stanleyhouse

I don't know how to handle the alcohol situation when my husband and I entertain. We have to have my husbands workers over soon and we don't want to share my business with them but I don't want to buy alc. for them either. I could suggest BYOB but I don't want them to think my house is one where they should feel free to imbibe too much.
Has anybody else come across this situation and what did you say or do?
I am ten months sober and happy to be free from the physical annd mental addiction. I don't get the urge to drink when others are doing so and I am never around people who drink a lot but sometimes when I am around it i get weepy. Obviously I don't like to get weepy when I am having a party, especially around people I don't know.
Suggestions Please!

suki44883

It's your house, so you could always say it will be an alcohol-free get together. There is no reason why alcohol has to be served at functions anyway. Surely they can go a couple of hours without drinking, right?

Dee74

My house is alcohol free and anyone who comes here knows that - then again anyone who comes here knows my history.

D

Fandy

but if you don't want everyone knowing your business....I wouldn't try to dictate others actions. Just because you have aproblem with alcohol, not everyone else does.

I would provide *light* alcohol refrshements, lite beer, a variety of gourmet sodas, seltzer jiuces and condiments...olives, fruit slices...lite wines....set up a coffee bar with fancy creams and syrups.

if you have great FOOD everyone will remember that part.

LaFemme

Ouch, while I agree with Suki in principle, I also know that alcohol and business are seriously entertwined. I am curious why you get weepy around booze, is there anything you can do to address that?

Any way you could have the event somewhere other than your house?

Anna

I never keep alcohol in the house and I never serve alcohol in my house.

It just wouldn't make sense to me, after all it is my home.

flutter

I don't have alcohol in my house.. well my husband might have a beer or two in the bar fridge in the basement, I have no idea. When we have people over, they bring what they'll drink, and take whatever is left with them (wine/beer.. I don't have any hard liquor drinking friends). Actually the only drinking that my guests have done here has been on 'major' drinking events like superbowl party, bbq etc.. and I'm so darn busy, I haven't noticed it really.

I would think it's fine not to supply drinks (it's expensive anyways!). Unless they're a bunch of alcoholics, they shouldn't care about that at all.

Timebuster

If your husband would of had this meeting with his workers in an office invierment would alcohole been served?

When I entertain friends over to my house, I put out cheesecake (my favorite) pasteries, donuts and coffee (regular and decaf). No alcohole in my house piroied.

TB

suki44883

I honestly don't understand what the big deal is about just not serving alcohol. I don't understand why serving alcohol would even be expected. There are many, many things to drink other than alcohol.

artsoul

Hi SH - very good question and one I hadn't thought about before, since I don't entertain much. I think this is entirely up to you. I told my adult children that I don't want them bringing any alcohol into my house, but then again, if I had a really special occasion, I might consider making something like a really really weak punch or sangria, something no one could get buzzed on.......

Then again, I don't know, I might not even do that. I think LaFemme had a good idea (get together in a restaurant), and I really LOVE Fandy's suggestion of making fancy drinks using club soda or sparkling water with slices of fresh fruit, and a coffee bar..... As long as it's festive, probably the only people who would even think of being disappointed would be people like us!!

Balou

Maybe you could secretly serve NA drinks and if they find out say, "Oooops I didn't know, I never buy alcohol" or is that just too sneaky????

HumbleBee

What does your husband recommend? These folks work for him, correct?

I also understand that business and social drinking tend to go together, despite what we may think about it.

Is this a one-time activity or more often? Depending on the frequency, you may want to set the precedent right up front that your house is alcohol-free.

On the other hand, if it's a one-time event and you want to make an impression, you could establish a theme to the dinner party and work a non-alcoholic punch or something similiar into it.

I know anything's possible, but would wonder about the person who'd ask, "What kind of booze you got in here?" when they're presented with a classic punch bowl with floating fruits, unique shaped ice cubes, and clinking glasses....

...with soda and other light refreshment options, lemon/lime twists, etc. around it like Fandy suggested.

Pls let us know how it works out!

