dedubya

I took some time off last week to get sober. made it several days.. great- right? not really. I am a guitar player and was recording/playing this weekend and a friend that plays keys came over. He had something other than alcohol, from my past, H. I wasn't drinking and we started up a small bit and everything sounded great. The family was out for the whole day so we got into it and cranked everything up. Next thing I know my 21 yr old son was waking us up in the studio, on the floor nodding.
I am in a good situation- good job, medium intelligence (maybe med-hi) according to me. You know, I have about had it. I have good intentions but nothing works out. I am going to get back on the sober wagon today but I don't get how this whole thing is working out. Wife has had it, I freaked my son out when he came home and found us in the studio. what a ****** up week.

Gypsy Feet

What thought came in your head as you got lit? What do you do with the hours in your day to make better choices?

Ba Ba Oreilley

there comes a time in our lives when we've had enough and are willing to do anything not to pick up. some of us are lucky and can reach that time before crashing too hard, others, like me, have to see what the underside of bottom looks like. it's never pretty.

from my experience, it's the emotional and spiritual pain that guides most addicts/alcoholics to recovery.

the mnost important thing is that you know there is a problem, so no matter what, please keep coming back.

Lenina

Dubs,

I had to finally realize I couldn't be sober "part-time" and just have a little "vacation" from time to time. With alcoholics/addicts it just doesn't work that way. Every day I have to make a commitment to sobriety.

It sounds to me like you need to work a program of recovery. You seem to like the AA meetings, how about getting a sponsor and start working the steps? The Steps aren't something scary. It's basically just a business plan for recovery.

Let us know how you're doing, I'm so glad your son didn't find you dead.

Much love,

Lenina

Anna

I think it comes down to making the hard, hard, hard choices.

I had to make changes in my life, including staying away from some people, in order to stay sober.

dedubya

I am hanging and have finally figured out the DOC thing. Alcohol has been my drug of choice, but really, I am as susceptible to any euphoric substance. Never really thought about that. Well, I am going to the beach and walk and forget about all of this crap.
Thanks all
Dub

dedubya

Thanks- I do like the meetings most of the time. And yes, I really can't believe that happened.
Much love to you Lenina-
D

Aysha

Have you ever thought of doing an outpatient program?
If you have insurance and can afford it.
Yea...Thats not good. Can you imagine what must have been going through your sons mind when he saw you like that?
Not only you, but your friend too?
I like what Ba Ba had to say. And that post actually put me back in the frame of mind I need to be. Cause I was getting a little loose on the recovery today.
Reading those words...

It was like a kick in the stomach and all that misery came back to me. I have seen the underside. and I myself need to remember that I am in it to do whatever it takes this time. Bceause I dont know about you my friend. But that last time was seriously THEE last time. No flippin joke.

sunshinebaby

I'm sorry to hear that, hope today is a better day for you. Maybe I should fly you over to give me some guitar lessons as I am a new, challenging left handed player!!!!

Dee74

I never did it, but I saw enough mates to know doing H is never a good idea, Dub.
I think Lenina and Anna are on the money here.

When you're like us, Dub, 95% effort just isn't enough.
D

Hevyn

All of the above are great responses.

I'll just add my concern for you, Dub. I've followed your ups & downs from the beginning and really care for you. Maybe after what happened you won't be doing that again - ever. I can't say exactly what did it for me, but one day I'd just had it. After many false starts it was finally the end of the road for playing with it.

You can do this thing, Dub. We're all behind you. There doesn't ever have to be any more humiliation, embarassment, or disgust with yourself. You deserve so much more from life.

Mark75

Dubs....

I wish you'd hurry up and find your bottom... and your bottom is what you make it... maybe your kid finding you nodding out on the floor from H... you think?

I once passed out at the dinner table... face in the plate of food... right in front of the whole family... pretty bad sh1t... but it wasn't my bottom... I had to lose a bit more of my dignity and put my business and marriage in harms way...

But now I've recovered... you can too...

You seem like you are a thoughtful and caring guy, maybe you can find the attributes you really need to leave this sh1t behind you... They are... Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness.

Mark

gerryP

Dubs,

You need to stop flirting with sobriety. Wanting to be sober isn't enough. Wanting to be sober and devising a plan to get and stay sober. A firm commitment with a 'no matter what.'

