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24 hours clean..

Old 01-02-2010, 10:53 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by silentone View Post
Sugah, I have 3 children, 5, 10, and 16. My 16 year old has helped me so much as well as my 10 year old. I have been honest with my eldest, but left the others out of it. I have to say that she asked what is that medicine you take everyday and why? I just looked at her and said it is pain mediciation and I shouldn't be taking it everyday, and she agreed, she said that I had not been the same for awhile, and she didnt like it. After stewing on that for awhile, I decided that she was right and I did a turn around, a real turn around! My kids deserve their mom.
Your oldest, and even your middle one will learn a lot from how you handle this problem.

My kids went through hell with my addiction, though my daughter, who's now 16, insists she doesn't have nightmare memories from her first nine years. My son (now 19) remembers a little more, as do my stepsons, who didn't witness my addiction but my husband's (we were married when we were both a little more than 2 1/2 years sober and didn't know each other in active addiction).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as much as I wish I hadn't put my kids through my addiction, my recovery has been very good for them. They see personal responsibility -- I can't help it that I'm an addict, but I can make the decision to recover from this. So...you might want to keep in mind that your oldest (especially) will be watching you to see how you take personal responsibility and, while we might wish they didn't have "us" to deal with, it can be a very positive experience that serves them for a long time to come.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 01-02-2010, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Sugah View Post
Your oldest, and even your middle one will learn a lot from how you handle this problem.

My kids went through hell with my addiction, though my daughter, who's now 16, insists she doesn't have nightmare memories from her first nine years. My son (now 19) remembers a little more, as do my stepsons, who didn't witness my addiction but my husband's (we were married when we were both a little more than 2 1/2 years sober and didn't know each other in active addiction).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as much as I wish I hadn't put my kids through my addiction, my recovery has been very good for them. They see personal responsibility -- I can't help it that I'm an addict, but I can make the decision to recover from this. So...you might want to keep in mind that your oldest (especially) will be watching you to see how you take personal responsibility and, while we might wish they didn't have "us" to deal with, it can be a very positive experience that serves them for a long time to come.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
WOW! Thank you.. That is very insightful, I do wish they didnt have to deal with this, but I pray that they do learn from this, "personal responsibility"-yes the meaning of that word, made a huge impact on me today. Again thank you.
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Old 01-02-2010, 03:34 PM
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My son just found something I had misplaced a while ago, and he brought to me so happy and proud of himself, he was so so proud of himself, and I just broke down in tears. What have I done! I have missed so much! I cant get those times back ever again. This is the worst feeling ever. This is nothing compared to physically sick, which I still am, but this sh*t Sucks.
This is paralizing to me, I dont want to keep crying, and I cant look back to pills, but I can't bare the thoughts of missing the world around me, for so long.
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Old 01-02-2010, 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted by silentone View Post
1st NA meeting next Tuesday. 7 PM
Good for you! NA--Never Alone....Never Again We do recover.


Hang on--you can do it! This too shall pass.....
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Old 01-02-2010, 03:42 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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silentone

Regretting lost years and opportunities is something we all go through...it must be that much harder as a parent....

but the fact is, no matter how much we want to, we can't go back and change any of that - and fretting over stuff that we can't change can not only make us miserable, it can lead us back to our drug of choice if we're not careful.

Focus on what you are now and what you can do now - you are a good person, you are doing a great thing and you are I'm sure a good mom...you can start to wipe the slate clean by what you do today, and again tomorrow, and then the next day...

D
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:46 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Thank you so much Dee, I appreciate all your words of wisdom.

quick update, Yes I was an emotional reck yesterday, cried and creid. I couldnt even hold in the tears around my kids, I dont like them to see me cry. I feel almost new this morning..

I still have a few lingering physical symptoms, and I am sure there will be a ton more mental, to come, but it was like I went through this emotional cleanse, yesterday. I really do feel refreshed today, and I AM STILL CLEAN!

I have to say thank you to all that have helped me this far, because I really dont think without this forum and the beautiful people here willing to share themselves to assist others, I wouldnt have made it yesterday, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:19 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by silentone View Post

I still have a few lingering physical symptoms, and I am sure there will be a ton more mental, to come, but it was like I went through this emotional cleanse, yesterday. I really do feel refreshed today, and I AM STILL CLEAN!
GREAT NEWS, silentone!!! I am sooooo happy that you are feeling better today!! I know the emotions your children saw yesterday will be long forgotten when they are spending quality time with sober Mom!!

We can DO IT!! I am finding lots of support here and just the time spent reading and posting helps pass the time!!

I am ending my 2nd day and was feeling on edge and a bit irritated until I ate dinner. So I think I will treat myself to a cup of Chamomile tea before bed to help me relax!! I am just soooo tickled to feel like I am on my way to enjoying sober living!!

:ghug3
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:56 PM
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Thank you so much insideout. We can do this. (((hugs)))

Just wanted to let you all know I am still here and doing well. I am still clean, and enjoying it! The physical stuff is pretty much gone, other then I am super tierd. No energy at all. The mental, it comes and goes, I have anziety attacks every so often, but nothing I cant handel.

My first meeting is tomorrow, and I am excited. I know for this time to be differant I need to be differant. I need help. I am so nervous too, I have been quite a hermit for the last couple years, that going out, putting myself out there is making me quite anxious, but I will do it because I want to be clean forever, and I hope this is the way to doing that.
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Old 01-04-2010, 09:12 PM
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Whether you realize it or not you (with that incredibly heartfelt and honest post) gave me the nudge to make my own post to introduce myself. I read that and knew EXACTLY what you meant. Thank you so much for being so honest.
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Old 01-05-2010, 02:32 PM
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Hey Sweetie,

I just found this thread and I'm going cold turkey too.

I'm so proud of you for riding out the hard physical symptoms, you've done so well.

I was really nervous going to my first meeting too but when I got there I met great people and got nothing but love and acceptance even though I was still weaning myself off.

Let us know how it goes.

Much love,

Faerie x
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:44 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Stay strong! I am fighting off the sweats and shakes as we speak. But I can't live with the other option and my duaghter deserves better.......a sober father!
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:55 PM
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Let us know how the meeting went silentone

D
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:38 PM
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Hey Everyone,

I am still here and still Clean! I feel pretty darn good..

My meeting amazing! I was scared out of my mind, but there where such sweet people there. I sat by a lady, she was my mom's age, she has been sober for 15 years, and she held my hand, literally. I really am not the holding hand kind, but for some reason, I was okay with this sweet lady, I felt calm and at peace. I learned things I never thought I would learn, and I am going to another meeting thursday!

Now I cant wait to go, again!
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