I guess my point is that no matter where you live, we all are experiencing the same issues. The more and more you read on this site, the more you will see that there are MANY people from all over the world that have gone through the same emotional and physical experiences as you. To just read about it and realize you aren't alone is such a relief. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. Try to come to this site everyday and read what others have written and other think. It has helped me quite a bit in my early sobriety.

NEOMARXIST

Hi, just one more thing to add is that obviously I used the excuse of nightlife and culture as a means to why quitting drinking completely was an impossibility. Be careful not to let the alcohol distort your perception about the reality of your social drinking. I can only speak for my experince and that is that the majority of my drinking in the last few years was spent alone, drinking with others or out and about inevitably just lead to more problems, so I chose to drink alone or with a few characters who also loved to drink themselves into oblivion and take copious amounts of Coke, pills, weed and acid.

Basically this is why truly accepting myself as an alcoholic was so important for me to remain sober 'one day at a time'. If I was only a binge-drinker or a bit of a P*ss-head then that first drink would be eventually taken again, just like everybody else of my age group and other age group. However it is clear to me that the vast majority aren't alcoholics. I am grateful for my alcoholism showing me it's very obvious hand at 23. I have no doubt I'm an alkie and this ultimately greatly helps keep me happily sober. I was drinking as soon as I was waking for at least 2 years before I finally truly accepted myself as an alcoholic. Until I accepted that then I was still 'one of the boys' or 'Mr Rock n' roll' whatever else b*llshit you want to dress it up as. The reality is a drunk who nobody wants to hang around with, apart from other equally as addicted people.

Basically what I'm getting at is that whilst in UK then Binge-drinking is so prevalent then most will merely grow out of it or be able to have one or two with the BBQ with their family etcetc. For me, not so, alcohol was something which totally took over my mind and my life whilst drinking, and then when not drinking it, then planning on when I would be next drinking it.
It's always possible to make excuses as to why you can't stop. If you're an alcoholic and you continue then things will only get much worse. If not then you probably weren't an alcoholic.

All The Best

Dee74

Hi Maria
Welcome to SR - please do go and see your doctor - it's the responsible thing to do.
Whatever he/she suggests for you, you owe it to yourself to at least listen, right?.

I wanted to be that one glass of wine person too - I never managed it - but I wish you luck.

D

longislandsk8r

I've had similar pains which is understandable with the way we take care of ourselves sometimes. There is an herb called 'milk thistle' that is very cleansing to the liver, it can be found at cvs or anywhere else that sells supplements. If the pain does not go away soon I would see a DR however. Stay strong.

Dee74

Checking in with your Dr is the best way to go Maria - he or she will recommend specific treatments.

There have been threads here in the past about the dangers of milk thistle for some, especially women - check with your Dr.

D

CarolD

Yes.....please check with your doctor.
It's the only way to know what is happening
and alcohol is not the only way to become ill.

I'm an alcoholic who never had liver problems.

Welcome....

Maria85

Thanks all of you for some very helpful and encouraging replies! It does definitely feel a lot better knowing how many people out there are or have been in the same situation as I have, even though I wish it didn't have to be that way for any of you.

I think part of my problem is what some of you have mentioned: to accept that you're an alcoholic. Deep inside I know I am, since it's not normal not being able to go through a single day without at least some thought of drinking. And there haven't been many occasions in the past year when I've socialised with people I don't know so well completely sober.

It's been over a week since my last drink now and my physical problems have gotten better. I will go and see a doctor though since it's obviously the intelligent thing to do, it's just terrifying.
I still don't feel the craving for alcohol, but this probably worries me more than when I DID crave it. If I fell back into my old habits this time around, I would be 10 times as disappointed as before.

As I said before, my drinking is basically based in my low self esteem, and being sober I realise alcohole has actually made it even worse. I've almost forgotten how to socialise without being a bit tipsy! How do I get past this problem?

This site is amazing and I've spent hours reading old posts!

Take care all of you and thanks again

DayTrader

That's awesome....but keep tabs on yourself. I've had that experience many times but it never lasted until I really surrendered to my alcoholism and started taking proactive steps every single day to make sure I KEPT that experience.

If you're an alcoholic....a real alcoholic, you may find you need to do some work to stay in that wonderful place where there is no more obsession to drink ever again. It's a great place though... I've enjoyed he heck out of it for a number of years!!

Welcome to SR too, btw!!

NEOMARXIST

So you know deep down inside that you're an alcoholic. In that case there are only two realistic and probable outcomes for you; 1. continue to try to control your drinking and fight to keep alcohol in your life and have your drinking get more out of control and cost you everything.
2. Stay sober and totally commit to recovery and make sure you don't take that first drink 'just for today'. Watch your self-esteem and life gradually improve 'one day at a time' and begin to experience a self-love/peace of mind that you've never experinced before.

Low self-esteem is something which I can certainly relate to. I hated myself and drinking was the only way I could sort of put up with myself for a few hours at least. I always drank when I went out socialising. I never socialised from the age of 15 at parties, pubs, clubs or literally anywhere without a drink in my hand and ending up getting blackout drunk.

As part of my continued daily recovery then my self-esteem is ever increasing and I no longer hate and resent myself anymore, instead I have become more accepting of myself. It's a daily work in progress and it's all a big learning experience. I literally feel like I have had to relearn living life again, accepting myself as a sober person and that the anxiety that you feel is perfectly normal and you don't need a chemical to 'enjoy' yourself. It's just a different experience but one which is much more rewarding.

Truly accepting myself as an alcoholic is crucial to my continued sobriety and daily recovery.

I used AA, SR, Mental health service on NHS + much wisdom from elsewhere too.

All The best, Peace

artsoul

Hi Maria - glad you're feeling better!

As far as being an alcoholic goes, I remember suspecting the same when I tried to stop drinking the first time and found it was really hard. I knew I shouldn't drink so much (hangovers, anxiety, depression, etc.), but figured I could quit anytime I wanted. Of course, it's alot easier to think about quitting than it is to do it. I was drinking a bottle of wine per night (about 3-4 days a week) at the end, and started having soreness in the liver area, too. I highly doubt most social drinkers run into this problem, ya know? Hopefully, we've both stopped the madness before things got irreversible.

I'm glad you're not having any cravings right now. Just keep at it one day at a time and think of all the positive things sobriety gives us!!!