Having trouble withe meetings.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Having trouble withe meetings.
So I go to at least 6 meetings a week. Its hard to get to NA meetings because you need a car to get to most of them. And on the weekends there arent any except in the city I get high in. My councelor wouldnt be too cool with that. I do get an occasional ride to ones off the bus line. But even still. Women are hard to come by. Even in the Aa meetings they are few and far between. And alot of them dont have alot of clean time. Or since there isnt that many, they are not taking any sponsees.
This **** is rough.
Plus I am finding in my new found recovery, that I really am freakin scared to talk to people. Its like I dont know what to say. I have trouble making eye contact and even when I do talk I have to look passed tehm or somewhere else. This is so the opposite of how I thought I was.
I have gotten clean before and not had this problem.
Even when I call home, I have no idea what to say to anyone. LOL..I mean, wtf is all that about.
Like all of a sudden I have nothing to say. Yep..Me, The one who hardly ever shut up, Now doesnt have the first clue as to what to talk abotu or the nerve to try alot of times.
My councelor says I am doing good and I have settles in well.
But I seriously need to expand my sober support outside the house. Finding an NA meeting is hard and finding women is just as hard.
My fav meeting is an AA meeting. But I feel very very uncomfortable sharing. So I dont.
And 1 or 2 nights the only meeting I can get to is a CLOSED AA. Those really make me nervous because I shouldnt even be in those meetings.
But what can I do when thats all there is?
I feel like I ma totally disrespecting the members by being there, then again by just sittin gthere afraid to say anything because of the fact I am not an alcoholic and know I shouldnt be there.
I am on meeting over load. I also started going to OA meetings on SaturdaY. And that just has me confused trying to work 12 steps into eating. I am totally baffled in that concept. I mean my drug addiciton took me to some seriously messed up places. I couldnt imagine food making me powerless and unmanageable.
I dont know. I am trying to just take it slow.
But the trying to find NA and women in meetings is bothering me. And plus I have yet to share. I am way to scared to even think about it right now. I seriously go blank.
And I am finding it very hard to concentrate on reading, listening. Its like I totally go off into another world. I had to read a paragraph almost 4 times last night because i couldnt stay focused. Same goes for when i am trying to lsiten and pay attention. I just blank out.
But other than that I think I am doing good.
I am doing everything I should and really am remaining interested in this whole process. And my people skills are def being tweaked. Living with 15 other people isnt easy all the time. But I am pretty laid back and try to get along with every one.
Takes alot to get a reaction from me these days. LOL.
Anyway. If anyone has any suggestions about finding women support in meetings I can benefit from. Please share.
We had a huge debate at IOP the other day about addicts being in AA. It got heated. I stayed out of it. But it just confirmed my fear. So I dont know what to do.
I need to find a sponsor. And theres no resources to do it , it seems like.
Anyway. I miss you guys alot. I am glad I can get here at least once a week now.
Hope all is well.
This **** is rough.
Plus I am finding in my new found recovery, that I really am freakin scared to talk to people. Its like I dont know what to say. I have trouble making eye contact and even when I do talk I have to look passed tehm or somewhere else. This is so the opposite of how I thought I was.
I have gotten clean before and not had this problem.
Even when I call home, I have no idea what to say to anyone. LOL..I mean, wtf is all that about.
Like all of a sudden I have nothing to say. Yep..Me, The one who hardly ever shut up, Now doesnt have the first clue as to what to talk abotu or the nerve to try alot of times.
My councelor says I am doing good and I have settles in well.
But I seriously need to expand my sober support outside the house. Finding an NA meeting is hard and finding women is just as hard.
My fav meeting is an AA meeting. But I feel very very uncomfortable sharing. So I dont.
And 1 or 2 nights the only meeting I can get to is a CLOSED AA. Those really make me nervous because I shouldnt even be in those meetings.
But what can I do when thats all there is?
I feel like I ma totally disrespecting the members by being there, then again by just sittin gthere afraid to say anything because of the fact I am not an alcoholic and know I shouldnt be there.
I am on meeting over load. I also started going to OA meetings on SaturdaY. And that just has me confused trying to work 12 steps into eating. I am totally baffled in that concept. I mean my drug addiciton took me to some seriously messed up places. I couldnt imagine food making me powerless and unmanageable.
I dont know. I am trying to just take it slow.
