This is so scary
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Oh, it’s scary to come to terms with this. Now that I have this down I feel a little better…..
Well, I just know this has to be done and I first want to thank all those that have contributed to this forum. It is just so heart warming to know that there are persons that will so gratefully offer their time and advise for those of us in need.
I have been reading this forum about all weekend and I just did not see coming all the emotions that it was bringing up for me. I guess it is painful to know that I have to get this started…. it cannot be put off any longer.
I really am not sick of booze, not exactly sure if I want to stop and have never really got into too serious trouble with it. However, I am not so much of a fool as to not see the writing on the wall. My drinking is progressing. It takes more and more to get me where I want to be. You guys have helped me to see this is a progressive disease and not going to get better unless I do something about it. Just how much of a problem I have, I don’t know but, I know I have a problem. I am thankful that I had enough brains to start looking for a solution so a few weeks ago I googled and found this site, bookmarked it and walked away.
Friday evening my 22 year old son came outside to talk to me. Most every evening I am outside as I like to puff on a cigar or cig while I medicate. He generally avoids me after 6pm but luckily I was only on the 4th of the usual 6-10 beers I consume each evening. We have a good relationship and I am glad this conversation went pretty well. Sometimes his comments can be grating. Thankfully, I kept my cool. Now, if this all works out I believe I will have him to thank. He talked about his ambitions and how he has always wanted to be in a very professional line of work where his image was so important. Frankly, he is concerned that I will do something to embarrass him and hurt his career. I politely reminded him that despite what he thought, I had not given up and thus far I had not done too bad by him. I know deep down he is concerned about me also. The conversation got a little deeper and more personal. It did end well though. Slowly, that evening and into today it started to resonate with me that he is so right and if I cannot get this under control I will one day embarrass and disappoint him. If not anything else, he may have to one day tell people that his father drank himself to death.
I don’t want to make this too long. It’s emotional for me and I feel burdensome to you. I am not exactly sure what I am asking for here but I just felt like I had to get this going and felt this was the best way to start. I am working on a plan. I read the entire sticky post of the exerts of “Under the Influence” then ordered the book from Amazon. I figured I need a foundation of facts first. There are a couple things that are causing me some anxiety. First, a decision on AA. It’s the thing about physically attending meetings. I have never really tried to quite drinking but know it may take AA but I really do not want to attend meetings. The other is my relationship with my endearing wife. She and I drink together in the evenings. She not near as much as me. Sometimes I feel the booze is our “hand shake” to a successful marriage however, I am aware that booze has also made for some rough spots in it as well. I am concerned about how it will effect our relationship if I quit and she does not. For now, I feel like this is my problem and want to leave her out of it.
Well there, now I have it started………
Well, I just know this has to be done and I first want to thank all those that have contributed to this forum. It is just so heart warming to know that there are persons that will so gratefully offer their time and advise for those of us in need.
I have been reading this forum about all weekend and I just did not see coming all the emotions that it was bringing up for me. I guess it is painful to know that I have to get this started…. it cannot be put off any longer.
I really am not sick of booze, not exactly sure if I want to stop and have never really got into too serious trouble with it. However, I am not so much of a fool as to not see the writing on the wall. My drinking is progressing. It takes more and more to get me where I want to be. You guys have helped me to see this is a progressive disease and not going to get better unless I do something about it. Just how much of a problem I have, I don’t know but, I know I have a problem. I am thankful that I had enough brains to start looking for a solution so a few weeks ago I googled and found this site, bookmarked it and walked away.
Friday evening my 22 year old son came outside to talk to me. Most every evening I am outside as I like to puff on a cigar or cig while I medicate. He generally avoids me after 6pm but luckily I was only on the 4th of the usual 6-10 beers I consume each evening. We have a good relationship and I am glad this conversation went pretty well. Sometimes his comments can be grating. Thankfully, I kept my cool. Now, if this all works out I believe I will have him to thank. He talked about his ambitions and how he has always wanted to be in a very professional line of work where his image was so important. Frankly, he is concerned that I will do something to embarrass him and hurt his career. I politely reminded him that despite what he thought, I had not given up and thus far I had not done too bad by him. I know deep down he is concerned about me also. The conversation got a little deeper and more personal. It did end well though. Slowly, that evening and into today it started to resonate with me that he is so right and if I cannot get this under control I will one day embarrass and disappoint him. If not anything else, he may have to one day tell people that his father drank himself to death.
