Nye
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Nye
Hi
As I was typing to a new made friend here, I realised I would like to post these thoughts as well.
I know I am supposed to take one day at a time but NYE is coming up and its the thing that stands out most to me as a risk and being somewhat of an organised person, I tend to think ahead to plan.
NYE this year is at my house - about 10 of us planning on hanging out, drinking (clearly not me now) and having a bit of fun. They are all close to me but do not know of the journey I am on right now. I dont really want to do that just yet either as I am still working through it all myself.
NYE, from history, to me, is the biggest excuse of drinking til I drop and I dont want to do that this year.
I made a pact of not drinking in 2010 and the people coming know that but dont know I started the journey a little early or why etc. probably because I am fantastic at hiding..
I have considered cancelling at the last minute but dont really want to because I would love to have my friends here to see the new year in with.
I think what scares me the most is not any pressures they will put on me to have one or a few but the amount of alcohol in my house that I said I would consume NYE to get rid of it and start fresh.
My partner asked me if it would help if she hid it all - how thoughful and considerate.
Do you all think that is the best option?
Can anyone tell their story of how they get through NYE while having others drink around them?
Im still in 2 minds..
As I was typing to a new made friend here, I realised I would like to post these thoughts as well.
I know I am supposed to take one day at a time but NYE is coming up and its the thing that stands out most to me as a risk and being somewhat of an organised person, I tend to think ahead to plan.
NYE this year is at my house - about 10 of us planning on hanging out, drinking (clearly not me now) and having a bit of fun. They are all close to me but do not know of the journey I am on right now. I dont really want to do that just yet either as I am still working through it all myself.
NYE, from history, to me, is the biggest excuse of drinking til I drop and I dont want to do that this year.
I made a pact of not drinking in 2010 and the people coming know that but dont know I started the journey a little early or why etc. probably because I am fantastic at hiding..
I have considered cancelling at the last minute but dont really want to because I would love to have my friends here to see the new year in with.
I think what scares me the most is not any pressures they will put on me to have one or a few but the amount of alcohol in my house that I said I would consume NYE to get rid of it and start fresh.
My partner asked me if it would help if she hid it all - how thoughful and considerate.
Do you all think that is the best option?
Can anyone tell their story of how they get through NYE while having others drink around them?
Im still in 2 minds..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi,
It's understandable that you want to be with your friends to celebrate the New Year.
I can only tell you what worked for me. I went to a neighborhood party early on in my sobriety. I didn't drink that night, but I became resentful. The feeling grew and the next day, I went out and bought a bottle of wine. I couldn't be around people drinking for a long time. I still do not ever keep alcohol in the house, nor do I ever serve alcohol. It's what works for me.
It's understandable that you want to be with your friends to celebrate the New Year.
I can only tell you what worked for me. I went to a neighborhood party early on in my sobriety. I didn't drink that night, but I became resentful. The feeling grew and the next day, I went out and bought a bottle of wine. I couldn't be around people drinking for a long time. I still do not ever keep alcohol in the house, nor do I ever serve alcohol. It's what works for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Well...it's a big ask, isn't it?
to be honest LH I haven't 'done' a New Years since I quit.
NYE with my mates was always a boozefest - I figure I have no business being amongst that now, and I have no desire to either - I haven't missed it.
If I was going to do something, I'd at least make sure you had your new years resolution story well publicised in advance, and your partner fully on board.
to be honest LH I haven't 'done' a New Years since I quit.
NYE with my mates was always a boozefest - I figure I have no business being amongst that now, and I have no desire to either - I haven't missed it.
If I was going to do something, I'd at least make sure you had your new years resolution story well publicised in advance, and your partner fully on board.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Hmmm what I think is the most difficult is that ur having the party at your house. If it was somewhere else you could just up and leave if the temptation got too strong. Do you think you will be able to not drink? Or are you more concerned with what your friends will say if your not drinking?
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
I agree DecBaby - its more about being at my own place. You can just get up and leave, its not that simple.
I honestly dont know if I am not able to drink.
Im not too concerned with what they will say, more about me and how I react and want to act. I dont want to drink but with it in my face I am not sure how strong I will be.
