coming_clean

i like the wagon....

i'd be rather on it, then to walk everything..

Chops

About six months into sobriety I was still shocked that people could actually live without booze. Maybe that is whats behind his question about slips.

This is not comment aimed at you NoHo but I am surprised that once we get sober everyone seems to be obliged to understand this thing we got.

Cluelessness of alcoholism does not make me think less of people. Nor should me being sober cause me to assume the rest of the world should use the PC or correct or whatever terminology I think they should about alcoholism or sobriety.

People have asked me the "can you have a few" or "have you drank a few times in the last couple years" question before and this is family or friends with no malice in their hearts toward me. Sometimes it is not nefarious intent but just honest questions from people that don't understand. Guess it is all about context.

Not every question about our sobriety is an attack on it.

NoHo

I think that when we've been the reliable party guy/girl and then take that away from those with whom we regularly associate, it can be an adjustment for them. I get that. It's like we've gone away and the expectation may be that it's only temporary; "s/he'll be back". To the extent that others measure themselves against us (e.g., use us as a way to feel better about their own drinking as they don't drink as much or as often as we did), they may even hope for our failure, albeit not in a malicious way. Belittling us for a very serious choice may be a way to taunt us into giving in as our weakness may be, on some level, their gain.

Supercrew

My thoughts on this are that, aty least in my circles and my family, drinking is the norm. Every get together is a reason for a drink. I was known for the way I drank although no one really saw how much and how often I was doing it. I was the life or the ass of every party/get together I had ever been to since the age of 15. People have come to expect me to be the first one drinking and the last one there. It has been my MO for so long that people come to expect it from me. Hence when they see me in a setting where I would usually be toasted they want to know why I am not. If they see me more than twice that way the question will always revolve back to "are you still on the wagon?" I don't think any offense is intended, but many people could never believe that a person who has always been known as the big drinker would eventually grow up and change. I think it pisses some of my friends off because they feel like a friend died because I was fun to drink with and we will never have that person back again. Others maybe questioning their own drinking issues, and then others are curious as to why or how I am staying sober. I think it is human nature to question why someone would change after 20+ years of doing the same thing.

Now I have only been sober this time for 9 days, these experiences happened about 8 years ago when I was court ordered to stay sober for about a year. I had many excuses when answering the wagon questions 8 years ago, and hence I fell off the wagon! But now I am kind of looking forward to the questions because now I am doing it for me. This weekend will give me a huge opportunity to answer that question probably over 50 times being that I am playing in the World Championship Over the Line Tournament in San Diego. It is a 3 man beach softball tournament that rivals Marti Gras when it comes to drunken debauchery, (although it is a very athletic competition). I have played for the last 25 years, only one which was sober. So I will be putting my sobriety to a true test. But I have done it before, (when forced to), and I look forward to beating the challenge this weekend because I want to!

jamdls

I was asked this question by my sister after I'd been sober about a year and I thought it was a stupid question so I said something like "I have no wagon, I don't like wagons and I've never been on a wagon; now if you are asking if I'm still sober the answer is ABSOLUTELY! drinking is not and never will be an option for me again." My sister has never questioned my sobriety since.

flutter

I don't make a habit of hanging out with my old drinking buddies..or drinkers for that matter, but yeah, that'd bug me.

DayTrader

Maybe it's just that he's not sure what to say. I know that when I was drinking, the idea of someone I usually drink with suddenly stopping would sound absurd to me. I was intrigued by them.

To be completely honest, I would have been counting the days till they went back at it......just like I did each time I tried to stop or slow down myself....just so I could feel more normal about my own failures. So, while he directed the question to you, it may have been coming from issues he has about his own drinking.

onestepforward

I agree. My mom does the same thing. Drives me nuts.

Kmber2010

Amen to not really wanting to be around non drinkers. I found when I got sober that some folks weren't as happy. Not that they came out but rather they didn't have someone else they could maybe point to and say....she has it worse then me.

It also someone aggravated them that I wasn't miserable anymore. My sobriety brought a new me.....one that accepted reality and set off to do something about making positive change. The 24/7 Woooo is me pity party ended. I became ACCOUNTABLE for my actions. I guess they weren't ready to and I respect that. In our own time we will find our way.

Instead of my drunken state where I would commiserate with my friends....I would always pat them on the back and bash whoever the problem was....their spouse, job, family....blah blah. I got sober and started saying...hey why don't you stop getting so upset and make some change instead. I offered real advice in a positive way and they were angered. When you are drunk....the world is always giving you the shaft. When you are sober....well you stop the ballyhooing and start making progress on improving the negatives in your life.

Hang in their friend. Sobriety wasn't just a new me.....it required change within my social life.