But the trying to find NA and women in meetings is bothering me. And plus I have yet to share. I am way to scared to even think about it right now. I seriously go blank.
And I am finding it very hard to concentrate on reading, listening. Its like I totally go off into another world. I had to read a paragraph almost 4 times last night because i couldnt stay focused. Same goes for when i am trying to lsiten and pay attention. I just blank out.
But other than that I think I am doing good.
I am doing everything I should and really am remaining interested in this whole process. And my people skills are def being tweaked. Living with 15 other people isnt easy all the time. But I am pretty laid back and try to get along with every one.
Takes alot to get a reaction from me these days. LOL.
Anyway. If anyone has any suggestions about finding women support in meetings I can benefit from. Please share.
We had a huge debate at IOP the other day about addicts being in AA. It got heated. I stayed out of it. But it just confirmed my fear. So I dont know what to do.
I need to find a sponsor. And theres no resources to do it , it seems like.
Anyway. I miss you guys alot. I am glad I can get here at least once a week now.
Hope all is well.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
You say you have a problem making eye contact with people which you have never had before, not even when clean before. Well you know the saying, if nothing changes, nothing changes.......so this is a change. You are recovering in a different way this time. Everything is really raw right now. I would be encouraged by what your counsellor says - you are doing well.
I am OA and AA and I know a lot of OAs find it hard to read the Big Book because they don't get it about alcohol. At the end of the day it is an addiction, it's just something we are powerless over. If you are in an OA meeting, or an AA one, look for the similarities rather than differences. Every time they mention food/alcohol, replace in your mind drugs. Listen to how unmanageable their lives are.........how insane they are around their addicition. I am sure you can understand that. Most importantly, listen to their recovery and their solution.
As to not paying attention, you have a lot of healing to do so be patient with yourself. How about praying at the beginning of the meeting something like "please God let me hear what I need to today" and then just listen.
If your mind wanders, don't worry just let it tune in and out but we willing to acknowledge the message when you do hear it. It may just be one line you hear someone else share but you know it is what you needed to hear that day, then just hold onto that one line like it is a life raft sent from God. You can switch off from the rest of the meeting then and just focus on your life raft and how you are going to use it to save your life.
As to the meetings, how about having a quiet word with the person taking the meeting and just let know how uncomfortable you are but how you need help. They may be able to let you know if they know of any other women who go to other meetings how could help you. Really, people do want to help if you can reach out.
I go to an open AA meeting and it says at the start to keep sharing to alcoholism. That doesn't stop addict or overeaters talking about being sober/clean from their addiction, nor does it stop them talking about how their lives are unmanageable or how they are working the programme. It just means they have to avoid giving detailed descriptions of their drug use as it is distracting to the alcoholics, particularly the newcomer.
You are doing well. Take care.
I am OA and AA and I know a lot of OAs find it hard to read the Big Book because they don't get it about alcohol. At the end of the day it is an addiction, it's just something we are powerless over. If you are in an OA meeting, or an AA one, look for the similarities rather than differences. Every time they mention food/alcohol, replace in your mind drugs. Listen to how unmanageable their lives are.........how insane they are around their addicition. I am sure you can understand that. Most importantly, listen to their recovery and their solution.
As to not paying attention, you have a lot of healing to do so be patient with yourself. How about praying at the beginning of the meeting something like "please God let me hear what I need to today" and then just listen.
If your mind wanders, don't worry just let it tune in and out but we willing to acknowledge the message when you do hear it. It may just be one line you hear someone else share but you know it is what you needed to hear that day, then just hold onto that one line like it is a life raft sent from God. You can switch off from the rest of the meeting then and just focus on your life raft and how you are going to use it to save your life.
As to the meetings, how about having a quiet word with the person taking the meeting and just let know how uncomfortable you are but how you need help. They may be able to let you know if they know of any other women who go to other meetings how could help you. Really, people do want to help if you can reach out.
I go to an open AA meeting and it says at the start to keep sharing to alcoholism. That doesn't stop addict or overeaters talking about being sober/clean from their addiction, nor does it stop them talking about how their lives are unmanageable or how they are working the programme. It just means they have to avoid giving detailed descriptions of their drug use as it is distracting to the alcoholics, particularly the newcomer.
You are doing well. Take care.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hey Trish
No meeting advice here either. I know others have tons of experience in that area
You're doing great - I'm so pleased to see you :bounce
D
No meeting advice here either. I know others have tons of experience in that area
You're doing great - I'm so pleased to see you :bounce
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-30-2010 at 01:23 PM.
