Narcotics, Alcohol, and Addiction to Both
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: West Blocton, Alabama
Posts: 15
Narcotics, Alcohol, and Addiction to Both
This is my first post. I chose this forum because it seems to most closely fit my problems. I may be expected to post somewhere else as a “new” guy, and I’m sorry if I break any rules
I am addicted to both narcotics and alcohol. I started drinking at age 14, and with few exceptions, have been a daily drinker since age 18—I’m 46 now. I have never been arrested for DUI, and I have never had problems at work due directly to alcohol. Alcohol has caused problems with relationships, but has not resulted in any divorces or separations. My wife has stuck through so much, and this is not what she signed on for. She is an incredible blessing in my life. Much of this was the blessing of God and stupid, blind luck. There is no denial here—I am addicted to alcohol.
My relationship with narcotic analgesics is much shorter than that with alcohol. In 1997, I suffered a significant neck injury while engaged in structural firefighting; the collapse killed my partner. In the end C5-6 and C6-7 were removed and replaced with allografts (bone from another member of the same species). In 2007, I fell about 12 feet. The fall damaged the graft at C5-6, caused a new herniation at C3-4, and fractured C3. The result was severe pain and sensory deficits in my left arm. I was started on Percocet by my primary MD and referred to a neurosurgeon (a surgeon with an impeccable record). The surgeon advised me that my symptoms were not going to improve without surgery, but he was very clear about the risks—he never promised me I would be better—just that I would not get better without surgery. I live in Florida, and I got a second opinion from the neurosurgery group at Shand’s (University of Florida college of medicine). They only echoed the statements of my neurosurgeon.
I had surgery to repair my cervical spine in March of 2008. To say that the surgery was unsuccessful is an understatement. I was left a virtual cripple. The pain was much worse, and extended down my neck, most of the way down my left back, and down the dorsal surface of my left arm all the way to my little finger—sometimes it feels like I’m holding my finger in the flame of a candle.
The neurosurgeon kept me in the hospital for six days and got consults from neurology, orthopaedics, psychiatry, physical therapy, etc. They eventually told me my only options were pain management and PT. I started with pain management in May 2008. I now take 5-6 10/325 Percocet per day. This dose reduces the pain to the point that I am minimally functional. My left arm and hand have roughly 20% the strength of the right.
These injuries ended my career. All I have ever been is a firefighter/paramedic and a registered nurse. I finished paramedic school 17 days after my 18th birthday. When I was starting my first IV in the field, the elderly patient asked me, “are you sure you’re old enough to be doing this stuff.” I was successful, and rose through a competitive promotional process to the rank of deputy fire chief. Both were gone in a day. I could no longer work, or take care of my family, home, land, or animals. I can’t use any of my shop tools. My feeling was pure worthlessness—I lost my identity. Needless to say, I became and remain profoundly depressed.
On December 2, 2009, I awoke ill. I was just nauseous, and stayed in bed. As the day progressed, I became more ill and developed increasingly severe abdominal pain. At 10:30 PM, My wife took me to the ER. I remember getting in the truck, but not actually getting to the hospital.
I spent 20 days in the hospital, 11 days in ICU, and 8 days on a ventilator sedated with Diprivan (the stuff that killed Michael Jackson). I was not permitted to take anything by mouth for 14 days and was on TPN (all nutrition intravenousley) and sliding scale insulin (I am not a diabetic normally). The diagnosis was acute pancreatitis, bilateral pneumonia (both lungs), and pleural effusion (fluid in the space around the lungs that prevents them from filling completely).
I was released from the hospital with the instructions that I would die if I continued to drink. I have not drank since I have been home, and honestly, it hasn’t been that difficult thus far. I’m certain difficult times will come, and I need to prepare for that eventuality.
The last thing I want to do is insult anyone’s beliefs or values, but I don’t think AA can help me. I am familiar with 12 step programs from my education. I am going to need to find some support mechanism. Any physician will tell you that no treatment is effective for every patient, every time. It would be better if I could find another option. If I can’t, I will seek help from AA. The base of my belief is that AA will reject me due to my skepticism.
As for Percocet, I have no immediate plans to stop using it for pain management. I have never snorted, crushed, chewed, smoked, or run out of it between appointments. My wife helps me manage it because I know the potential, and asked for her help early on. At the base, I still have intractable pain. I have tried all the other pain management tools to no avail—even with all of them, I still need narcotics for pain.
