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Mek0455 03-20-2010 10:28 PM

Do I have a problem with drugs and alcohol?
 
I've been drinking since the summer before freshman year and smoked weed for the first time spring of my freshman year. I am now a junior (in high school) and I've gotten in trouble quite a few times with my parents with both weed and alcohol. It usually results in them making me feel terrible, me being grounded, and promising myself that I will stop. I've tried so hard to change many times, because I know I hurt my parents by doing it, and also it's well known that I do it throughout school.( it's not like I'm the only one but you know what I mean) especially during the summer, I do it more frequently, I'm drunk or high probably 4 times a week. During the school year it's less because I play sports and stuff. Maybe once every two or three weekends sometimes more.

The problem is, whenever I try to change, and stop doing them, I just can't. I love the feeling of being drunk or high way too much to give it up. I've really tried soo hard to. But it gets to a point where at 4 or 5 months, I just can't resist any longer. I get this burning in my belly that's only satisfied when I go out and party.

My question is... Do you think I have a problem? I don't know if this is considered an addicion since I don't do it allll the time, but it's definately not something I can peacefully live with out. How can I change? I would really appreciate any help I can get, this is a problem I have been strugglig with for years and I don't want to mess up my life. :/

p.s. I'm a girl, I don't know if that matters...

barb dwyer 03-20-2010 10:31 PM

Hi -

being a girl ALWAYS matter, sweetie!

I hope you'll make friends here, and find some answers.

You're awfully young to be centering your life around
drugs ad alcohol and trouble.

We all (almost all ) started at your age.
We wanted to fit in,
bto be included
to lose weight...

...because we didn't have the LIFE experience to know
who we were going to become
and the thought was just terrifying.

I can tell you as a sage old woman of the world one thing for sure.

And that is:

People who don't have a drinking/drug problem...
don't come to recovery websites.

Can you talk to someone in 3D?

Mek0455 03-20-2010 10:34 PM

I figured if I came here, there would be people who could really tell if I have a problem or if I should just live it out, because it's a phase. I don't want to make a bigger deal of it than it is, but I don't know if this could be a minor addiction or something? but what do I do if it is? I can't turn to my parents, because they'll ony become more strict. I don't really have a go to person that I can trust with anything. I'm totally lost.

legaleagle 03-20-2010 10:45 PM

Only you can answer the question of whether you have a problem - but I can tell you that I probably could have written your post when I was your age. Started drinking when I was a freshman in highschool then quickly started smoking weed and then doing coke - all while still being a straight A student, one of the "popular" kids, and a star of the basketball and softball team. I come from a great family with parents that have been married 30 plus years. If you didn't guess (only girls play softball when they're young!) I am also a female, and continued being successul, as I am now an attorney with a pretty nice job. Only problem is, is that I am 30 and am an alcoholic. Everyone knew it back then - friends, parents, teachers, coaches - but they all let the drinking and drugs go because in every other way I was a "good kid".

I'm not blaming anyone but myself - but a big part of me is just still bitter because I feel like I "made" myself this way by drinking so young. Who knows whether that is true or not - doesn't really matter at this point - it is what it is and I just have to do my best to get and keep myself sober.

My only advice to you - enjoy being a teenager!!! It goes by way too fast! But if you really think you may have a problem (which it seems you might think so) please begin by talking to an adult, guidance counselor - anyone. Believe me, the sooner you start treating this thing the better!!

Dee74 03-21-2010 01:29 AM

Hi Mek0455

Noone here can diagnose whether you're an alcoholic or not or whether you'll 'grow out of it'. I don't think it works like that, even for professionals, which we most certainly are not :)

In any case, no matter what else I really think the problem is right now - you're drinking and drugging regularly and finding it hard to stop. That needs action.

Is there someone you can talk to - your parents, a counsellor, a doctor, a teacher? I think you really need to open up about this to someone, and get some face to face help.

And keep posting here too - it may not be face to face but the support here is wonderful.

