not real pure but ready to quit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
not real pure but ready to quit
Funny how scary this post is to write. I've been drinking way too much for way too long now, and it is hurting my health and my family life. I am ready to stop, but it is so much easier not to. I am mostly a "secret" drinker, am employed, well-educated don't drive drunk or at work but swill it down at home big time. Honestly I have loved drugs from the moment I met them, about age 14, (I am 48), and went through much of my 20s and 30s proud of my tolerance and always saying "bring it on!"
I feel bored without alcohol- but better just suck it up, because the amount I put away is crazy. It is no secret that I am impaired at night, and the kids notice it. I have a good supportive husband, but to admit that I have been drinking after swearing that was not my problem for years might be a deal-breaker even for us. Although there is no way he is buying the "low blood sugar" excuse. At least not anymore.
I also use xanax for anxiety and the sleeping pill ambien. I am planning on using these to help with the general ickyness of stopping, which I know is low on the courage scale I see here.
Reading the posts here makes me feel less alone. I'm almost ready, hope it is ok to post before I have actually quit. Or should I say, seriously TRIED to quit. Remains to be seen whether I can do it, but writing it down, even in a post to strangers, maybe will help. I want to do it on the down low if I can.
I sure like reading your posts; maye this can be my anonymous support. I have been reading for a few weeks now, posted once before but never really went through with the whole quitting part. Dang.
Wish me luck,
Librarian Lush
I feel bored without alcohol- but better just suck it up, because the amount I put away is crazy. It is no secret that I am impaired at night, and the kids notice it. I have a good supportive husband, but to admit that I have been drinking after swearing that was not my problem for years might be a deal-breaker even for us. Although there is no way he is buying the "low blood sugar" excuse. At least not anymore.
I also use xanax for anxiety and the sleeping pill ambien. I am planning on using these to help with the general ickyness of stopping, which I know is low on the courage scale I see here.
Reading the posts here makes me feel less alone. I'm almost ready, hope it is ok to post before I have actually quit. Or should I say, seriously TRIED to quit. Remains to be seen whether I can do it, but writing it down, even in a post to strangers, maybe will help. I want to do it on the down low if I can.
I sure like reading your posts; maye this can be my anonymous support. I have been reading for a few weeks now, posted once before but never really went through with the whole quitting part. Dang.
Wish me luck,
Librarian Lush
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi grrr! I was on my 6th or 7th beer when I finally got up the nerve to post here. I was ready, but really scared and didn't know if I could make it stick. But at some point, I knew I needed to start somewhere and I really liked what I'd read here at SR.
It's totally different when you're writing your own post about your own problem, isn't it? I'm just a tad older than you with kids, too, and I start thinking that maybe they would have to see their mom die of this disease. Yikes. I hid things from them pretty well, but I'm sure they've noticed these past three months that I've been much more present and not as anxious.
You made the first step, which is admitting you have a drinking problem and are willing to reach out for help. Give yourself a pat on the back for that, OK? We're all in this together so I hope you hang around!
It's totally different when you're writing your own post about your own problem, isn't it? I'm just a tad older than you with kids, too, and I start thinking that maybe they would have to see their mom die of this disease. Yikes. I hid things from them pretty well, but I'm sure they've noticed these past three months that I've been much more present and not as anxious.
You made the first step, which is admitting you have a drinking problem and are willing to reach out for help. Give yourself a pat on the back for that, OK? We're all in this together so I hope you hang around!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 163
I just wandered in here myself. I learned real quick that you're not alone.
Especially given the other stuff you're taking, you need to do this under a physician's care. Don't be scared, be smart. Talk to your doctor. Tell the truth, and your doc will walk you through. Good Luck!
Especially given the other stuff you're taking, you need to do this under a physician's care. Don't be scared, be smart. Talk to your doctor. Tell the truth, and your doc will walk you through. Good Luck!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to the posting side of SR....
Because of those and your long term drinking
I too think an honest talk with your doctor is wise.
Blessings to you and your family
also use xanax for anxiety and the sleeping pill ambien
I too think an honest talk with your doctor is wise.
Blessings to you and your family
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi grrr
It's very much ok to post here while you're trying to quit.
I think the input you'll get here is pretty much what we do best
You can break out of the cycle - you'll find a lot of support here
Welcome!
D
It's very much ok to post here while you're trying to quit.
I think the input you'll get here is pretty much what we do best
You can break out of the cycle - you'll find a lot of support here
Welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome!!!! You have a whole support team cheering you on now! I'm pretty new here but there are plenty who post here before taking the plunge, whatever works for you.