The other thing is my partner is going to be working until 11pm so am on my own unless I fess up to someone else first - which is an option but one that scares me all the same.
I love to dance and party and all of that and I honestly want to be able to do it sober - I dont want to give up the fun, just the drink.
Maye in a few more days, clarity will help, who knows!
I honestly dont know if I am not able to drink.
Im not too concerned with what they will say, more about me and how I react and want to act. I dont want to drink but with it in my face I am not sure how strong I will be.
The other thing is my partner is going to be working until 11pm so am on my own unless I fess up to someone else first - which is an option but one that scares me all the same.
I love to dance and party and all of that and I honestly want to be able to do it sober - I dont want to give up the fun, just the drink.
Maye in a few more days, clarity will help, who knows!
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Last New Years Eve I was 3 months sober and I went to a wedding. The liquor flowed as you can imagine, but I took precautions before I went. I shared at my meetings about it and people took my cell phone number and I theirs. It was shared at this meeting that at 12:00 midnight we would all silently say the Serenity Prayer to ourselves and know that we were together in spirit and not alone. I received many phone calls and texts that night but the best of all was, at 12:01 I received over 10 texts all with the Serenity Prayer, silently I thanked God for each of them and for helping me stay sober. I got through the wedding and New Years Eve thanks to the people in AA.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
If they are your close friends, tell them ahead of time. Let them know the seriousness of your decision and ask them for their support. Maybe they can hold you to it while still having a good time. It is a tough one, but you are better off facing it head on and letting them know what is going on than leaving the door open for you to drink.
Obviously the best solution would to not be around friends drinking at all, but if you are going to be, let them really know what is going on with you. Don't sugercoat it, in fact be as blunt as possible and ask for their support. Tell them that you still want them to be your friends, but to respect your choice and even remind you of it if you are tempted. It's all going to come out at some point anyway. Don't let this be an excuse to get that "one last drunk in". In my experience, it is rarely the last one. Take care.
Obviously the best solution would to not be around friends drinking at all, but if you are going to be, let them really know what is going on with you. Don't sugercoat it, in fact be as blunt as possible and ask for their support. Tell them that you still want them to be your friends, but to respect your choice and even remind you of it if you are tempted. It's all going to come out at some point anyway. Don't let this be an excuse to get that "one last drunk in". In my experience, it is rarely the last one. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
I quit a several times and never told anyone. Then I quit and told people. That was 6 plus years ago, not a drink since then. To me telling people made not drinking a real commitment. I didn't tell people before because I wasn't really committted to quitting.
Since I've quit I've been to parties and bars and just don't drink. Most everyone knows I don't drink - I don't hide it. I've had people at my house who were drinking, but I will not purchase alcohol or keep it in my house.
That's what's worked for me. Hope you find your path.
Since I've quit I've been to parties and bars and just don't drink. Most everyone knows I don't drink - I don't hide it. I've had people at my house who were drinking, but I will not purchase alcohol or keep it in my house.
That's what's worked for me. Hope you find your path.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by trapeze 
I quit a several times and never told anyone. Then I quit and told people. That was 6 plus years ago, not a drink since then. To me telling people made not drinking a real commitment. I didn't tell people before because I wasn't really committted to quitting.
Since I've quit I've been to parties and bars and just don't drink. Most everyone knows I don't drink - I don't hide it. I've had people at my house who were drinking, but I will not purchase alcohol or keep it in my house.
That's what's worked for me. Hope you find your path.
Since I've quit I've been to parties and bars and just don't drink. Most everyone knows I don't drink - I don't hide it. I've had people at my house who were drinking, but I will not purchase alcohol or keep it in my house.
That's what's worked for me. Hope you find your path.
this is excellent advice. i decided to quit drinking every other night, but recovered and drank again. it was only after i started telling people that i dont drink the commitment became real.
i started saying, "i have had all i am going to drink in this life."
Sober Date 12/21/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 29
Hey Lion,
Perhaps you can push the start time of your party to 9:00p or 9:30p and just let people know it's a place they can come after dinner. I'm very new to this as well but Anna's words about not being around excessive drinking for an extended period so early on in your journey makes sense to me.
