I'm going back to the halfway house
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I'm going back to the halfway house
I slipped back into a seriusly low depression the past few days. This is the first time I have even been out of my room in 2 days.
My birthday was yesterday and not one person called or sent me a card.
I dont deserve it anyway.
I am 35 now and have nothing.
I have done nothing with myself. Its pathetic.
Me and my gram are seriously not getting along. I need to get away from her. She is alot of the reason I am like I am. I never point the finger at anhone for how I am. But how she raised me and her enabling ,I believe have alot to do with why I am the way I am.
I still dont blame her. But she isnt helping.
I need to get out on my own and do what I think is necessary to be clean and live an independent life.
Its never going to happen living with her.
I just need to get a referral for sober living and I will be going. I would say by the end of the month I will be back to the house. How embarrassing it is. But funny thing is, I dont feel as ashamed as I thought I would. I just know thats where I need to go. For some reason thats where I feel like salvation is.
I am still depressed. Dont feel like doing anything. Could care less if anything ever happens in a way.
But thta timy bit of me that isnt ready to give up is all I have. Thats whats making me do the things I need to do to get back where I know I need to be.
I talked to ym counselor from the house and she will get me ASAP as soon as she has the necessary paperwork. The rest lays in my hands.
I will let yall know what happens.
My birthday was yesterday and not one person called or sent me a card.
I dont deserve it anyway.
I am 35 now and have nothing.
I have done nothing with myself. Its pathetic.
Me and my gram are seriously not getting along. I need to get away from her. She is alot of the reason I am like I am. I never point the finger at anhone for how I am. But how she raised me and her enabling ,I believe have alot to do with why I am the way I am.
I still dont blame her. But she isnt helping.
I need to get out on my own and do what I think is necessary to be clean and live an independent life.
Its never going to happen living with her.
I just need to get a referral for sober living and I will be going. I would say by the end of the month I will be back to the house. How embarrassing it is. But funny thing is, I dont feel as ashamed as I thought I would. I just know thats where I need to go. For some reason thats where I feel like salvation is.
I am still depressed. Dont feel like doing anything. Could care less if anything ever happens in a way.
But thta timy bit of me that isnt ready to give up is all I have. Thats whats making me do the things I need to do to get back where I know I need to be.
I talked to ym counselor from the house and she will get me ASAP as soon as she has the necessary paperwork. The rest lays in my hands.
I will let yall know what happens.
Guest
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
You are strong, I know you have it in you to do what needs to be done and move forward in your life.
There are so many new opportunities that are awaiting for you if you keep on this path and keep moving forward, doing what you need to do to stay clean.
Your past doesn't have to become your future.
I think sober living would be a great step for you.
It sounds like you've made some great discoveries about what you need and I hope you'll do the footwork and follow through.
Blessings!
-Broken
There are so many new opportunities that are awaiting for you if you keep on this path and keep moving forward, doing what you need to do to stay clean.
Your past doesn't have to become your future.
I think sober living would be a great step for you.
It sounds like you've made some great discoveries about what you need and I hope you'll do the footwork and follow through.
Blessings!
-Broken
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
Hi Aysha Happy (belated) Birthday to you 
.
I have gone back to a sober living home after a serious relapse. A sober home that I was a manager for 2+ years with 4 yrs clean at the time. It turned out to be a very humbling experience but necessary experience for my continued growth.
Please,
just keep very active with your recovery until you can get a bed at the sober house. Use every experience in life to learn from and grow forward from. You are a very special person that deserves the best opportunities in life. So turn every challenge into an opportunity to be the person you will grow to love.
.I have gone back to a sober living home after a serious relapse. A sober home that I was a manager for 2+ years with 4 yrs clean at the time. It turned out to be a very humbling experience but necessary experience for my continued growth.
Please,
just keep very active with your recovery until you can get a bed at the sober house. Use every experience in life to learn from and grow forward from. You are a very special person that deserves the best opportunities in life. So turn every challenge into an opportunity to be the person you will grow to love.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,866
I think that is a wonderful idea, Trish. I'm glad to know that you are contniuing to work on your recovery. I feel like it will be much easier living at the halfway house so you can just focus on yourself and your recovery.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Aysha, First of all, let me start by saying Happy Birthday to you, and you do deserve to be wished a Happy Birthday. 35 is a great age, and you are definitely growing wiser this year. To know that you need to be out from under your Grandma's wing is a good thing.
