Grrrr....why am I worried?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
Grrrr....why am I worried?
About tomorrow? This stinks - i know i'm doing good and all, but tomorrow is the first day that I don't have to go to work so I have the whole day off.
Since I woke up I've been having these fleeting thoughts that I might trick myself into making a slip and it's killing me!!
I hate having that fear and feeling like I'm losing confidence when tomorrow isn't even here yet! I guess the good thing is that the kids will be around the house most of the day and my wife will get off work by suppertime - it's just finding things to do to fill the day.
I'm an early riser so my plan is to go get coffee first thing and pay a bill. Then while it's still cool outside do yardwork (that'll take a while) and then have an early lunch, maybe me and kiddos run to McDonalds. I'm reading Tolkien right now so I'll prob let the time pass doing some reading. Then early afternoon scan the cable and see what cool movies I can watch. I usually cook dinner so then I can start planning that. Hmmmm.........it sounds good on paper, I'm just not feeling it 100% for some reason.
Since I woke up I've been having these fleeting thoughts that I might trick myself into making a slip and it's killing me!!
I hate having that fear and feeling like I'm losing confidence when tomorrow isn't even here yet! I guess the good thing is that the kids will be around the house most of the day and my wife will get off work by suppertime - it's just finding things to do to fill the day.
I'm an early riser so my plan is to go get coffee first thing and pay a bill. Then while it's still cool outside do yardwork (that'll take a while) and then have an early lunch, maybe me and kiddos run to McDonalds. I'm reading Tolkien right now so I'll prob let the time pass doing some reading. Then early afternoon scan the cable and see what cool movies I can watch. I usually cook dinner so then I can start planning that. Hmmmm.........it sounds good on paper, I'm just not feeling it 100% for some reason.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hey Leo,
I think you are very smart to make a plan, and your plan does sound good to me.
Maybe it just seems 'different' to you and that's making you uneasy. I think you have a good handle on what you will do. Most of all, enjoy your day!
I think you are very smart to make a plan, and your plan does sound good to me.
Maybe it just seems 'different' to you and that's making you uneasy. I think you have a good handle on what you will do. Most of all, enjoy your day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Leo, you need to know that what you're feeling is completely normal for anyone who has just stopped drinking...that first weekend or holiday can feel like a minefield. It sounds like you have an excellent plan which is great. Do you do AA? Weekend meetings have helped me stay sane during the last few months.
And remember that it will get better as time goes on. Before you know it, Saturdays will start arriving and you won't even think about drinking.
Be sure you visit the SR boards over the weekend, too. Since you've posted here how you feel trepidation about the weekend, I know the folks here will be looking for you to post - good, bad, confused, whatever you're feeling as the weekend progresses you can always come here to talk about it.
Take it easy, I know you'll be fine.
Stephanie
And remember that it will get better as time goes on. Before you know it, Saturdays will start arriving and you won't even think about drinking.
Be sure you visit the SR boards over the weekend, too. Since you've posted here how you feel trepidation about the weekend, I know the folks here will be looking for you to post - good, bad, confused, whatever you're feeling as the weekend progresses you can always come here to talk about it.
Take it easy, I know you'll be fine.
Stephanie
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hey Leo
Try and remember it's just another day - all we have to do is what we've done all those other days.
If you start to feel uneasy, you know you'll always find support here - reach out
Kinda like stay vigilant, but relax lol
D
Try and remember it's just another day - all we have to do is what we've done all those other days.
If you start to feel uneasy, you know you'll always find support here - reach out
Kinda like stay vigilant, but relax lol
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hey Leo -
Welcome to the board btw (I know..... I'm late....but I missed your first posts).
It kinda hit me as I read your post - maybe those "fears" ARE warranted. What I mean is, maybe it's your subconscious warning you that you're not really serious about your recovery or that you're not doing all you can about getting and staying sober for good.
Don't take that the wrong way.....please. I'm not accusing you of any of that - it's just something to consider, yanno?
When I look back in my past, long before I got into some trouble, I could remember that I had a lot of little warning signs along the way that I simply ignored (maybe out of laziness because I didn't want to take the action heading them would require, or fear, or because I just felt like ignoring them). It wasn't until I was able to feel convinced I was doing everything I could to insure my sobriety that a lot of those fears of getting loaded again started to go away.
just-a-thought...
Welcome to the board btw (I know..... I'm late....but I missed your first posts).
It kinda hit me as I read your post - maybe those "fears" ARE warranted. What I mean is, maybe it's your subconscious warning you that you're not really serious about your recovery or that you're not doing all you can about getting and staying sober for good.
Don't take that the wrong way.....please. I'm not accusing you of any of that - it's just something to consider, yanno?
