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Old 10-17-2009, 03:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi I am a newbie


I don't know if I am posting in the right forum. You have a great many forums and already I feel I am going to find the knowledge and awareness I seek.

I don't even know if I am on the right board or if you will all be upset with me.
I have no addiction and never have had - at least, not in the accepted sense of the word.
I currently have a good friend whom I have known for 8 months and for the first six months I knew her, she was dry. She then fell off the wagon, and a mutual friend who has since backed right off from her, told me the whole story plus some background.

My friend is a lovely person. But I am hating the illness that I see in her...it's like a cancer, eating away at her, terrifying her because she cannot live with it and she cannot live without it.
We have talked a fair bit since I was made aware of her illness.

I have had some experience of this before in others but can categorically say that this friend is suffering worse than any other person I have known in the past.
I care about her too much to just walk out of her life, as several others have done even after this latest slip. But I cannot stand by and let her kill herself with drink. So I am in a quandary.

I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last week. It was helpful and I know I need to keep going for a while yet.
My friend wriggled out of an Open AA meeting we were both going to go to together and at the time I didn't feel I had enough knowledge or strength to encourage her to get back on track.

I have read so much over the last few days; I found this board and although I am maybe on the wrong side of the fence here, I saw enough to realise that it could actually give me a lot of support and insight, because so far I feel I am floundering, being pulled in all directions, people suggesting I do this, do that, leave her alone, stick around, etc etc and I am only just now starting to understand a lot more of how her everyday life is for her...I cannot feel exactly how she feels because I do not have the addiction that she has, but I can put myself in her shoes and have a certain understanding of it.
And reading and listening to many others, all so different and yet sharing a common bond, is starting to help me understand so much better what my friend is going through.

So I hope you don't think I am an "interloper" - a "spy" - whatever!!!

I want to be around for my friend and more importantly, I want her to be around for many more years to come.
She has a son and a husband. Neither will go to Open AA not to Al-Anon. Maybe they once were supportive but they have reached that point where they have had to back off. Maybe one day I too will have to reach that point?

But for now, I love her and care about her, and she is worth this.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! I understand how your feelings are being pulled in all directions. My daughter used to feel about me what you feel about your friend: loving but frustrated at the hold alcohol has over people.

I do'nt know much about your situation, since I'm the alkie in the equation, but post your feelings in the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum where you'll find lots of people who understand your situation.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi 1971

Welcome to SR - if fact you're welcome just about anywhere

but the forum least mentioned will be full of people dealing with a similar situation to yours. Please do check it out.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

(I see you did )

I hope you keep going to AlAnon - those 3Cs ('we didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it') are pretty good reminders to keep in mind

D
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome!!!
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thank you all very much I already feel a bit more 'at home' here somehow. Your welcomes were so sweet.
I have just found the family and friends forum in fact (after posting here) and have posted about my first Al-Anon meeting there.
I do intend to keep going to Al-Anon. I work shifts so that will maybe help encourage me to try out different meetings which might be helpful to do also.

I think I have two choices. I can walk out of my friend's life in a negative way - as it seems many others have done to her - or I can remain in her background as a positive rock. I know which I would rather do, because she is worth it and she is worth wishing quality of life for.

With the help and support and acceptance I can already feel here, I think I will be able to stay strong and grow in knowledge. And that gives me the 'tools' to be able to stay and encourage, rather than flee.
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Old 10-17-2009, 04:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1971 View Post
So I hope you don't think I am an "interloper" - a "spy" - whatever!!!
As an addict who posts on these boards, I just want to let you know that I consider you none of the above. In fact, now that you've posted, you're a bona fide member of the SR family.

Welcome!

:ghug3
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Old 10-17-2009, 04:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Awww thank you so much ************** Christin **************** and **************** everyone ******************
I already feel less bewildered and more informed just with the few threads I have browsed through so far.
Thank you all so much for your unconditional Welcome.
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Old 10-17-2009, 04:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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