I strongly suspected that I was addicted to opiates, but I had no idea of the depth of that dependence. About six months ago I decided to find out. My wife was to be out of town for about 48 hours, so I just sent the narcotics with her. I figured 48 hours—no big deal, right? WRONG!!! Within 12 hours, I knew this was a mistake. Within 24 hours, I was very sick. Within 36 hours, I was in severe withdrawal. I was nauseous, vomiting, having diarrhea every 20 minutes, sweating profusely, unable to stop moving even for a few seconds, and so emotional I would sit and cry by myself for no reason at all—it terrified me and all I could think was “my god, I’m a junkie.” When she got home, I immediately took two Percocet. Within 20 minutes, I felt better. Within 45 minutes, all the symptoms were gone. This was an incredibly stupid idea, but my question was answered.
I’m sorry this is so long, and that I have a tendency to view things from a medical standpoint. If I have anything going for me, it is my higher power—I talk to God at least 20 times a day and have for as long as I can remember; and there is no denial here —I know exactly what I am—I am profoundly addicted to narcotics and alcohol.
I’m seeking the experience, assistance, and advice of those here who know so much more than I do. Anything anyone wishes to share is appreciated and welcome. One specific question I have, if you quit narcotics “cold turkey,” how long do those acute withdrawal symptoms like I had last?
Thanks again to anyone who has anything to offer.
Doug---
I am addicted to both narcotics and alcohol. I started drinking at age 14, and with few exceptions, have been a daily drinker since age 18—I’m 46 now. I have never been arrested for DUI, and I have never had problems at work due directly to alcohol. Alcohol has caused problems with relationships, but has not resulted in any divorces or separations. My wife has stuck through so much, and this is not what she signed on for. She is an incredible blessing in my life. Much of this was the blessing of God and stupid, blind luck. There is no denial here—I am addicted to alcohol.
My relationship with narcotic analgesics is much shorter than that with alcohol. In 1997, I suffered a significant neck injury while engaged in structural firefighting; the collapse killed my partner. In the end C5-6 and C6-7 were removed and replaced with allografts (bone from another member of the same species). In 2007, I fell about 12 feet. The fall damaged the graft at C5-6, caused a new herniation at C3-4, and fractured C3. The result was severe pain and sensory deficits in my left arm. I was started on Percocet by my primary MD and referred to a neurosurgeon (a surgeon with an impeccable record). The surgeon advised me that my symptoms were not going to improve without surgery, but he was very clear about the risks—he never promised me I would be better—just that I would not get better without surgery. I live in Florida, and I got a second opinion from the neurosurgery group at Shand’s (University of Florida college of medicine). They only echoed the statements of my neurosurgeon.
I had surgery to repair my cervical spine in March of 2008. To say that the surgery was unsuccessful is an understatement. I was left a virtual cripple. The pain was much worse, and extended down my neck, most of the way down my left back, and down the dorsal surface of my left arm all the way to my little finger—sometimes it feels like I’m holding my finger in the flame of a candle.
The neurosurgeon kept me in the hospital for six days and got consults from neurology, orthopaedics, psychiatry, physical therapy, etc. They eventually told me my only options were pain management and PT. I started with pain management in May 2008. I now take 5-6 10/325 Percocet per day. This dose reduces the pain to the point that I am minimally functional. My left arm and hand have roughly 20% the strength of the right.
These injuries ended my career. All I have ever been is a firefighter/paramedic and a registered nurse. I finished paramedic school 17 days after my 18th birthday. When I was starting my first IV in the field, the elderly patient asked me, “are you sure you’re old enough to be doing this stuff.” I was successful, and rose through a competitive promotional process to the rank of deputy fire chief. Both were gone in a day. I could no longer work, or take care of my family, home, land, or animals. I can’t use any of my shop tools. My feeling was pure worthlessness—I lost my identity. Needless to say, I became and remain profoundly depressed.
On December 2, 2009, I awoke ill. I was just nauseous, and stayed in bed. As the day progressed, I became more ill and developed increasingly severe abdominal pain. At 10:30 PM, My wife took me to the ER. I remember getting in the truck, but not actually getting to the hospital.
I spent 20 days in the hospital, 11 days in ICU, and 8 days on a ventilator sedated with Diprivan (the stuff that killed Michael Jackson). I was not permitted to take anything by mouth for 14 days and was on TPN (all nutrition intravenousley) and sliding scale insulin (I am not a diabetic normally). The diagnosis was acute pancreatitis, bilateral pneumonia (both lungs), and pleural effusion (fluid in the space around the lungs that prevents them from filling completely).
I was released from the hospital with the instructions that I would die if I continued to drink. I have not drank since I have been home, and honestly, it hasn’t been that difficult thus far. I’m certain difficult times will come, and I need to prepare for that eventuality.
The last thing I want to do is insult anyone’s beliefs or values, but I don’t think AA can help me. I am familiar with 12 step programs from my education. I am going to need to find some support mechanism. Any physician will tell you that no treatment is effective for every patient, every time. It would be better if I could find another option. If I can’t, I will seek help from AA. The base of my belief is that AA will reject me due to my skepticism.
