Do I have a problem with drugs and alcohol?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: england
Posts: 356
hi Mek
had a look at my own use... wow i started early - could be (and has been) said that i am the poster child of where not to go..
- drank first age 10 sneaking my parents spirits that they didnt drink.. smoking at 12 then pot on and off from 13 - at age 18 i was into coke, extasy, MDMA and the free party scene - then age 22 had my first downers in the shape of valium/tamazepam to come down from the parties..
at 23 things were really bad emotionally so i then spiralled into methadone and then heroin addiction which has robbed me of the last 15yrs.. i had 'clean peroids' lasting 3 yrs and 5 yrs but returned each time
u have the insight i didnt.. i always knew that i loved 'that feeling' but never equated it with being 'bad' for me..
so i'm 37 and my life has only held glimpses of what i could've done with it
i think in our hearts we know..
i wish you much luck in your decision making -i'm sorry i havent put much here in the way of advice.... just know all those things i thought would 'never happen to me' DID because i didnt address myself..
hugs for your journey and thanks for sharing with us
Karma
had a look at my own use... wow i started early - could be (and has been) said that i am the poster child of where not to go..
- drank first age 10 sneaking my parents spirits that they didnt drink.. smoking at 12 then pot on and off from 13 - at age 18 i was into coke, extasy, MDMA and the free party scene - then age 22 had my first downers in the shape of valium/tamazepam to come down from the parties..
at 23 things were really bad emotionally so i then spiralled into methadone and then heroin addiction which has robbed me of the last 15yrs.. i had 'clean peroids' lasting 3 yrs and 5 yrs but returned each time
u have the insight i didnt.. i always knew that i loved 'that feeling' but never equated it with being 'bad' for me..
so i'm 37 and my life has only held glimpses of what i could've done with it
i think in our hearts we know..
i wish you much luck in your decision making -i'm sorry i havent put much here in the way of advice.... just know all those things i thought would 'never happen to me' DID because i didnt address myself..
hugs for your journey and thanks for sharing with us
Karma
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
I have read repeatedly that drinking, and I presume smoking pot, stalls or stops one's emotional development. You're gambling with too much here, and you're messing with these chemicals on a too-frequent basis. It affects people differently, but after starting to drink in high school, I probably didn't drink four days a week until my late 30s. As other people have stated here who are middle age, like me, they feel like they're looking back on a lot of wasted years because of drugs and alcohol. I don't feel like they were wasted, but I do wonder how much farther ahead I'd be in life with no booze in my 20s and 30s.
Stop thinking about being sober for a month, six months, a year or for life, and start focusing on today. Go to a party today and pass on the booze or bong. (Do kids still use those?) It will take effort and will power, but news flash: It takes effort and will power whenever you say "no" to these chemicals. You'd be surprised how quickly single days of will power add up into weeks, months, and years. You will be amazed at how much you enjoy yourself without drugs and alcohol in your system. It can be done. SR is full of success stories.
Stop thinking about being sober for a month, six months, a year or for life, and start focusing on today. Go to a party today and pass on the booze or bong. (Do kids still use those?) It will take effort and will power, but news flash: It takes effort and will power whenever you say "no" to these chemicals. You'd be surprised how quickly single days of will power add up into weeks, months, and years. You will be amazed at how much you enjoy yourself without drugs and alcohol in your system. It can be done. SR is full of success stories.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome back Mek 
I'm sorry things aren't improving but that's the way of this really - until we start to make some real changes, we're pretty much set up to repeat our mistakes.
There's been a lot of suggestions here Mek - it's up to you what you do with them though, you know?
D
I'm sorry things aren't improving but that's the way of this really - until we start to make some real changes, we're pretty much set up to repeat our mistakes.
