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"Friends" You Used To Use With

Old 12-22-2009, 08:30 PM
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Question "Friends" You Used To Use With

Good Evening SRC
I hope this finds everyone well

I have a question for all of you:

What did you do or how did you handle "getting" rid of the "friends" that you used to use with?

I ask because I had a really a good "friend" who I used to "use" with & she still currently is on pain meds (& abusing them) & I have found it really hard to face her or explain to her that I just cant be around/talk to her anymore - I do not want to hurt her feelings as like I said we were really close and we both sought eachother's comfort when there was no one else who would "understand" -
My approach thus far has been deleting her number out of my phone & contacts via email & just ignoring her but I feel extremely guilty just ignoring her when she has been reaching out to me - So I ask how have others dealt with similar situations ?- were you able to remain friends with someone who still is "unhealthy" or did you just have to cut off all contact - I just find it a really fragile situation and to be completely honest I don't trust that I could be around her face to face without being put in a compromising situation & I do not want to make my "problems" her or make her feel like I placing blame on her for my actions in the past -

Just looking for others advice or if they have been in a similar situations and what they have done?

Thanks To All Who Reply
<3 TC
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:03 PM
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(((Takingcontrol))) - my DOC was crack, and I'll have 3 years clean in March, and I STILL don't associate with people who use.

I found out that I just didn't have that much in common with them, any more, and yes...with them still using, it was way more of a dangerous situation than I wanted to place myself in. I recently had a coworker go "back out" on crack. He got fired, but would show up at work, late at night, wanting to "borrow" money from everyone. He denied that he was using, swore he was only smoking weed and needed money for other things.

He KNEW I knew and he didn't even speak to me, and I kept my distance. He's since been locked up, gone to rehab and is clean and I've talked to and seen him several times. He said he knew why I distanced myself and he totally understood.

If you feel bad about just ignoring her, maybe let her know that you just can't be around people who are still using..no judgement, it has nothing to do with her, that it's what YOU have to do to stay clean. Whether she accepts it or not, is HER issue.

I actually ended up leaving the city I used in, so it was a bit easier for me, but obviously crack is everywhere...even at my job, so I just have to keep my guard up.

I'm extremely protective of my recovery. Without it, I have nothing.

Now, on the other hand, I used to abuse opiates, but never became addicted to them. My stepmom uses them for legit pain, but has, in the past, severely abused them. I have no choice but to be around her, as I live with her and stepmom. I spent a lot of time, here on SR, for support when she was so bad, and finally learned how to detach while living in the same house. The last time I found her passed out, and I picked her up and dragged her to the couch, I was livid. I told her the next time, I would make sure she was breathing, nothing was broken, and then I would leave her right where she lay.

I just don't like being around people who are messed up...I don't even like dealing with the "drunk and disorderly" at work (I wait tables on night shift). I've changed...I feel sad for them...though some of them are most likely not alcoholics or addicts, and are just having a night of "fun", it just doesn't appeal to me any more.

It's OKAY to let go of someone who doesn't contribute to our lives any more. We outgrow friendships and other relationships for a variety of reason, throughout our lives. You may have always "been there" for each other, but in reality, if you were both using, neither ONE of you were really there...

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
(((Takingcontrol))) - my DOC was crack, and I'll have 3 years clean in March, and I STILL don't associate with people who use.

I found out that I just didn't have that much in common with them, any more, and yes...with them still using, it was way more of a dangerous situation than I wanted to place myself in. I recently had a coworker go "back out" on crack. He got fired, but would show up at work, late at night, wanting to "borrow" money from everyone. He denied that he was using, swore he was only smoking weed and needed money for other things.

He KNEW I knew and he didn't even speak to me, and I kept my distance. He's since been locked up, gone to rehab and is clean and I've talked to and seen him several times. He said he knew why I distanced myself and he totally understood.

If you feel bad about just ignoring her, maybe let her know that you just can't be around people who are still using..no judgement, it has nothing to do with her, that it's what YOU have to do to stay clean. Whether she accepts it or not, is HER issue.

I actually ended up leaving the city I used in, so it was a bit easier for me, but obviously crack is everywhere...even at my job, so I just have to keep my guard up.

I'm extremely protective of my recovery. Without it, I have nothing.

Now, on the other hand, I used to abuse opiates, but never became addicted to them. My stepmom uses them for legit pain, but has, in the past, severely abused them. I have no choice but to be around her, as I live with her and stepmom. I spent a lot of time, here on SR, for support when she was so bad, and finally learned how to detach while living in the same house. The last time I found her passed out, and I picked her up and dragged her to the couch, I was livid. I told her the next time, I would make sure she was breathing, nothing was broken, and then I would leave her right where she lay.

I just don't like being around people who are messed up...I don't even like dealing with the "drunk and disorderly" at work (I wait tables on night shift). I've changed...I feel sad for them...though some of them are most likely not alcoholics or addicts, and are just having a night of "fun", it just doesn't appeal to me any more.

It's OKAY to let go of someone who doesn't contribute to our lives any more. We outgrow friendships and other relationships for a variety of reason, throughout our lives. You may have always "been there" for each other, but in reality, if you were both using, neither ONE of you were really there...

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
Hello Amy -
Thank you so much for your reply
Your advice could not have rung more true
When you said : " You may have always "been there" for each other, but in reality, if you were both using, neither ONE of you were really there..." that statement really hit home with me, you could not have been more right - your experiences with the same situation really gives me hope that I too can be strong enough to understand that I need to do WHATEVER to keep myself clean - I think my biggest fear is if I told her I cant be around her that she would feel I was passing judgment on her - & thats not the case at all, its my ISSUES that make it impossible for me to be her friend & like you mentioned I just feel like we are in two different places & really probably do not have so much in common now that we are not both using.

You are an extremely strong women, I don't think I could ever be in situations where others where using my DOC whether that be my Mother,Brother or Sister (I freaked out just being in my Dr's office a couple weeks ago cause that is where I got my drugs & it triggered a major anxiety attack out of me ), I would just find it extremely difficult to fight that urge. I am luckily surrounded by people who dont even so much drink for the "fun" of it or so much as use tyanol for a headache, I was definitely the Black Sheep when I was using...LOl

Thank you for your Prayers & Hugs along with you advice & input - I find great comfort in your words that I too can find my way

I hope this finds you well & thank you again for your support oh and BTW I absolutely LOVE your quote: "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" it gives me the warm fuzzys
Have a good night Hun & Thank you again !!!
<3 xoxo TC
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:00 PM
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Welcome to SR...

I moved you over to Newcomers so more members will
see your thread and reply with support.

Good to know you are here with us
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Old 12-23-2009, 12:25 AM
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Ive got some really good friends in NA, the ones that make it seem to delete all the numbers, get a new email, make new friends in NA. So yeah no contact, reminds me of a new guy we had in AA about 2 months ago...came in half pissed and announceed that his sponsor had suggested that he not hang out with old 'friends' and how he wasn't prepared to do that...hope he finds his way back in the future, he hasn't come back since...ok so he's back to drinking a bottle of vodka a day but at least he still has his 'friends'...insanity?!

Concentrate on you, maybe by you going your new path your friend may follow suit in the future...but enabling her isn't going to help her much...hope that helps?!
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