Keep.postin and take care of yourself...you are important:-)
Keep.postin and take care of yourself...you are important:-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hi grrr. I hope you will stick around here and post more, there are lots of good supportive people here. It felt very weird/scary for me when I first posted here too but it quickly grew to feel like home. 25 days later, here I am still here and still sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: columbus, GA
Posts: 21
Your story sounds a lot like mine introduced to alcohol at about 14 or 15 and drank like hell for some 30+ years. Supportive wife, no dui,no employment problems, no fighting, no alcohol induced drama...I could just pound them down and get drunk go to bed and wake up and carry on like I was normal....the last weekend I drank before I quit (again) I drank about 2+ cases of 5.9 beer and two large bottles of wine and one small bottle of wine all in about 48 hrs. I'm not stupid, that just ain't normal! Quitting is the easiest part...it is the staying quit (sober) that is a LOT more difficult. I'm at the point in my life that I want to quit but I know I can't do it alone. For years my doctors have told me my liver enzymes were too high and I would just tell them yeah I know cause I drink a lot and of course they would tell me to stop and I would usually say something like well I might or I'll think about it. Well now I want to get off the alcohol tit and stay off it. Hopefully my liver will forgive me....good luck I really think support is the only REAL option for people like us who have been abusers for decades.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to SR, Grrr !
To this day, I'm not sure how I managed to find this site several months back. It's been a real blessing though.
Could really relate to your post;
"Honestly I have loved drugs from the moment I met them, (about age 14)
.........and always saying "bring it on ! "
Hope you'll find the kinda help and support I did (uh, ...DO, find ) here.
Mostly, I really hope you'll find the strength to make a go at sobriety. I've never regretted it one day, the last 4 months.
peace
.
To this day, I'm not sure how I managed to find this site several months back. It's been a real blessing though.
Could really relate to your post;
"Honestly I have loved drugs from the moment I met them, (about age 14)
.........and always saying "bring it on ! "
Hope you'll find the kinda help and support I did (uh, ...DO, find ) here.
Mostly, I really hope you'll find the strength to make a go at sobriety. I've never regretted it one day, the last 4 months.
peace
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
ok then, day one
No vodka for me tonight, this forum has successfully taken me drink-free to 10pm so I am taking an ambien and the new Elizabeth George novel to bed. I felt like a wuss putting it off when you guys started chiming in. Bring it on. I read all the detox posts with fascination and horror; am taking precautions.
Family vacation starts tomorrow; not ideal timing but then it hasn't been ideal timing to stop drinking for ummmm, decades, so I better man up. Not having the balls to go cold turkey, (I have a prescription for xanax) and because I am not 'fessing up to family, I do feel a bit like I am not doing whatever program seems to be the preferred one here. But there must be some mojo working, I suspect many of you supportive people are very cool, I am willing to jump with this on-line safety net. And the xanax. And the ambien. Probably a little weed if I can find some. I am not gonna lie.
Conventional wisdom seems to say that these chemical and herbal crutches will keep me from really experiencing sobriety, but I am willing to forgo spiritual awakening at this point in order to do what I can to stop pickling my liver with 6 or so secret bottles of vodka a week plus whatever I can "socially" drink.
So today is day one, if there is a day two, of course.
peace out,
Literary Lunkhead
Family vacation starts tomorrow; not ideal timing but then it hasn't been ideal timing to stop drinking for ummmm, decades, so I better man up. Not having the balls to go cold turkey, (I have a prescription for xanax) and because I am not 'fessing up to family, I do feel a bit like I am not doing whatever program seems to be the preferred one here. But there must be some mojo working, I suspect many of you supportive people are very cool, I am willing to jump with this on-line safety net. And the xanax. And the ambien. Probably a little weed if I can find some. I am not gonna lie.
Conventional wisdom seems to say that these chemical and herbal crutches will keep me from really experiencing sobriety, but I am willing to forgo spiritual awakening at this point in order to do what I can to stop pickling my liver with 6 or so secret bottles of vodka a week plus whatever I can "socially" drink.
So today is day one, if there is a day two, of course.
peace out,
Literary Lunkhead
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR! No judging here. Keep posting and sharing as you have our support and there is so much info and advice available to you. SR has been a excellent tool for me to get sober and begin recovery. It has been invaluable.
You know you have a problem and as you journey along you will find what works for you.
What I can assure you though is moderation or cutting back of alcohol does not really work. I tried that route.....and ended up relapsing so I came back to SR....and everyone was extremely supportive and from here I got the additional help and support I needed.
Looking forward to your journey and know that you are not alone. All of us have been there
You know you have a problem and as you journey along you will find what works for you.
What I can assure you though is moderation or cutting back of alcohol does not really work. I tried that route.....and ended up relapsing so I came back to SR....and everyone was extremely supportive and from here I got the additional help and support I needed.
Looking forward to your journey and know that you are not alone. All of us have been there
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
LL, Congrats on making it this far! If you stick around I think you will find there really isn't a preferred program on SR. People can do whatever they need to do to get / stay SAFELY sober and get support from a lot of people on SR. You will get a lot of suggestions about different things that have worked for people, but that's the point of being here.
