I'm going back to the halfway house
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Happy Belated Birthday! And good luck on your move to the sober house.
IMO, we need boundaries with our loved and it can be especially difficult if the loved one has a parental role in our life and is an enabler. I know I had to deal with that issue in my own life before I could get sober.
Stay positive, this will be a great year for you!
IMO, we need boundaries with our loved and it can be especially difficult if the loved one has a parental role in our life and is an enabler. I know I had to deal with that issue in my own life before I could get sober.
Stay positive, this will be a great year for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
My life began anew at 35. I like you felt the same way. My life which wasn't a good environment to get sober in was falling apart and I didn't know what to do. At my very worst was when I got it together and since then my life has gotten better bit by bit and the person I am today is far stronger and my new life in sobriety is better then I ever could have imagined.
I am glad you posted, you reached out for help and while you know that you are the one responsible for your life.....you know that your current environment is not a healthy one for you now.
You have shown the strength and determination friend and it is in you to do this. I believe in you and will be following your journey.
This is a new you and oh man.......35 is just the start of all the amazing things that you can do. I am right there with you!!
I am glad you posted, you reached out for help and while you know that you are the one responsible for your life.....you know that your current environment is not a healthy one for you now.
You have shown the strength and determination friend and it is in you to do this. I believe in you and will be following your journey.
This is a new you and oh man.......35 is just the start of all the amazing things that you can do. I am right there with you!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish))) - Happy belated birthday, my friend!! I'm sorry, I didn't know
I've got to say, the news of you going back to the sober living house has made my night!! I know you love Grams, but you really do need to find yourself, sweetie. You've already come a long way, but I see a really bright future for you, if you just allow yourself to reach for your dreams.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've got to say, the news of you going back to the sober living house has made my night!! I know you love Grams, but you really do need to find yourself, sweetie. You've already come a long way, but I see a really bright future for you, if you just allow yourself to reach for your dreams.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Originally Posted by Aysha 
If you think you can make it on your own with recovery. Your very mistaken.
You can never stop maintaining your recovery. It is a life long process. And it does get better if you keep working on yourself and your recovery.
You can never stop maintaining your recovery. It is a life long process. And it does get better if you keep working on yourself and your recovery.
It is indeed a lifelong process. I'm looking forward to my meeting tonight.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Holy cow everyone..Thanks!!
Man, I am all teary eyed AGAIN!!
Yall do it to me everytime.
I didnt expect anyone except my family to really acknowledge my bday. I mean I really dont blame them to be honest. But they make such a big deal over birthdays, it just threw me. It hurt alot. Sure they posted it to me on FB. Dont you just love the world of technology now?
Geeez, dont even have to interact f2f anymore. Its so horrible.
But still. They were all right behind me having a bday dinner for my cousin that night. And my one cousin says to me yesterday. Oh i didnt see you so Happy Birthday. She was at my house to pick her kids up and dropped them off that morning. It really isnt a big deal. because I am not too sure how I would feel if I was in their shoes and seen what I have done the past few weeks.
I brought some serious drama to my house and in front of all 4 of my little cousins. It will take a long time for me to forgive myself on that one.
It just hurt is all. My dad called and didnt even mention anything to my gram. He sint talking to me again. but then again I am tired of kissing his azz and putting up with his stupid wife just so we can pretend we have some kind of a relationship. It is tiring and exhausting trying to keep nice with him and his clan. I am over that.
I shouldnt feel that way but I do.
I def need to get away from the gram. I am driving her crazy and her me.
We def need some time apart.
She is getting sick of me too. Its a 2 way street there.
But she def doesnt make it better. She has always been like that. In a way I am glad she is unconditional like that. I would probably be dead if she wasnt. But maybe I would have learned my lesson a long time ago if she had set some bounderies way back. I use to get rewarded when I was bad even. When I was kid I would get in so much trouble at school, but because she felt sorry for me. because I am the outcast of the family who's parents abandoned me, she feels she needs to make up for that.
It hurt me way more in the long run. And she still does it. Look what I did this past few weeks. She is talking about paying my tickets that I got and paying my car insurance so I dont lose my plates or license!! That is just wrong. i told her I dont want her doing it I hid the tickets so she cant. Thats BS!! Let them suspend my license. I need to go through this stuff.
Am I crazy?
Amyway. I need to get going. I got my lil cousin here at the library with me and he is gettin bored in the kids section.
