I Need to Vent
My roommate is downstairs nodding out on pain meds. She told me she "had a good buzz going". I told her she is not supposed to. She is supposed to be taking them as prescribed. Yeah right. Give me some crack and tell me to smoke one hit four times a day and see what happens. I do understand=
The roommate is my best friend and has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I've talked about it in another thread. Nothing has changed since her diagnosis except her attitude, she hasn't started any treatments yet and according to the drs. shouldn't be experiencing any pain. But she has a prescription-happy family dr. who has her on so many pills it really makes me sick. She must be on at least 15 different meds.
I am trying to be in recovery and I've been wanting to get high but trying to hang in there and do what I need to do to save myself. Meetings, praying, journaling, talking to sponsor... all that stuff... even when I don't feel like it.
I don't want this to sound like a pity party for me, but maybe it is...I hate whiners and I don't mean to sound like one, but I need to get this out! I just got cut back to 1 day a week at work and I live in a fairly remote area with no car or driver's license and I really feel like my back is up against the wall.
I told my roommate I needed to go upstairs and she asked me why? I told her that I find her behavior disturbing. She replied "you know what you have to do". I wonder what she meant by that? She is not even in reality. She's paranoid, always peeking out the window and turning the TV down. This is really a nightmare and I'm very upset. I know I should try to get out of here, but I don't know where I would go and really I don't want to go, this is my home and I'm comfortable here. I haven't really built up a good network of recovery friends, as I've been isolating here with her, but I'm starting to work on it.
Thanks for letting me vent