Its taken almost 5 years of saying its time to lay off the heavy drinking. Its funny how sometimes a very small simple thing can change your outlook on life.
I started drinking socialy at 16, at 17 I was already out of control, every day befor school I would have 4 or 8 shots of booze. It got me thru. Once I was out of school it went back to social drinking. But looking back on it at the time I was very social.
I belive the start of the drinking was being lost about who I was as a person, who my friends were, accepting my sexuality, and finding out with a few drinks I can be who ever I want at that givin time. For awhile it was fun, and really I have a hard time putting dates on things that happend from the time I was 18 till I was 23.
I figured once Im out to my friends and family, have a good job, the drinking will work itself out. Ya that didnt hapen. 5 years ago I was able to cut back to 1 night a week, my drinking buddy had gone sober on me an the rest of my friends had familys now. During this time I lost 40lbs, did great in my auto racing, and met the love of my life.
Since then it slowly crept back to every night drinking till im stubling to bed or blacking out. Ive been noticing lately Im having trouble focusing at work, fixing my cars is becoming more difficult, loosing track of my bills. Thats a major problem since I just got a house. And there was a lot of stupid things I have done over the years and some drinking sessions that should of put me in the hospital. But thats for later discussions.
The last straw was 3 weeks ago on a friday. I came home made a drink( wisky on the rocks) It tasted soooo good, well after 2 or 3 I woke up in bed and it was saturday morning. The 1 liter bottle was almost empty. Last I remember I was in the garage having a cig.
I turned 31 last december. I would like to remember the next 15, 20, 30 years of experiances. I'd like to be around to live them also!
That wasnt my first black out but for some reason something said this will be your last! Truly wanting this is making it soooo much easier! But it still sucks right know keeping myself focused on the greater good of being sober!