You will find your own way, and the fact that you know you need to, is a great accomplishment right there.
You shouldn't have any embarrasment. Every one of us here on this site, has had some sort of addiction, or struggle in life. Nobody is any better than you honey. Be strong, and keep on growing. You can have a really good life, if you keep doing the next right thing. Your on your way to really great things. Find your strength to fight that depression. Don't let it win. Don't feel sorry for yourself, that nobody called you for your Birthday. Move forward, stronger,wiser, and more independant than before.
Be Proud of yourself. Just knowing you need to go, is a growth.
:day1 :day6 Inside this package is your gift of knowledge, power, and strength.
Life begins at 35. Your still young, but definitely wiser. I'm wishing you GOD'S blessings, and the ability to make it on your own. You can do it. That's for sure. And if at first you don't succeed. Keep on trying.
You will find your own way, and the fact that you know you need to, is a great accomplishment right there.
You shouldn't have any embarrasment. Every one of us here on this site, has had some sort of addiction, or struggle in life. Nobody is any better than you honey. Be strong, and keep on growing. You can have a really good life, if you keep doing the next right thing. Your on your way to really great things. Find your strength to fight that depression. Don't let it win. Don't feel sorry for yourself, that nobody called you for your Birthday. Move forward, stronger,wiser, and more independant than before.
Be Proud of yourself. Just knowing you need to go, is a growth.
:day1 :day6 Inside this package is your gift of knowledge, power, and strength.
Life begins at 35. Your still young, but definitely wiser. I'm wishing you GOD'S blessings, and the ability to make it on your own. You can do it. That's for sure. And if at first you don't succeed. Keep on trying.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Trish,
I'm glad you made the decision about your Grandma. I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but the environment there is not good for you. You need the independence and to be on your own. You need to be accountable to yourself for paying your rent and bills. You can do this and you've done a great job getting the clean time that you have.
I'm glad you made the decision about your Grandma. I'm sure she's a wonderful person, but the environment there is not good for you. You need the independence and to be on your own. You need to be accountable to yourself for paying your rent and bills. You can do this and you've done a great job getting the clean time that you have.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
One good thing is that they already have a couple open beds. And I know that they will do everything they can to get me in there as fast as possible.
I cut myself off from all of my sober network. I stopped going to meetings and didnt call anyone I met while I was in the house the first time.
If you think you can make it on your own with recovery. Your very misaken.
I knew I couldnt, i dont even know why I tried.
I tried my way by myself and it never worked. I dont know why I thought it would be different.
Dont let a little clean time make you think its all over either. I knwo thats part of my problem too. I had the longest I had ever had and look what I did to myself. I got too comfortable. Thought because I had so much time for the first time, was doing good, got promoted and the raise, I got too big for my britches.
You can never stop maintaining your recovery. It is a life long process. And it does get better if you keep working on yourself and your recovery.
I am so grateful to have all of you here.
I hope I can make connections as strong as I have found here f2f.
No more standing in ym own way. I m going with an open mind and an open heart. Thats all I cna do and thats all anyone really needs.
I cut myself off from all of my sober network. I stopped going to meetings and didnt call anyone I met while I was in the house the first time.
If you think you can make it on your own with recovery. Your very misaken.
I knew I couldnt, i dont even know why I tried.
I tried my way by myself and it never worked. I dont know why I thought it would be different.
Dont let a little clean time make you think its all over either. I knwo thats part of my problem too. I had the longest I had ever had and look what I did to myself. I got too comfortable. Thought because I had so much time for the first time, was doing good, got promoted and the raise, I got too big for my britches.
You can never stop maintaining your recovery. It is a life long process. And it does get better if you keep working on yourself and your recovery.
I am so grateful to have all of you here.
I hope I can make connections as strong as I have found here f2f.
No more standing in ym own way. I m going with an open mind and an open heart. Thats all I cna do and thats all anyone really needs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
I've had a few birthdays where no one called me, besides my mother and father. Aysha, you're not alone.
