Wow - this thread hit me. Pennylane, I said these words "I just need to settle down and not drink so much at one time - then i won't be such a drama queen, or then I won't make a fool of myself, I WILL CONTROL MYSELF etc.." right before my world crashed. I had been toying with the idea of changing for some time then I would talk myself out of it and that went on and on. I believe this to be my addicted brain talking to me when I get those "I wonder if I can just do this" thoughts.
I worry for you - because I know we all have these thoughts and they can be SO convincing. My solution to these thoughts is to have a good look at what has changed inside myself since I started recovery - or better yet, what has changed outside of me since I started recovery - a gratitude list works wonders for me.
Only a suggestion.
"Abstinence from alcohol and other drugs is only the beginning of sobriety. It's the ticket to get into the theater, not the movie we are going to see" - Terence T. Gorski