And congrats on 10 months! I wonder about the weepiness too (a sad longing perhaps)? Hmmmm...I'd take a look at that.

Dee74

StanleyHouse

sounds like to me you'd be happier with no alcohol - we can talk all day about societal expectations and business and alcohol going hand in hand...for me, the plain fact is if I did what people expected of me, I'd still be a drunk

Surely the bottom line here is if you can't be comfortable in your own house, where can you be?

do what you want.
D

Ghostly

Totally agree with Dee (and others). Whatever your comfort level is. If you are worried you may drink if you have alcohol in the house DON'T have it. If you know you won't then prob not a big deal. I have beer at my house for guests because I haven't really been tempted by it. I would NEVER have a bottle of my old friend here because I am scared what I would do.

If you would be tempted do not have it. They can deal with it.

NewMe11109

Hi SH -

In the end, your sobriety has to be your #1 priority, as you know. So, you need to do whatever it takes to protect it.

I am married to a normy who will open a bottle of wine, have half a glass, and then not touch the bottle again until it turns to vinegar. So, we started buying just what she could consume in one evening. She asked me if it bothered me, and since I was a scotch drinker, the single glass of wine didn't trigger me. We now can serve wine when guests come and it doesn't bother me at all -- but all alcohol is gone from the house once they leave (down the drain or goes home with guests).

However, if my wife had been a whisky drinker, then maybe this wouldn't have worked.

My point is that you do whatever you must do -- and hopefully your husband will understand. Most of the world drinks and we can't change that, however, don't put your sobriety at risk.

LaFemme

I agree that sh should di nothing that threatens her sobriety or makesher uncomfortable. But she also says fhe doesn't want people to know their business. Maybe there are regional differences but it would be considered odd here to have a party for your workers and not serve alcohol...unless it was a day partywith kids involved.

Kmber2010

Stanley.....here are my 2 cents on your situation. You don't drink, its your home, these folks are guests......no byob and no booze. I wouldn't do it and I am sure these folks aren't looking to come to your home to get loaded. If they were then they should all meet up at the pub.

I will tell you that years ago I went to a HUGE wedding where it was alcohol free. Not even champagne. There was no mention of it being alcohol free as the couple invited us as guests to their big day.....not to drink. Alcohol is not a requirement at functions.

I cherish and guard my sobriety and I don't care what anyone thinks.

Great post and let us know how you make out.

NewMe11109

Hi LaFemme - I don't think it is about cultural difference, but rather how important one's sobriety is to oneself.

I actually work in an industry where alcohol is everywhere and is used all the time as part of business. However, when I am asked about whether I want a drink, I just say "no thanks" and that is it. Everyone else may be drinking around me, but I don't lose business because I won't drink with others.

From my experience, we alcoholics think that everyone around us is "looking at us and talking behind our back that we aren't drinking" ... when in reality, they really don't care. I think that we alcoholics use this as an excuse to drink.

So, yes, over time, I think it is ok to be in situations where alcohol is served to others if it doesn't trigger a person, but early in sobriety, no business deal is worth the risk of going back out.

This is an interesting topic, though, and I appreciate your point of view...

Kmber2010

Good Point NewMe. I haven't had anyone question me when I attended a wine tasting (not my choice but part of a local tour) and drank the kiddie's apple cider or when I order soda at a restaurant. I know plenty of people (spouse included) who do drink socially but order NA beverages all the time and it has nothing to do with me.

I just know when it comes to my home (since I was an at home drinker) that having people booze here would not be healthy in my recovery.

Opivotal

I've been to plenty of dinners, parties etc where there was no alcohol served. I wouldn't think of being rude and asking where the liquor was. After all I am a guest in someones home. Point being its your home and its your RULES. If there is no alcohol around I think the people will figure that out on their own. If one IS rude enough to ask simply say Nope there isn't. No need to give an explanation.

I wouldn't stress about it. If you don't want it....case closed. Take care of yourself as your guests won't give a hoot after they leave. Your the one kind enough to invite the people into your home.

Take Care