There's been a lot of suggestions here Mek - it's up to you what you do with them though, you know?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Mek, have you gone over the things you wrote earlier? I didn't quit after joining here (it was before) and I have not gone back to drinking since that time - so I am not sure if it would help to look at the thoughts you processed here. I think it works for some people when they work on stopping again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Originally Posted by Mek0455 
I would really appreciate any help I can get, this is a problem I have been strugglig with for years and I don't want to mess up my life. :/
We are here for support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 21
Yeah. I guess I do have insight into what could become of my drinking and smoking. But the problem is, I know I have a problem, but I don't want to stop. How can the prospect of ruining my life not be enough motivation?? I don't understand how I can love getting f***ed up soo much. I love everything about drugs and weed. Not only doing about it but talking about it too. I used to get so excited to learn about it in school, because I just love it so much. How can I ever give up these great feelings? Do you know the feeling right before you are drunk or high and it's like your body is just buzzing and your mind is so carefree. Everything just feels good, almost like everything is at peace. There are no problems or worries. You are just getting f***ed up and enjoying life. But I realize this can cone back to haunt me in the coming years. God, I am so torn between these two feelings, my logic tells me I want to stop, but my body urges me to continue. Ughh. You guys a great... Thanks for listening to what I have to say
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi again Mek
I started about the same age you are now...and yeah I had a lot of problems and worries even back then and getting high seemed like the perfect easy fix to just about everything....
but addiction is progressive...pretty I found I was no longer taking the drugs or drink, they were taking me...and for years even though it had long since stopped being pleasurable in any sense, I couldn't stop.
I hope you can make some good choices before you ruin your health, wreck your life several times over, and waste 20 years like I did, Mek
D
I started about the same age you are now...and yeah I had a lot of problems and worries even back then and getting high seemed like the perfect easy fix to just about everything....
but addiction is progressive...pretty I found I was no longer taking the drugs or drink, they were taking me...and for years even though it had long since stopped being pleasurable in any sense, I couldn't stop.
I hope you can make some good choices before you ruin your health, wreck your life several times over, and waste 20 years like I did, Mek
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Yer man, I can relate to you mate. I used to say exactly the same things. I only got sober/clean when I was ready. Whilst I was still in the buzz like you are and still positively relating to booze and drugs then I wasn't going to stop. No way. Why would I stop doing something which I enjoyed and loved so much? I wouldn't and I didn't.
However over time things change and addiction becomes darker and seedy and that buzz starts getting less and less and taking more and more to reach and get to. It starts costing you lots and lots to get there. You start losing friends, family, jobs, cars, self-respect, all because the negative side-effects of that booze and drug buzz are heavy.
My predominant experience is with booze. I took a lot of drugs too but the booze is what destroyed me. Because alcohol makes you act in ways no other drug will and will cause you blackouts where you ain't even aware of what you're doing. Behaviour is incredibly damaging both physically and psychologically. Like I say it comes at a heavy price.
But untill you reach that point where you can't take all of the negative effects and consequences anymore then you won't be ready to stop. That is my experience.
It's a slippery slope that ends up in the gutter. I used to quite like that outlook because it was that living on the edge and living fast rock n' roll lifestyle. I used to love that. But alcoholism starts proper kicking in and it takes over your life and destroys it quickly.
You may never get to that stage and may be like most other young people and calm down and chill out on it all. Me? I got heavier and heavier and lower and lower.
I got out whilst I still could. The buzz and pleasure and positive thoughts about booze have long since gone for me. With Weed I tired of the buzz and got into Cocaine instead. That would take me where I wanted to go instantly and with no paranoia or laziness.
I was only ready to get properly sober when I was ready. I had gone down low enough to be grateful for building back up what I had lost. To continue drinking for me would have meant jail, institutions or death. Plain and simple.
I am an alcoholic and addict.
However over time things change and addiction becomes darker and seedy and that buzz starts getting less and less and taking more and more to reach and get to. It starts costing you lots and lots to get there. You start losing friends, family, jobs, cars, self-respect, all because the negative side-effects of that booze and drug buzz are heavy.