Thanks again everyone. I know I can always come here and get the support i need.
Hopefully I hear back from the Dr at the mental hospital I was in last week so I can get that referral and get into the house ASAP>
Man, I am all teary eyed AGAIN!!
Yall do it to me everytime.
I didnt expect anyone except my family to really acknowledge my bday. I mean I really dont blame them to be honest. But they make such a big deal over birthdays, it just threw me. It hurt alot. Sure they posted it to me on FB. Dont you just love the world of technology now?
Geeez, dont even have to interact f2f anymore. Its so horrible.
But still. They were all right behind me having a bday dinner for my cousin that night. And my one cousin says to me yesterday. Oh i didnt see you so Happy Birthday. She was at my house to pick her kids up and dropped them off that morning. It really isnt a big deal. because I am not too sure how I would feel if I was in their shoes and seen what I have done the past few weeks.
I brought some serious drama to my house and in front of all 4 of my little cousins. It will take a long time for me to forgive myself on that one.
It just hurt is all. My dad called and didnt even mention anything to my gram. He sint talking to me again. but then again I am tired of kissing his azz and putting up with his stupid wife just so we can pretend we have some kind of a relationship. It is tiring and exhausting trying to keep nice with him and his clan. I am over that.
I shouldnt feel that way but I do.
I def need to get away from the gram. I am driving her crazy and her me.
We def need some time apart.
She is getting sick of me too. Its a 2 way street there.
But she def doesnt make it better. She has always been like that. In a way I am glad she is unconditional like that. I would probably be dead if she wasnt. But maybe I would have learned my lesson a long time ago if she had set some bounderies way back. I use to get rewarded when I was bad even. When I was kid I would get in so much trouble at school, but because she felt sorry for me. because I am the outcast of the family who's parents abandoned me, she feels she needs to make up for that.
It hurt me way more in the long run. And she still does it. Look what I did this past few weeks. She is talking about paying my tickets that I got and paying my car insurance so I dont lose my plates or license!! That is just wrong. i told her I dont want her doing it I hid the tickets so she cant. Thats BS!! Let them suspend my license. I need to go through this stuff.
Am I crazy?
Amyway. I need to get going. I got my lil cousin here at the library with me and he is gettin bored in the kids section.
Thanks again everyone. I know I can always come here and get the support i need.
Hopefully I hear back from the Dr at the mental hospital I was in last week so I can get that referral and get into the house ASAP>
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Great decision - and you arrived at it so quickly, no faltering this time around. You know what you need, and I'm glad you aren't stubborn enough to try this on your own any longer.
I know you feel worn out, Trish, because of all you've been through - but 35 is still so very young. The bad years can be a dim memory one day - everything's still waiting for you to discover and enjoy. This can be where the bad times come to a halt - forever.
I know you feel worn out, Trish, because of all you've been through - but 35 is still so very young. The bad years can be a dim memory one day - everything's still waiting for you to discover and enjoy. This can be where the bad times come to a halt - forever.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Aysha, I read your post, and the part of your thread, where you say it will take a long time for you to forgive yourself, for acting out some drama in front of your little cousins. It made me feel so bad for you. You are human, and your feelings were hurt. Don't beat yourself up. What's done is done. We all make mistakes. Every one of us. I'm sure when that happened with you, you were very upset, you have been under some serious stress. At least you realize what you have done wrong, and what you should have done differently, and that is BIG. Some people NEVER get it. YOU DO. That's a real sign of growth and change. Let it GO. If you hang on to any part of the past you will die a little bit each day. Children are resilient, and forgiving by nature. They will forget everything that happened. And they love unconditionally. Move forward. 35 is a great age, for a fresh start. I have lashed out in anger in my life too. It's really hard not to sometimes.
I hope you can pay your tickets so you don't lose your license or plates. It's important to have those things. Put your priorities in order, and take care of yourself. You are the person who is responsible for your own happiness and well being.
Your Gramma, loves you so much, and doesn't realize that she is not doing you any good. In her head she thinks she is. How wonderful for YOU, that you realize that. I'm hoping to read a post from you really soon, telling us how great things are going, and how you straightened out your life, and got yourself together.