Also I think being honest with everyone is important. While you don't want to be a buzz kill you have to look at it from the other side. If I was at a friends house begging them to do shots with me or have a midnight toast and they didn't tell me what they were going through, I would feel horrible afterward when I did find out.
Also, maybe you can give away whatever has not been consumed as gifts at the end of the night so the booze isn't in the house the next day, when you might have certain reactions, like Anna experienced.
Perhaps you can push the start time of your party to 9:00p or 9:30p and just let people know it's a place they can come after dinner. I'm very new to this as well but Anna's words about not being around excessive drinking for an extended period so early on in your journey makes sense to me.
Also I think being honest with everyone is important. While you don't want to be a buzz kill you have to look at it from the other side. If I was at a friends house begging them to do shots with me or have a midnight toast and they didn't tell me what they were going through, I would feel horrible afterward when I did find out.
Also, maybe you can give away whatever has not been consumed as gifts at the end of the night so the booze isn't in the house the next day, when you might have certain reactions, like Anna experienced.
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Thank you everyone
So today only - there are many more before the event - I have decided to tell my closest friends - one who wont be drinking because she is pregnant so will buddy up with her for the night.
I think I might take parts of advice from all of you which is exactly what I needed. Some of the more direct responses took me back a little but some softer ones offered some supportive words and suggestions of how to tackle it so thank you!
I appreciate the guidance.
So today only - there are many more before the event - I have decided to tell my closest friends - one who wont be drinking because she is pregnant so will buddy up with her for the night.
I think I might take parts of advice from all of you which is exactly what I needed. Some of the more direct responses took me back a little but some softer ones offered some supportive words and suggestions of how to tackle it so thank you!
I appreciate the guidance.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Oh man tough one to post on!
Ok this early in your sobriety as would be suggested to me by my sponsor, don't have the party at yours, don't be hanging round with people you drunk with before and don't have booze sitting in front of you. People. places and things. He also says you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want as you take your sobriety with you but this is assuming that you have worked the steps and continue to do so, i.e. have a solid foundation...which you haven't got yet.
I have personally been dry for a xmas and new years before, it taught me one thing and that is that i can be around people drinking and not have to drink so i thought that this was fine and i could live like that...eventually that year i drank (worse than ever of course as it is progressive), one time i thought oh to hell with it i can have one. Point is IMO there is no lesson to learn from your New years eve, if you drink you drink, if you don't you don't...
How would you share with your friends that you have already stopped drinking? Are you able to say before the party i am an alcoholic and i am in a life or death struggle for my sanity and my very existence, by the way the party will be a blast?! Difficult one man...good luck...just keep coming back here and keep heading to AA meetings whatever happens.
Ok this early in your sobriety as would be suggested to me by my sponsor, don't have the party at yours, don't be hanging round with people you drunk with before and don't have booze sitting in front of you. People. places and things. He also says you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want as you take your sobriety with you but this is assuming that you have worked the steps and continue to do so, i.e. have a solid foundation...which you haven't got yet.
I have personally been dry for a xmas and new years before, it taught me one thing and that is that i can be around people drinking and not have to drink so i thought that this was fine and i could live like that...eventually that year i drank (worse than ever of course as it is progressive), one time i thought oh to hell with it i can have one. Point is IMO there is no lesson to learn from your New years eve, if you drink you drink, if you don't you don't...
How would you share with your friends that you have already stopped drinking? Are you able to say before the party i am an alcoholic and i am in a life or death struggle for my sanity and my very existence, by the way the party will be a blast?! Difficult one man...good luck...just keep coming back here and keep heading to AA meetings whatever happens.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
This will be my first Xmas/NYE sober ODAAT.
I am keeping myself away from ALL parties and ALL drinking. Something which I realise has to done as my sobriety comes first.
I can't afford not to put my sobriety first. It's merely another day that's all. I am just taking it all ODAAT.
I am keeping myself away from ALL parties and ALL drinking. Something which I realise has to done as my sobriety comes first.
I can't afford not to put my sobriety first. It's merely another day that's all. I am just taking it all ODAAT.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Can anyone tell their story of how they get through NYE while having others drink around them?