My predominant experience is with booze. I took a lot of drugs too but the booze is what destroyed me. Because alcohol makes you act in ways no other drug will and will cause you blackouts where you ain't even aware of what you're doing. Behaviour is incredibly damaging both physically and psychologically. Like I say it comes at a heavy price.
But untill you reach that point where you can't take all of the negative effects and consequences anymore then you won't be ready to stop. That is my experience.
It's a slippery slope that ends up in the gutter. I used to quite like that outlook because it was that living on the edge and living fast rock n' roll lifestyle. I used to love that. But alcoholism starts proper kicking in and it takes over your life and destroys it quickly.
You may never get to that stage and may be like most other young people and calm down and chill out on it all. Me? I got heavier and heavier and lower and lower.
I got out whilst I still could. The buzz and pleasure and positive thoughts about booze have long since gone for me. With Weed I tired of the buzz and got into Cocaine instead. That would take me where I wanted to go instantly and with no paranoia or laziness.
I was only ready to get properly sober when I was ready. I had gone down low enough to be grateful for building back up what I had lost. To continue drinking for me would have meant jail, institutions or death. Plain and simple.
I am an alcoholic and addict.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Mek - I think a few people got the idea that you're 21, but you said you were a junior (now a senior) in high school, is that right? First of all, I commend you for coming here and talking about your drinking problem.
The next couple years are going to be important to your future. Have you decided whether you're going to college or will be working? It's good to think about what kind of "seeds" you want to sow now so you can have the best "you" once you get out there in the world. Did you know that 90% of the world's population doesn't drink or only drinks occassionally? I think when we're drinking and a part of the partying croud, it seems like everyone does it, but they don't.......
I think one of the red flags is when we can't quit even if we know we should. Does alcoholism run in your family at all?
Just some random thoughts/questions..........:ghug3
The next couple years are going to be important to your future. Have you decided whether you're going to college or will be working? It's good to think about what kind of "seeds" you want to sow now so you can have the best "you" once you get out there in the world. Did you know that 90% of the world's population doesn't drink or only drinks occassionally? I think when we're drinking and a part of the partying croud, it seems like everyone does it, but they don't.......
I think one of the red flags is when we can't quit even if we know we should. Does alcoholism run in your family at all?
Just some random thoughts/questions..........:ghug3
I'm trying to try.
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 113
Oh wow, this sure does sound familiar…
I was kinda like you. Didn’t do it all the time, but whenever I got in trouble or did anything I regretted, it was always directly related to drinking. I too thought it was just a phase. I barely touched it at all junior and senior year (probably because I attended a zero tolerance school; substance use was simply not allowed and if they found out about it I could’ve been expelled). So I thought, “Ah! See? I’m fine. Just a phase.” Then I went to college and everything started to slowly spiral out of control. I was almost expelled for breaking the university alcohol rules multiple times. I had signed a written contract promising to abstain from alcohol. Kept the promise for quite a while, then I thought, “Ah! See? I’m fine. Just a phase. I was immature back then.” So I started drinking again and eventually got in serious trouble again. Only this time I actually couldn’t just stop drinking altogether.
I’m 20 years old and can barely go a day without drinking. Like you, I used to only feel that feeling you described (of wanting it so freaking badly) every once in a while and it would go away after I drank…now I feel that way 24/7 and it doesn’t go away after I drink.
Personally I found that regardless of what anyone tells you, you can’t know if you have a problem until you KNOW you have a problem. At least, that’s how it was with me. Some people have to lose a whole lot for them to finally KNOW. For years I had people telling me I have a problem but I didn’t listen. I see now why people always say, “Only YOU can decide if you’re an alcoholic/addict.”
I first went to AA when I was 15. I sat there and thought, “Pah, I am nothing like these people! Just look at them!” 5 years later I came crawling back a trembling pathetic mess desperate for someone to talk to and desperate for a way out of this hell I’ve created.