Welcome to SR Mek0455 :)
D

coming_clean 03-21-2010 04:58 AM

hey mek,

I started around ur age doing drugs and drinking...im 26 now and I have had to pay a big price for my actions when I was younger...im clean now, but times have been rough...

People around me still use drugs and get drunk, only I decided not to look at others anymore, just at myself..
Ive seen too many drop out, kicked out, messed up at a very young age, dont be one of them!

take care, keep coming to this forum to read and reflect, itll help you..

findingout 03-21-2010 05:30 AM

Hey Mek0455,

I am not a girl (and I don't know if that will invalidate my experience for you) but I started out a 25 year problem with alcohol and other drugs pretty much the same way you are doing it. My first experience was during the summer before my freshman year and by my senior year in high school I was smoking pot every day, drinking most weekends. Although there had been several bad times (getting arrested for pot at a concert, smashing my father's car, showing up for events stoned or hung over even though other people were depending on me), I wasn't getting into trouble every time I used. By my senior year, I had a whole different set of friends, friends that used. My grades were not completely in the trash, but I was not achieving anything close to what I was capable of doing. My parents would tell me that they were seeing some kind of pattern and I kept telling them that there was no connection, but I was lying to them on a daily basis to cover up my using.

I had a problem with alcohol and other drugs. It wasn't a phase I was going through at all. It was a problem that kept getting worse for the next 22 years and completely determined my journey through life. Unlike you, I never seriously wondered if it was a problem, never seriously tried to stop it, until I was 40 years old and found myself in rehab.

Do you have a problem with alcohol and other drugs? I don't know but you did write


The problem is, whenever I try to change, and stop doing them, I just can't. I love the feeling of being drunk or high way too much to give it up.
and I know what that feels like. I made the mistake of always comparing my drinking and drugging to people who were worse off that I was and that allowed me to justify all kinds of things. You don't have to do that and you can get off the elevator any time you get tired of going down. It takes courage to admit you have this kind of problem and still more courage to seek out help if you can't stop all by yourself. You posted here and that is a start.

shaun00 03-21-2010 05:41 AM

in my experience people without a problem dont normally seek out recovery sites..
most get the measure of the problem when they attempt to stop..for long or short periods.

has your drinking got worse..?
its progressive on lots of levels.

how long before 4/5 months become 4/5 days?......or 4/5 hours.
is it worth the risk?.....

Charlotte2276 03-21-2010 06:09 AM

Is there a way you can change your surroundings? Perhaps hang out with some different friends? Maybe if you limit your exposure to the surroundings in which you drink or smoke you'll find a different routine. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Not exactly easy when your husband plays in a rock band in bars...lol..

Probably most of us on this site used when we were in school, but so did many who don't have a problem with alcohol today. I'm just saying (in my opinion, of course) maybe if we had stopped and saw our issues long ago, we wouldn't be here today. Trust me you don't want to be here when half your life is over and you feel like you've wasted it.

Trust yourself with what you are feeling. Going with your gut is never wrong. If you have a chance to make it out before it really grabs a hold, do it. In the end you will save yourself a lot of grieve. Being young and very influential can set patterns, especially when we grow up around self-destuctive people. Remove yourself from the situation and find something else to do.

least 03-21-2010 06:15 AM

Only you can say for sure if you've got a problem with drugs/alcohol, but coming here is a pretty good indication that you think you do. If so, then you're really smart to want to change while you still have your whole life ahead of you. The longer you use/drink, the harder it is to quit. I hope you can find the support you need, here or elsewhere, to get and stay clean and sober.:)

Welcome to SR!:welcome

Mattcake 03-21-2010 06:26 AM

Welcome to SR, Mek :)

I used to wonder the same thing very often: do I have a problem with alcohol? I wasted many years trying to answer that question. You've been offered good advice in this thread on how to answer that question for yourself.

I eventually found the answer by asking myself a different question altogether:

Would my life be better if I quit drinking?

