huntwc

I have just returned from 7 days at the shore and did not have a drop of wine. This is an annual family trip that used to be a big time party every night!! I am coming up on 28 days total so it is very early for me to have made it thru a BIG challenge. This is my first attempt at abstinence. I have a counselor and a group that I really do like.

While I am proud of myself and really did enjoy feeling good each a.m. and remembering every single minute of my vacation I am very down today. I guess I feel deprived in a way...the week was fine but not fun the way it used to be. Also today is my daughters bday and it has also been a party day in the past and having some wine has been part of it. I wonder if I am doing what is called "romancing"..focusing on the good things (the yummy taste of a cold glass of wine, the sound of the cork popping) and ignoring the bad things (feeling guilty, yucky morning after belly etc.)???

Just wondering why I feel this way...this is so damn hard. I want to be happy today for my daughter but I can't shake this sadness....

NEOMARXIST

You are still very early in sobriety, 28 days ain't even a month. You've got to give it time. Take it 'one day at a time' and let the feelings pass and try to make the most of your situation with your daughter and be grateful for what you have in your life that's good rather than getting resentful and ungrateful that you can't drink. All of this applies obviously only if you're done with drinking.

A big part of my recovery was grieving/mourning for booze and drugs, the associated lifestyle and my identity. It took at least 6 months for the grieving/mourning to subside. I had to work through it and go to AA and come to SR daily and get changing my thinking and attitude.

I think it's easy to romanticise the booze. It's good you recognise that you're doing that. Try to think past that fairytale of the happy smiley people sipping one glass of wine or whatever. For me it was drinking till I couldn't get anymore down my neck because I was passed out. Then drinking again as soon as I woke up.

There must be a reason why you have decided to give up drinking. If it was that great then I doubt you'd be on a recovery website for alcoholics and addicts.

All The best

suki44883

I wonder if I am doing what is called "romancing"..focusing on the good things (the yummy taste of a cold glass of wine, the sound of the cork popping) and ignoring the bad things (feeling guilty, yucky morning after belly etc.)???

Sure sounds like it. Early sobriety can be quite a struggle if you don't have a good support system in place. Are you using AA or some other program? Have you gone back to read your earlier posts from when you first came here? Sometimes a little reminder of why we stopped drinking can help us put things in better perspective. Hang in there.

mikefreak

You need another Perspective. First, congratulations on passing a REALLY big test- a vacation! If you can pull something like THAT off, it's a good sign. (!) A MILESTONE, really.
BUT you also have to get over the thinking that you missed out on something GOOD by being sober. You missed out on something BAD. I realize that it's a weird feeling at first, but just keep plugging along, and over time you will get used to being sober & will not give it a second thought. Take my word for it, it's kind of cool to laugh at others making butts out of themselves like YOU used to do.............

Anna

Congratulations on 28 days sober!

I think you are mourning the loss of alcohol in your life.

For me, by the end of my drinking days, alcohol was my closest friend. It was a huge loss when it was no longer there for me.

In "Drinking: A Love Story" Caroline Knapp's brutally honest memoir, she discusses the issue of losing the love of her life, alcohol.

Balou

Congratulations huntwc!!! How admirable! Where did you go? Did you have to watch all the other people partying and you felt left out?? I hear ya about remembering the good time with alcohol, because as sad as it is, there were some good times with alcohol. That being said, we used the alcohol to have a good time, alcohol gives us liquid courage. Instead of focusing on the good times with alcohol, maybe you should start focusing on having a good time without alcohol. Break out of your shell and bust out dancing-SOBER. Good luck to you and try to lighten up.

LexieCat

Change--even good change--can mean a loss. We have lost our normal routine, our normal ways of coping, having fun, letting our hair down.

You won't feel this way forever--eventually being without alcohol will be the NEW "normal" and you will have just as much fun as ever--even more, because you won't have the negatives that went along with it.

Congrats on your successful vacation, and enjoy the party. Go easy on yourself, it will all fall into place.

bcboy

Good job on making it through the vacation Hunt! at 28 days that was a HUGE test and you passed with flying colors.

My first vacation was much like you described and I also felt sad like you.

It is going to get easier from this point on. I promise

LaFemme

Congrats on 28 days and making it through a vacation. I once read somewhere, how we associate alcohol with fun because we frequently do it at times that would be fun regardless. A wedding, for example is a fantastic event, the alcohol doesn't make it fun, its fun on its own. A vacation is fun, the alcohol isn't what makes it fun, etc., etc.

Hope that makes sense!

suki44883

I agree with what LaFemme said, but also, being the only one in a group of people who isn't drinking isn't really all that much fun, either. Congratulations on your 28 days! And huge congrats on making it though the trip without picking up. That is wonderful, but it may be a little too soon to put yourself in those situations. While it's true that your life can't stop just because you have stopped drinking, there are some precautions that are wise to take, especially in early sobriety.

lildawg

Well, I'll first join all the other folks who congratulated you on passing a BIG test. Being able to do it 28 days after quitting is amazing. I'm not sure I could have.

I've been quit two-plus years now. Vacations and holidays were days I didn't just get drunk. I got really drunk.

I associated being drunk and drinking alcohol with having fun for nearly twenty years. At times, the change of viewpoint I'm making as I learn to live sober is heart-rending. I loved being drunk. I loved the ride. I hated the aftermath.

I have to keep reminding myself that not drinking is a choice I make each day. I make the choice not to drink so I can respect myself in the morning. In other words, I make the choice not to drink so I don't have to deal with the aftermath of one of my wild drunks.

I won't tell you it gets easier because I don't know if it ever does. I will tell that, as time has passed, the loss I feel is less acute. I know I don't want a drink. Too much baggage comes with the pleasure. I know this. Sometimes, though, in certain settings, I feel a pang of sadness that things have changed and will never be the same again.

Keep on keeping on. You're doing well.

stanleyhouse

Huntwc
Wow, that is an accomplishment to go on a vacation like the one you were on at 28 days. I think at that point I would have missed my friend but remebered my pain too.
Vacations get so much better as you become stronger in your sobriety. I, personally don't choose vacations with lots of people and drinking. When I get called out for being what they consider selfish I am quick to respond that my sobriety, freetime and money are mine to be sefish with.
congrats