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My next 30 years

Old 03-30-2010, 11:53 PM
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My next 30 years

Its taken almost 5 years of saying its time to lay off the heavy drinking. Its funny how sometimes a very small simple thing can change your outlook on life.

I started drinking socialy at 16, at 17 I was already out of control, every day befor school I would have 4 or 8 shots of booze. It got me thru. Once I was out of school it went back to social drinking. But looking back on it at the time I was very social.
I belive the start of the drinking was being lost about who I was as a person, who my friends were, accepting my sexuality, and finding out with a few drinks I can be who ever I want at that givin time. For awhile it was fun, and really I have a hard time putting dates on things that happend from the time I was 18 till I was 23.

I figured once Im out to my friends and family, have a good job, the drinking will work itself out. Ya that didnt hapen. 5 years ago I was able to cut back to 1 night a week, my drinking buddy had gone sober on me an the rest of my friends had familys now. During this time I lost 40lbs, did great in my auto racing, and met the love of my life.

Since then it slowly crept back to every night drinking till im stubling to bed or blacking out. Ive been noticing lately Im having trouble focusing at work, fixing my cars is becoming more difficult, loosing track of my bills. Thats a major problem since I just got a house. And there was a lot of stupid things I have done over the years and some drinking sessions that should of put me in the hospital. But thats for later discussions.

The last straw was 3 weeks ago on a friday. I came home made a drink( wisky on the rocks) It tasted soooo good, well after 2 or 3 I woke up in bed and it was saturday morning. The 1 liter bottle was almost empty. Last I remember I was in the garage having a cig.

I turned 31 last december. I would like to remember the next 15, 20, 30 years of experiances. I'd like to be around to live them also!
That wasnt my first black out but for some reason something said this will be your last! Truly wanting this is making it soooo much easier! But it still sucks right know keeping myself focused on the greater good of being sober!
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:16 AM
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Hi Next30

Your post really struck a chord with me, on many levels. My recovery began two years ago, and it has been quite a journey. I turned 30 a few months ago, and it was... sobering, LOL. The past decade has been a blur, and for a long time I was filled with regrets.

Not anymore, though (look at my signature). I'm learning to accept it as part of my journey.

Addiction only gets worse, unless it's arrested. It sounds like you're discovering this for yourself.

Reaching out for help is a great way to start your recovery :-) In my experience, focusing on freedom -instead of feeling deprived- has made a huge difference.

This community is very gay friendly you may want to check out our GLBT forum. Being G/L/B(T usually involves a set of additional challenges during recovery, though of course at the core of the matter, we are all on the same boat, regardless of race, age, orientation, etc.

Hope to hear more from you Take care of yourself, keep reaching out.
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Old 03-31-2010, 05:44 AM
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Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
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Old 03-31-2010, 06:27 AM
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Hi and Welcome!

I am glad you found us and are seeking support!

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it is relentless, so I it's good that you have decided to live a sober life.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:36 AM
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Welcome! Rather than think of 'the next 30' maybe just focus on right here, right now, in this moment, today...I know it sounds cliche, but really, looking so far out is self-defeating - at least for me, the thoughts of 'never again' seemed so unattainable that the thinking 'why bother' was always an easy excuse in early sobriety.

You'll find that many of us here had lots of hobbies and interests that took a back seat to our drinking - only for those interests, and new ones, to develop and blossom.

The thinking that sober = boring is only as true as we allow it to be.

Take care ~
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Old 04-01-2010, 11:30 PM
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I'm not really looking at it long term, as in I need to do this for x time. I am taking it day by day. knowing that every day that is productive and clear will let the next 30 be enjoyable, remembered, and fulfilling!

This weekend will be a major milestone. This will be the longest I belive I have gone sober in 14 years. Oh and do weekends give you time to think LOL. But I do have several projects around the house. It should be easy to keep my mind busy and tire myself out.

So has anyone noticed or been told they seemed kinda different after sobering up or that your personality seems a bit different.
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Old 04-01-2010, 11:42 PM
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So has anyone noticed or been told they seemed kinda different after sobering up or that your personality seems a bit different.
Absolutely....and not one person told me I should
return to the drinking me persona.....
Not even the drunks I hung out with.

Welcome to SR....
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Old 04-01-2010, 11:53 PM
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Day by day is what seems to work for most of us

Uhmmm.. try to be enthusiastic about this. Don't be surprised if you start *enjoying* recovery Though challenging, the whole process is also very rewarding. Think of it in terms of giving up a deadly, nasty condition in favour of embracing freedom.

My "True Self" hasn't changed -that's part of my belief system... BUT... although recovery hasn't made me a "better" person (whatever that means), it has certainly made me more whole, in the sense of integrating parts of myself that I'd deliberately ignored during active addiction - it's an ongoing thing. Having said all that, I have definitely noticed that my "essence", if you will, manifests in radically different ways now. So yes, my personality has changed in ways I never thought possible.

Glad you checked in, Next, hope to hear more from you, keep reaching out - congrats on your milestone
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:07 AM
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I'm a far better man and better person to be around since I quit and, like Carol, even my drinking buds admit that.

I remember not being terribly convinced I could do it, but I believed the people here who told me it really was the way to go. I'm so glad I did.

The decision to stop drinking and to change my life really is a decision I've never regretted, next 30.

Just keep your eye on today - tomorrow and the next day will be here soon enough - deal with them then

D
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