You are such a nice person, and you deserve to be happy. Forgiveness is very important. If you don't forgive yourself, how can anyone else forgive you? Everyone deserves forgiveness. Be good to yourself. Put the past behind you. Your future is looking really bright. GOD BLESS YOU and give you the strength and courage to better yourself and your life in every way.
I hope you can pay your tickets so you don't lose your license or plates. It's important to have those things. Put your priorities in order, and take care of yourself. You are the person who is responsible for your own happiness and well being.
Your Gramma, loves you so much, and doesn't realize that she is not doing you any good. In her head she thinks she is. How wonderful for YOU, that you realize that. I'm hoping to read a post from you really soon, telling us how great things are going, and how you straightened out your life, and got yourself together.
You are such a nice person, and you deserve to be happy. Forgiveness is very important. If you don't forgive yourself, how can anyone else forgive you? Everyone deserves forgiveness. Be good to yourself. Put the past behind you. Your future is looking really bright. GOD BLESS YOU and give you the strength and courage to better yourself and your life in every way.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
I'm late to this.. as usual - didn't see it before posting in your profile.
I completely disagree with this, my (ex)Chinny
:
You have so much within yourself - so much of the stuff that really matters, you know? Maybe you can't see it right now though.
Anyway, I definitely think that heading for the halfway house is a great idea. And the fact that you've realised that you need to do it is what really counts - think of it as progress, even if it seems like going *back* to the house, it's still a step forward.. an invisible one ;-)
You're an incredible person, you know how much your friendship means to me. Love ya, Trish
I completely disagree with this, my (ex)Chinny
:
I am 35 now and have nothing.
Anyway, I definitely think that heading for the halfway house is a great idea. And the fact that you've realised that you need to do it is what really counts - think of it as progress, even if it seems like going *back* to the house, it's still a step forward.. an invisible one ;-)
You're an incredible person, you know how much your friendship means to me. Love ya, Trish
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Well first of all Happy Belated-Birthday Honey!! :day6
I think you make a lot of sense in your post. I'm relating of course, but I have to tell you, my being on my own and completely independent and relying on myself exclusively to take care of me is what helped me stay on track. If people "helped" me, that was enabling 100%!! And believe me, a lot of time I wished someone was helping me, but I'm proud of myself for doing the majority of the work on my own, it's just that much more rewarding, and as well??? My doing the right thing everyday just made all that I did more precious and important to me. I worked even harder because it was for my greater good, and who's more important than me?? No one or nothing.
Trish, you're such a great girl, you have amazing strength that I totally admire about you. You have to get this, you just have to. By the way, I also don't mean that in a way that I'm TELLING YOU that you have to get this, but in the back of my mind I'm baffled that you haven't because you also possess tremendous amounts of determination. You're amazing Girl!!!
You know you have tons of people here that love and support you. We all know that you can do this. I have total faith in you, but there just must be something that you're missing?? I do hope you figure that part out because whatever it is, it keeps sucking you back into the insanity of this crappy, sh*ty disease and you deserve so much better my friend!!
I'm so glad you haven't give up, and that you're still so willing. It really is amazing.
I love you Trish!!!! Keep your head up, you're heading in the right direction. Keep the faith that you'll get this, I know you will.
xo
I think you make a lot of sense in your post. I'm relating of course, but I have to tell you, my being on my own and completely independent and relying on myself exclusively to take care of me is what helped me stay on track. If people "helped" me, that was enabling 100%!! And believe me, a lot of time I wished someone was helping me, but I'm proud of myself for doing the majority of the work on my own, it's just that much more rewarding, and as well??? My doing the right thing everyday just made all that I did more precious and important to me. I worked even harder because it was for my greater good, and who's more important than me?? No one or nothing.
Trish, you're such a great girl, you have amazing strength that I totally admire about you. You have to get this, you just have to. By the way, I also don't mean that in a way that I'm TELLING YOU that you have to get this, but in the back of my mind I'm baffled that you haven't because you also possess tremendous amounts of determination. You're amazing Girl!!!
You know you have tons of people here that love and support you. We all know that you can do this. I have total faith in you, but there just must be something that you're missing?? I do hope you figure that part out because whatever it is, it keeps sucking you back into the insanity of this crappy, sh*ty disease and you deserve so much better my friend!!
I'm so glad you haven't give up, and that you're still so willing. It really is amazing.
I love you Trish!!!! Keep your head up, you're heading in the right direction. Keep the faith that you'll get this, I know you will.
xo
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