When I look back in my past, long before I got into some trouble, I could remember that I had a lot of little warning signs along the way that I simply ignored (maybe out of laziness because I didn't want to take the action heading them would require, or fear, or because I just felt like ignoring them). It wasn't until I was able to feel convinced I was doing everything I could to insure my sobriety that a lot of those fears of getting loaded again started to go away.
just-a-thought...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
Great points, great points. Thanks for the support and the info for me to chew on. Maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion - i just got anxious about losing 18 days and having to start over again. If I have to make it a schedule down to the minute I'll do that! LOL!!!
I've had many alone times but never the better part of a day since I stopped. I'm about to sign off here in a bit but please send good thoughts my way over the weekend. Sorry but little to no internet access this weekend so you can bet I'll be here Monday morning to post an update. Well, here's a happy ending to day #17!!!
I've had many alone times but never the better part of a day since I stopped. I'm about to sign off here in a bit but please send good thoughts my way over the weekend. Sorry but little to no internet access this weekend so you can bet I'll be here Monday morning to post an update. Well, here's a happy ending to day #17!!!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I don't know if this will make sense but.............it has often been interesting for me to make it though various "first times" being sober. My first sober weekend, alone time, business trip, holiday.....and on and on. Neat thing is that they are not predictable. Geting drunk was very predictable, depressing, and troublesome. Same result every time. It was just a matter of severity. However, being sober leaves so much room for unpredictability. Drive wherever you want. Do whatever your want. Be nice to others and make their day (...can't do that drunk). Sometimes the unpredictability comes in just enjoying your book or a sunset or a cool breeze or another person. I could never truly recognize or appreciate these things when I was drunk. Nor would I have experienced them if I hadn't successfully made it through my "firsts".
I wish you well and hope you make it through this weekend if for no other reason than seeing what sober life has to offer you on the other side. Totally Worth It.
I wish you well and hope you make it through this weekend if for no other reason than seeing what sober life has to offer you on the other side. Totally Worth It.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with DayTrader. While overconfidence and complacency are dangerous, it sounds like you are engaging yourself in an internal debate about whether you will or won't decide to drink tomorrow. It almost sounds as if you are already lining up your reasoning for why you expect to fail.
Remember, drinking is NOT an option. Period. No debate involved.
If you go at this with the mindset that it might be too "hard" not to drink, given the right (or, rather, wrong) set of circumstances, you are pretty much setting yourself up right there.
Your plan for the day sounds good, but I would work on your mental attitude a bit. Are you DONE drinking, or are you not?
Remember, drinking is NOT an option. Period. No debate involved.
If you go at this with the mindset that it might be too "hard" not to drink, given the right (or, rather, wrong) set of circumstances, you are pretty much setting yourself up right there.
Your plan for the day sounds good, but I would work on your mental attitude a bit. Are you DONE drinking, or are you not?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Lot's of good suggestions
to help you on ur recovery
journey.
As long as you have support
behind you and follow some
simple suggestions, you can't
lose.
Today is almost over with.
Say good bye to it as you
will never see this day again.
Yesterday is gone for sure
and you will never get it
back.
Tomorrow hasnt arrived yet.
Hmmm may never get here.
We will never know until
it arrives.
Until then, why waste a minute
of worrying. Right?
As long as I don't have any
alcohol in my home then
im safe.
As long as no one comes
over with alcohol then im
safe.
As long as I dont get out
tonight then im safe.
in which case I wont.
Call someone in recovery
if i need to talk to or share
here on SR till u fall asleep.
Your still safe.
Hop in bed and i'll say Thank
You to my HP for keeping me
sober today.
Upon rising, i'll say Please help
me stay sober today.
Whatever you did today to stay
sober, repeat tomorrow.
And that's the way it works
one day at a time.
to help you on ur recovery
journey.
As long as you have support
behind you and follow some
simple suggestions, you can't
lose.
Today is almost over with.
Say good bye to it as you
will never see this day again.
Yesterday is gone for sure
and you will never get it
back.
Tomorrow hasnt arrived yet.
Hmmm may never get here.
We will never know until
it arrives.
Until then, why waste a minute
of worrying. Right?
As long as I don't have any
alcohol in my home then
im safe.
As long as no one comes
over with alcohol then im
safe.
As long as I dont get out
tonight then im safe.
in which case I wont.
Call someone in recovery
if i need to talk to or share
here on SR till u fall asleep.
Your still safe.
Hop in bed and i'll say Thank
You to my HP for keeping me
sober today.
Upon rising, i'll say Please help
me stay sober today.
Whatever you did today to stay
sober, repeat tomorrow.
And that's the way it works
one day at a time.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Leo, I had today off and was in a really sh'tty place last night but here I am, supper time and I did it. I did as you are planning, I filled nearly every moment of my day with things that I wanted or had to get done. I left a couple of hours to relax, post here and have a nap but other than that I have been busy. You have to keep you head up. Have you started any program or counselling? Don't forget to surround yourself with all of the support that you can get. Last night while having my moments, I stuck on here and read and posted as much as I felt necessary to get me to the end of the quiet time.
