Shamperz

It helps me relax and unwind. It sometimes gives me dutch courage when needed and ive really enjoyed myself on nights out when ive been suitable lubed up.

But I can stop and do stop and limit myself all the time because I know sustained or volume drinking isnt good. I know this to be the difference between alcoholism and responsible drinking.

This thread isnt a poke in the eye to those struggling with drink rather than developing a point:

To those who are recovering, what would you say to someone who wants to quit but concerned over a life without the simplier (fun) benefits the the odd drink can bring?

Fubarcdn

It sounds like you don't really want to quit.
To the person that wants the odd drink but wants to quit heavy drinking I would say good for you if you can moderate your drinking and have the odd drink. I wish I could do that but when I drink I drink to get drunk and for that reason I no longer drink.
Are you trying to figure out if moderation is what is right for you?

Shamperz

lol. I do tend to go the long way round when making a point sometimes but yes bang on. How do you know if you are one of those people who can drink moderately?

By the way, no I dont want to quit. Im on here to learn about all this as I believe my girlfriend has a problem but wont admit it and drinks secretly. She doesnt get wasted but its why, where and when she drinks that concerns me.

Thanks

December15

Not saying this is the case with you, but my ex gf always claimed she liked to have a drink, that she could control it and that it never gave her problems. Even though the first drink of the day was at 7 in the morning. She defended alcohol to the end. She passed away last year due to alcohol abuse.

Fubarcdn

I think I responded to your thread about your girlfriend and I am glad that you want to try to help her.
The only way you know if you are one of those people that can drink moderately is to try it.
If you can just have a drink or two and not want anymore and not really care when you have the next one then you are probably a normal drinker but if you have to keep drinking even after you have met your preset limit you probably can"t or even if you are really annoyed by having to call it a night moderation will probably not work for you.
I am pretty sure that everyone with a drinking problem has tried to drink moderately. I know I have a few dozen times.
Good luck with your girlfriend. It is obvious you care a great deal for her.

Shamperz

Dude! So sorry to hear that. She doesnt do it often but on occasion have either caught her or found evidence of her drinking at unexplainable times of the morning. Guess what - she explained anyway - hair of the dog/stop anxiety/dealing with something happening that day/were on holiday/ - and my favourite - it calms me so I can drive better!!!!

Do you think her problem was the spiraling addiction to the substance then or did she drink because of reason from the past?

December15

I put it down to genetics combined with misfortune. In her family there were five sisters, three of them have died from alcohol abuse.

Shamperz

Maan that sucks. The ol nature vs nurture arguement. Must have been hard. How are you now?

December15

I am fine. It has made me realise how much we take life for granted. Some advice about your situation, unless your girlfriend really wants to quit, you are wasting your time - I am sorry if that sounds hard but I really feel that is the case.

ghostgirl

my "odd" drink eventually goes back to the drinking that makes me want to stop!! i hear ya, loud and clear on it, though! i don't have much to offer, but i do hear you.

endzoner

Shamperz... I gather your seekin information bout your girl friend . But in your post , It mentions nothing about seekin infor for another , It's geared toards yourself . " helps me " that indicate you not another

ghostgirl

one of the first lady's here in the u.s. said she knew she was an alcoholic when she realized that she always hoped that the function she would be going to served alcohol; it was always on her mind. sounds like your girl may fit that category?

Shamperz

Thats right. Im starting off by talking about myself and that I enjoy a drink so demonstrating the difference between having fun with it, and dependence. I then go on to ask those who have quit, what they would say to someone who is thinking about quitting, but worried how they would handle life without even the 'fun' light hearted drinking. That is if they have to be a teetotaler altogether.

Sorry if im not explaining very well.

Shamperz

Pretty much.

Wandering around Bath in the summer taking in the sights was a pleasant day but because it was the am and that museums were the order of the day, when I said we should go find somehere for lunch, i meant a cafe or something. But without food on her mind at all she immediately thought PUB.

Doesnt sound a big deal in itself but whe we got to the camp site that night, her first thought (before id even started putting the tent up) was to go to the off license. She spent the next morning going through a bottle of wine she smuggled out the pub the night before.

December15

My ex gf loved food, well, she loved cooking meals. She was a real good cook actually. Problem is she would cook a meal, take a spoonfull and leave the rest. The wine was easier to digest. Has she admitted to being an alcoholic?

Untoxicated

Hey Shamp-sizzle!

The most important thing to remember for both your sanity and hers is that she isn't going to quit/slow down until she is ready to quit/slow down and there is nothing, nada, zero, zip you can do about that.

The good news is you're a responsible drinker and you can lead by example and subtle suggestion. Just don't go the route of Jack Lemmon's lady friend in "Days of Wine and Roses."

All the best.

intention

She has a real problem, you know that. As has been said, you cannot stop her drinking as only she can do that but you can take her car keys off her if she has been drinking. You may just very well save her life or someone else's.

It is both physical and mental. Regardless of what she is feeling emotionally or what issues she has from the past her body is physically addicted right now and she needs to alcohol to function. The cravings are overwhelming.

Shamperz

No. She thinks that having a problem with drink and being an alcoholic are two different things.

December15

That is quite a common view point. It has a name - denial. I'm giving a bit of time to this thread because I think you and I may have a fair bit in common. This thread starts with "I love alcohol....", I am not sure if this is referring to your view point or your girlfriend's. Two questions. Do you consider your girlfriend to be an alcoholic? If so, why are you progressing this relationship?

Shamperz

Thanks for the attention December. First off just to clarify we have to be careful as I said I love a drink, not alcohol. And its meant about myself in that in the right circumstance, drinking responsibly can be fun and largely harmless.

In answer to your questions - Yes, I growingly believe her to be an alcoholic.
Why am I still with her? Because we have been together over two years, I love her, shes not actually 'drunk' very often and never abusive. This is all very recent and im still trying to get my head around it. I dont believe that being an alcoholic automatically makes you a bad person and not deserved of any sort of relationship.

The trust issue i think will be the biggest problem for me. I cant be lied to.