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Old 04-27-2010, 06:51 AM
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Question I'm New To This Forum

I'm new here.I have spent the last 4 hours looking for a rehab (no luck)on this computer because I'm so tired of being addicted.
For 30 years I have been on a variety of anti anxiety medications and a pain medication for 15 years.It all started when I couldn't sleep,so a sleep medication, then an anxiety medication and various other new and improved medications with pretty horrific side effects.I'm writing now because in a few day's I might not be able to.I have actually gone the whole withdrawal period for the sleep medication.I got so tired of it not working and taking more than I should.
It was very,uncomfortable,hard,& scary so I called my Doctor half way through the ordeal and told him what I was doing,it was hard to talk coherently,he finally got the picture & asked me what I wanted him to do, I said.. nothing.
When that was over, I knew I had 2 more to go.I've been putting it off for so long,getting free & clear.
I do not even know what I'll be like, to be clear ,but it has to be better than this.
I'm pretty scared of the seizures & hallucinations, that creepy,shaky feeling in my chest.I'm saving the real scary one for last, the Xanax.
The one I'm getting off next and that is the pain medication.I was in a bad accident and at the time it was great not to be in pain but now I take it but it has become a "Have To" situation.
My life has revolved for so long around medications .I now go to an HMO and have asked "should I get help with this,since I always seem to be early?" the usual reply is , the date they will refill it.About 10 years ago I went to the addiction place at the HMO and after 2 day's was told, "No evidence of Addiction" I was going off of Ativan & Vicodin( Not by Choice) I ended up 2 weeks later crying at a local clinic who put me on Klonepin.
I can't believe I'm like this, and have come so close to going off but by the 5th day or refill time, I just give in,then the shame.There is no feeling good taking these medications only about keeping the hard part away.I hope everything will be o.k.
I can cheer for others but with me, it's just surreal while trying to live a regular life that goes on with or without me. I am already feeling that thing in my chest and it has been around 12 hours.I hope I'm at the right place.I've never been in a support group situation.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:37 PM
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Hi dancingbarefoot

I'm not familiar with all the drugs or situations you're discussing, but generically I can offer the following

With regards to rehab I know the Salvation Army runs some detox programmes - at least, they may be a good point of contact to get you started anyway.

I think a doctor who knows something about addiction is pretty important for folks like us too.

Do you have a primary care physician? I think it's best to speak with them about your various medications and your desire to be rid of them before you come off them, not during.

I'd also encourage you to look at our substance abuse forum - you may find some threads of value down there

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You'll find a lot of support here
Welcome!

D
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:42 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I am glad that you are motivated to stop the drugs that you are taking. Keep focused on knowing that you will be free of these meds and able to move on with your recovery.

I would also encourage you to talk to your dr about your plan to stop the drugs.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:43 PM
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Your Right about an honest discussion with my Doctor. I've tried but in a round about way,
like asking "Do I Need Detox".I will have to be a lot more honest.There is so much shame
involved.
I've gone through the Therapy, but even knowing the "Why" of it all, I'm still taking the pills.
Today I did not stop but cut everything in half.
Thanks for your helpful words.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:56 PM
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Now I know I'm in the right place.
At the moment that feeling is starting again so I have to sign off.
Oh how I do not like this feeling

I know this too will pass,though not today, all the way.
Feels so strange to be so exposed.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:23 PM
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do see your Dr - it can be the start to an end to all this
and check in with us whenever you feel the need - you're one of the gang now

D
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:27 PM
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Hi dancingbarefoot,

Your decision to clean up will be the best decision you probably have made in your life. Detox is no fun but the end result is priceless. I was in a similar situation with vicoden, xanax, valium and percocets mixed with a lot of alcohol on a daily basis for years and couldn't make it through the day without them. I thought I could never give them up and today I am over 3 months clean and sober and have never felt better. Getting some sort of professional help is needed for your situation and as Dee said, before you go off of them not during. You can do it, hang in there and you will be so proud of yourself.

Keep us posted,

Mahi
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