huntwc

Julez...so sorry for what you and your sister are going through. I feel really badly for her and for everyone involved!

I do believe things happen for a reason..bad and good! 7 years ago my kid's teachers went on strike for 3 weeks..I was really mad about the disruption but used the time to take them to VA to visit my parents. 8 days later my father died of a massive heart attack. It gave me great peace to know we had just seen him. This would not have been possible had the teachers not striked. I will never believe it was merely coincidence.

So...I think that inspite of this terrible situation you got a gift from it...a reminder how important your sobriety is. Your sister will have you present and alert to help her decide what to do next. Best of luck to all of you!!!!

Ananda

Everything happens for a reason..the world is not chaos...something happens, it has an effect...good or bad...

sometimes the effect is good...sometimes bad.

It is what it is....

I'm glad you were there for your sister...this is the positive of cause and effect.

Sometimes it isn't so...but the world is not chaos...and I don't hold all the cards to make things right.

accepting the world as it is instead of how I wish/believe it should be....that is the key to me.

augustwest

great post and screenname ananda.

Chloe60

I also believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason is harder to see than others, and that's when I try to say, "Thy will not my will." What a great thing that you were able to be there for her, and even better that you can count your blessings during a time when blessings may be hard to see. Good luck with the aftermath…she is really lucky to have you!

Dee74

I'm sorry for your sister Julez...but I'm glad you were able to be there for her
I find being free to be there for anyone anytime is a really great benefit of my being in recovery.

D

DayTrader

I don't think I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason. The issue of "free will" and my Catholic upbringing/beliefs tells me that while there may be a plan, we're free to disregard it if we want to. We don't HAVE to follow or listen to God if we don't want to.

That aside, I think a lot of things DO happen for a reason. I also think that when you're living according to the spiritual laws you become able to see practical applications for the good AND the bad in your past - to help someone with your experience would be a good example. IMO, God didn't "make" you go through your alcoholic troubles Julez just so you could help your sister out through this terrible period, but I think He DOES send opportunities our way TO sober up or to change/improve our lives and, if we do, we'll find ourselves in a better position to reap a benefit down the road or to help another person out when their problems crop up.

and like 1-Day said...... I don't think I ever recognized these "opportunities for change" when they presented themselves. Most of them, actually, seemed horrible at the time they happened.

julez

OMG GUYS SHE'S GONNA MARRY HIM AFTER ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee74

This is where the serenity prayer comes in handy Julez...

D

HidLid

This can only end well

Her life, her decisions, she has to deal with the consequences, as family the best thing you can do is tell her how you feel and wish her luck in all her endeavors.

DayTrader

and YER the sick one? lol

for what it's worth..... I was waiting to see you type that.

lildawg

Well, me too. I am not the least bit surprised.

LexieCat

LOL,

Yes, Julez,

THIS, not the bachelorette party, not the cancellation of the wedding, THIS is to be your finest hour.

Stay sober--you gotta be able to tell us ALLLL the details.

Starburst

Sorry to hear about your current situation. Yes HP has wonderful ways of intervening, just continue to be there, to listen to your sister. Well done and congrats on being sober, you are a special person Julez. Praying for you both! Missed you at the ''Breakfast Club'' Hope to see ya soon. Hugs xx

Ananda

just remember hon...we don't know all the answers all the ins and outs of things....as wrong as this feels....it is what it is and no matter what...there are always blessings available through all the "wrong" decisions made...Today i try to live in the care of....and that is true for others too....just be honest with compassion and see where the road takes you. and most important...stay sober (hug)

julez

Good morning, its wedding time. My dad told me last night that my sister was in a good place after they talked everything out and that the only thing she worried about was me being able to move past it. Kinda hard to move past seeing your sister doubled over howling in hysterics, but I'm trying. Whatever, I wrote a nice speech, including some nice things about him, and although I may have to choke it out, I will get through it. I'll report back tomorrow, and I have to thank you all.... your responses to her marrying him after all made me LOL

Ananda

just my 2 cents.....a total doubt as to the big decision isn't necessarily an indication of it being wrong....honestly...we all have doubts...face them squarely and go on

This marriage could be the best thing in the world...but either way...it is what it is (hug)

Fandy

maybe you will never trust him again, but if your sister can forgive him, perhaps you will too...someday.

it's a pity he actually voiced his fleeting change of mind....if he had been sober he probably would have thought twice to flap his lips....and create such upset, mental trauma and drama.

I think you are a very strong, nice big person to make the speech.

DayTrader

I'd say exactly the opposite - not to be argumentative but consider the other side of that coin...

In sobriety I've learned to confront my shame earlier rather than later. I've also learned that honesty - complete honesty - is vital and essential. To that end, I'd hope (if I were in his shoes) that I'd have the courage to voice whatever concerns I had long before the rehearsal dinner rolled around. I'd like to think that my spouse-to-be and I have a marriage founded on openness and honesty rather than one built on stifled emotions that aren't discussed because it may upset the other person, our wedding guests, or whomever. If it's the night before though.....and I'm having serious second-thoughts...I don't consider it necessarily means one is "creating drama" to voice those concerns. What's less drama - going through with it, getting into a marriage you don't reeeeally want to be in, being miserable, making the other person miserable, then filing for divorce 2, 5, 10 years later // voicing those concerns the day before the wedding and maybe stopping the madness before it goes any further?

Statistically THE number one REQUIREMENT for a solid and successful marriage is free, open and honest communication.

...just a thought.

julez

Good morning!
Whew its over, thank god... Let me say for the record I always thought this guy is a jerk. The fact that he was so cold and the things he said to my sister the day before their wedding just cemented it. She was a beautiful bride, and looked very happy. It was very awkward a couple times, because on the dance floor I felt like she kinda pushed us together, and it was literally the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. I definitely extended myself to him more than he did me, and that is fine. I feel good about the way I handled things, and thats all I could control. I said some nice things about him in my speech, and told cute stories about her, and it was fine. He got wasted with his friends, and all I could think of was "another disappointing night for my sister". When the night was over I didn't say goodbye to him, because he wasn't around, but it was all in all a beautiful wedding, and now I can relax. AND, I drank my red bull and water all night, and was FINE with it.. WOO HOOOOOOO. After all that stress I'd love to sit in my yard, relax and get HAMMERED, but that was the old Julez. I think I'll weed my flowerbed instead. I hope you all have a glorious day!! xoxo

LexieCat

There ya go! I'm proud of you for the way you handled this whole sorry would-be disaster!

Happy weeding!