Help! So confused...

Old 02-23-2010, 01:38 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1
Help! So confused...

So I am brand new to this site but it looks like a wonderful place for support and help.
So my quick background: I was divorced a couple of years ago and I have two children. I met this wonderful "man of my dreams" very quickly after my divorce. He was fun and loving and deep and a muscian We are engaged to be married and moved in together and now have a child of our own.
Well - over time I have seen that he drinks ALOT. At first we would drink together just "having fun" hanging out and watching movies. But then I got pregnant. I told him that if I couldn't have a beer then neither could he. He agreed at first but quickly went back on that. He would say he needed it to sleep or because of stress at work or stress of having a baby,etc etc... He is now staying up super late at night and drinking a 12 pack a night or more. I guess I have been a classic enabler, the more I read the more I realize how many mistakes I have made and what a push over I am.
Well, now I want to confront him and tell him his alcohol addiction is causing many problems. I worry when I have to leave him home w/ the baby. He doesn't drink during the day but he does sleep all day. He isn't interested any doing any activities during the day. He has yelled at me and been emotionally abusive to the point that my self esteem is at a "0". His family is aware of the problem because I went to them for help. They want to confront him to. I'm just so scared and confused. My dream man has become a nightmare.
Oh and one side note - I have found that he has other unhealthy addictions. I discovered he has been looking at weird stuff and porn on his computer. He lied and covered it up many times. Now I barely trust him at all and my heart is broken.
My questions are: Has anyone dealt with these problems in their partner. Do I have any hope at all for him to get better? How do you deal with this????

Thanks in advance for any advice!!
Kris100 is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 01:56 PM
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RacerX's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 113
Hi Kris,

First, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this and pray for healing.

That said, have you checked out this forum?:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You should find many others that can relate to what you're going through and help you with their own life experiences.

Again, I hope this helps and wish you all the best.

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Old 02-23-2010, 01:56 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,142
Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad that you are seeking support.

Abuse of any kind is unacceptable in my opinion.

Please do whatever is necessary to take care of you and your child.
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Old 02-23-2010, 02:27 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,551
I agree with Anna. Abuse of any kind is NEVER acceptable. Please do whatever is necessary to protect you and your baby, even if means leaving him or making him leave the home. Please take good care of you and baby.
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Old 02-23-2010, 02:46 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,640
Lots of good advice here already - you'll find a lot of help and support here.
Welcome to SR Kris

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Old 02-23-2010, 02:54 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Kris;

there's always *hope*...but he has to want it as much as you do.

read back over your post when you feel more calm....Please put your child's welfare and your own before his needs.
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