Also, that feeling of being torn and the obsession I can ABSOLUTELY identify with. I know that normal people sure don’t experience that.
I was kinda like you. Didn’t do it all the time, but whenever I got in trouble or did anything I regretted, it was always directly related to drinking. I too thought it was just a phase. I barely touched it at all junior and senior year (probably because I attended a zero tolerance school; substance use was simply not allowed and if they found out about it I could’ve been expelled). So I thought, “Ah! See? I’m fine. Just a phase.” Then I went to college and everything started to slowly spiral out of control. I was almost expelled for breaking the university alcohol rules multiple times. I had signed a written contract promising to abstain from alcohol. Kept the promise for quite a while, then I thought, “Ah! See? I’m fine. Just a phase. I was immature back then.” So I started drinking again and eventually got in serious trouble again. Only this time I actually couldn’t just stop drinking altogether.
I’m 20 years old and can barely go a day without drinking. Like you, I used to only feel that feeling you described (of wanting it so freaking badly) every once in a while and it would go away after I drank…now I feel that way 24/7 and it doesn’t go away after I drink.
Personally I found that regardless of what anyone tells you, you can’t know if you have a problem until you KNOW you have a problem. At least, that’s how it was with me. Some people have to lose a whole lot for them to finally KNOW. For years I had people telling me I have a problem but I didn’t listen. I see now why people always say, “Only YOU can decide if you’re an alcoholic/addict.”
I first went to AA when I was 15. I sat there and thought, “Pah, I am nothing like these people! Just look at them!” 5 years later I came crawling back a trembling pathetic mess desperate for someone to talk to and desperate for a way out of this hell I’ve created.
Also, that feeling of being torn and the obsession I can ABSOLUTELY identify with. I know that normal people sure don’t experience that.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I really relate to that feeling of being torn. I used to feel like I had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other one. The devil would always get louder too, also the devil is almost quite alluring when you're into rock n' roll and the whole living life fast and on the edge scene/mentality.
Untill you get to the point where you see the light yourself then you ain;t really gonna stop. I just used to think people didn't understand. To be honest they really didn;t, only the other f*ckeads.
Grateful to be sober.
Untill you get to the point where you see the light yourself then you ain;t really gonna stop. I just used to think people didn't understand. To be honest they really didn;t, only the other f*ckeads.
Grateful to be sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hello! You sound like a very bright and thoughtful young manl. I am glad you are here.
Everyone else did such a wonderful job (as they always do) of relating the stories, dangers, and progression of alcohol and drug abuse so I'm going to give you my two pennies of experience. I'll call this a fluff post.
If you want to keep a full head of hair, clear eyes, a nice body, feel good, look good, then cut out the alcohol and drugs. Alcohol makes you gain weight, bloats your face, reddens your eyes and skin, gives you a belly. It ages you dramatically. I've never heard a young girl describe her dream guy as tall, dark, funny, alcoholic. Of course I don't know if it would ever progress to that with you. It did for me.
Once again, pardon the [I]fluff[I]. The things I described above are the very least of the negatives of alcohol abuse. But, as I am getting sober it's nice to think about an extra layer of icing on the cake. An extra layer I thought I might have lost forever. I'm only on day 4 but I'm starting to see some positive changes that make me feel good. It's not about vanity, it's about feeling good in your own skin. Just give it the boot now.
Everyone else did such a wonderful job (as they always do) of relating the stories, dangers, and progression of alcohol and drug abuse so I'm going to give you my two pennies of experience. I'll call this a fluff post.
If you want to keep a full head of hair, clear eyes, a nice body, feel good, look good, then cut out the alcohol and drugs. Alcohol makes you gain weight, bloats your face, reddens your eyes and skin, gives you a belly. It ages you dramatically. I've never heard a young girl describe her dream guy as tall, dark, funny, alcoholic. Of course I don't know if it would ever progress to that with you. It did for me.