Days off are hard but you know, having done all of that worrying last night and the tears and down time...today turned out really great.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...and look at you go...you made it.
Happy day 17...14 for me...hang in there.
D.
Days off are hard but you know, having done all of that worrying last night and the tears and down time...today turned out really great.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...and look at you go...you made it.
Happy day 17...14 for me...hang in there.
D.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I agree with DayTrader. While overconfidence and complacency are dangerous, it sounds like you are engaging yourself in an internal debate about whether you will or won't decide to drink tomorrow. It almost sounds as if you are already lining up your reasoning for why you expect to fail.
Remember, drinking is NOT an option. Period. No debate involved.
If you go at this with the mindset that it might be too "hard" not to drink, given the right (or, rather, wrong) set of circumstances, you are pretty much setting yourself up right there.
Your plan for the day sounds good, but I would work on your mental attitude a bit. Are you DONE drinking, or are you not?
Remember, drinking is NOT an option. Period. No debate involved.
If you go at this with the mindset that it might be too "hard" not to drink, given the right (or, rather, wrong) set of circumstances, you are pretty much setting yourself up right there.
Your plan for the day sounds good, but I would work on your mental attitude a bit. Are you DONE drinking, or are you not?
Call me crazy, but is it not very normal to worry about the drink in situations where it used to be dominant, like our days off or other "triggers". I spent last night worried about being off today and what was I going to do instead of drink, but that did not mean that I was making excuses to drink...just worried about how to get through without my best friend the bottle when I have not had to face too many days off without it.
Is it fair to say that leo is just scared of the things that are his triggers and not setting himself up for failure. 17 days is new...and scary...all just imho. Isn't what Leo doing obsessing, one of the biggest things that happen in our alcoholic minds while trying to get off the bottle?
D.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I won't call you crazy, but I think to "worry" about maybe picking up a drink is dangerous. Our minds are tricky, and dangerous. They cannot be trusted. I think that "worrying" about having a drink is the first step toward having one--it's our disease telling us that if the circumstances are right, it's OK (or at least inevitable) to have one. You're entertaining the possibility.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I was done drinking every morning with periods of abstinance from time to time...it would be best to stop trying to think this through and take action whilst you can...i.e. actually do something about the problem rather than trying to avoid it by planning busy days:-)
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I understand those fears completely and the first month I was sober I'd get cravings out of the blue which made me quite nervous. I just got through them any way and every way I could (including coming here). The good news is that that they got less and less as time went on.
I think I felt scared because I'd promised myself I'd quit many, many times, and caved in. I really wanted this to work and it sounds like you do too. Every day I'm sober gives me more confidence and strength. Being sober almost feels normal now, so I'm don't have nearly the fear I used to.
Hope that helps!:ghug3
I think I felt scared because I'd promised myself I'd quit many, many times, and caved in. I really wanted this to work and it sounds like you do too. Every day I'm sober gives me more confidence and strength. Being sober almost feels normal now, so I'm don't have nearly the fear I used to.
Hope that helps!:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
Well everyone I made it Saturday with no problems at all!!
Guess I was making a mountain out of a molehole, so to speak.
I got up after my wife left for work and grabbed a coffee at the store, made my car payment then came home and did some laundry. After that I did household chores, went outside and did my yardwork. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime. My daughter wanted taco bell so I went to the bank and then got her something to eat. After that I tackled a project I've been putting off - fixing up my van to drive it again. I killed the wasp nest under the hood, aired up the tire, recharged the battery and took it for a spin around the block over and over to get it running nice again. Found a couple good movies on tv to watch and before I knew it time for dinner!!
The cravings were never there. That day wasn't anymore different than any other day so no biggie. I'm thankful I didn't have any serious thoughts so yeah I claimed victory this weekend and luv it!! Thanks for all the support and kind words, suggestions and so forth. I thought about y'all this weekend and grateful I am!! lol
Now I'm on day 21 and so happy to NOT be on day 1!!!
Guess I was making a mountain out of a molehole, so to speak.
I got up after my wife left for work and grabbed a coffee at the store, made my car payment then came home and did some laundry. After that I did household chores, went outside and did my yardwork. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime. My daughter wanted taco bell so I went to the bank and then got her something to eat. After that I tackled a project I've been putting off - fixing up my van to drive it again. I killed the wasp nest under the hood, aired up the tire, recharged the battery and took it for a spin around the block over and over to get it running nice again. Found a couple good movies on tv to watch and before I knew it time for dinner!!
The cravings were never there. That day wasn't anymore different than any other day so no biggie. I'm thankful I didn't have any serious thoughts so yeah I claimed victory this weekend and luv it!! Thanks for all the support and kind words, suggestions and so forth. I thought about y'all this weekend and grateful I am!! lol
Now I'm on day 21 and so happy to NOT be on day 1!!!
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