I don’t want to make this too long. It’s emotional for me and I feel burdensome to you. I am not exactly sure what I am asking for here but I just felt like I had to get this going and felt this was the best way to start. I am working on a plan. I read the entire sticky post of the exerts of “Under the Influence” then ordered the book from Amazon. I figured I need a foundation of facts first. There are a couple things that are causing me some anxiety. First, a decision on AA. It’s the thing about physically attending meetings. I have never really tried to quite drinking but know it may take AA but I really do not want to attend meetings. The other is my relationship with my endearing wife. She and I drink together in the evenings. She not near as much as me. Sometimes I feel the booze is our “hand shake” to a successful marriage however, I am aware that booze has also made for some rough spots in it as well. I am concerned about how it will effect our relationship if I quit and she does not. For now, I feel like this is my problem and want to leave her out of it.
Well there, now I have it started………
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
We're all here because we've been where you are.
And, yes, it is emotional.
I am not an AA person either, but it does work for many. I have used books and SR as my support system and I so grateful to have good friends here who support me.
You're right, that choosing to not drink would be your decision and your wife is on her own path. I won't tell you that if you stop drinking and she doesn't, that you relationship won't change. If you both stop drinking, your relationship will change. For me, recovery rocked me to my core. I had been avoiding my emotions for years and years and I am not the same person now. But, it's all good!
I would also add, my drinking lasted about 3 years and my kids were teenagers at the time. And, I did embarass them and they had to tell close friends that I was an alcoholic. Even after all these years, I still get teary when I think that I caused them pain. Thank god, time has gone by and things have healed and life is good.
And, yes, it is emotional.
I am not an AA person either, but it does work for many. I have used books and SR as my support system and I so grateful to have good friends here who support me.
You're right, that choosing to not drink would be your decision and your wife is on her own path. I won't tell you that if you stop drinking and she doesn't, that you relationship won't change. If you both stop drinking, your relationship will change. For me, recovery rocked me to my core. I had been avoiding my emotions for years and years and I am not the same person now. But, it's all good!
I would also add, my drinking lasted about 3 years and my kids were teenagers at the time. And, I did embarass them and they had to tell close friends that I was an alcoholic. Even after all these years, I still get teary when I think that I caused them pain. Thank god, time has gone by and things have healed and life is good.
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by Intime 
I really am not sick of booze, not exactly sure if I want to stop and have never really got into too serious trouble with it. However, I am not so much of a fool as to not see the writing on the wall. My drinking is progressing. It takes more and more to get me where I want to be.
I never had serious consequences with booze either (no blackouts, no loss of job due to booze, no DUIs, etc.) I did have the progressive drinking issue you speak of and I did drink because I wasn't ready to cope with the problems in my life.
I'm sharing this with you because I fought up until the very last drink to convince myself I wasn't an alcoholic and used the "no serious consequences excuse forever"...but I too saw the writing on the wall in the end. When I controlled my drinking it wasn't worth it and when I didn't I felt like crap the next day(s).
Welcome to SR, it's a grand place to be.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Yep, I could have written many parts of your post. Including the drinking w/the spouse part.
After 30 years of daily drinking, I finally got it together a year and a half ago. Best/hardest/easiest thing I ever did. You can, too.
Please stick close to SR and welcome!
After 30 years of daily drinking, I finally got it together a year and a half ago. Best/hardest/easiest thing I ever did. You can, too.
Please stick close to SR and welcome!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Intime, there was nothing burdensome about your post. I saw myself in almost every line, including the talk with your son & concerns about your marriage. Be thankful that you are wise enough to see what needs to be done before you crash & burn like I did. I hope you feel better for having "started it", as you put it. I know exactly what you mean - I came here not really knowing where it would lead. I was still drinking but knew my drinking career was coming to an end. It was killing me, and I was drinking 24/7. You haven't reached that point yet, and you never have to.
I got sober without attending AA meetings, but one day I may give it a try again for the extra support. I had to go to court-ordered meetings years ago after a DUI but didn't give it a fair shot. (I was only trying to get my license back, not interested in quitting drinking at that time.)
Please stay here with us and let us know how it's going.
I got sober without attending AA meetings, but one day I may give it a try again for the extra support. I had to go to court-ordered meetings years ago after a DUI but didn't give it a fair shot. (I was only trying to get my license back, not interested in quitting drinking at that time.)
