Happy Christmas!!

Old 12-20-2009, 05:09 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: May 2009
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Happy Christmas!!

This is the first year in many I have been able to say that and actually not feel tears of despair well up!!!

This time last year I was in a pitt of depression: unemployed, depressed, hopeless, Chasing happiness in a bottle and trying desperately not to buy Cocaine when I drank as I had spent 1000's on it over the past 18 months and was suffering from really bad facial pain which only increased the depression after each binge.

This year I am actually not feeling hopeless but I have actually got hope now. I can wish others a happy christmas without waves of sadness washing over me as I wonder how I am ever gonna get out of this mess.

I don't have to worry this year (one day at a time) about making a drunken fool of myself in public on xmas eve. I used to find I got really depressed going out drinking xmas eve in Town, but I used to do it as I wanted to be seeing all the 'revellers' on xmas eve. They were all happy and kissing and cuddling their girlfriends and there was me, alone and trying to drink my sadness away. Ultimately this never worked and I just felt even worse and xmas day was a day spent cringing about xmas eve and trying desparetely to get enough drinks in at home to get smashed again. Even this was becoming a bind though as I had many failed attemps of 'never drinking again' only to not be able to bear not getting my 'release' from the irritability and discontentedness that I would feel. So I would conspicuous drinking around family and they would not be willing to give me booze. Used to really p*ss me off!!

How is this year different? I don't feel irritable or discontented and the obsession to drink seems to have been removed from me on a daily basis. Now I have surrendered 100% to my alcoholism and make my sobriety the most important thing in my life.

SR has been a lifeline to me so I thank this site and all of the good people who make it what it is. I think I may have been 'lurking' this time last year for periods of time but then I would get drunk and think 'how am I gonna be able to ever give you up?' Well now I can/have "one day at a time" and my life is so much better. Different sure, but so much more rewarding.

Happy Christmas to all of you!!

Peace, Love and good happiness stuff!!! xxxxx
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Old 12-20-2009, 05:22 AM
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NEO: ODAAT.. indeed sir! that is how it is Done! Merry Christmas!
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:11 AM
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I'm so happy for you. May you have a wonderful (chaos free) holiday too.

It's insane what we put ourselves through, insisting we're having fun and celebrating when it's just another step closer to misery every time. I once imagined the holidays would be empty and boring without booze. I didn't realize how empty and boring I had become. At the end of my drinking career I often felt the life had been sucked out of me. That's when I intensified my drinking to try and get the old euphoria back. It never came. For me, that realization took many years - not so with you - you're on your way to a peaceful & fulfilling life. Thanks for an uplifting post.
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:39 AM
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Hevyn said what I was thinking.

Happy Holidays to you, Neo. You've come a long, long way.
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Old 12-20-2009, 09:06 AM
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That's wonderful, Neo!

My son, daughter-in-law and two month old baby girl are arriving in a few minutes to spend about ten days here. My daughter, son-in-law and baby grandson live nearby and we will all be together for Christmas. I had a moment of being completely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude yesterday and tears flowed. I won't say it's always been easy, but I never would have imagined so many miracles in my life.
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Old 12-20-2009, 01:22 PM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
How is this year different? I don't feel irritable or discontented and the obsession to drink seems to have been removed from me on a daily basis.
Right back at you... funny, I noticed this the other day... in the negative, but still (I was drinking said day--and irrationally upset... hmmm.). Been watching you all year, and I don't know if you see it as much as I do you, but, man, you've improved your mood... even through the ups and downs.

Weirdly, it always gets better... even when it's a "down" time....

Merry Christmas.

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Old 12-20-2009, 01:46 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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Thumbs up lurking

glad to hear you're not 'lurking' this year. i'm definitely still in that 'lurking' stage but i'm sober today which is shocking. thanks for all of your useful posts NEO. merry christmas!
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