Fancymay

Hi everyone. I found this group through a search engine.

I am looking for support and advice.

I am not an alcoholic....my boyfriend is.

We have been together over a year....a rocky one at that.

To make a long story short....I'm the enabler so I feel totally responsible for everything that has happened.

My boyfriend gets very mean and insulting when he is intoxicated. Tonight he was getting out of hand so I brought him home. He did not go into the house...he went across the street to a housing complex that some of his friends live in.===

Apparently he got mouthy and said something to someone's girlfriend and ended up getting the crap beat out of him.

Now his family is blaming everything on me even though he had a drinking problem long before me. They said none of this would have happened if he wasn't with me. He is 30 and his sister said he will not be allowed to see me anymore.

Right now I am riddled with guilt and feel so alone and disgusted with myself.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Porcelina

Hey there. It sounds like his family is aware of his alcoholism and they just want to blame you instead of themselves because if any of them had anything to do with his alcoholism, God Forbid! I think you should try to get him into treatment or some kind of program and if he won't go, move on. You deserve to be happy. He will seek help when he is ready. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. They have to want it themselves. Hope this helps : )
Porcelina

Ghostly

Fancy my main advice would be to stop feeling responsible for his actions! I know there is prob nothing I can write that will make the guilt stop, but it truly is not your fault. I drank for years and acted like an a$$ sometimes and no one could of stopped me but me.

This is the link for the Friends and family thread:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You may find help there. Please be careful...if he is mean and insulting to you when he drinks things could escalate and you could get hurt. Please watch out for yourself.

Dee74

Hi Fancymay

I'm an alcoholic - I had my fair share of enablers too, but it was always me who was (or wasn't) responsible for my actions, no one else.

I hope you'll check out that link Ghostly posted.
Welcome to SR

D

Starburst

Welcome to our family Fancymay, I am also not an A, but my H is and we have been married 12 years, he was a RAH for 8 of them, but has relapsed.

I would just like you to know the 3 c's

You didnt cause this
You cant control this
You cant cure this

Nothing you do or say is making your BF like this, it is a disease and they have trouble in controlling it.

You have to take care of yourself, if I were you, i would decide if this is how you would like to live the rest of your life, you are not married yet, and even if he does get sober, he can relapse at any time.

I am sure you are a very smart person and wish lots of good things for yourself. Take care of you and let him take care of himself.

Hugs Star

ninja7

I think you may keep distance from him for a while to think about your relationship with him. You can have a face to face meeting and support in Al-anon in your local. Alcoholic is very nasty disease.

LexieCat

Welcome to SR!

I've been married to two alcoholics (one recovered, one didn't) and I'm in recovery, myself. I second the suggestions that you check out the friends/family forum and try some Al-Anon meetings.

I had to chuckle when you said his sister says he isn't "allowed" to see you. Well, sheesh, then why haven't they told him he isn't "allowed" to drink? I'm being facetious, of course--they have no more control over his alcoholism than you have.

Alcoholism affects EVERYONE close to the alcoholic--his family is desperately trying to make some sense out of his behavior, which means blaming you. They would do well to check out Al-Anon, themselves.

You can only control yourself and your own reactions. What your boyfriend does is up to him, and you can only decide what you are willing to tolerate in your own life.

eremc08

I agree with porcelina

least

Welcome to the SR family! Please do check out the friends and family forum. Lots of support and good advice there from people in the same situation.

I too would recommend staying away from him for a while to sort yourself out and decide how you want to live your life, and whether or not you want to live with his problems as well as your own.