Please stay here with us and let us know how it's going.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi and welcome. I am so glad you have been able to share.
This process you are going through is not easy and is very scary and it is something you have to do in your own time "intime". You have taken some positive action already by posting here and ordering the book. Hopefully reading it will get a few things clearer in your mind about your behaviour around alcohol.
It sounds like you have brought up a very mature young man there. My son is only 7 but I am told no matter how old they are they still pull at the heart strings.
Keep in touch.
This process you are going through is not easy and is very scary and it is something you have to do in your own time "intime". You have taken some positive action already by posting here and ordering the book. Hopefully reading it will get a few things clearer in your mind about your behaviour around alcohol.
It sounds like you have brought up a very mature young man there. My son is only 7 but I am told no matter how old they are they still pull at the heart strings.
Keep in touch.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
First, you have to make a decision about quitting drinking. Do you really want to stop and are you willing to do anything to acomplish this? Because if your answer is no, then you may as well continue of the path you're on. But let me tell you a couple of things about alcoholism. It's a primary disease (nothing causes it but alcohol), it's progressive but you know that, it's chronic in that you're always going to have it, and it's fatal. It'll kill you. If you continue on your current path you're looking at two outcomes: you could be institutionalized with a nasty thing called Wernikie-Karsikoff Syndrome (You can Google it if you're interested in knowing more about it.) or you can end up dying from alcoholism at a much younger age the normal male population. That means you may not live to see how successful your son becomes. And death from cirrosis or liver cancer or any other alcohol-related cause is not a pretty thing.
One other thing you should be aware of is that alcohol is a disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it. It'll tell you that all you need to do is learn to control your drinking, that you should just quit for a little while to prove you're not an alcoholic, etc. etc. Normal drinkers don't have these thoughts, however. Just us alcoholics
Now having said all that, if you want to quit drinking you're going to have to have a plan. Quitting is actually pretty easy. It's staying quit that's hard. That's where the plan comes in. Anna's not an AA person. I am. AA saved my life. Like you, I didn't like the idea of meetings. But out of desperation I finally started going to a few. When I found a group that I liked I stuck with it. I found that sitting in a room with people I like, people who have the same problem I have, people who are working on that problem and are willing to help me too; well, that sort of changed my mind about meetings a little. AA's not for everyone, I know. But I strongly suggest you swallow your pride and try it. The program has save millions of lives over the years. It could save yours, too.
One other thing you should be aware of is that alcohol is a disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it. It'll tell you that all you need to do is learn to control your drinking, that you should just quit for a little while to prove you're not an alcoholic, etc. etc. Normal drinkers don't have these thoughts, however. Just us alcoholics
Now having said all that, if you want to quit drinking you're going to have to have a plan. Quitting is actually pretty easy. It's staying quit that's hard. That's where the plan comes in. Anna's not an AA person. I am. AA saved my life. Like you, I didn't like the idea of meetings. But out of desperation I finally started going to a few. When I found a group that I liked I stuck with it. I found that sitting in a room with people I like, people who have the same problem I have, people who are working on that problem and are willing to help me too; well, that sort of changed my mind about meetings a little. AA's not for everyone, I know. But I strongly suggest you swallow your pride and try it. The program has save millions of lives over the years. It could save yours, too.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
If not anything else, he may have to one day tell people that his father drank himself to death.
I too considered my kids and grandkids having to deal with a legacy of drinking that led to me death or worse. If you stop drinking now you won't have that burden to put on your loved ones.
AA is a good program and I've gone to it myself and still do sometimes. If you want to stop drinking without it, it is possible. Lots of people here have quit without AA so it is possible.
Getting as much information as possible can help you quit to. If you know what it's doing to your brain and body that can give you incentive to stop and stay stopped.
Welcome to SR!
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
First, there's nothing burdensome about posting on this board. We all come here, read eachothers posts, and share because we've been there, and we care. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. So share as much and as often as you feel compelled.
It sounds as though you are aware that you have a problem but are still flip flopping between denial and acceptance of your condition. That's perfectly normal. I know i was the same way at first. But rest assured that if you continue drinking it will get worse and you will experience the serious trouble that you referred to. The dreaded Yet's. As my addiction progressed i experienced dam near all of the things that i initually used to rationalize my problem. I'm not an addict because i haven't
YET
Well, all of these things happened to me over the course of four years of continued using after my initial awareness that i had a problem. It spiraled so fast, it's hard to even believe had i not lived it.