As for Percocet, I have no immediate plans to stop using it for pain management. I have never snorted, crushed, chewed, smoked, or run out of it between appointments. My wife helps me manage it because I know the potential, and asked for her help early on. At the base, I still have intractable pain. I have tried all the other pain management tools to no avail—even with all of them, I still need narcotics for pain.
I strongly suspected that I was addicted to opiates, but I had no idea of the depth of that dependence. About six months ago I decided to find out. My wife was to be out of town for about 48 hours, so I just sent the narcotics with her. I figured 48 hours—no big deal, right? WRONG!!! Within 12 hours, I knew this was a mistake. Within 24 hours, I was very sick. Within 36 hours, I was in severe withdrawal. I was nauseous, vomiting, having diarrhea every 20 minutes, sweating profusely, unable to stop moving even for a few seconds, and so emotional I would sit and cry by myself for no reason at all—it terrified me and all I could think was “my god, I’m a junkie.” When she got home, I immediately took two Percocet. Within 20 minutes, I felt better. Within 45 minutes, all the symptoms were gone. This was an incredibly stupid idea, but my question was answered.
I’m sorry this is so long, and that I have a tendency to view things from a medical standpoint. If I have anything going for me, it is my higher power—I talk to God at least 20 times a day and have for as long as I can remember; and there is no denial here —I know exactly what I am—I am profoundly addicted to narcotics and alcohol.
I’m seeking the experience, assistance, and advice of those here who know so much more than I do. Anything anyone wishes to share is appreciated and welcome. One specific question I have, if you quit narcotics “cold turkey,” how long do those acute withdrawal symptoms like I had last?
Thanks again to anyone who has anything to offer.
Doug---
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,
I am sorry for your situation and the problems you have in dealing with pain.
Have you talked to your dr about your addiction and asked for his advice? I hope that you can find some way to deal with your pain. Above all, know that you are not alone and that you will find lots of support here.
I am sorry for your situation and the problems you have in dealing with pain.
Have you talked to your dr about your addiction and asked for his advice? I hope that you can find some way to deal with your pain. Above all, know that you are not alone and that you will find lots of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Doug
I'm sorry you have so much pain but there are many members here who deal with pain and addiction. You'll find a lot of support here
I recommend especially you check out the Recovery and Pain Management Forum - it's a small group but they have a lot of experience
Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I have no experience with narcotics (we do have a substance abuse forum as well) so I'll confine my experience to alcohol.
I nearly died from drinking and as you know, fear is a great motivator - I don't think it would have been enough to rely on for me tho, either - I always tended to forget close calls, or think 'it's been months, I can have just one now'...
I have nearly three years recovery now - coming from an all day everyday drinker that's still astounding to me.
Accepting that I can't drink again - not even a little - has been vital for me this time. Support has been crucial as well - SR's been enough, for me - it's my lifeline.
I hope if you find that SR is not enough for you you'll look into other face to face avenues of support.
Life's too short to waste
Welcome to SR
D
I'm sorry you have so much pain but there are many members here who deal with pain and addiction. You'll find a lot of support here
I recommend especially you check out the Recovery and Pain Management Forum - it's a small group but they have a lot of experience
Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I have no experience with narcotics (we do have a substance abuse forum as well) so I'll confine my experience to alcohol.
I nearly died from drinking and as you know, fear is a great motivator - I don't think it would have been enough to rely on for me tho, either - I always tended to forget close calls, or think 'it's been months, I can have just one now'...
I have nearly three years recovery now - coming from an all day everyday drinker that's still astounding to me.
Accepting that I can't drink again - not even a little - has been vital for me this time. Support has been crucial as well - SR's been enough, for me - it's my lifeline.
I hope if you find that SR is not enough for you you'll look into other face to face avenues of support.
Life's too short to waste
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Welcome to SR Doug... You posted in the right place and I think you'll like it here.
I don't have experience with opiates and pain, but I do with alcoholism. Sounds like you got a pretty frightening wake up call... So you have stayed off alcohol since you were discharged from the hospital? Good for you!!
There is plenty of support here on SR. But face to face is best. There are different options. Forget what you learned about AA when you were training. I learned about it too while training... It's not what you think. Also, AA is not going to reject you because you are a skeptic, heck, if they did that there would be no new members at all... Just sayin'.... not try to recruit you or anything.
Welcome, friend.
Maark
I don't have experience with opiates and pain, but I do with alcoholism. Sounds like you got a pretty frightening wake up call... So you have stayed off alcohol since you were discharged from the hospital? Good for you!!
There is plenty of support here on SR. But face to face is best. There are different options. Forget what you learned about AA when you were training. I learned about it too while training... It's not what you think. Also, AA is not going to reject you because you are a skeptic, heck, if they did that there would be no new members at all... Just sayin'.... not try to recruit you or anything.
Welcome, friend.
Maark
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