Do i need help - is he right?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1
Do i need help - is he right?
Hello, I'm a 25 years old girl and I came to this forum because of guy I met some months ago.
He is a recovering alcoholic and he quit drinking for good rohugly 2 years ago. We started hanging out together and, after some time, he told me he was worried about my drinking... I work full time during the week and I only drink heavily on weekends (to the point of not remebering what I did during the night).
I do it because otherwise I see no fun in going out and get bored quite quickly and I also do it because all the friends i have at the bar where I usually go drink a lot (a lot more than me) and it's unfun to be around them if I'm sober.
He is infact the only non.drinking guy that i know, so, at first I tought that he was beeing too harsh with me just because of his past history with booze.
We got to the point of me not wanting to see him anymore because I could't stand to be judged by him.
We lost contact for about two months, than I contacted him again after one of my drinking friends pushed me down a staircase while he was drunk and i broke my wrist.
I was pretty worried about the situation and started questioning myself if he was right about me having a problem, he was so kind to take me to the hospital and stay with me for more than 12 hours, but he also firmly told me that I had to quit seeing this friend of mine if I wanted him to be around.
So i did that and also started to control my drinking by staying a lot more at home (I don't drink when I'm at home, just when I'm out with my frinds).
Now two months have passed and I spent most of the time with this sober guy and I was starting to grow deep feelings for him, but one week ago, i was out at a store with him and that guy that accidentally broke my wrist called me and i agreed to meet him, as some time has passed and I think there was nothin wrong with seeing him again (he's fun and treats me well when he's not drunk).
Well the sober guy that I'm going out with got mad at me for that and said that i broke his trust and didd not want to see me anymore because he was pretty clear about me not seeing this guy.
I have not heard from him in one week, and I'm starting to wonder if he's right and i have a bigger problem with booze that i tought.
I need help please.
He is a recovering alcoholic and he quit drinking for good rohugly 2 years ago. We started hanging out together and, after some time, he told me he was worried about my drinking... I work full time during the week and I only drink heavily on weekends (to the point of not remebering what I did during the night).
I do it because otherwise I see no fun in going out and get bored quite quickly and I also do it because all the friends i have at the bar where I usually go drink a lot (a lot more than me) and it's unfun to be around them if I'm sober.
He is infact the only non.drinking guy that i know, so, at first I tought that he was beeing too harsh with me just because of his past history with booze.
We got to the point of me not wanting to see him anymore because I could't stand to be judged by him.
We lost contact for about two months, than I contacted him again after one of my drinking friends pushed me down a staircase while he was drunk and i broke my wrist.
I was pretty worried about the situation and started questioning myself if he was right about me having a problem, he was so kind to take me to the hospital and stay with me for more than 12 hours, but he also firmly told me that I had to quit seeing this friend of mine if I wanted him to be around.
So i did that and also started to control my drinking by staying a lot more at home (I don't drink when I'm at home, just when I'm out with my frinds).
Now two months have passed and I spent most of the time with this sober guy and I was starting to grow deep feelings for him, but one week ago, i was out at a store with him and that guy that accidentally broke my wrist called me and i agreed to meet him, as some time has passed and I think there was nothin wrong with seeing him again (he's fun and treats me well when he's not drunk).
Well the sober guy that I'm going out with got mad at me for that and said that i broke his trust and didd not want to see me anymore because he was pretty clear about me not seeing this guy.
I have not heard from him in one week, and I'm starting to wonder if he's right and i have a bigger problem with booze that i tought.
I need help please.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR Whiterabbit
If you think you have a drinking problem you probably do. Only you can tell for sure.
If you decide you do there is plenty of support here for you.
As for sober guy, if I was you I would question his motives.
He sounds controlling to me.
Do you think he doesn't want you around the other guy because he is concerned with your drinking or because he is jealous that you seem to have more fun with your other friends.
As far as the guy that pushed you down the stairs.
Why would you want to be around anyone that has physically injured you intentionally, whether he was drunk or not?
I think you have to look at these two things separately.
Good luck.
If you think you have a drinking problem you probably do. Only you can tell for sure.
If you decide you do there is plenty of support here for you.
As for sober guy, if I was you I would question his motives.
He sounds controlling to me.
Do you think he doesn't want you around the other guy because he is concerned with your drinking or because he is jealous that you seem to have more fun with your other friends.
As far as the guy that pushed you down the stairs.
Why would you want to be around anyone that has physically injured you intentionally, whether he was drunk or not?
I think you have to look at these two things separately.