So, in my humble opinion, it's critical to make a decision. Quit or don't. Often times for people like us we have to experience these Yet's in order to reach the pain threshold necessary to do whatever it takes to change. I was one of these people. I hope that you are not.
There are many ways to overcome addiction. Whatever works for someone, works. I'm a believer in the 12 step fellowship. It's practically saved my life. I too was hesitant at first. I also do many other things to support my recovery, but the fellowship, and the step work are a proven solution. Beyond the personal work itself, the community and support found in the rooms of recovery is simply amazing. It's very comforting to know that there are people meeting regularly and who are a phone call away who know exactly what i'm going through and care. Genuinly care and want to help me.
I've relapsed numerous times and were it not for the fact that the folks in the 12 step rooms always leftthe light on for me i might not have ever made it back into recovery. I'm a firm believer that we cannot do this alone. Whatever path one takes, a loving support network is critical. Left to our own devices we are a bundle of self-destructive chaos.
I wish you all the best in your journey. At the very least, it seems that a seed has been planted. Never forget what brought you to this forum to share your situation with us. It will serve you well. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted.
It sounds as though you are aware that you have a problem but are still flip flopping between denial and acceptance of your condition. That's perfectly normal. I know i was the same way at first. But rest assured that if you continue drinking it will get worse and you will experience the serious trouble that you referred to. The dreaded Yet's. As my addiction progressed i experienced dam near all of the things that i initually used to rationalize my problem. I'm not an addict because i haven't
- drank/used in the morning
- gotten a DUI
- blacked out
- drank/used when i swore i wouldn't
- drank/used at work
- suffered poor work performance b/c of my using
- damaged/lost relationships b/c of my using
- spent the night in jail
- became financially irresponsible b/c of my using
- pawned possessions to support my habit
- gone to prison
- cheated on signifigant other
- stolen from friends and loved ones to support my habit
- lost a job due to my addiction
YET
Well, all of these things happened to me over the course of four years of continued using after my initial awareness that i had a problem. It spiraled so fast, it's hard to even believe had i not lived it.
So, in my humble opinion, it's critical to make a decision. Quit or don't. Often times for people like us we have to experience these Yet's in order to reach the pain threshold necessary to do whatever it takes to change. I was one of these people. I hope that you are not.
There are many ways to overcome addiction. Whatever works for someone, works. I'm a believer in the 12 step fellowship. It's practically saved my life. I too was hesitant at first. I also do many other things to support my recovery, but the fellowship, and the step work are a proven solution. Beyond the personal work itself, the community and support found in the rooms of recovery is simply amazing. It's very comforting to know that there are people meeting regularly and who are a phone call away who know exactly what i'm going through and care. Genuinly care and want to help me.
I've relapsed numerous times and were it not for the fact that the folks in the 12 step rooms always leftthe light on for me i might not have ever made it back into recovery. I'm a firm believer that we cannot do this alone. Whatever path one takes, a loving support network is critical. Left to our own devices we are a bundle of self-destructive chaos.
I wish you all the best in your journey. At the very least, it seems that a seed has been planted. Never forget what brought you to this forum to share your situation with us. It will serve you well. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
I'm not much of an AA person myself. Yet I have found support for my addiction treatment in other places. The main thing for my recovery is having an addiction treatment plan to follow. I use the SMART Recovery tools as part of my treatment plan. Plus here at SoberRecovery there is a wealth of information and support here...thats part of my treatment plan too
The good
news is that there different ways to recover from addiction. One can have similar results as most all of the other more popular recovery programs. As long one is committed to making the effort to develop a way of living free from substances of abuse...you can do it too.
The good
news is that there different ways to recover from addiction. One can have similar results as most all of the other more popular recovery programs. As long one is committed to making the effort to develop a way of living free from substances of abuse...you can do it too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Despite drinking all day and very nearly dying, I wasn't sure I wanted to quit when I arrived here either, Intime.
I have a lot of people to thank - what I read here, and discussed, helped me to come to a decision.
I hope we can help you too
Welcome
D
I have a lot of people to thank - what I read here, and discussed, helped me to come to a decision.
I hope we can help you too
Welcome
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again...