My answer was a resounding "yes"... it was suddenly so obvious, my life was a mess... so I quit. That was the starting point of my recovery, I was able to admit and accept that I had a problem soon thereafter.

My suggestion is to keep things simple and to avoid mind games such as rationalisation and denial ("maybes"); it's a simple yes or no question that many of us complicate beyond belief. I agree with Charlotte, trust your gut feelings and go with them.

In any case, whatever your answer is, you'll find lots of support here :) Take care.

tyler 03-21-2010 06:27 AM

As other's have mentioned, I started off about the same way as you. I didn't drink until my Junior year and it didn't become a regular "habbit" until my Freshman year in college. That is the time I started with the pot as well. For me it never really progressed beyond those two drugs, however that did not stop it from becoming a MAJOR problem in my life. Over the next 20+ years of pretty much constent use, I managed to loose just about everything of meaning in my life. Over the last year I've managed to get my life back on track, but not before losing my wife, hundered's of thousands of dollars and almost my life. I'm 41 now, and feel like I have pi$$ed away half of my life. At least I didn't lose the whole thing.

I agree that only you can really tell if you have a problem, but obviously your gut is telling you that you do, or you wouldn't be posting here. I just wanted to point out that even if you drug and alcohol use never progresses into "hard" drugs, it can still be a major problem. You might want to take a careful look at why you choose to use like you do. There is frequently some kind of driving motivation behind wanting to be f'd up all the time.

Welcome to Sober Recovery. A great place to learn, ask questions, and maybe even help some other people out. Take care.

wicked 03-21-2010 06:45 AM

Mek0455,

I am a female who started drinking in high school too. I continued to drink for twenty years. If you drive maybe you could find a young peoples meeting. Or, even if you don't drive call the meeting and someone will pick you up. If you look for the similarities with you and the other members, you will know what you need to know. There is so much more awareness about this problem now, and that is fantastic. Try a meeting. I wish I had.



I made the mistake of always comparing my drinking and drugging to people who were worse off that I was and that allowed me to justify all kinds of things. You don't have to do that and you can get off the elevator any time you get tired of going down. It takes courage to admit you have this kind of problem and still more courage to seek out help if you can't stop all by yourself. You posted here and that is a start.
Yeah, I found myself comparing my drinking to my father's. He was in the hospital, from a car accident that was his fault and put a young man in a coma. I said to myself,
"Well, I am not that bad, YET!"
Oh yeah, stinkin thinkin for sure. I had a cooler in the car, stocked up for me, getting ready for my nightly blackout . Yep, not that bad yet.
I found out in rehab, yet could be an acronym for
"You're Eligible Too" Meaning, it will happen eventually if I continued to drink.

Taking5 03-21-2010 07:10 AM

Mek,

Not much I can add except it is great to see a young person trying to get help. Trust me you do not want to wait until you are mid-40s to try to beat this.

Also you might want to check out the women's room if you feel more comfortable without us guys around.

coffeenut 03-21-2010 07:41 AM

You sound like my daughter....and I believe she has a problem.

With that being said.....only you know if you have a problem. I applaud you for coming to SR. Keep reading and posting. Lots and lots of good people here, who care.

Mek0455 03-21-2010 07:45 AM

Wow you guys are really awesome, I can't thank you enough for all your responses. I'm just so confused because I know a lot of people who do the same thing as me but it is likely that not everyone is going to develop a serious problem. I don't want to be "that girl" who everyone thinks is just making a big deal out of nothing just for attention which is totally not the case. I've seen my brother (3 years older than me) get in trouble a lot over the years for the same things. And now I'm following in his footsteps, but it doesn't seem to stop me, even after his recent DUI. I don't think people would care if I didn't drink or smoke, it's me that's stopping myself.