20/12/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Hi Aysha
I am 43 days sober and struggle with the memory thing too. I am still working on getting to an NA meeting because I havent done that side of things for years and just started to realise it is apart of my story and my history.
I have the Big Book and the 12 Step and Traditions but reading them is a WHOLE other story and retaining the information...not happening right now.
Dont beat yourself up about it, you are trying and thats a fantastic thing. We have to have patience on all of this just as much as we want to grab it and run with it too. Someone suggested to me to get the 24hrs in a day book or something similar to that - it gives us the little bits to start retaining the information and also to help get the day started...Im planning on trying that next.
As for meetings. I felt a little similar in that I was scared and frightened to talk to people at first but the more meetings I went to the more it went away.
I still sit there hoping they dont call me but they always seem to and then I share and all the fear goes away. I dont think about what I want to talk about, I just talk - who says what comes out of my mouth is wrong - im still new to this - im allowed to speak my mind and figure how the formalities and deal with the politics at a later date.
Even if you are called and you say the usual first few lines and say, "and thats all I can share today" and build it up bit by bit...who knows, one day you might just talk for 10minutes!
Hang in there, it does change and it does get easier....
Take care
Rach
I am 43 days sober and struggle with the memory thing too. I am still working on getting to an NA meeting because I havent done that side of things for years and just started to realise it is apart of my story and my history.
I have the Big Book and the 12 Step and Traditions but reading them is a WHOLE other story and retaining the information...not happening right now.
Dont beat yourself up about it, you are trying and thats a fantastic thing. We have to have patience on all of this just as much as we want to grab it and run with it too. Someone suggested to me to get the 24hrs in a day book or something similar to that - it gives us the little bits to start retaining the information and also to help get the day started...Im planning on trying that next.
As for meetings. I felt a little similar in that I was scared and frightened to talk to people at first but the more meetings I went to the more it went away.
I still sit there hoping they dont call me but they always seem to and then I share and all the fear goes away. I dont think about what I want to talk about, I just talk - who says what comes out of my mouth is wrong - im still new to this - im allowed to speak my mind and figure how the formalities and deal with the politics at a later date.
Even if you are called and you say the usual first few lines and say, "and thats all I can share today" and build it up bit by bit...who knows, one day you might just talk for 10minutes!
Hang in there, it does change and it does get easier....
Take care
Rach
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hey Trish, dont sweat the little things, keep going to meetings and doing what your doing, sometimes we have to take the sposnor we can get for the moment, often people take a temp sponsor to support them.
Its early days, don't try to rush it, keep talking with members going to meetings, talking to your HP.
I got lots of phone numbers and called members just to chat, its a good thing to do to learn how to be with people and its also a good thing to do so I dont hesitate when I really need to pick up the phone and talk to a member.
Read as much Literature as you can get your hands on.
We got sick one day at a time
guess what?
We get well one day at a time.
((((Trish))))
Its early days, don't try to rush it, keep talking with members going to meetings, talking to your HP.
I got lots of phone numbers and called members just to chat, its a good thing to do to learn how to be with people and its also a good thing to do so I dont hesitate when I really need to pick up the phone and talk to a member.
Read as much Literature as you can get your hands on.
We got sick one day at a time
guess what?
We get well one day at a time.
((((Trish))))
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Originally Posted by Aysha 
My fav meeting is an AA meeting. But I feel very very uncomfortable sharing. So I dont.
And 1 or 2 nights the only meeting I can get to is a CLOSED AA. Those really make me nervous because I shouldnt even be in those meetings.
But what can I do when thats all there is?
And 1 or 2 nights the only meeting I can get to is a CLOSED AA. Those really make me nervous because I shouldnt even be in those meetings.
But what can I do when thats all there is?
I say, go to a few different AA meetings. Chances are you'll run into one that's really 50/50 AA/NA. It's just not talked about.
My home group is a women's group that happens to be very close to "rehab road" So, there's three facilities that are pretty much full of detered jail sentenced women. We hear phrases such as "Although alcohol is a part of my story, drugs became my downfall". <----If ya got drunk even once this would be true. ;-) A good meeting doesn't get into all the skanky details anyway. It's about growing as a person while sober. Instead of saying "when I was using" or "when I was drinking" You could say "When I was very sick". Play with the words a little.
