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Old 07-01-2010, 03:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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And then out of nowhere...


So last weekend I was sitting in the garden looking through the paper and (once again) saw a beer advert. 24 cans for tenner - a tenner!! That's cheap, so I turned to the wife and told her, and as I did I realised I had no interest whatsoever in getting or drinking them. Bit of a shock!

Then thinking back realised it must be a couple of weeks since I had any niggling desire to deal with. Fabulous!! Progress.

Then yesterday, feeling a bit fed-up a complete turn around - I could not bring to mind any real reason why I should not drink again. No reason at all - I wanted to so that was it. Thought I would start again because I could stop again and it would really cheer me up! Was away with this thought for about 5 - 10 minutes before I realised it! Sneaky bugger, eh?

It just came out of nowhere, and it took me quite a bit of work to get rid of it. Which I have mostly by going through the pros and cons (not a lot of pros mind you), but I am still left with little niggle - that's why I am posting this, I don't want the niggle to grow into anything bigger.

Funny though that just when you think you are making progress you get a set-back like this. Still early days though as I am just 5 months sober.

It's defo better for meto get this out as I know talking about it has helped get things into perspective in the past.

Thanks friends.

Stu.
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Old 07-01-2010, 03:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Awesome post...

I have very rarerly though about a drink in like 18 months.

Just recently (2 years sober) I am in the store buying ice cream. At the check out counter I started doing the math of how much vodka I could get with my ice cream money. It seemed like a good idea to drink :-) Well I didn't but booze is called cunning and baffling for a reason.

IMHO you did not drink so I would not classify it as a setback, seems to me like a step forward, you stayed sober.
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Old 07-01-2010, 04:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Chopper-
That's why the BB calls alcoholism: cunning, baffling and powerful

Make sure you're always "working" on your sobriety otherwise thoughts like the second one........where it suddenly makes sense to drink again......can creep in without you having any defense. (or at least not enough defense at the right time). That's one of the reasons regular AA meetings and working with others is so beneficial......it keeps your defenses strong for those times in the future that the thought of a drink can creep in on you
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Old 07-01-2010, 05:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Good for you for getting thru that thought without drinking. And big congrats on your five months sober.
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Old 07-01-2010, 11:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah....that sounds familiar!

Congrats on your 5 months!
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Old 07-01-2010, 12:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hey mate. I agree with Chops on this. Sounds like more of a step forward than a setback. You are an alcoholic so it's only natural that the odd sneaky thought will crop up. The secret is realising that it's just your addict mind. Give the thought no power and let it pass!! Which is what it sounds like you did. Then you can look at why you think this particular thought cropped up and work on anything that needs to be 'tweaked' in your recovery.

Posting about your experiences honestly as you do is a real positive. Plus when you get through these thoughts you gain strength and clarity. I always used these sneaky thoughts from nowhere to further ground my acceptance of being an alcoholic. If you think about it only an alcoholic would be struck down by this sudden maddening thought. The thoughts die down over time and grow less powerfull as you work your recovery and gain in strength, clarity and length of sobriety.

You're doing well mate. Peace
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Old 07-01-2010, 01:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Nice work...not giving in and drinking. I agree that this is normal and should be viewed as a step forward.

The question is...will you step forward? Where will you step to? What's next in your recovery efforts?

Keep up the good work and thank you for your honesty.
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Last edited by Kjell; 07-01-2010 at 01:26 PM. Reason: b/c I have PAWS
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Old 07-01-2010, 01:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I can relate....

I had a very stressful morning at work and went to lunch. I suddenly found my self sitting at a bar in a restaurant near my work, a bar where I had ruined many a work day in the past. The bartender gave me that knowing look and was reaching for my old favorite, when I was able to stop him, order a water and ask for a menu. I think he kept waiting for me to order some booze. Instead, I just ate my lunch, paid and left.

It was a close call, but once I had fed myself, the pangs for alcohol went away almost completely. Phew.... plus my bill was about a third of what it would have been, too!
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hey chopper

I spent a long time thinking recovery was linear...it's a little more complicated than that.

If it was a straight line we could all consider ourselves 'done' at 90 days or something...and obviously that's not the case.

But as long as we're doing the work in all the areas we need to - personal and spiritual growth as well as not drinking or using - I think the pay off is pretty sweet.

And I'd like to add in case I've demoralised anyone - it's not always a struggle...and there's not always a bogeyman around the next corner

I believe we have to accept than once we cross the line into addiction, we don't cross back ...and we have to always remember that

D
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Just like I know if I pick up, it's on. Good for you Chopper.
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Chopper!

EXCELLENT stuff!!! Thank you for such a great and inspirational post! Keep beatin' up on the "nigglin" you're doing a super dupulous job of it!!!

Love Pancake xo
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