luckycat

Hello... i am new to the forum. Looking for some support. I am a mom who divorced last year. In my 16yrs of marriage I was a so called "functioning alcoholic" as my husband and i would say. We did alot of activities and were very active but never without beer accompanying us. We were not healthy together. I thought i could sober up after leaving. It only got worse with fighting for my son and giving up my past live, home, belongings. My brother was in detox for drinking last month. he was so far gone they couldnt treat him medically. his liver is shutting down. he is only 45. i am 42 and feel like i am following his footsteps. my mother is a recovering alcoholic now for 40 years but my father continues to drink and he has only gotten worse caring for my brother. i have not had a drink since last tues. i guess because i am a binged drinker. i go a few days and then will drink on average 15 beers. i missed a day of work last week cuz i was so hung over. where do i start???

24hrsAday

welcome luckycat! good to have you with us.. more will be along shortly..

SunnyDays3

I'm in my mid thirties, and am going through a divorce. My husband and I drank everywhere we went as well. I'm sure we weren't healthy together either. Now I'm just struggling to get my life back on track, but I'm getting pretty depressed about everything in my life. I don't know how to live a sober life... just about all of my friends over the years have been drinkers. Holidays... always lots of alcohol. I'm really starting to worry about my health too as I get older. Today is my first day with nothing yet, so I have no idea how to do this either. Sorry I don't have any advice...

LexieCat

Lucky and Sunny,

Lots of us start with going to AA. It is a simple 12-step program that is a design for living sober. As you both seem to sense, quitting drinking is only the beginning. Quitting alone does not miraculously put your life in order.

But working the steps, one at a time, can put you in touch with a Higher Power (which can be whatever you conceive it to be--the word "God" in the steps really stands in for the concept of a power greater than yourself) that will straighten out the rest of your life.

GettingStronger2

Well, you start by putting down the alcohol. After that, as Lexie suggested, you find a plan to stay sober. You find a sober support system. Many people around the world choose AA. others do not. This is a great forum for online support, but in my opinion, a cyber community, no matter how supportive, cannot replace in life support.

Also, you will have detox to consider. What each person goes through is different, dependent upon different factors. It is always suggested and wise to seek medical assistance when undertaking this process.

Keep reaching out. That is the only way to get help and support, both needed for the process of recovery.

welcome.

luckycat

Thanks for the advice! Its funny Sunny days3....i was reading your post before i registered and thought your situation sounded alot like mine. I havent had a drink since last Tues but it is on my mind constantly and it is hard to know where to turn. not sure why i dont feel ready to go out and seek help. i have that attitude of... i can do it on my own. Just like i quit smoking 15yrs ago on my own and lost weight 5 yrs ago on my own. I hear you Sunny about the friends. Most all were drinkers and to top that off there was a split of the friends with the divorce. some sided w my husband (mostly my friends husbands. I have a really hard time how i am going to have fun without drinking.

LaFemme

Welcome! This is a great place for advice on how to get started and support on how to go forward. A plan is important, whether you start with one or get a program as you go along.

AA is the easiest program to find, its free and helps many people, its a great place to start.

luckycat

SunnyDays3

Yes Lucky... they do sound similar. I struggle with asking for help. I think I'm gonna start with going to a counselor this week. I think I might do better at first with one on one, and then take it from there. I talked to a counselor months ago about my marriage and depression and anxiety, but I never let on as to how much I drank. He knew I drank, but we focused on other stuff. I moved to another state, so now I have to find a new counselor. When I was with my husband, heavy drinking just became normal to us... even though I knew it wasn't. Right now it's really hard for me to imagine having fun at any social events without drinking.

luckycat

Sunny, i started counseling one on one and it has helped me so much. I hard such a hard time with the divorce and suffered depression and anxiety. my counselor referred me to Psychiactric examiner and i was prescribed anti depressants and anxiety meds. both of which have helped tremendously. I feel like i need kaos in my life for excitement and not drinking is just so boring to me. My mother said she has been sober ovr 40 yrs and life can be fun without alcohol

shaun00

As im sure you know...stopping drinking is one thing...staying stopped and being contented without booze is a whole different ball game.
That was my experience anyhow....i drank myself into a life of vagrancy and utter hopelessness.
Being in the uk its pretty easy to get a funded detox so i had plenty.

But the day would come when a drink felt like a good idea.......even though i had extensive information about the dangerous consequences..
In fact a drink became the solution to a miserable life without booze.

Utterly beaten and defeated i walked into AA a beaten man...........The last resort and at least they had free coffee.
Id planned my own suicide and the courage to do it was mounting.

I embarked on rigorous step work.......i didnt really want too........it was just this book caught my attention.......called alcoholics anonymous.
it caught my attention at first for two reasons.

1....A doctor had described down to a T............what it was like for me without a drink....and what happens when i did drink.

2....Because the guy that suggested i read it told me i could recover and have the problem removed.......get that...removed.........if i embark on these twelve steps.

None of that was easy.........bloody uncomfortable at times..
BUT......i never drank again.........recently i had a 10 year anniversary without a drink.

I neither think of a drink or want one any longer.......my perception of life and the people in it has changed......i now enjoy a freedom beyond words.
my mind doesnt torment me anymore..........i have recovered.

But and its an important but...........im not special..........thousands and thousands of drunks recover from alcoholism through engagment in the 12 step programme laid out in precise fashion in the book alcoholics anonymous.

thats my experience...........i hope you find the answers i did.

Kerbcrawler

Welcome Luckycat..you can do this, your story sounds familiar to many, once you break with the cycle and habits of old, you can find life so much easier and happier booze free,
wish you well... for sharing.

barb dwyer

welcome!

luckycat

Thanks to you all! i plan on keeping you close. for today, you all helped me as i am alone. my son is with his dad. keeping the focus on the forum and off the beer has worked for today. as they say....or.....as i have heard....One Day at a Time

SunnyDays3

I am also alone this weekend. Usually I would have been drinking already because I would have no one to hide it from.

luckycat

Me too Sunny. I am a part time worker from home. I work til 2:30 and this is when i head to the refridgerator. Unless, it is a day i have my son. I try to have a plan in the morning. to not drink, excercise and eat heathy. that changes on a dime when my shift is over. I either all Good or all Bad with everything. Drinking, eatting and excercise. Life is a challenge.

artsoul

Welcome,luckycat - I spent the last year of my drinking swearing to quit and caving in by late afternoon, waking up and swearing I'd quit, wash-rinse-repeat. The obsession was relentless. It was all about alcohol: trying to abstain, planning when I could drink again, running madly to the store, counting my drinks, worrying about whether others could tell I'd been drinking, getting over the hangovers. All that addictive thinking didn't subside right away, but it has gotten (and continues to get) SO much better.

I spent the first 3 days living on this forum, just posting and reading everything. You have to take it in bites at first (like staying sober an hour at a time). Don't worry about stopping forever - just today. Do whatever it takes to fill your time and don't get too hungry. In other words, pamper yourself.......

Glad you're here!!:ghug3

wpainterw

Hi Lucky Cat! Sounds like you and SunnyDays3 have quite a lot in common! I told her that I had had a lot of trouble trying to get into recovery alone with 1-1 counseling. Got into AA and, although I had some difficulty with parts of it, it really helped me tremendously. Anyway it's a wonderful way to start the ball rolling. Interestingly I'm not too far from Fall River. Am up on Cape Cod right now. Glad that Hurricane Earle didn't clobber us! Good luck.

W.

CarolD

Lucky....Welcome....

I'm sorry to know your brother is dying from alcoholism.

prayers of comfort for all who love your brother.