There seems to be a lot of cross addictions in the women's only meetings I've gone to. Maybe give one a whirl.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Trish)) - I'm with ((Alizerin)) - I got a sponsor, who was a nurse at a treatment center and explained that I had a problem admitting to being an alcoholic. She asked me if I'd ever drank and gotten drunk without meaning to...I said "yes..quite a few times" and she said, for the purpose of making me feel comfortable in the meetings, to think of that as my being powerless over alcohol, even though we both knew CRACK was my DOC and what really got me into trouble.
I didn't share for a while, did a lot of listening and then only shared when it was something that I could "click" with...the similarities. I never mentioned crack or any type of drugs, I mentioned my BEHAVIOR and my FEELINGS and as time went on, what (if any) lesson I learned from behaviors. You can do that without every saying a word about crack or drugs.
Just focus on what people are saying in the AA meetings...listen to them when they say "I felt like **** when I did **** and see if you don't recognize that feeling" Now, instead of saying "the last time I went out and used, I did..." you simply have to say "the last time I went out, I got my tires slashed, almost got killed"....you never mentioned drugs.
In my meetings (closed or open) it was acceptable to say "I'm an alcoholic/addict" but in many closed meetings it's NOT okay to say the addict part. My sponsor was a wise woman, (I should have stuck with her - I'd have never found crack) - I was okay with saying "I'm an alcoholic" the way she said it to me. Another thing is, I NEEDED the fellowship of AA and I was not using them..a lot of what I shared helped others. In fact, when other addicts would come in, the old-timers would hook them up with me so they wouldn't feel so out of place....my addiction was only mentioned in meetings-after-the-meetings. So, leave your guilt about "not being an alcholic" at the door. You're there for help, and you will most likely help someone else...that's what it's all about
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
I didn't share for a while, did a lot of listening and then only shared when it was something that I could "click" with...the similarities. I never mentioned crack or any type of drugs, I mentioned my BEHAVIOR and my FEELINGS and as time went on, what (if any) lesson I learned from behaviors. You can do that without every saying a word about crack or drugs.
Just focus on what people are saying in the AA meetings...listen to them when they say "I felt like **** when I did **** and see if you don't recognize that feeling" Now, instead of saying "the last time I went out and used, I did..." you simply have to say "the last time I went out, I got my tires slashed, almost got killed"....you never mentioned drugs.
In my meetings (closed or open) it was acceptable to say "I'm an alcoholic/addict" but in many closed meetings it's NOT okay to say the addict part. My sponsor was a wise woman, (I should have stuck with her - I'd have never found crack) - I was okay with saying "I'm an alcoholic" the way she said it to me. Another thing is, I NEEDED the fellowship of AA and I was not using them..a lot of what I shared helped others. In fact, when other addicts would come in, the old-timers would hook them up with me so they wouldn't feel so out of place....my addiction was only mentioned in meetings-after-the-meetings. So, leave your guilt about "not being an alcholic" at the door. You're there for help, and you will most likely help someone else...that's what it's all about
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Where i got sober the pure alcoholic is in the minority, my friends are not in AA and NA, when in AA if they share about the using days then they mention alcohol and then skip the actual practicalities of the drug use, e.g. i couldn't find an empty bottle/coke can etc...
If you have already done step 1 and accepted all that then your shares would be mostly about how you are creating a closer contact with your HP, working the rest of the steps, applying it to your life, how your life is changing, how you have started feeling, how you are finally accepting you know nothing and are now listening for help etcetectc...drunkalogues and drugalogues are boring as hell, or you will find them that way soon...so when you share, share about getting better not how you got there, for now IMO, then who cares if it was drugs, drink, gambling...its alll the same result in the end anyway:-)
Sure there are a couple of alchies in our group that are hard line no addicts kind of thing but they are generally the older members, so jjust let them get on with it and yawn inside;-)
You are there for you remember...
