I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Green Bay, Wisconsin
Posts: 1
I need help
not for recovery, but for a friend.
As my board name suggests, I am in Green Bay, but my friend is near the Chicago area.
We both have HR as a starting point to our relationship, but became very good friends along the way.
I found out yesterday that she has succumbed to alcholism and is not doing well at all.
No one knows where she is, but one friend of ours knows she is fading fast.
I'm feeling a need for intervention. I have limited money (now being unemployed), but need suggestions on how to handle this. She has no family and I don't know what happened to her close knit friends in this community.
I think I need to go find her to help. I've been crying about this for the past 12 hours and this site was suggested to me by another "friend" that is a recovering angel.
Feel free to pm me.
Thank you so much.
As my board name suggests, I am in Green Bay, but my friend is near the Chicago area.
We both have HR as a starting point to our relationship, but became very good friends along the way.
I found out yesterday that she has succumbed to alcholism and is not doing well at all.
No one knows where she is, but one friend of ours knows she is fading fast.
I'm feeling a need for intervention. I have limited money (now being unemployed), but need suggestions on how to handle this. She has no family and I don't know what happened to her close knit friends in this community.
I think I need to go find her to help. I've been crying about this for the past 12 hours and this site was suggested to me by another "friend" that is a recovering angel.
Feel free to pm me.
Thank you so much.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Laurie
Welcome to SR.
It's a tough truth to swallow but I agree with Sugah - there's no way I know to make someone else want to quit. I'm not a fan of intervention.
AlAnon is an organisation for the friends and family of alcoholics. There, they speak of the 3Cs of alcoholism - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Wise words.
We have a family and friends forum here - go and read in there, Laurie.
One of the worst aspects of this disease is we alcoholics need to want to stop in ourselves and for ourselves. That can take longer than any friend or loved one wants...and sadly sometimes it never happens at all.
I don't want to appear negative. Find your friend if that's what you want to do, tell her of your concern if you like - but please...just be prepared for the fact that she may not want to stop.
D
Welcome to SR.
It's a tough truth to swallow but I agree with Sugah - there's no way I know to make someone else want to quit. I'm not a fan of intervention.
AlAnon is an organisation for the friends and family of alcoholics. There, they speak of the 3Cs of alcoholism - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Wise words.
We have a family and friends forum here - go and read in there, Laurie.
One of the worst aspects of this disease is we alcoholics need to want to stop in ourselves and for ourselves. That can take longer than any friend or loved one wants...and sadly sometimes it never happens at all.
I don't want to appear negative. Find your friend if that's what you want to do, tell her of your concern if you like - but please...just be prepared for the fact that she may not want to stop.
D
Sober Date 12/21/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 83
I ended a ten year friendship about four years ago because I couldn't handle staying in touch with my best friend who was killing himself with alcohol. We were talking on the phone everyday (I had moved away) and I could see it getting worse.
One of the reasons I quit drinking about three weeks ago is because I finally got the phone call that he was dying. He never wanted any help from anyone, and still doesn't. I don't know which was harder: watching him slowly kill himself, or ending the friendship. Either way, it wasn't my choice, it was his.
I'm on the fence about whether or not to contact him in the last few months he has left as we've now been estranged for quite some time. But it had a huge effect on me in that I was seeing myself starting to head down the same road he did. However, I did something about it. Yet, I can tell you from experience, no one could have helped him and no one could have helped me when I was in it. It truly has to come from deep within.
I hope you find peace with it either way.
One of the reasons I quit drinking about three weeks ago is because I finally got the phone call that he was dying. He never wanted any help from anyone, and still doesn't. I don't know which was harder: watching him slowly kill himself, or ending the friendship. Either way, it wasn't my choice, it was his.
I'm on the fence about whether or not to contact him in the last few months he has left as we've now been estranged for quite some time. But it had a huge effect on me in that I was seeing myself starting to head down the same road he did. However, I did something about it. Yet, I can tell you from experience, no one could have helped him and no one could have helped me when I was in it. It truly has to come from deep within.
I hope you find peace with it either way.
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