Your success will increase when you overhaul your life. Hate to be cliche, but nothing changes if nothing changes. Go to as many meetings as you possibly can since you say you enjoy them, work a program of some sort. Maybe therapy will help to get to the root of the problem and get rid of the notion that 'maybe you can drink normally or do H. We can't.

So what's it going to be? Lot's of work to do and lot's of changes to implement and tomorrow is a good day to begin.

Best wishes to you Dub.

Jules62

Dude!!! What the heck are you doing?(ok-I haven't been around for a while but I'm back.Lucky you hey?LOL!) We've had this conversation before-about 6 months ago.Flirting with 'H' is not a step forward and you know it. As others have said here, please get some outside help.You talk about how you like meetings but frankly, it sounds like you just need to stop talking and go to them, every day and do what is suggested to you.I hate seeing you doing this over and over again.I wonder what your bottom is and I hope you find it soon.Truly.

You can do this.I never thought I could and I failed over and over.But I'm doing it now and I'd love you to join me.I'm thinking of you.
Jules

Charmie

Action,,we can want to stop and we can even make the descision to stop.but unless this is followed by rigorous action then as someone put it,"if nothing changes,then nothing changes".i wanted to stop drinking for years and years and found i couldnt.when i decided enough was enough i got my sorry butt to AA and embarked on a serious recovery programme,like my life depended on it,,oh wait,it did! your dalliance with heroin,well i think you were lucky dubs,or the way i see it you have been given a chance by your hp.my daughters father had been clean for some time and 7 years ago at the grand old age of 32 he decided he had been such a good boy that maybe he could have a hit of heroin.he never lived to tell the tale.experimenting with heroin,,,,,hhhmmm.wake up call maybe?

littlefish

I would see any use of drugs as the same as using alcohol. I know there is some discussion about this, but essentially, isn't the motivation for using the same, and the desired result the same, and the consequences the same?

I spent my first 8 months in AA dabbling, flitting around the rooms like a butterfly. I was in the rooms, but I wasn't in the program. It wasn't until I got a sponsor and started the steps that things started happening.

Rusty Zipper

hey ded,

as a muscian myself,

i had to put the La' Musica on hold for a tad,

a tad like over a year, till my foundation of recovery kicked in...

it wasn't easy, to leave it behind...

kinda like that old line...

"if you love somebody enough to leave them if need be"

well, i did, and that love is back...

remember the people, places and things bit ded!

that axe is like the sledgehammer right now...

good wishes to you...

zip

Tazman53

I like what others suggested, I quoted Lenina's because getting a sponsor and taking the steps is what saved my arse!

Questions dub if I may, are you finished?

Smack!!!! WTF!!! Normally booze kills us slowly, SMACK can kill one far quicker then booze, what if your son found you dead instead of nodding?

Dub, are you ready to do what ever it takes to STAY sober?

I spent many a year trying to do it MY WAY!!!

MY WAY worked so well that I spent the last 5 years of my drinking not drawing a sober breath, I drank when I did not want to drink, I had to drink those last 5 years just to feel normal, not to get high or drunk. The last 2 years I drank there were a ton of days I would drink one right after another and not even cop a buzz, there were also days when I would be blitzed after only 6-8, of course I drank a lot more then 6-8 even though I was already blitzed.

Are you ready to try doing what has worked for millions of others besides me?

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober?

You like going to AA meetings right?

Have you ever thought of working the AA program?

There are 12 steps in the program of AA and meetings are only a SMALL part of the 12th step!

When you go to meetings do you see men there that have a twinkle in their eye?

When you go to meetings do you see men there that have an air of peace in thier lifes?

When you go to meetings do you see men there that have years of sobriety and you can tell by looking at them that they like them selfs thereby having an air of confidence?

Would you like what they have?

If you would like to have what they have why don't you walk up to them and simply say "Hi my name is dedubya and I really do not have a clue how to stay clean and sober LONG TERM. Can you help me learn to stay clean and sober LONG TERM?"

This is what it took for me to stay sober, I accepted the fact that the "MY WAY" program did not work, I am not God, I had no idea how to stay sober long term and meetings alone were not enough for this alcoholic!

I needed the PROGRAM of AA, not just the meetings.

Ask yourself this "If I am doing horse instead of drinking just because some one offers it to me, are meetings alone doing the job?"

Do you think that it might just take more then meetings?


I am not asking the above questions to be mean, I am asking them because I love you!

Charmie

Amen taz.