If you have already done step 1 and accepted all that then your shares would be mostly about how you are creating a closer contact with your HP, working the rest of the steps, applying it to your life, how your life is changing, how you have started feeling, how you are finally accepting you know nothing and are now listening for help etcetectc...drunkalogues and drugalogues are boring as hell, or you will find them that way soon...so when you share, share about getting better not how you got there, for now IMO, then who cares if it was drugs, drink, gambling...its alll the same result in the end anyway:-)
Sure there are a couple of alchies in our group that are hard line no addicts kind of thing but they are generally the older members, so jjust let them get on with it and yawn inside;-)
You are there for you remember...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
The only requirement for attending a closed AA meeting is a desire to stop drinking which I am assuming you meet whether or not your drug of choice was alcohol. I tend to be of the belief that whatever got you to the meeting is worth the price of admission--many never make it that far. I wouldn't worry about whether you consider yourself an alcoholic or not--there are fewer and fewer pure alcies in AA anyway. And don't let any stubborn old timers put you down just because drugs are part of your story.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
hey trish,
i dont want to open up the debating society,
as to your question...
if you cant find a women to sponsor you,
find a man...
now, just make sure you have the motives in check...
(no cute guys, chauffeurs or $$$ bags)
in regards to women issues, you can find support for that elsewhere.
first goal,
a working knowledge of the steps.
i have sponsored a few women, and it has worked out well for both of us.
for me, it has shown and given me what real unconditional love is all about.
we at the POE have many cross addicted members, and a few dope heads,
crack heads, and pill-poppers...
that no drug talk i believe started in the 1950's,
and IMO its time to knock it off...
as it kills.
the steps should be for anyone that wants a new, way better understanding of themselves, and a way better life.
good wishes trish
xxooxxoo
rz
i dont want to open up the debating society,
as to your question...
if you cant find a women to sponsor you,
find a man...
now, just make sure you have the motives in check...
(no cute guys, chauffeurs or $$$ bags)
in regards to women issues, you can find support for that elsewhere.
first goal,
a working knowledge of the steps.
i have sponsored a few women, and it has worked out well for both of us.
for me, it has shown and given me what real unconditional love is all about.
we at the POE have many cross addicted members, and a few dope heads,
crack heads, and pill-poppers...
that no drug talk i believe started in the 1950's,
and IMO its time to knock it off...
as it kills.
the steps should be for anyone that wants a new, way better understanding of themselves, and a way better life.
good wishes trish
xxooxxoo
rz
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I think a meeting is a meeting. I'm an alcoholic but I'll go to an NA, it's the same principals. The goal is to stay clean and sober. If I share I have no problem saying "My name is __________ and I'm an addict." I DO have an addiction problem with alcohol and I believe that I could switch DOC, kwim??
You'll find your supports the longer you're around the rooms. I know it's strongly encouraged, however, even with my time in treatment and hitting the meetings I have a VERY small group of girls that I consider friends and supports in my life. I don't think I need any more than that.
TTYL!!!! Hope your week is GREAT!!!!!
You'll find your supports the longer you're around the rooms. I know it's strongly encouraged, however, even with my time in treatment and hitting the meetings I have a VERY small group of girls that I consider friends and supports in my life. I don't think I need any more than that.
TTYL!!!! Hope your week is GREAT!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 215
Hi TRISH! I was thinking about you, wondering how you have been doing. I pray for you even though we've never met because you are on a journey and I have been on that similar path.
I relapsed in 1994. It took until 1996 to make it back. I went to AA and/or NA meetings early on. I am currently an active member of AA, mainly because there are more AA meetings near my house and I don't drive as much due to being legally blind now.
I meet lots of new women in AA who are so scared to share. They usually end up sitting next to me in meetings. Mostly, because I am a 'quieter' member. When I tell them about me. Recoverying alkie/addict they open up a bit. I tell them when they meet someone in the rooms of AA or NA that picks on how they share, politely say thank you and to keep coming! Because there are LOADS of people like me in the rooms.
My most recent sponsee has other outside issues, including bipolar disease. I sponsor her. We talk about her sober journey, we are working the steps and she is sticking with her mental health counselors. No one in AA should be giving out medical advice. I tell her to stick with me at meetings and eventually those who are taking her inventory will stop. Because they have known me at meetings since 1996 and they know how I work a program and will get off her back. Otherwise, they have to contend with me. Snickering.
So hang in there baby!!!!! I have been reading your journey for months now and I am proud of you. Like I said, we haven't ever met but I feel like I know you. I have trudged your path. And without a 12 step program, be it AA or NA....I would not be a person able to give back to others like you today. I love you and I mean it.
I relapsed in 1994. It took until 1996 to make it back. I went to AA and/or NA meetings early on. I am currently an active member of AA, mainly because there are more AA meetings near my house and I don't drive as much due to being legally blind now.