Those that cared about me and were not drinking buddies were glad I had quit and highly supportive.
My first NYE was with my in-laws, every single person there knew I had quit, they also were very supportive, the only person who did any REAL drinking that evening was my BIL who drank more then I did when I was drinking. He did try to "HIDE" it, & I am sure he thought he did a great job, but he sure was not fooling any one but himself!!!LOL
The evening was awesome, we all had a blast, they had bought some sparkly non-alcoholic stuff for me to toast in the New Year and when the toast came about to bring in the New year the vast majority of the folks there had thier first drink and last for the evening.
I had a blast as did every one else, my SIL said to me that the whole deal was far more enjoyable since the focus was not on the drinking.
I would not suggest to any one in early sobriety to have a party at thier house that involved booze.
Want to find out who are your friends and who are your drinking buddies? Tell them ALL that it will be a BYOB party and ask them all to make sure they take their booze home with the when they leave. Let them know you have quit drinking and would like to have thier support.
I know that unless it was a family function if I had a choice between BYOB and a party where the booze was supplied I went where the booze was free! I am an alcoholic so when I was drinking and I had a choice between BYOB with friends and free booze with others, friends be damned, booze was my boss!
You know to be honest since this is in your house some how figure out an escape plan in case the urge gets to strong.... rather difficult unless you have a big house. Perhaps you could just ask your partner to cover for you and just escape to your bedroom.
Tons of people in early sobriety "TEST" them selfs and suddenly discover a drink has appeared in thier hand by magic and they are already drinking.
Good luck, keep your sobriety #1, I was willing to do ANYTHING to stay sober and still am willing to do ANYTHING to stay sober. In early sobriety I canceled plans, I eliminated poison people from my life, the last thing I would have done was to go to a party where the booze was flowing.
Today thanks to having taken the steps, my obsession to drink has been lifted, I have gone to wedding receptions, parties, company picnics, camping and I am not tempted in the least, but every one of these I have a "REASON" to go to, the primary purpose of ALL of these functions is not a whole bunch of people getting drunk.
I am an alcoholic, as a result I have NO REASON to go to a kegger or a bar, for an alcoholic like myself there is only one reason to go to a KEGGER or a BAR......... to get drunk.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
I hope you can have the resolve not to drink. I agree about telling people that will be there that you no longer drink. Your real friends will support you. And waking up sober and clear headed on New Year's Day is its own reward!
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
@ Tazman
Thank you - some very good ideas.
I dont want to make excuses or appear to be either but these are thoughts I have.
The people coming are not my drinking buddies, but my close friends. There is only going to be about 10 of us, actually, I think it may have just dropped - last check, umm 7 of us.
Not one of those people will push me to drink, not all of them are drinkers, not all will be drinking either. I think if I tell everyone at the beginning of the night I am not drinking it will help.
A full day of talking/writing/reading about this has helped me analyse the people coming.
I am already going to see my best friend tomorrow to tell her and I know that she will be supportive and stop anyone and me from doing any harm to my sobriety.
I cant believe the clarity I have on this today. Its pretty cool!
I dont want to drink every again so am stopping the inner fight to want one, trying to surrender and wont drink. My partner just sat next to me and said, you are strong and my words back were, well not for everything, and she said to me - I believe in you and now you have to as well. Pretty awesome to hear that tonight.
@ least - i planned new years day as a right off - speaks volumes to me now...how insane is that, wasting a full day knowing that i would be too smashed to do anything...it just seems like such a waste now...
thanks for all the replies to date - it really does help me think and i love to be challenged in my thought process'
Thank you - some very good ideas.
I dont want to make excuses or appear to be either but these are thoughts I have.
The people coming are not my drinking buddies, but my close friends. There is only going to be about 10 of us, actually, I think it may have just dropped - last check, umm 7 of us.
Not one of those people will push me to drink, not all of them are drinkers, not all will be drinking either. I think if I tell everyone at the beginning of the night I am not drinking it will help.
A full day of talking/writing/reading about this has helped me analyse the people coming.
I am already going to see my best friend tomorrow to tell her and I know that she will be supportive and stop anyone and me from doing any harm to my sobriety.
