BurningChrome

First off, I am very glad to have found this site! I've been reading posts here for awhile and registered to post today. Sigh.... I have 3 college degrees, write very complex software for a job, just turned 50, and have had a drinking problem for literally years. I am an almost daily, evening drinker. Yet every day, I get up at 6:30a.m. and go do my job well, I guess I am what they call a "functional alcoholic". My wife of 12 years knows my falults and accepts them but I can see the hurt in her eyes every day and it just kills me inside and yet I still drink..... WTF?? Am I crazy? I have quit before, back in 2004, I quit for over a year and went from 180 lbs. to 135 lbs. in eight months, just lost all desire to eat, doctors scanned me for everything and finally said, it's in your head, nothing physically wrong with you. Because of that previous experience, I am hesitant to quit again, but.... I am now convinced that every drink I take causes me more physical harm than the enjoyment it "gives" me. Going to give it a go again. Anyway, looking forward to spending time on this site reading posts from others and seeing how they deal with their problems, I am sure it will help me. Thanks for listening, it is much appreciated.

...Mike

sev

Welcome, Mike. Glad you found us.

DramaPrincess

Hi BC - I'm new here too - the people here are lovely and have already helped me! I thought I was alone in the "functioning alcoholic" thing but it looks like we are all no so unique in that fact!! It seems there are many many intelligent people here and being an alcoholic doesn't change that - it just means you have a problem with alcohol. All the best!

least

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you joined the family. We are all different people but all have the same problem: addiction. I hope we can help you with support and information so that you can live a sober and rewarding and happy life.

Dee74

Hi Mike

I got to that point too.
I stopped, worked hard to stay stopped, and never looked back

Welcome
D

BurningChrome

Wow... I posted my first intro msg. just a couple of hours ago and have already received a number of very supportive posts. I feel more welcome here than I have most other places! I know this group/site will help me thru my trying time ahead. Again, thank you all in this community, I _know_ it will help me do what I _have_ to do. I feel more confident already!
..Mike

Spawn

"welcome to the group"

Spawn

This might sound off the wall but try writing a letter to your addiction saying good-bye
I've known people who have gone through the same thing and it helped them.

lionheart

many many functioning alki's here! you are not alone and wont be if you chose to hang around

bozo123

No one has/had a clue how much I was drinking most every day in my little home sports bar. Between 6 and 12 drinks about 4 days per week every evening. And my drinks were drinks if you know what I mean.

Went to work everyday with that tired hungover feeling, bloated and feeling guilty for what I was doing.

Very interesting how everyone has such different drinking habits.

After much research it was very clear that I was a problem heavey drinker but had not yet become an alcohlic. However, at the pace I was on I would become a full fledged alcohlic in a short time - no question.

bozo123

It helped me to go online and read the Big Book from the founders of AA. I learned a lot about myself from the information contained in the chapters. Very quick read.

NewMe11109

Welcome Mike. Glad you are here.

We alkies think we are all unique -- the term that is usually used is "terminal uniqueness"

The reality is that we all have the same disease. Some of us can get off the elevator at a higher floor and avoid some of the pain. Some of us take it all the way into the ground.

When I got sober (13 months ago), I identifed a lot better with other HFA's (High Functioning Alcoholics). But, now that I have been sober for a while, I no longer label myself as such because I realize that my functioning was more a matter of timing than anything that I was doing right. I just got off the elevator at a higher floor -- but the door is still open and it is still calling me to get back on ... to continue the wild ride.

I am thrilled you are here. Your story is mine.

Life for me is not always great, but I am much more grounded, content, and present in the life of my wife and kids today.

Start your recovery today. Lots of support here in SR.

Fandy

Hi Mike;

when i first joine SR 4 days ago i also described myself as a "functioning alcoholic", i've been drinking almost every day for 25 years...your story and mine have many similarities....and others too. you are not alone, the support here is tremendous. welcome!!

Zebra1275

I also have 3 graduate degrees and a complex, demanding job. Other than my wife and a few family members (and my Doctor) no one knows I have a drinking problem, and people think I'm successful. I used to think I'm a functional alcoholic, but that's not true, I'm just an alcoholic. I may not have hit the bottom quite as hard as some have, but I can't handle alcohol. I did 99% of my drinking at home. I passed 50 a little while ago, and while I fooled a lot of people over the years, I was unable to fool my body; years of heavy drinking caught up with me. My health is generally good, put my blood pressure would be sky high without the medication I take, I'm sure that's due to drinking. If I were to drink tonight, I would drink until I got a good buzz on. Then I would have to drink a couple of beers in the morning to moderate my hangover. Then throughout the day I would keep a few beers in my system to continue to try to decrease the effects of drinking, mainly the physical effects of the shakes and the emotional effects of low self esteem from drinking. After dinner I would get a better buzz going and end up repeating the whole process the next day. Trying to moderate the physical effects from one night of heavy drinking, takes me 3 - 5 days. I'm too old for this crap.

BurningChrome

Thanks for sharing! Sounds _alot_ like myself! After many years of this crap and just turning 50, AND having a brother who destroyed his life and family thru alcohol and having many blood relatives with alcohol issues, I _know_ and have always known I had a genetic predisposition for addiction problems.... Stopping is no longer an "option". I quit smoking almost 10 years ago for the same reasons, never smoked again. Time for the same thing with drinking.... Thanks again,
...Mike

febuary2010

Good luck Mike

Horselover

Welcome to SR Mike. May this be the time you make it last. This site has been an incredible support to me and many, many others. If it doesn't help you then I hope you will find something that will. Many have found strength through face to face groups. My thought is if SR doesn't do it for me then I will find something in addition, but for now its helped me to stay sober.