I meet lots of new women in AA who are so scared to share. They usually end up sitting next to me in meetings. Mostly, because I am a 'quieter' member. When I tell them about me. Recoverying alkie/addict they open up a bit. I tell them when they meet someone in the rooms of AA or NA that picks on how they share, politely say thank you and to keep coming! Because there are LOADS of people like me in the rooms.
My most recent sponsee has other outside issues, including bipolar disease. I sponsor her. We talk about her sober journey, we are working the steps and she is sticking with her mental health counselors. No one in AA should be giving out medical advice. I tell her to stick with me at meetings and eventually those who are taking her inventory will stop. Because they have known me at meetings since 1996 and they know how I work a program and will get off her back. Otherwise, they have to contend with me. Snickering.
So hang in there baby!!!!! I have been reading your journey for months now and I am proud of you. Like I said, we haven't ever met but I feel like I know you. I have trudged your path. And without a 12 step program, be it AA or NA....I would not be a person able to give back to others like you today. I love you and I mean it.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I made it to the one NA meeting I have been wanting to go to since I got to the house. A girl from IOP picked me up. And she really likes it and wants to go every week now. So she will come get me too. There were 5 or 6 women with alot of clean time there last night. Thats what I seem to be looking for. Women with some good clean time.
Theres one lady that has gone through the house I am in already and alot of people and a couple councelors are telling me I should hook up with her because we have very similar stories.
She has a little over 18 mos. But she is just too graphic for me. She doesnt hold nothing back when she shares. Not one on one or in meetings. How she turned tricks ina dumpster and doing gravity crack hits in the middle of the road. Cleaning up brain matter off walls and getting paid 7 grams for doing it. She comes from the saem city I was in and knows some of the same people and she drops names and amounts and all that stuff that the preamble says you shouldnt state.
And it does bother me. I get it. You were living in a dumpster smoking crack/ But she does get way too detailed. And for some that does keep it raw for them. But for me it kinda gets me hyped up for some reason. I dojnt know how I should feel about that. I just have a bad vibe when I hear hear her. But she is doing really well and she seems like a good person.
Keepin it on the I as best I can. I am so glad I can get to another NA now. I just think I am going to make myself a fixture and after awhile Just sorta slowly come put of my shell.
I am so eager to know them like I know you guys here. But I know everything takes time.
I am really motivated to do this.
Just a few months ago, I would have laughed if you mentioned a meeting to me. Now I am doing service work. I go at least 6 days a week. Only cause I come home on Sun. But tonight I am going to my fav AA when I get back.
I am talking and sharing more at IOP.
And I dont know what has happened. But I have become alot more compassionate toward everyone lately. I dont like hearing the negative comments or saying negative things about anyone. I even voice that maybe that person just doesnt know yet or they are too eager to fit in and thats why they puke their story out the first day. While others are shaking theor heads talking **** about them.
I dont know. I am not at all interested in even sharing a little about war stories. It doenst matter to me for the first time how bad I was and how deep in it I was. I dont feel I need to justify that to anyone. I am am grateful I am finally willing to do whatever it takes to get better and never have to add to those horrible stories again.
Anyway, Thx everyone. I love SR and everyone here. I know I can always come here and get the answers I need. Love you guys.
Theres one lady that has gone through the house I am in already and alot of people and a couple councelors are telling me I should hook up with her because we have very similar stories.
She has a little over 18 mos. But she is just too graphic for me. She doesnt hold nothing back when she shares. Not one on one or in meetings. How she turned tricks ina dumpster and doing gravity crack hits in the middle of the road. Cleaning up brain matter off walls and getting paid 7 grams for doing it. She comes from the saem city I was in and knows some of the same people and she drops names and amounts and all that stuff that the preamble says you shouldnt state.
And it does bother me. I get it. You were living in a dumpster smoking crack/ But she does get way too detailed. And for some that does keep it raw for them. But for me it kinda gets me hyped up for some reason. I dojnt know how I should feel about that. I just have a bad vibe when I hear hear her. But she is doing really well and she seems like a good person.
Keepin it on the I as best I can. I am so glad I can get to another NA now. I just think I am going to make myself a fixture and after awhile Just sorta slowly come put of my shell.
I am so eager to know them like I know you guys here. But I know everything takes time.
I am really motivated to do this.
Just a few months ago, I would have laughed if you mentioned a meeting to me. Now I am doing service work. I go at least 6 days a week. Only cause I come home on Sun. But tonight I am going to my fav AA when I get back.
