Quitting, But With Despair

Old 04-24-2010, 08:26 AM
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Unhappy Quitting, But With Despair

I'm absolutely determined at this point to stop tired of waking up severely depressed, shaking, with a major headache, feeling totally angry and in remorse over how much money I lost the night before because while I go out thinking I'll only have one drink (hard liquor) I wind up having multiple, to the point where I wind up wasted. Last night I wound up stuck for many more hours than I wanted at a bar 40 minutes away after being deserted by my so-called friends who also drink entirely way too much on a consistent basis. I've slowly been trying to be healthier and exercising a lot more, and it's making it even more apparent that drinking is a problem. And it doesn't help that my ex-boyfriend got mad last week at how much drinking/the bar scene has become a routine for me.

My huge (enormously, unbelievably huge) hurdle will be the fact that my age-group in my area (late 20's/early 30's) seems to be full of drinkers, there's not much to do in my area at night besides the bar's as if my entire social life is determined by the bars and if I don't go out to them and don't drink, I won't be finding new friends here. I have friends who I've been putting the feelers out there to them, trying to let them know I need to cut down or stop altogether, and they just think it's hilarious how drunk I get, and joke to drink more to stop my hangovers, and seem to be proud that they are enablers. It's a horrible feeling to have 'friends' who do this, but it's also a horrible feeling to feel socially alone if I quit.
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Old 04-24-2010, 08:40 AM
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Your concerns are felt by most of us when we stop drinking. It's hard to imagine how life can go on, if we are sober. The crucial point is change. Everything needed to change for me to recover and that included people in my life. It's hard to do and it takes a leap of faith, but I know that I couldn't have stayed sober if I was around people who were drinking.

I'm glad you found us and I hope you keep posting.
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Old 04-24-2010, 09:13 AM
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Stem, I am a fella 46yrs of age. My sofriety date, this time is 9/3/2010. My first introductory to AA was at 17yrs old. It took me a long while before I could accept that I couldn't drink like other people, "I was an alcoholic." Same as you, I felt left out unless I joined in. "If you can't beat-em join" was my policy, the only one I felt could be the answer to my lonliness. After years of trying to drink myself to death, suicide attempts, finally prison I had ran everyone off except my dringing associates, not friends. My family had to leave me too. My destruction was interfering with there lives. To shorten this up, I finally had no place to turn, I was wasting my life and destroying others. All resources finally ran out, I hadn't a friend in the world. I once again turned to AA. My way and warped instincts had failed me everytime! But the good news is that when I gave up trying to live life my way, I found a better way. AA doesn't teach me how not to drink, it teaches me how to live life on life's terms. I hadn't a clue. I had became willing to get a sponsor with a good amount of sobriety and do anything he suggest. I knew how to drink, I didn't know how to live and make healthy relationships. Telling your friends (associates) that you need to quit is probally a joke to them by now. How many times have you and I ever said THAT ? Step 1- We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-- that our lives had become unmanageable. Step-2 Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Go to AA, don't be ashamed. We are great people. We have a disease that has a treatment. Pray for courage and GO! remember the only requirment for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There is where I found my true friends. People that cared if I succeed. They are there anytime of the day or night for ME of all people, and ditto to them. Go and go often. You will find your courage there, at least until you develop your own. They don't bite! Help yourself and GO. Your life depends on it, It is going to be Ok! Love ya sister!
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Old 04-24-2010, 09:21 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Welcome to our recovery community.....

When I was a drinker....all my friends were too.
No one was interested in quitting ...just me.
I found lots of new sober friends when I started
AA. We did all sorts of things sober....and we
had a blast....

I sure hope you find a way to improve your life...
drinking a toxic liquid is not going to do that.

Recovery Really Rocks!
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Old 04-24-2010, 09:25 AM
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Welcome to SR.

I'm thinking you're smarter than others in your age group....for getting your act together while you still have a life to live.