I replied to your post in our Alcoholism Forum on the sticky
"Under The Influence" I'm really glad you did make your
introduction thread.
That book did give me the information that clicked with me.
It convinced me to finally quit drinking.
I sincerely hope it will do the same for you
Here is an article you might have missed...
How We Get Addicted - TIME
Of course you are apprehensive ...I don't think any of
us expected that our drinking was dangerous risky behavior.
Who? Me?
Alcoholics were those homeless smelly people in the park.
That's what I thought anyway.....until I faced my own disease.
Keep posting ...we do understand and wish you and
your family all the best.....
I replied to your post in our Alcoholism Forum on the sticky
"Under The Influence" I'm really glad you did make your
introduction thread.
That book did give me the information that clicked with me.
It convinced me to finally quit drinking.
I sincerely hope it will do the same for you
Here is an article you might have missed...
How We Get Addicted - TIME
Of course you are apprehensive ...I don't think any of
us expected that our drinking was dangerous risky behavior.
Who? Me?
Alcoholics were those homeless smelly people in the park.
That's what I thought anyway.....until I faced my own disease.
Keep posting ...we do understand and wish you and
your family all the best.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Thanks for the article Carol. and thanks to all for welcoming me and the encouragement. I read everyone of your posts at least twice...
I have decided on 2 things. One, I am going to use the emotion and momentum from the weekend to get my plan going now. I'll stay close by here and lean on you guys a little. Keep reading and posting. I am aware that most sober successes are done with some kinda of support group. Maybe I'll join the Janauary 2010 class.
The other decision is I will not drink today. Mondays are not good days for me as they are stressful. What triggers my urges are another thing I am learning. I have gone a few days without drinking in the recent past and did not find it terribly hard. As Joe said, quitting is easy, its staying quit that is hard. I want to consciously do it on Monday for I believe it will build confidence.
I promise I'll check back in.. once again, Thanks!
I have decided on 2 things. One, I am going to use the emotion and momentum from the weekend to get my plan going now. I'll stay close by here and lean on you guys a little. Keep reading and posting. I am aware that most sober successes are done with some kinda of support group. Maybe I'll join the Janauary 2010 class.
The other decision is I will not drink today. Mondays are not good days for me as they are stressful. What triggers my urges are another thing I am learning. I have gone a few days without drinking in the recent past and did not find it terribly hard. As Joe said, quitting is easy, its staying quit that is hard. I want to consciously do it on Monday for I believe it will build confidence.
I promise I'll check back in.. once again, Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
One more thing I'd like to add, Intime. I knew, in my heart of hearts about 7-10 years ago that I was an alcoholic. And I suspected it before that. That was when my drinking looked on the outside to be much closer to something like 'normal-ish', or just 'heavy drinking'. My greatest regret is that I didn't just stop then, before it got "text book". I wasted sooooo much time being drunk, thinking about being drunk, and recovering from the effects of being drunk. My relationships suffered. My son is 20 now, so the poor kid got a hung over parent every weekend instead of an attentive, fully present one. Long story short, you're doing the right thing. Do it now.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Intime you have recieved many AWESOME replies, read them again, they are all good solid advice.
Your story sounds a great deal like mine about 10 years before I quit..... for me when I was where you appear to be at, I began to work what I jokingly call the "My Way" program. I would stop drinking for a period of time, convince myself that an alcoholic could not do that so I would begin "Controled" drinking.
Controled drinking would slowly lead me to drinking just like I was before only worse, so I would begin the cycle again. This continued for about 5 years & then I crossed an invisible line...... this line I crossed was where I was no longer able to go even a single day without a drink.... I drank even though I did not want to drink, you see I had crossed that invisible line into becoming so physically, mentally, & spiritually addicted to alcohol, in order to feel normal I had to drink daily, this continued for 5 years of hell.
At the end of those 5 years alcohol convinced me that in order for me to stop drinking and stay stopped I need to quit working the "My Way" program and find some one or something other then the "My Way" program because I knew I could not stop and stay stopped alone!
For me it was a doctor, then detox, & then AA. I needed AA because I needed both the fellowship of AA gaining Experience, Strength, & Hope from other alcoholics who knew how to stay sober in addition to the Program of AA which led me to a power greater then myself of my choosing and me cleaning up the wreckage of my past and livinig a wonderful new way of life not just free from my alcoholism, but free from myself and the insanity of my past.