Once again, pardon the [I]fluff[I]. The things I described above are the very least of the negatives of alcohol abuse. But, as I am getting sober it's nice to think about an extra layer of icing on the cake. An extra layer I thought I might have lost forever. I'm only on day 4 but I'm starting to see some positive changes that make me feel good. It's not about vanity, it's about feeling good in your own skin. Just give it the boot now.
Last edited by MelindaFlowers; 06-10-2010 at 04:33 PM. Reason: Oops! I wrote this to the wrong gender! Just had to change the "girl" to "guy." LOL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by artsoul
Hi Mek - I think a few people got the idea that you're 21, but you said you were a junior (now a senior) in high school, is that right? First of all, I commend you for coming here and talking about your drinking problem.
The next couple years are going to be important to your future. Have you decided whether you're going to college or will be working? It's good to think about what kind of "seeds" you want to sow now so you can have the best "you" once you get out there in the world. Did you know that 90% of the world's population doesn't drink or only drinks occassionally? I think when we're drinking and a part of the partying croud, it seems like everyone does it, but they don't.......
I think one of the red flags is when we can't quit even if we know we should. Does alcoholism run in your family at all?
Just some random thoughts/questions..........:ghug3
The next couple years are going to be important to your future. Have you decided whether you're going to college or will be working? It's good to think about what kind of "seeds" you want to sow now so you can have the best "you" once you get out there in the world. Did you know that 90% of the world's population doesn't drink or only drinks occassionally? I think when we're drinking and a part of the partying croud, it seems like everyone does it, but they don't.......
I think one of the red flags is when we can't quit even if we know we should. Does alcoholism run in your family at all?
Just some random thoughts/questions..........:ghug3
Yes I am going to college. Unsure where yet but I know somewhat what I want to do. I really like math so I will probably major in something involving it. I have been considering engineering.
I am afriad that when I get to college, and I have no parental restrictions or anything to stop me, I will get out of control. But I also don't want to miss out on the college lifestyle and parties, especially since these are the things that I am so involved with now. I have been looking forward to the freedoms of college for years. But what if I get a roomate who's just like me? We will both make eachother worse. I also feel that I will seek out friends similar to those I have now, and things will not be different. Even if I did find friends that didn't party, I would be miserable. All I would think about is how I wish I was friends with the other partiers.
I believe my dad's uncle and grandpa were both alcoholics. But they are the only ones I know of. My brother as I have mentioned is just as bad as me, if not worse (because he doesn't even care about school) and he doesn't seem to recognize his problems like me. But that doesn't make much of a difference because neither of us will stop.
The idea of stopping sounds much better than actually doing it. I think I understand what others have said about wanting to stop for yourself because you are ready. All of my other failed attempts have always been for others: friends who judged me or dropped me as friend, or for friends who realized I was getting out of control and talked to me about it. And it all sounds good like wow I have this whole new view on things, and have this new found motivation to stop. But it never lasts long and I slowly work my way back to how I was.
I have phases of wanting to quit, and not wanting to. It has never been consistent so I guess that's why I haven't been very sucessful. Reguardless of what phase I am in, I know i should stop and recognize my problem, but really can't chnge it.
Maybe I will mellow out, and this burning in my stomach that makes me urge to drink and smoke will go away. Does anyone know what I'm talking about, this burning urge to want something? You feel it in your stomach. I feel it right now actually because there is a party tonight that I can't go to because I have to study for finals. Does everyone (even non alcoholics) experience this with wanting to drink? Or is this a sign of a problem?
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
If alcoholism and drug addiction just 'mellowed out' or 'went away', none of us would be here fighting for our lives. People that don't have a drinking problem of some sort, have absolutely no issue with not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Hi Mek.. I commend you for coming and seeking help at such a young age. Like others have mentioned before many of us started as young as you, if not younger but wouldnt believe we had a problem. Its only until later when things go very wrong (jail, losing spouses or kids, losing jobs and friends etc) that so many people seek help. So again, I am really impressed that you are seeking help before things get too messy.