I am hopeful that people who sink to these emotional depths can rise to HUGE levels of understanding.
You've got a big long life ahead of you.
Fresh start today
I am hopeful that people who sink to these emotional depths can rise to HUGE levels of understanding.
You've got a big long life ahead of you.
Fresh start today
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Sorry I missed your birthday T - might have known we were both Leos tho 
Best wishes for the year ahead!
I think you've made a very good responsible and wise choice - nothing embarrassing about it
D
Best wishes for the year ahead!
I think you've made a very good responsible and wise choice - nothing embarrassing about it
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
:day2 Aysha!
Hey, I've gone plenty of years with people not recognizing mine but the important thing is you have all these wonderful people here that care about you.
Once you get into a new environment, I'm sure the doors of opportunity will open for you.
Keep your chin up high Hun! You're gonna do great!
Hey, I've gone plenty of years with people not recognizing mine but the important thing is you have all these wonderful people here that care about you.
Once you get into a new environment, I'm sure the doors of opportunity will open for you.
Keep your chin up high Hun! You're gonna do great!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey girl, sorry I missed your birthday. You are a very wise woman, especially for such a young'un!!! You've come a very long way thru your ups and downs, T. I heard a great saying recently - "God writes straight with crooked lines". You are coming up on your best years ever, T, and so what if your past is a little "crooked". You are doing all the right things to take care of yourself. You will come out of this on the path you are intended to be on, I know it. Lots of support & love, Jomey
Trish!A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Aysha,
Happy Birthday! My birthday was yesterday, too--I turned 54, which I try to "spin" as one day closer to the next round of "senior discounts".
Except for my dad and my brother, nobody remembered mine, either. My kids and their dad all spaced it out. It was OK, though, I made plans with a friend and we had a good time going to a Green Day concert--yeah, 54 and screaming and yelling and singing and dancing on my seat. I kept glancing at my upper arms when I was pumping my fist into the air, checking for underarm jiggle. (Whew!)
I've learned to keep my expectations low for birthdays and other holidays--I used to build up all these expectations of fabulousness, and inevitably felt let down and resentful when they didn't materialize. Now I expect little, make my own fun, and if somebody does something special for me, I really APPRECIATE it.
Hope getting back into the sober house works out--I haven't been on the forum that long, but I can tell the folks here think VERY highly of you and that you are beloved here.
Keep your eyes on the prize--getting sober will be the best birthday gift you could ever give yourself. Much better than all the cards and gifts anyone else could give you.
Happy Birthday! My birthday was yesterday, too--I turned 54, which I try to "spin" as one day closer to the next round of "senior discounts".
Except for my dad and my brother, nobody remembered mine, either. My kids and their dad all spaced it out. It was OK, though, I made plans with a friend and we had a good time going to a Green Day concert--yeah, 54 and screaming and yelling and singing and dancing on my seat. I kept glancing at my upper arms when I was pumping my fist into the air, checking for underarm jiggle. (Whew!)
I've learned to keep my expectations low for birthdays and other holidays--I used to build up all these expectations of fabulousness, and inevitably felt let down and resentful when they didn't materialize. Now I expect little, make my own fun, and if somebody does something special for me, I really APPRECIATE it.
Hope getting back into the sober house works out--I haven't been on the forum that long, but I can tell the folks here think VERY highly of you and that you are beloved here.
Keep your eyes on the prize--getting sober will be the best birthday gift you could ever give yourself. Much better than all the cards and gifts anyone else could give you.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hey. I think the realization that you have come to with your Grams is spot on. I think it's often true that those closest to us can be the most toxic to us. I do mean that with respect.
You can do this, Aysha. It's time.
Thanks for checking back in and letting us know how you're doing. I needed that!
You can do this, Aysha. It's time.
Thanks for checking back in and letting us know how you're doing. I needed that!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
:day6 HAPPY B DAY!!
Your decision to return to the halfway house seems spot on, it will enable you to stay with recovering people who understand what you're going through. Hope you get better real soon, we're pulling for you.
Your decision to return to the halfway house seems spot on, it will enable you to stay with recovering people who understand what you're going through. Hope you get better real soon, we're pulling for you.
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