I am talking and sharing more at IOP.
And I dont know what has happened. But I have become alot more compassionate toward everyone lately. I dont like hearing the negative comments or saying negative things about anyone. I even voice that maybe that person just doesnt know yet or they are too eager to fit in and thats why they puke their story out the first day. While others are shaking theor heads talking **** about them.
I dont know. I am not at all interested in even sharing a little about war stories. It doenst matter to me for the first time how bad I was and how deep in it I was. I dont feel I need to justify that to anyone. I am am grateful I am finally willing to do whatever it takes to get better and never have to add to those horrible stories again.
Anyway, Thx everyone. I love SR and everyone here. I know I can always come here and get the answers I need. Love you guys.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
"How she turned tricks ina dumpster and doing gravity crack hits in the middle of the road. Cleaning up brain matter off walls and getting paid 7 grams for doing it."
Yeah, I'd stay away from that. Well, at least keep it at a comfortable distance. Sounds like she's still carrying her trash around.
Glad you had a good meeting.
Yeah, I'd stay away from that. Well, at least keep it at a comfortable distance. Sounds like she's still carrying her trash around.
Glad you had a good meeting.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Its funny I find it the same way. No point in talking about how bad we were. We all know how bad we got and frankly I don't like talking about it. Hard to believe I was so bad. Its nice to focus on the things that can help us get better.
Im glad you found a meeting with some other women.
Im glad you found a meeting with some other women.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yea..But she says being that raw helps her stay clean. Because it remonds her how bad she was.
But...I know when I told stories like that, using drug amounts, drug dealers names and talking about how you had this much money, how you hustled better than most.
I know when I talk like that, I am just running my mouth. Mostly to try and one up someone or prove I was a bad ass. Or trying to get the shock value from people.
Not for the right reaosns.
And honestly. Thats the only reason I ever told war stories. To show off in a way. I see how I get telling them. I dont get disgusted. I get hyped up and like happy almost. Its stupid.
I dont want to feel good about that ****. I dont want to feel like I come alive when I relive that time in my life. Thats **** is the cause of all my misery for many years. Not only to me, but my family and any innocent person that got in my way all that time.
I am far from proud of that. I really dont even want people to know how bad I was now. I dont care if anyone knows how hardcore I was. To me it doesnt even matter.
All that matters to me lately is how I can stay clean. How I can expand my sober network. Thats all I need to worry about for the next few months.
And it does sound stupid hearing someone go on and on about their street stories. I use to do it all the time. But hearing it from someone else jsut kinda made me relize how pointless and ignorant I sound.
Not saying anyone lese is. Just makes me reflect on mylsef when others do it. It doesnt sound right to me. So I dont want to do the same thing.
I dont know. Maybe I am wrong.
I just know all I want to think about is how to never go there again.
Hearing and talking about those things doesnt keep me clean. It makes me almost glorify it. And it doesnt take a genius to know that nothing about addiction is glorious.
But...I know when I told stories like that, using drug amounts, drug dealers names and talking about how you had this much money, how you hustled better than most.
I know when I talk like that, I am just running my mouth. Mostly to try and one up someone or prove I was a bad ass. Or trying to get the shock value from people.
Not for the right reaosns.
And honestly. Thats the only reason I ever told war stories. To show off in a way. I see how I get telling them. I dont get disgusted. I get hyped up and like happy almost. Its stupid.
I dont want to feel good about that ****. I dont want to feel like I come alive when I relive that time in my life. Thats **** is the cause of all my misery for many years. Not only to me, but my family and any innocent person that got in my way all that time.
I am far from proud of that. I really dont even want people to know how bad I was now. I dont care if anyone knows how hardcore I was. To me it doesnt even matter.
All that matters to me lately is how I can stay clean. How I can expand my sober network. Thats all I need to worry about for the next few months.
And it does sound stupid hearing someone go on and on about their street stories. I use to do it all the time. But hearing it from someone else jsut kinda made me relize how pointless and ignorant I sound.
Not saying anyone lese is. Just makes me reflect on mylsef when others do it. It doesnt sound right to me. So I dont want to do the same thing.
I dont know. Maybe I am wrong.
I just know all I want to think about is how to never go there again.
Hearing and talking about those things doesnt keep me clean. It makes me almost glorify it. And it doesnt take a genius to know that nothing about addiction is glorious.
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