Old 02-22-2010, 07:08 PM
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lily427's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: maryland
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Hi all, I have joined this site because a year ago I seperated from my husband, and he is addicted to heroin.
We were married for about 6 years. I have a son that was 6 at the time, and Paul has been the only father he has really ever known. Paul was smoking marijuana alot but I just turned my head to it. I left last year because he lacks ambition, living with him was like walking on eggshells, he says hurtful things when he gets mad....and I felt like at 35 years old I had put up with enough hell. So I left, and things went downhill.
Paul had a previous problem before I met him with heroin. He would use pain killers from time to time while we were together. I was hoping that when I left he would keep himself straight but he has totally went downhill.
I noticed he was hanging around shady people. He would not keep a constant job. I caught him in many lies. He started losing weight and looking like crap. One day a few weeks ago I went to his house while he was not home to pick up my son after school (John will periodically walk there), and I went to use his bathroom. I saw blood on the walls near the toilet. I snooped and found empty heroin capsules, and syringes. I confronted him and he said he was not using anymore they were all old. He said he was getting clean, I asked him to go to a treatment center and he said no. I started to research heroin and addiction on-line since this was the first time I had ever dealt with someone with that type of addiction.
Last week he was pulled over and arrested. He has 14 charges against him. Apparently he was stealing from a local target and they have been investigating him for a month. He has 11 counts of theft under $1,000, a theft scheme charge, paraphanelia (a spoon under his seat), and cds-not marijuana (empty heroin capsules under his seat). I went to his house the next day and asked if he felt like he had hit rockbottom yet. I told him I felt like he had not and he was hanging by a thread, his next step could be death and I did not want to get a call that he was dead. He told me he was ready to go to a treatment center, but I always feel like he is telling me what I want to hear.
Saturday night he called me and said he wanted me to look on line at some places for him to go. He has no insurance so that was going to be a problem. I had to look for something state funded in Maryland. He reached out to me and asked for help so I feel like I have to try whatever I can to help him. I have learned that heroin addiction totally rewires the brain so that is all they think about. He says he is tired of living that life and making the wrong choices, but he needs help.
I found a rehab that would take him tomarrow but it costs $3200. I called his father to ask for the money and he said I had dialed the wrong number for help. I figured as a mother myself I would much rather pay $3200 for a rehab than a funeral, but I guess some people are just different. I am very bitter about the things he said to me on the phone.
In the meantime a woman called me and told me she heard about Paul and wanted to reccommend a place called New Life For Youth. It is apparently a ranch in Virginia that caters to heroin addicts. It runs soley on donations so Paul would potentially be able to get in for free. I called and left a message and I am waiting to hear back about their program.
I went to Pauls house and we had a talk. I told him that he has to complete whatever program he goes into and after he serves whatever time he gets for his charges he needs to then attend NA meetings and form new circles of friends. I told him that he could not even smoke weed or drink because he is an addict and he loses control and spirals downhill when he does those things which lead to bigger problems. I could tell he was high when I got there, it is just so extremely sad to see someone so young, that I once married on a beach in Islamorada, that at one time had a heart of controlled by a drug addiciton. I am so extremley sad, it is all I think about. I am hoping that with joining this site I can meet people like me and form a support system. Sometimes I just don't know what to do or where to turn.
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Old 02-22-2010, 07:18 PM
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Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
Welcome to SR Lily

You'll find a lot of help and support here. We also have a Family and Friends section here as well, if you'd like to check that out too.

I hope you're looking after yourself as well as you're looking after Paul

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by

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Old 02-22-2010, 09:16 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
Welcome lily..

..plenty of support here....Oz
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:45 PM
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Nonexistent Willpower
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Sounds like Paul is very very fortunate to have a friend like you in his life.

The fact that you were able to separate from him says a lot about your character already. Congratulations on reaching out. As you seem to already know, the best course in being able to help him is keeping yourself healthy first and foremost.

Welcome home! You are in the right place....
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Old 02-23-2010, 10:34 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: maryland
Posts: 7
Thank you guys. I found him a 12 month program called New Life For Youth. It sounds like everything an addict needs....structure, discipline, people who understand, and hope. I don't know that he will go for it since it is 12 months but I think it would be the chance that he desperatly needs to become free of his addiction. It is a christian program, I think that this would be a great infleuence in his life. I am now in the process of trying to get him into detox and finding a program he is comfortable with. Hopefully I will be able to get him into detox tomarrow, I don't want to wait any longer. Thank you for your kind words
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:11 AM
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Good luck Lily..... to the both of you.
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:22 AM
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Psalm 118:24
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Location: ILLINOIS
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You might give the Salvation Army a call!!!
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