Please stick around. Read a lot, and post often!
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:06 PM
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Stem, I relate to lots of that. The drinking increasingly became a vehicle for aloneness though, and I eventually did literally that, stayed alone and drank. You'll probably find you have less and less patience for people that want to party and you may become more selective about friends and be happy with it. I suppose there could also be a gloomy period of questioning why you don't have more friends around, but it all depends on the things you like to do in place of alcohol. For me, it starts with a satisfaction in myself, without alcohol and I go from there. I don't mean to say I am always thrilled (sometimes I am bored and cranky), but I am at a point where I am comfortable with a new reality that doesn't have to include alcohol. People that want to quit and stay away from it just have to do better at keeping themselves occupied than in the past. It's often said how selfish people are through alcohol, but in some ways that's a rubbish statement: some of those people don't know how to make life something that is to their advantage and alcohol has been a way of avoiding it. That's how I feel about it.
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:09 PM
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You won't be socially alone. You'll be soberly independent at our age, that's something much more respectable than the functional drunk you'd been pulling off. The world is freaking huge man; you're not going to find yourself suddenly alone if you stop drinking - if you work at it. And truly, it doesn't take much effort to find other social environments to interact with other sober-folk. I mean, hey, you found your way here already, didn't you? Now you just gotta start looking for some places in the real world.

I'm in an outpatient program right now that's working wonders for me in early sobriety. Can you look for something like that? Of course, there's always AA meetings and other associations too. I bet if you do a search online, you'll probably even find some depression/anxiety groups in your area that have meetings. Those might be a really great experience for you if you have a stigma about "being found out", if you know what I mean, as it's a lot easier to explain being seen at a mental health group than an AA meeting

I know I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I felt compelled to say something because I'm 26 and I know exactly what you mean by drinking playing a huge part in the social lives of people in our age group. I also only have 28 days right now and can tell you that, for me, I needed to go to inpatient for my first week of sobriety; I needed to be in a safe, sober environment, surrounded by peers and professionals who knew/know exactly what I was going through. I hope that if you do decide to completely quit drinking, that the first few days are much easier for you than they were for me, or that places like here will make things more comfortable for you.

No matter what, you're in my thoughts as I wish you only the best. I usually don't wish about luck, but what the hell: good luck stem!
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:16 PM
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Hi Stem! Great responses here already. I just want to add that I felt like you when I was younger - what would my life be like if I didn't drink? I never got up the courage to face my problem and quit, like you have. I kept going for many more years, and almost lost my life in the process.

You are doing the right thing, despite what your misguided friends are saying. A whole new life awaits you once you begin to heal. Let us know how you're doing
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:20 PM
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Getting sober does mean making a lot of changes. They aren't always easy to make tho they are changes for our own good, our own health. It may take some effort but I'll bet you can find sober/non drinking friends to hang out with. Sobriety means making some sacrifices, but the results are so worth it.

Welcome to SR! :ghug3
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:43 PM
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Hey Stem,

Wow, I can really relate to having your only friends in the bar scene , when we weren't in the bar, we were getting high someplace else together. To think about losing that social scene was almost unimaginable, ....but it turned out; ....once I quit drinking, all my real friends that partied, really didn't care one way or the other , if I was drinking or smoking with them. It was kinda nice to have fun without the BUZZ, and once I got used to it a little, it was more and more fun !!

I ended up getting interested in different hobbies and activities, meeting more and more people whose life didn't revolve around getting slightly , or not so slightly, wasted.

I agree with what Least wrote: Sobriety means making some sacrifices, but the results are so worth it !
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:44 PM
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Hi Stem

Yeah I hear ya - those pressures and those fears kept me drinking for years.

Ironically in the end I became an all day everyday drinker - and never went out anyway.

The thought that your life is over without drinking is just a rationalisation to keep you drinking - there are thousands of us here living happy and fulfilling lives, Stem - promise

You know what you gotta do - you're not alone here
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Old 04-24-2010, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by coffeenut View Post
Welcome to SR.

I'm thinking you're smarter than others in your age group....for getting your act together while you still have a life to live.

Please stick around. Read a lot, and post often!
I second this opinion, don't wait until you have a bigger problem and look 10 years older than you are.

Like attacts Like...(I think this is a quote from the old movie Gone with the Wind)...if you are hanging with the drunks, all you meet are more drunks.

if you are enjoying exercise, both March of Dimes and Susan G. Koman are having sponsored events everywhere.....they don't serve alcohol at the movies....just a suggestion....
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Old 04-24-2010, 06:43 PM
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Hey Stem. I know how you feel. I am surrounded by a lot of that too. Hang in there.
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