AA worked for me as it has worked for millions of others, but AA is not the only way, there are other programs that work for others.
I would suggest that you will find your journey into sobriety easier if you do not take that journey alone. Find a program and work it just as hard as you have worked at drinking, hang around and post here......
BTW No matter what program you choose the face to face support is always there from AA at no cost to you except some time to make friends.
There are no rules in AA, if you find SMART to your liking that is just fine, you can still go to AA meetings, just keep in mind they are AA meetings, so just don't push SMART or whatever in the meeting itself and all will be good. BTW ther is nothing wrong with you one on one discussing another program with some one in AA.
To begin with, just do not drink TODAY! Do not worry about not drinking tomorrow.... it is not here yet! LOL
Your story sounds a great deal like mine about 10 years before I quit..... for me when I was where you appear to be at, I began to work what I jokingly call the "My Way" program. I would stop drinking for a period of time, convince myself that an alcoholic could not do that so I would begin "Controled" drinking.
Controled drinking would slowly lead me to drinking just like I was before only worse, so I would begin the cycle again. This continued for about 5 years & then I crossed an invisible line...... this line I crossed was where I was no longer able to go even a single day without a drink.... I drank even though I did not want to drink, you see I had crossed that invisible line into becoming so physically, mentally, & spiritually addicted to alcohol, in order to feel normal I had to drink daily, this continued for 5 years of hell.
At the end of those 5 years alcohol convinced me that in order for me to stop drinking and stay stopped I need to quit working the "My Way" program and find some one or something other then the "My Way" program because I knew I could not stop and stay stopped alone!
For me it was a doctor, then detox, & then AA. I needed AA because I needed both the fellowship of AA gaining Experience, Strength, & Hope from other alcoholics who knew how to stay sober in addition to the Program of AA which led me to a power greater then myself of my choosing and me cleaning up the wreckage of my past and livinig a wonderful new way of life not just free from my alcoholism, but free from myself and the insanity of my past.
AA worked for me as it has worked for millions of others, but AA is not the only way, there are other programs that work for others.
I would suggest that you will find your journey into sobriety easier if you do not take that journey alone. Find a program and work it just as hard as you have worked at drinking, hang around and post here......
BTW No matter what program you choose the face to face support is always there from AA at no cost to you except some time to make friends.
There are no rules in AA, if you find SMART to your liking that is just fine, you can still go to AA meetings, just keep in mind they are AA meetings, so just don't push SMART or whatever in the meeting itself and all will be good. BTW ther is nothing wrong with you one on one discussing another program with some one in AA.
To begin with, just do not drink TODAY! Do not worry about not drinking tomorrow.... it is not here yet! LOL
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Intime, can you say that you have a good relationship with your son yet he avoids you after 6PM?
I have a 22 year old too. I am glad your discussion with him went well. I hid my drinking so my kids didn't see me "medicating", yet they felt the effects nonetheless. The angry outbursts. The arguments. The mood swings that surprised and puzzled them.
You might consider Intime that your son isn't really concerned about his career image: maybe he just was grasping for a way to talk to you about what he is really worried about: your drinking. For many of our loved ones, they have a really hard time talking to us about our drinking, and express their anger and frustration in other ways.
WELCOME to SR by the way! This is a great site that has been an invaluable help to me.
I have a 22 year old too. I am glad your discussion with him went well. I hid my drinking so my kids didn't see me "medicating", yet they felt the effects nonetheless. The angry outbursts. The arguments. The mood swings that surprised and puzzled them.
You might consider Intime that your son isn't really concerned about his career image: maybe he just was grasping for a way to talk to you about what he is really worried about: your drinking. For many of our loved ones, they have a really hard time talking to us about our drinking, and express their anger and frustration in other ways.
WELCOME to SR by the way! This is a great site that has been an invaluable help to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Dude
nothing to say. you know what you need to fix. I am no saint so dont take it that way. I guess my advice- if any is received- is to recognize, and you have. Hang in there- sober is better- I have been there. Wish I could say that now. Great people on here, read and digest the feedback. It is REAL.
Best wishes
Dub
nothing to say. you know what you need to fix. I am no saint so dont take it that way. I guess my advice- if any is received- is to recognize, and you have. Hang in there- sober is better- I have been there. Wish I could say that now. Great people on here, read and digest the feedback. It is REAL.
Best wishes
Dub
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