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Reminders of the past?

Old 02-08-2010, 09:25 AM
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Reminders of the past?

Does anyone have any friends or family who think that reminding you of some of your transgressions before recovery is somehow helpful to you? I was finally able to explain to my wife that it really adds to my stress level, but now my best friend has started bringing certain things nearly every time we're together. He has been in recovery for 8 years himself and somewhere along the way learned that its helpful, but it really adds insult to injury for me. He says it shows how far I've come in such a short time and my recovery has strengthened our friendship even more. I could not have done this without him, but am I wrong in thinking enough is enough? The last thing I want to do is hurt someone who has been one of my biggest supporters by asking him to stop bringing up the past.
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Old 02-08-2010, 09:52 AM
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I have similar feelings,my couple is remebering me all the day

what i did wrong and i don't know how much i'll tolerate this situation

i have a high level of stress beacuse this,i told her that remebering

how many things i did wrong is not the best way for recovery

but everyday she does the same and later she apologyce,

telling me that was my fault and she can't change now her angry to me

five minutes later she usually says "i love you"

at least i see that i'm improving my patience 100% or 200%
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Old 02-08-2010, 10:11 AM
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I've had a couple of people in my life "remind me of past indescretions" and it just ANGERS me, it does not help me at all, it just turns me away from them. Even when they think the story is funny, I find nothing humorous about my drunken years. I don't need reminding of the life I led and how far I've come because I see it every morning when I look myself in the mirror.
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Old 02-08-2010, 11:57 AM
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Yeah, I don't find them helpful either... just because they're gift-wrapped in a "see how far you've come" package...

Take care,
TB
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Old 02-08-2010, 12:17 PM
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Yeah, I don't find them helpful either... just because they're gift-wrapped in a "see how far you've come" package...

I completely agree!! A positive comment from friends/family about how far you've come in recovery can be helpful, but constantly bringing up the past is unfair and unnecessary and not helpful. Could you ask this person nicely to stop bringing up your past? Explain to them that you are not the same person you used to be and that their bringing up your past does NOT help you in the present.
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:23 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I completely agree!! A positive comment from friends/family about how far you've come in recovery can be helpful, but constantly bringing up the past is unfair and unnecessary and not helpful. Could you ask this person nicely to stop bringing up your past? Explain to them that you are not the same person you used to be and that their bringing up your past does NOT help you in the present.
This guy is like a brother to me and he really does think it's helping because it helped him - and says so when I mention that it really stresses or hurts me when he brings that stuff up. I guess I just need to find way to say knock it off without hurting his feelings. I think a little bruise like this is far better than some of the stuff thaT I used to say to him when I was drinking. Thanks for all the comments!
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:33 PM
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I would think you are trying to live in the moment and since he is in recovery he should understand the 24 hour pledge and moving forward. Maybe say your amends and move on. If he is "truly" a good friend, which I honestly believe he may be, then he will stop this since it is upsetting you. I would never want to upset my friends unnecessarily and if they told me I was bothering them by a certain behavior I would then change that behavior.
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:39 PM
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It's painfull and not wanted for.
Some people use it to "put you in your place"
That way they have power over you ( they think)
Just don't react to it.
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Old 02-08-2010, 03:06 PM
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I would not find the 'look how far you've come' approach helpful either.

Speak to your friend - honestly express your concerns...if he's a true friend I think he'll understand and back off.

D
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Old 02-08-2010, 04:11 PM
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Yeah I came home after two weeks sober and found the 5,000 dollar receipt for the jeep I totaled several years ago on my bed, my dad put it there because he found it cleaning stuff up. I was not happy about it, I tried not to get upset but it really bothered me. quite a bit. I do not like to be reminded of such bad things, it made me feel rotten then, it makes me feel rotten now.
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