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
No matter what anyone else says, you will not stop drinking until/unless YOU think it's a problem for you. My daughter begged me to stop drinking but I couldn't stop until I was ready to stop.
It sounds like your bf is worried about your drinking because he cares about your well being. But the choice of quitting drinking (and hanging out with your drinking friends) is up to you and you alone.
We are here to support you in your sobriety if that is your choice. We cannot make that decision for you. Only you can decide to stop drinking.
I also used to have a friend, a bf actually, who was abusive and mean when he was drinking. (like your friend who pushed you downstairs when he was drunk) I always made excuses for his behavior but finally came to see that he was not 'on my side' really.
Welcome to SR!
I hope we can give you the support and information you need to make an informed decision about your drinking and how it's affecting your life.
It sounds like your bf is worried about your drinking because he cares about your well being. But the choice of quitting drinking (and hanging out with your drinking friends) is up to you and you alone.
We are here to support you in your sobriety if that is your choice. We cannot make that decision for you. Only you can decide to stop drinking.
I also used to have a friend, a bf actually, who was abusive and mean when he was drinking. (like your friend who pushed you downstairs when he was drunk) I always made excuses for his behavior but finally came to see that he was not 'on my side' really.
Welcome to SR!
I hope we can give you the support and information you need to make an informed decision about your drinking and how it's affecting your life.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Whiterabbit,
Welcome. Only you can decide if drinking is a problem for you or not. Blacking out from drinking time and time again is not what a normal drinker does. There are plenty of alcoholics who binge drink at the weekend. You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. Its the effect alcohol has on you and your life which is the issue.
It seems this sober guy put a boundary in place as to what he expected from your relationship and you stepped over it, so I can see why he has walked away. If he was right or wrong to have the rule in the first place.....well that really is his choice, you didn't have to agree to it.......... this other man did break your wrist and obviously has a problem with alcohol......it's no surpise the sober guy wants to steer clear, for his own recovery.
As to the other guy why would you want to be close to someone who put you in hospital? Perhaps alcohol (or the desire to drink and be around certain people and party) is clouding your judgment here.
I hope you find the answer to your questions......particularly as you seem to have found someone very special you care about.
Take care.
Welcome. Only you can decide if drinking is a problem for you or not. Blacking out from drinking time and time again is not what a normal drinker does. There are plenty of alcoholics who binge drink at the weekend. You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. Its the effect alcohol has on you and your life which is the issue.
It seems this sober guy put a boundary in place as to what he expected from your relationship and you stepped over it, so I can see why he has walked away. If he was right or wrong to have the rule in the first place.....well that really is his choice, you didn't have to agree to it.......... this other man did break your wrist and obviously has a problem with alcohol......it's no surpise the sober guy wants to steer clear, for his own recovery.
As to the other guy why would you want to be close to someone who put you in hospital? Perhaps alcohol (or the desire to drink and be around certain people and party) is clouding your judgment here.
I hope you find the answer to your questions......particularly as you seem to have found someone very special you care about.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
I agree with Fubar...you are a grown woman and can decide for yourself who you want to see socially. I can understand that 'sober guy' is concerned for you perhaps, but to outright not talk to you over just talking to 'drunk guy' is throwing a tantrum, in my opinion, and very controlling behavior. I don't really think it has anything to do with the drinking. As Fubar said, these are two separate issues.
Even though I don't drink anymore, I still have friends who drink (a lot). If you want to make a change to your drinking, then do, but do it because YOU think you need to. You might just be a young person hanging out and having fun. Or you might have a drinking problem. I would say that drinking to blackout on weekends is not a good pattern...and the reasons you give for drinking might bite you in the butt later. But that is only for you decide.
Either way, I think you need to realize there are more than just two options here...be with sober guy and admit a drinking problem, or socially see who you want and not admit having a problem. Shoot - what if you never talked to either of these guys again, and met other nice people to hang with. This is not an either/or situation...and you hold the cards...not sober guy.
Even though I don't drink anymore, I still have friends who drink (a lot). If you want to make a change to your drinking, then do, but do it because YOU think you need to. You might just be a young person hanging out and having fun. Or you might have a drinking problem. I would say that drinking to blackout on weekends is not a good pattern...and the reasons you give for drinking might bite you in the butt later. But that is only for you decide.
Either way, I think you need to realize there are more than just two options here...be with sober guy and admit a drinking problem, or socially see who you want and not admit having a problem. Shoot - what if you never talked to either of these guys again, and met other nice people to hang with. This is not an either/or situation...and you hold the cards...not sober guy.
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