I can't resist that burning urge for the feeling of it again. I enjoy drinking an smoking socially with friends at parties and things. But the part that scares me is when I come home and lay in bed I think to myself how much I LOVE the feeling. Whether it be my vision spinning or body tingly and numb from being drunk or felling totally relaxed and almost as if my body is pulsing from being high. It's my realization of how much I love those feelings that keeps me from stopping. Even if I am able to resist for 6 months or something, I can't forever, eventually I am going to do it again, and once I get a taste of the feeling again I'm not gonna want to stop.

I guess I just really don't want it to develop into a major problem. It may or may not but is it worth it to just wait it out and see what happens? I really wish I had someone I trusted to talk to, but until I find someone, you guys are the best thing I have (i mean that in a good way) I really appreciate any advice I can get.

tellus 03-21-2010 08:16 AM

While I can't say anything about your specific situation, I will say this: I started drinking during my freshman year in college (I'm also a girl), and within two years was a rock-bottom alcoholic. We do tend to progress faster than the men, on average. My major worry, with myself as well as you, is that the young brain is very plastic -- it doesn't stop developing until our early to mid-twenties. Even if you're not an addict, my concern would be how you're affecting your neurological development.

Also drawing on my own experience (and I truly don't mean this to be a scare tactic)... When I was drinking heavily, I fell into a relationship with a guy who, in retrospect, was coercing me into sex that I didn't want (read: raping me) on a regular basis. As young women, we are more vulnerable to predators when we're under the influence than a lot of other people.

My advice would be to talk to a school counselor or some equivalent, if you truly don't feel you can talk to your parents about this. You are certainly not the only one in your age group going through this sort of thing.


Even if I am able to resist for 6 months or something, I can't forever, eventually I am going to do it again, and once I get a taste of the feeling again I'm not gonna want to stop.
Boy, that does sound familiar. :hug:

pinpoint 03-21-2010 08:21 AM

Most problems start out small then progress, sometimes subtley sometimes very quickly. I think we all felt that way about our drugs of choice- the feelings they gave to our bodies and minds. But wait! Those feelings turned from euphoric to great to good to bad to nonexistent, yet I still kept on using. I used to "fill" up a monstrous hole in my soul, took a long time to admit the hole even existed, longer yet to realize I did dope to fill it in. The "fun" things about it were just an accessory, I just wanted to escape from me. I don't know if you do the alky and weed because of the experience or because (if ya really look hard) you might have some feelings about yourself or others that you hurt from and then ya use? Nobody likes to be in pain girlie. That's why there's a sh*tton of people on here, the pain of using, the pain of who/what we had become (no matter if youre drinking one beer a week or banging heroin) was too much to bear. Glad to see you here, and you're a smart for using the ol' noggin. Take an honest look at who you are now and where ya want to be. Stick around :c031:

Taking5 03-21-2010 08:40 AM

Yes, women lack a certain enzyme that helps metabolize liquor. It is not just because men on average are bigger. Take a 170lb man and a 170 lb woman with similar drinking volumes and the woman's health fades first. The fact that female alcoholics progressed more rapidly than males was noticed by AA's founders, but they did not have the science behind it. We do now and it is well documented.

Are Women More Vulnerable to Alcohol's Effects?

If you happen to be asian, there is another strike against you genetically speaking:

Asian Alcohol Intolerance

Skeeter2 03-21-2010 11:44 AM

Hi Mek ... your story sounds familiar, though it was over 30 years ago for me. Good for you for asking the question at this point! You might want to listen to this story about recent research into teen brains: wbur.org News The Teen Brain: It's Just Not Grown Up Yet. Had I heard that years ago it would have given me a heads up. I was a good student. I'm a responsible adult. I didn't lose everything because of alcohol, but some things certainly could have been better. I finally said enough last July ... I just realized the other day that this is the longest I have been without drinking since my early days of high school. Life's just better being present. (Future's so bright, I have to wear shades!) Good luck and keep coming back. The people on this site really helped me get through those times when I was "Jonesing" for a buzz ... amazing how those urges just dropped in from out of the blue. Cheers -- i. :)


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