Can you talk to your parents or do you have any close friends who could be of support to you? Support is really important when it comes to addiction, doesnt matter where it comes from.
Stick around, its great to have you!
Can you talk to your parents or do you have any close friends who could be of support to you? Support is really important when it comes to addiction, doesnt matter where it comes from.
Stick around, its great to have you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 21
Wow it is so great to know there are so many people who can relate to exactly how I feel.
My brother recently got a DUI and now has to go to state mandated AA meetings. But I know he doesn't think he has a problem at all. He is probably blowing off these meetings, not taking anything from them. I am so jelous though. I wish I could go to the meetings. I would love to talk to people who are going through the same thing(just like you guys). Only I could never go. My parents would flip out. A few years back I was very depressed and worked up the courage to ask to see a therapist ( because I didn't want to talk to my parents about it). But after every session, they would ask a million questions about what we talked about. But the whole point of me going was because I didn't want to talk to them about it. They seem to think that they can fix the problem themselves. They would think it was outrageous to go to AA meetings because they know nothing about my partying. Of course i've gotten in trouble plently of times. But they have no idea of the extent I do stuff. I am very sneeky, and quite a good liar. I go to parties every weekend (where the parents aren't home) and there is a lot of drinking. Only I have never told my parents I was going to any of these because their rule is that the parents have to be home( they sometimes call). So I learned very quickly that if I ever wanted to go to parties, I would have to lie to them. I lie to them about everything and don't want them to know anything about my life. This makes them angry because they are very nosey and want to know everything- the more they know thought, the easier I will get in trouble. Simply put, I don't want to involve my parents whatsoever. I could never go to an AA meeting, using their car, and coming up with some amazing lie of what I am doing.
I forget what I was getting at here haha but that felt good to write out.
Oh and speaking of my parents and stuff, when I was a freshman, I used to drink any time they made me angry. Partly because I knew it would make them angery, partly because it made me feel better, and partly because I go incredible satisfaction out of doing something (and getting away with it) behind their backs. I was like hah suck on that!
Kate
My brother recently got a DUI and now has to go to state mandated AA meetings. But I know he doesn't think he has a problem at all. He is probably blowing off these meetings, not taking anything from them. I am so jelous though. I wish I could go to the meetings. I would love to talk to people who are going through the same thing(just like you guys). Only I could never go. My parents would flip out. A few years back I was very depressed and worked up the courage to ask to see a therapist ( because I didn't want to talk to my parents about it). But after every session, they would ask a million questions about what we talked about. But the whole point of me going was because I didn't want to talk to them about it. They seem to think that they can fix the problem themselves. They would think it was outrageous to go to AA meetings because they know nothing about my partying. Of course i've gotten in trouble plently of times. But they have no idea of the extent I do stuff. I am very sneeky, and quite a good liar. I go to parties every weekend (where the parents aren't home) and there is a lot of drinking. Only I have never told my parents I was going to any of these because their rule is that the parents have to be home( they sometimes call). So I learned very quickly that if I ever wanted to go to parties, I would have to lie to them. I lie to them about everything and don't want them to know anything about my life. This makes them angry because they are very nosey and want to know everything- the more they know thought, the easier I will get in trouble. Simply put, I don't want to involve my parents whatsoever. I could never go to an AA meeting, using their car, and coming up with some amazing lie of what I am doing.
I forget what I was getting at here haha but that felt good to write out.
Oh and speaking of my parents and stuff, when I was a freshman, I used to drink any time they made me angry. Partly because I knew it would make them angery, partly because it made me feel better, and partly because I go incredible satisfaction out of doing something (and getting away with it) behind their backs. I was like hah suck on that!
Kate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by smacked
People that don't have a drinking problem of some sort, have absolutely no issue with not drinking.
Wow I guess you are right. The difference between me and my friends that party just as much is that they could easily stop any time they wanted. I can't. How did I get this problem and they didn't? It isn't fair
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