I cant believe the clarity I have on this today. Its pretty cool!
I dont want to drink every again so am stopping the inner fight to want one, trying to surrender and wont drink. My partner just sat next to me and said, you are strong and my words back were, well not for everything, and she said to me - I believe in you and now you have to as well. Pretty awesome to hear that tonight.
@ least - i planned new years day as a right off - speaks volumes to me now...how insane is that, wasting a full day knowing that i would be too smashed to do anything...it just seems like such a waste now...
thanks for all the replies to date - it really does help me think and i love to be challenged in my thought process'
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
This will be my first Xmas/NYE sober ODAAT.
I am keeping myself away from ALL parties and ALL drinking. Something which I realise has to done as my sobriety comes first.
I can't afford not to put my sobriety first. It's merely another day that's all. I am just taking it all ODAAT.
I am keeping myself away from ALL parties and ALL drinking. Something which I realise has to done as my sobriety comes first.
I can't afford not to put my sobriety first. It's merely another day that's all. I am just taking it all ODAAT.
Sober Date 12/21/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 29
Hey Lion,
My thoughts and hopes are with you. I'm only on day two and I have two big parties coming up that scare me, one on Christmas day and one NYE. I've been sober before for weeks at a time and have made it through certain events, but this is my first holiday season and I literally have no sobriety under my belt yet. I also don't have the support system you have, so I'm envious of that, and very worried as well as to have I'm going to be able to handle it.
My thoughts and hopes are with you. I'm only on day two and I have two big parties coming up that scare me, one on Christmas day and one NYE. I've been sober before for weeks at a time and have made it through certain events, but this is my first holiday season and I literally have no sobriety under my belt yet. I also don't have the support system you have, so I'm envious of that, and very worried as well as to have I'm going to be able to handle it.
and I'm an Addict
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NE, Alabama
Posts: 7
First, I would like to say, "Thank You for Sharing"
I think that the earlier posts have covered anything of the opinions I have on your situation. If it were me in your shoes, I would make sure to consider a couple of options.
The first thing I would do (again, only if it were me, I 'm not telling you what to do) would be to have a talk with my friends who are invited. I would like to think that my friends would respect where I am at in my recovery and would be willing to do whatever I asked to help me stay in recovery.
That being said, I also know how my friends act when they are under the influence. I have been around them since I've been in recovery and I have let them know not to try and get me to drink, yet once they were "lit" the pressure started. So I ended up having to call it an early night.
So that leads me to the next thing. Since I was around my friends at another house, I had the chance to leave when things got out of hand. If this had happened at my house, where could I have gone?
I don't think it is too early to think about changing locations for NYE.
When it comes to my recovery, I have to be selfish sometimes. (Especially in the early stages) My disease requires me to always place my recovery first. If not, I could risk slipping.
I think you have taken a huge step by putting your dilemma out here and asking for help. You have come to realize that NYE may be a struggle for you and its a good thing that you are acknowledging it.
I hope that some of the replys gives you some kind of direction.
I think that the earlier posts have covered anything of the opinions I have on your situation. If it were me in your shoes, I would make sure to consider a couple of options.
The first thing I would do (again, only if it were me, I 'm not telling you what to do) would be to have a talk with my friends who are invited. I would like to think that my friends would respect where I am at in my recovery and would be willing to do whatever I asked to help me stay in recovery.
That being said, I also know how my friends act when they are under the influence. I have been around them since I've been in recovery and I have let them know not to try and get me to drink, yet once they were "lit" the pressure started. So I ended up having to call it an early night.
So that leads me to the next thing. Since I was around my friends at another house, I had the chance to leave when things got out of hand. If this had happened at my house, where could I have gone?
I don't think it is too early to think about changing locations for NYE.
When it comes to my recovery, I have to be selfish sometimes. (Especially in the early stages) My disease requires me to always place my recovery first. If not, I could risk slipping.
I think you have taken a huge step by putting your dilemma out here and asking for help. You have come to realize that NYE may be a struggle for you and its a good thing that you are acknowledging it.
I hope that some of the replys gives you some kind of direction.
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