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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: McLean VA
Posts: 93
New here!
Hi! I'm new to the site and recently back from a troubled vacation w addict brother (who lives in another state), his enabling wife, and my parents (they live near me) who are largely in denial.
My brother, age 35, has been involved w alchohol/drugs for years - starting in high school with pot, and now for the past 5 -10? years doing coke on a binge when he's had enough alchohol. The lies are endless. His wife sometimes breaks down and "rats him out". But she has turned in to a problem drinker herself. I don't trust them at all. They have a son, almost 5, who is now aggressive, and was pinching my kids (ages 7 and 9) for the whole 2 days we stayed at the beach house (There was a "scene" and we left to go to a more relaxing hotel on the beach and get some peace for the remainder of the week.) Yes, I know we should never have gone to a beach house w them. I felt guilted into it by my parents and the fact that my kids wanted to see their cousin. The hardest part was trying to explain to my crying kids why we were leaving.
I haven't spoken to my brother since the trip. I'm really trying to detach myself from him, since I just can't trust him anymore. (The first night at the beach he told my husband he is trying but is not "perfect", that its been like one whole month since he's had a drink. In addition he bragged to my husband about some of his mistresses, one of which he met at an AA meeting! He even told him he has opened a separate Facebook account to communicate w these women so that his wife won't get mad!) He truly doesn't think he has a problem, and sadly his wife has totally enabled him. (She left at one point after he had a 3 month stint at in-patient rehab, but since she returned over a year ago, things have gone down hill.)
I'm really sickened about this whole thing. Its so sad. I think at this point I'll just have as little to do w him as possible. The question is how do I maintain sanity and distance if they come up for Xmas and my parents want us all to get together? I have a hard time cutting my kids off from their Uncle, Aunt and cousin, but at the same time the relationship is pretty toxic.
Thanks for listening. I'm considering going to an Al-anon meeting.
Alisa
My brother, age 35, has been involved w alchohol/drugs for years - starting in high school with pot, and now for the past 5 -10? years doing coke on a binge when he's had enough alchohol. The lies are endless. His wife sometimes breaks down and "rats him out". But she has turned in to a problem drinker herself. I don't trust them at all. They have a son, almost 5, who is now aggressive, and was pinching my kids (ages 7 and 9) for the whole 2 days we stayed at the beach house (There was a "scene" and we left to go to a more relaxing hotel on the beach and get some peace for the remainder of the week.) Yes, I know we should never have gone to a beach house w them. I felt guilted into it by my parents and the fact that my kids wanted to see their cousin. The hardest part was trying to explain to my crying kids why we were leaving.
I haven't spoken to my brother since the trip. I'm really trying to detach myself from him, since I just can't trust him anymore. (The first night at the beach he told my husband he is trying but is not "perfect", that its been like one whole month since he's had a drink. In addition he bragged to my husband about some of his mistresses, one of which he met at an AA meeting! He even told him he has opened a separate Facebook account to communicate w these women so that his wife won't get mad!) He truly doesn't think he has a problem, and sadly his wife has totally enabled him. (She left at one point after he had a 3 month stint at in-patient rehab, but since she returned over a year ago, things have gone down hill.)
I'm really sickened about this whole thing. Its so sad. I think at this point I'll just have as little to do w him as possible. The question is how do I maintain sanity and distance if they come up for Xmas and my parents want us all to get together? I have a hard time cutting my kids off from their Uncle, Aunt and cousin, but at the same time the relationship is pretty toxic.
Thanks for listening. I'm considering going to an Al-anon meeting.
Alisa
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Sounds like a frustrating situation, sorry you had to deal with the stress about your brother. You might want to re-post about your situation in the 'friends and families of alcoholics' section of these boards...it's mainly alkies and addicts here in the newcomers section. But welcome to SR - and best of luck to you.
Stephanie
Stephanie
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
There are two forums here for friends and families of alcoholics and addicts. Give them a look-see. Lots of experience there. Welcome to SR!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Welcome to Sr. What a tough situation you are in! Is there any way that if they do come for xmas that you can plan to take just your nephew for the day, and do some fun activities with him and your kids? Explain to your parents how you feel if they give you a hard time. You are, after all an adult and have your own family to look out for. Check out our other groups for friends and family, but keep us posted. Best of luck to you!
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