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Sex_and_the_Newly_Sober

Old 11-09-2009, 10:04 AM
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Sex_and_the_Newly_Sober

AA suggests that you not get into a romantic relationship until you're at least one year sober, but that's not practical for those of us who are already in relationships. We still have our partners to think of, as well as ourselves.

For the first week or so, I had absolutely no desire for sex. I had flu-like symptoms, and wasn't able to sleep much at all. My girlfriend took it a bit personally, claiming that I wasn't really attracted to her because now that I'm sober, I didn't have a desire for sex with her. The antidepressants probably factored in, as well.

Now, at the start of the 3rd week, my sexual desire has returned with a vengance. My girlfriend is happy to discover that I'm fully capable of having sex while sober, and I seem to have a lot of extra "sexual energy" nowadays. I'll just say it: I'm horny all the freakin' time! I get turned on my attractive women at the mall, at work, who pass me in cars - everywhere!

I'm curious to know how quitting substance abuse affected your sex life...
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Old 11-09-2009, 10:31 AM
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I think AA recommends not making any big changes in your life in a year, such as new relationships etc.. Of course that has nothing to do with anyone already in a relationship etc..

As for the libido thing, I had too much to work on outside of that that I honestly can't remember paying any attention to it. How's that for a non answer? lol.. By the time I was 'done' and needed the help that I got, I hated myself. I felt disgusted by the way I had been living. I don't remember being able to share myself intimately (sexually OR otherwise) with my partner for a very long time.. if I had, it would have been just that, a physical act likely masking other stuff I was trying to communicate. All's well now though
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Old 11-09-2009, 11:09 AM
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Interesting, Smack. Thanks for the input.
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Old 11-09-2009, 11:12 AM
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AA doesn't have an official stance, though some sponsors will suggest not diving into anything major before getting the steps under one's belt. There are good reasons for that. Alcoholics are good at the substitution game.

I have never heard it suggested that someone newly sober should withdraw from a relationship unless that relationship is abusive or otherwise harmful. Getting sober is about learning to live life on life's terms, not about ditching responsibilities or commitments because they are distractions to sobriety. The member, not the sponsor, not AA, has to make those kinds of decisions.

Peace & Love,
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Old 11-09-2009, 03:26 PM
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What your going through is perfectly normal. You dont mention what you are getting sober from but speaking as an exclusive opiate addict (heroin + oxycontin) I went through much of the same when I got sober.

The last year of my using my little guy was in a permanent coma. The only time he would awaken was if mass quantities of viagra was taken. Megan Fox could have been in my house throwing herself at me and I would have not been interested in the slightest.

After getting over the dopesickness (about a week and a half into sobriet) my hormones sky rocketed!! I felt like I was going through puberity all over again. After another few weeks my sexual desire dropped down to a normal level and has stayed that way since. My girlfriend at the time had no problems with my increased sexual needs when I first got sober. In fact, she was thrilled, because it was no longer a chore like I would make it out to be while I was using.

Good job on getting sober man!!
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Old 11-09-2009, 03:31 PM
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FREAKING AWESOME!
 
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I became a SEX MONSTER and I don't know where it came from. It's like your senses are awakened and everything feels extra good. It's nuts! So it is normal and unfortunelty this will pass. Well it did for me anyway. But it's normal!
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Old 11-10-2009, 08:44 AM
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Thanks for the comments, everyone. Very helpful!
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Old 11-10-2009, 08:55 AM
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If this was posted in the mens forum i would be more specific.
Dont worry too much most of that bedroom "stuff" balances out after time.
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