As far as not telling your family...a lot of people choose to do that for many reasons. I have told very few people about my alcoholism, and only even talked about that I had quit to a couple people months after I quit. Was my choice.
I also take a generic Ambien. It is a choice I make. I'm sure some people on SR and outside of SR would challenge my sobriety because I take a prescription sleeping pill. It is not an issue for me. For years I was so drunk when I went to bed I was literally out before my head hit the pillow. Part of the reason my alcoholism grew was because of problems I had sleeping. I have had sleeping problems my whole life. With drinking, for the first time in my life, I finally found a way to get to sleep in a reasonable time. I still miss that. I personally do not think you are cheating sobriety with the sleeping pill. I do not know if I would have been able to quit without it. Hours of drinking, getting to a ridiculous level of intoxication vs a pill that helps me sleep within about 2 hours of taking it. I'll take the latter.
I do want to caution you on a couple things. You can't socially drink. You may think you can. You can't. Sorry to be so blunt...it's my opinion, but you are not capable of it. I'm not either. If you have a few, eventually it will turn into more, then you will be back drinking what you were. We do not have the ability to moderate our drinking.
Lastly, please be careful about switching addictions. I already told you what I think about Ambien. I prob feel the same way about the Xanax. However, when you put two prescription meds together with pot, I think you may just be switching addictions. Maybe you're better off doing it that way, maybe not...just be careful.
Eventually, I hope you just want to quit. It can be done. You have support here. A lot of us have done it. These were just my opinions. Again, congrats on your progress so far! Not trying to hijack your thread!
As far as not telling your family...a lot of people choose to do that for many reasons. I have told very few people about my alcoholism, and only even talked about that I had quit to a couple people months after I quit. Was my choice.
I also take a generic Ambien. It is a choice I make. I'm sure some people on SR and outside of SR would challenge my sobriety because I take a prescription sleeping pill. It is not an issue for me. For years I was so drunk when I went to bed I was literally out before my head hit the pillow. Part of the reason my alcoholism grew was because of problems I had sleeping. I have had sleeping problems my whole life. With drinking, for the first time in my life, I finally found a way to get to sleep in a reasonable time. I still miss that. I personally do not think you are cheating sobriety with the sleeping pill. I do not know if I would have been able to quit without it. Hours of drinking, getting to a ridiculous level of intoxication vs a pill that helps me sleep within about 2 hours of taking it. I'll take the latter.
I do want to caution you on a couple things. You can't socially drink. You may think you can. You can't. Sorry to be so blunt...it's my opinion, but you are not capable of it. I'm not either. If you have a few, eventually it will turn into more, then you will be back drinking what you were. We do not have the ability to moderate our drinking.
Lastly, please be careful about switching addictions. I already told you what I think about Ambien. I prob feel the same way about the Xanax. However, when you put two prescription meds together with pot, I think you may just be switching addictions. Maybe you're better off doing it that way, maybe not...just be careful.
Eventually, I hope you just want to quit. It can be done. You have support here. A lot of us have done it. These were just my opinions. Again, congrats on your progress so far! Not trying to hijack your thread!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I wouldn't mess with the prescriptions without medical advice, but I gotta say the marijuana is a bad idea. It won't help with withdrawals, and it really doesn't do anything for you medically.
Frankly, with the amount of alcohol you're drinking, plus the meds, I think a medically supervised detox would be safest.
Frankly, with the amount of alcohol you're drinking, plus the meds, I think a medically supervised detox would be safest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
Not yet, OK, but things are better
So, grand plan to quit on vacation derailed, (dam, I don't want to dig into the psych of this one), by leaving all meds at home. Ambien, xanax, and bp stuff too!
Actually it worked out ok, because I also did not bring the "personal bottles", so made do with the 2 cocktails and 1 beer a day that spouse drinks on vacation, all we officially brought. That was strangely fine, I am home now and still haven't gone over the top. I am not deluding myself, vacation is not everyday life, I have no triggers when I am clamming and setting up a tent, but at least the level I have to detox down from isn't so high.
No alcohol yesterday at all, took an amien to sleep but I've been an insomniac for 30 years so that is par for the course.
Thank you for giving me a place to be honest about this struggle. It gives me hope to know that strangers care. I have not given up, this has been a good week.
Actually it worked out ok, because I also did not bring the "personal bottles", so made do with the 2 cocktails and 1 beer a day that spouse drinks on vacation, all we officially brought. That was strangely fine, I am home now and still haven't gone over the top. I am not deluding myself, vacation is not everyday life, I have no triggers when I am clamming and setting up a tent, but at least the level I have to detox down from isn't so high.
No alcohol yesterday at all, took an amien to sleep but I've been an insomniac for 30 years so that is par for the course.
Thank you for giving me a place to be honest about this struggle. It gives me hope to know that strangers care. I have not given up, this has been a good week.
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