lionheart

Hi Everyone

This week has seen another rollercoaster but some great light bulb moments.

I had a pretty rough couple of days and was feeling sorry for myself and all the poor me crap started and I just couldnt get back up and on my feet. So I went to a meeting. I was asked to share and declined as I had shared twice that week and really wanted to just sit still and listen and they tell me in the first 30 days that is perfectly acceptable. So the next guy gets up and says that he always shares if asked, and its especially important that newer members do it too and that it doesnt matter how you feel and all this stuff. I took it very personally, whether it was aimed at me or not. I left that meeting, angry at him, upset that I didnt stay and hear what I needed to hear and generally emotional. I rode home that night looking and almost stopping at bottle shops, pubs and all other alcohol relates facilities. I didnt.

The next day i got up and decided it was going to be a great day - it was nothing special but my mood and attitude was altering. I had an interview that day, I was calm, no nerves, no panic (I have diagnosed panic disorder) and walked in that room like I was THE best person for the job and with so much confidence. I went to a meeting that night and shared this same story with them but what clicked into place for me was that the things that I was telling myself on the good day were all the things i hear at my AA meetings.

"This too shall pass"
"One day at a time"
"Easy does it"
"Yesterday has gone and tomorrow isnt here, live in today" and that one specifically it something I hear often and have started to live by it. If I had of been drinking that depressive angry person would have hung around for alot longer and I wouldnt have gone to that interview either.

While I dont claim to have won this war, I am well and truly on a good path, even when I dont have a good day because I am learning.

What a great insightful week I have had and VERY grateful for SR and AA for helping me move forward, however small, I am moving forward in my journey.

Day 28 - here I come!
LH

bananagrrrl

That would have offended me, but I am an admittedly sensitive person.

Glad you got through it without drinking. He certainly would not be worth drinking over. I think that was rude.

NEOMARXIST

Great post Lionheart.

Yes it's easy to get the huff with someone or take something personaly but you have learned from it and it's made you stronger in your sobriety so all these "tests" are all there to be overcome for a reason. When you can acknowledge and then realise that you have acted in a certain way then you are on the right track with recovery because you are starting to stop and think about your thinking/reaction to people/places/things.

Another thing that I always remind myself at AA meetings is that the most fundamental point, which is often overlooked with all the rhetoric, is that I am sober. Ultimately that has to be the main goal. As long as your still sober than you're doing OK.

I too have found all of the philosophies you describe to work for me also so well. Recovery is like a brand new plan for living and a good by-product of it is that it keeps you not needing to pickup a drink too! A good way to always reafirm step1 for me is that AA and it's way of thinking/living has clearly kept me sober for a much longer amount of time than I ever could have, thus I must be an alclholic because it works for me!!

peace and Love x

intention

That is great news Lionheart.

I like the phrase "nothing happens in God's world by mistake" p449 and I use this a lot.

In this case I would say that I was meant to go to that meeting and that man was meant to say that to me and I was meant to leave angry and resentful being drawn to checking out the booze and I was meant to remember those lines I have been given in AA and I was meant to say them and feel the serenity they bring and I was meant to come on SR and tell everyone the great news about how good the experience was and how grateful I was to AA and SR and that I was still sober.

You see, that man was meant to upset you.


..."because nothing happens in God's world by mistake"

lionheart

Thanks everyone...

I told my mum tonight, and in fine form of my mum, she didnt bat an eyelid. I mean she has one daughter and thats me and if she could handle me coming out, im sure something else would be fine too. She wanted to know a few things but the most important part was that i was ok and what if anything she could do for me...

Talk about grateful today! Sober and supportive partner, mum and best friends...life is good!